I was inspired to write this fanfic after reading SOUSUKE SAGARA : the complete user's manual by Wild Goose 01.
It was so funny I can't stop laughing.
So, I think it would be so much fun if there's also KANAME CHIDORI user's manual.
So, here it is.
Enjoy :)
This fully-automated action figure is manufactured by Gatoh-Douji Corporation.
CONGRATULATIONS!
We are proud to inform that you have become the owner of fully-automated KANAME CHIDORI Unit!
Please pay strict attention to following instruction!
Brief Introduction
Name: Kaname Chidori
Code Name: Angel
Date of Birth: December 24th, 1984
Height: 165 cm
Weight: 50 kg
Your KANAME CHIDORI Unit comes with following accessories:
1 set of Winter Jindai High School uniform.
1 set of Summer Jindai High School uniform.
1 pair of black shoes.
1 set of white bikini.
1 Bonta-kun plush toy.
1 harisen.
Please note that your KANAME CHIDORI Unit WILL NOT accept bikini wearing at least you have a KYOUKO TOKIWA Unit around or all Jindai High School Class 2-4 Units (see our Jindai High School Classmates Collection) and 1 set of beach venue.
After you open the box, KANAME CHIDORI Unit will be alerted with a harisen in her hand. This is normal. Inform the OPSEC immediately, it will calm her down.
WARNING!
For all male buyers, please DO NOT do anything reckless such as 'peeking under her skirt'. This will automatically trigger your KANAME CHIDORI Unit to Hateful mode thus we hope you are already registered to any health insurance.
We are not responsible (since you already have been warned) to anything that will possibly happen such as internal organs damage due to Kaname's Japan Cyclone Suplex Hold movement (see the terms in our FMP's dictionary).
PROGRAMMING:
Your KANAME CHIDORI Unit is a common high school girl but she's also a Whispered.
Her specialty is in Lambda Driver. If your SOUSUKE SAGARA unit is in the middle of AS battles, we recommend you bring KANAME CHIDORI also to increase winning luck.
BENEFACTORY?
COOKS: hungry? Bored with all junk food? Your KANAME CHIDORI will prepare any food for you (just in CALM and HAPPY mood) since she is so smart in cooking.
THE WALKING ANSWER KEY: Forgot to study when you'll face exam tomorrow? Don't be scared! Since our KANAME CHIDORI is a genius, she will help you to answer all the questions! (This benefit is functional after the Whispered mode is awakened).
Your KANAME CHIDORI Unit can experience any mood changes such as:
Calm (Default setting)
Happy
Sad
Anger
Hateful
Shy
Scared
Jealous
Please note that SAD, ANGER, HATEFUL, and SCARED are interchangeable in split of seconds; while CALM responds closely to HAPPY and SHY
Calm: This is your KANAME CHIDORI Default setting.
Happy: This is will happen if all your Kaname Chidori's Unit needs are fully filled. (I.e. she eats her favorite foods, buying new lingerie, or her constipation is gone).
Sad: Your Kaname Chidori often entered this mood if your SOUSUKE SAGARA Unit disappears with any former warning. If she entered this state much longer can lead her cries a lot.
Anger: If you have any SOUSUKE SAGARA Unit around and back to his military-nut idea this would normally happen. This is normal, since she'll get over it.
Hateful: Your KANAME CHIDORI Unit will change mood to this if there's any LEONARD TESTAROSSA around. We recommend do not encounter them both very often.
Shy: This is normal when your KANAME CHIDORI and SOUSUKE SAGARA are together for a long time. This is good sign since this means she started to feel something to him as is in her built-in programming.
Scared: Entering her Whispered mode will make your KANAME CHIDORI's mood turn to Scared. We recommend you to purchase our TELETHA TESTAROSSA Unit, since she is the only one who could keep her away from this state.
Jealous: If you have both SOUSUKE SAGARA Unit and TELETHA TESTAROSSA Unit please do not situationed they both alone very often. This will make your KANAME CHIDORI Unit jealous and in the worst case being hateful to your SOUSUKE SAGARA Unit.
RELATIONS TO OTHERS:
SOUSUKE SAGARA: A military-nut who assigned to protect your KANAME CHIDORI Unit. Even sometimes turns your KANAME Unit to Anger mood, we recommend you to not separate these guys since they both need each other and yeah…the main story told you so.
KYOUKO TOKIWA: She is our KANAME Unit BFF. When your KANAME CHIDORI Unit is in Anger, have a nearest KYOUKO TOKIWA around to calm her down.
TSUBAKI ISSEI: If your SOUSUKE SAGARA is in the middle of his mission, you can purchase our TSUBAKI ISSEI as a temporarily bodyguard. He wouldn't mind since he has feelings towards her.
HAYASHIMIZU ATSUBO: He is Kaname's superior in Student Council.
Your KANAME CHIDORI Unit is kind almost to all Units, however there are certain Units that you have to pay strict attention.
LEONARD TESTAROSSA: the current leader of terrorist organization Amalgam. When you encounter him to KANAME CHIDORI Unit, it will turn her to HATEFUL mood. Prolong exposure to this unit is not suggested due to his goal to kidnap her and in the worst case, steals her first kiss.
TELETHA TESTAROSSA: Actually the both can make a great friendship. But due to TELETHA's affection towards SOUSUKE Unit, sometimes can drive her to Jealous mood.
SHOUJI MIA: She is a student in Jindai High School. However, her relationship with KANAME CHIDORI unit isn't going very well. If you have any SOUSUKE SAGARA unit around please do whatever it takes to keep him away. SHOUJI MIA will seduce him, and drives KANAME CHIDORI in acute JEALOUS.
CLEANING: Do not worry, since your KANAME CHIDORI Unit is a very hygiene person. She'll clean herself automatically. However DO NOT tumble dry unit. Hang out on line to dry. She'll appreciate it, since sometimes she needs a tan.
ENERGY: KANAME CHIDORI unit has a habit of insomnia lately due to her anxiety of SOUSUKE SAGARA's otaku acting. Give her favorite Bonta-kun; it will help her at ease.
FAQ:
My KANAME CHIDORI unit seems angry often. What should I do?
We believe this is due to SOUSUKE SAGARA's behavior. Sometimes, his action is beyond control. Advice him to ask KANAME for dinner. Believe us, she'll forget what happened.
All of sudden, my KANAME CHIDORI is seemed weird, kind of depressed, scared, and lifeless. What happened?
It must be she already overexposed to Villains collection. Her Whispered mode awakens too often. Have the nearest TELETHA TESTAROSSA to keep her sane or SOUSUKE SAGARA unit.
I hate SOUSUKE SAGARA. He's just too dumb and clueless. I want to set her up with LEONARD b/c he's so hot! What should I do?
We believe your request is just doesn't make any sense. Even if you try, SOUSUKE SAGARA unit will do anything to get her back, even he has to ehhmmm… 'eliminate' you.
With proper care KANAME CHIDORI will be a great friend for you.
Thanks for your purchase.