The Boy Next Door.
PRESENT DAY
"Please Tommy! It didn't mean anything." Adam begged, reaching out for Tommy who shied away with a pissed off glare at Adam's hands.
"Uh huh? Yeah whatever." He spat out and put another shirt into his backpack.
"Baby please, just let me explain." Tommy met Adam's eyes and the hurt Adam saw in them was killing him and the fact that he was the reason for it was even worse.
"You kissing another guy and then disappearing for twenty minutes after that? No thank you Adam. I don't need to hear it. I'm pretty sure I get the picture."
"Nothing happened. I kissed him. That's all." Adam followed Tommy into the bathroom that was connected to his room and watched Tommy grab his toothbrush and toothpaste. Their eyes met in the mirror before Tommy quickly looked away again.
"I don't believe you."
"Please Tommy, don't leave me like this." Tommy raised an angry eyebrow but continued to pack the most necessary things.
"I didn't leave you, YOU kissed another guy, I didn't."
Adam blocked the door when Tommy tried to leave the bathroom trying to buy more time which just made Tommy push at Adam.
"Move fucker! Mia is waiting for me."
"Tommy please! Nothing happened." Adam followed Tommy helplessly down the stairs.
"So you say." Tommy's voice was cold for the first time in their history and it made Adam's heart break. There was a rapid knock to the door and Mia opened it, carefully popping her head in. She looked at Tommy's red and puffy eyes and ignored Adam.
"Hey you ready?"
"Yeah I'm ready, let's go."
Tommy shot Adam a look and Adam went out the door so Tommy could lock up. Adam gave it one more try and pleaded a broken "Tommy."
Tommy turned around and with a tired and fragile voice he said. "I can't Adam, not right now. I need to get away from here, from you."
And with that he went with Mia and Adam took the short trip across the lawns back to his own home. He went straight up to his room and closed the door behind him even though he was alone.
He sat down on his bed and put his head in his hands. He fucked up and he fucked up really bad! And all because he was scared. Why the hell did he do something so dumb when it was crystal clear that Tommy was the one? Fuck he'd been the one Adam's life had spun around since the day he moved into the house next door.
TWO YEARS ERALIER.
Adam had been watching the removal van drive up and park in front of the house, from the windowsill in his room, with his legs up and crossed he had watched people running back and forth, like busy ants, with boxes and furniture until it was all unloaded but mostly still stuck on the front lawn. His eyes kept drifting back to the teenage boy who looked a little lost and a whole lot pissed as he was walking up to the house with sports-bags in both hands and a guitar case slung over his shoulder. He was glaring up on his new home and biting his lower lip.
Adam couldn't really blame this new kid for looking like the world had ended, he was pretty sure that he would feel the same way if his family took him up by the root and hauled his sorry ass somewhere new and leaving his friends behind.
The kid disappeared into the house but Adam saw him again in the room that faced his own. Their eyes met across gardens and Adam knew, fucking knew, that his life would never be the same. Gorgeous brown eyes looked back at him with a sad expression caught in them.
Adam's heart clenched at the sadness and instantly wanted to make the boy feel better, he flipped the page on the notebook he was writing lyrics in and wrote a hasty 'you ok?' on it and held it up to the window for the kid to see.
The kid glanced at the paper before shrugging and smiling tensely. He dropped his bags and put the guitar case carefully down and a minute later he returned to the window with two pieces of paper that he held up for Adam to read.
'mom says I'll live, dunno but she might be right. I'm Tommy.'
Adam laughed and shook his head at the sarcasm in Tommy's word and scrambled a quick 'yeah she might. I'm Adam.'
And just like that a beautiful friendship was born.
They spend every possibly moment together, lunch at school, homework assignments, watching movies or going to the music store. It doesn't really matter what they do, sometimes they talk for hours about really important stuff like human rights and discrimination. Adam loves how fiercely opinionated Tommy is about subjects like that. Sometimes they're quiet and lazy together just watching movies and it is so fucking comfortable.
Tommy gives the best hugs ever and he's not cheap about them. And he never shies away from Adam's touch even though Tommy was the first to figure out that Adam is gay, or at least the first to flat out ask about it. Adam was so thrown out of his game that he just answered the question and Tommy's response had just been a 'cool' and then he went back to the movie they were watching that particular day.
It wasn't like they didn't have separate friends of their own. Tommy had quickly become friends with Mia and Mike and they rarely seemed to run in the same circles as Adam. On the other hand Adam had his whole theater world going for him and there he had Brad and Danielle. And even though he constantly talked about Tommy they never really spend time hanging out together as a group, except at the lunch table in school.
It didn't matter at all though, Adam appreciated the time alone with Tommy very much. It was like he was his alone when they were together.
PRESENT DAY
A broken sob broke the air as Adam began to cry. He let his mind wander in self-torment to the exact moment when he realized that he wanted more than friendship from Tommy.
ONE YEAR EARLIER.
It wasn't like he didn't already know that something had changed, it was more like he didn't want to face it. He more often than not had to push the images of Tommy out of his head when he jerked off and he was already painfully aware of just how gorgeous Tommy was and how perfect he fitted against Adam when they hugged or playfully wrestled each other, whenever Tommy's mouth took him too far and he needed to be put back in his place. But this particular day forced Adam to admit to himself that it wasn't just friendship for him anymore. That he was in love with his best friend.
Adam's day in school had been really shitty and for some strange reason Tommy hadn't shown up at the lunch table and even Mia didn't know why, or at least she didn't feel like telling, making the day even worse, Adam needed to talk to Tommy damn it.
So instead of heading to his own front door he went straight up to Tommy's and turned the door knob, knowing that Tommy got out of school an hour before Adam.
"Tommy?" he yelled before taking the steps upstairs two at the time. He got no answer but that wasn't unusual, it most likely just meant that Tommy had his head phones on. Adam strode down the hallway in hurried steps and opened the door only to freeze.
Tommy was lying on his bed with a dark haired girl straddling his hips, kissing him enthusiastically. He had his hands buried in her hair and his eyes were closed as he gently guided the girl to get the right angle to make the kiss deeper. It looked like she had pushed him backwards onto the mattress because he still had his feet on the floor, but her knees were pushed deep into the duvet under them. The mere thought of Tommy pliantly letting himself be pushed down that way by her made Adam's stomach twist.
He looked away embarrassed out of his mind and saw text books scattered over the bed and desk. It looked like the make out session had taken over the homework.
Adam quickly tried to close the door again. He wanted to crawl into a mouse hole, but for some fucked up reason the kiss ended and Tommy opened his eyes and saw Adam standing there.
"Adam."
"Sorry I didn't mean to-" Adam waved a hand towards Tommy and the girl who had straightened up and glared daggers over her shoulder.
"No it's okay. Come in. What's up?" Tommy asked as he pushed up on his elbows and twisting a bit to get a better look at Adam.
The girl sighed and left Tommy's lap reluctantly. But Adam barely noticed it, his eyes were fixed on Tommy. On how Tommy looked when he had been thoroughly kissed and was, Adam's eyes darted down and back up, turned on.
Adam swallowed and tried to get his voice to work but when that didn't work he bolted. He ran straight down the stairs and got as far as his own front door before he felt Tommy's strong fingers snatch around his wrist and stop him.
"Hey. What's the matter?" Tommy asked in that tone that made Adam's heart beat even faster. The tone, that was reserved for Adam and Adam only and was filled with warmth and genuine care. Adam tried to shake the feeling; he didn't even remember why he needed to talk to Tommy in the first place. And he couldn't really tell Tommy that he just realized that he didn't want to share Tommy with anybody at all or that he wanted to be the one pushing him down onto his mattress and kiss him so that his lips were bruised in the sexiest way that Adam had ever seen.
"I-"
Tommy grinned at Adam's lack of words and pulled Adam into a fierce hug. "You?" he asked softly. Adam snaked his arms around Tommy's waist and held him tight.
"I didn't mean to interrupt. I'm sorry but I did call your name. Um. You should get back to your date." Adam loosened his arms a little but got an annoyed sound from Tommy who just squeezed a bit tighter. Adam's heart did a little flip flop the way it always did, whenever Tommy did something like this.
"Nina can wait. And yeah I heard I was just a little too busy to answer right away. Now tell me why you came over in such a hurry." Tommy brushed a thumb over the nape of Adam's neck and Adam had to fight the urge to shudder.
"It's not important anymore. It can wait. I'm sure this has got to kill the mood for you guys. You should go back."
Tommy pulled back just enough to look Adam into the eye and spoke firmly.
"Nonsense, you barging in like that and it has to be important and Adam, baby, you mean a hell of a lot more to me than she does. If she doesn't understand why I got out here then she isn't worth the trouble, okay? Now spill it."
Adam had to search his mind and wasn't that ironic, what had seemed so important a few minutes ago had vanished from his brain. Tommy just waited patiently and didn't let go of the hug. Adam almost felt accomplished when he got his head around the issue and blurted.
"I didn't get the part and you weren't at lunch and I just," Adam took a deep breath before continuing. He wanted to say that he missed Tommy but instead he ended up with huffing out, "I just needed to talk to you."
"Oh shit man I'm so sorry! Did they say why though?" Tommy looked offended by the thought of someone saying no to Adam and Adam wanted to kiss the hell out of him.
"Yeah I'm not old enough to pull off that character yet or some shit. It wasn't because of my singing but it still sucks! And I just wanted to bitch about it and then you weren't there and you hadn't told me that you had plans when we went to school this morning."
Tommy shook his head and chuckled and then he took a hold of Adam's hair, tugging lightly to emphasize his words.
"Sure I did. You just stopped listening when I started talking about Nina; you always do that when I talk girls."
Adam looked stunned and Tommy laughed.
"Not that I mind and I usually talk to Mia about girl stuff because well, GIRL. But I did tell you that we were doing this homework thing and that I hoped it could be more 'cos she is HOT!" Tommy smirked and shot a glance up at his window, making Adam do the same and sure enough, Nina was looking down at them.
"Oh my God, now I feel even worse." Adam groaned.
"Don't." Tommy said bright eyed and happy. "Adam you're still my best friend and best friends come before anything else!"
"So we're good?" Adam asked, just because he needed to hear it. Tommy seemed to know that too judging by the smile curling on his lips.
"You think I would be hugging you like this if we weren't? c'mere!" He pulled Adam down for a quick chaste kiss on the lips. "I love you man!" and then he pulled back from Adam and shoved his shoulder playfully. Adam practically beamed against Tommy.
"And yet you still go back to Nina." Adam sighed dramatically. And Tommy laughed loud and bright.
"Yep! You want me to come over later?"
"Yeah."
"Okay, see you then." Tommy said and crossed the lawn to jump over the low fence and run back to Nina.
That evening Tommy didn't show up. Instead he put a message up in his window that Nina and he was going to the movies.
And Adam ended up jerking of to the image of Tommy's swollen and red lips and dark lust clouded eyes and the sight of his hard cock clearly outlined in his pants. In his fantasy he was the reason Tommy looked like that but when he came down from his orgasm and had cleaned up the mess on his stomach he curled up in fetus position and cried himself to sleep.
PRESENT DAY
A few hours later Adam decided it was time to leave his room, the house was buzzing with life now and he could do with a little motherly love. Leila looked up from the vegetables she was chopping and one look at Adam's face made her put away the knife to pull him into a huge hug.
"What happened?"
Adam fought the sob trying to break free and somehow he succeeded.
"I messed up mom. I messed up bad and now he doesn't even want to see me."
Leila cupped Adam's face and looked at him quizzically,
"I'm guessing this is about Tommy?"
"Yeah. He's staying at Mia's place right now, I don't even know when he'll come back home."
Leila's eyes widened and Adam could see her wondering what the hell had made Tommy run away like that.
"Does Dia know?" she asked seriously.
"Dunno."
"Hmm. May I ask what you did that made him feel like he had to leave?"
"Um, I, um I kinda kissed someone else and then we sorta went outside together, but nothing else happened I swear."
Leila pinned Adam to the floor with a disappointed glare. She dropped her hands to put them on her hips.
"Adam."
"I know mom! And he doesn't believe me because he saw the kiss and he saw we went outside together."
"Oh honey. I can understand why he's hurt. That was a foolish thing to do. And you need to go ask Dia if she knows he's with Mia. If he's upset enough to run out on you, then he's upset enough to forget to call his mother."
Adam did as told and dragged himself the short distance to the neighbor door and felt like utterly shit when he knocked once before opening the door and calling out for Dia.
She hurried out to greet him and sent Adam a worried look when she saw his state of mind. And before Adam even got a chance to open his mouth she started to apologize.
"I'm sorry Adam he isn't here. He won't tell me what went wrong, but I guess you got him pretty tied up in knots. He's staying with Mia tonight."
"Yeah I know, I just wanted to make sure he called you. Um so, do you think he'll talk to me? I mean I can probably get mom to drop me off at Mia's place."
"I think he's pretty upset when he won't even tell me what happened. Did you break up with him Adam?"
"No. No I didn't but, I hurt him and I want to make it better. If he'll let me."
"I'm sure he just needs some time to cool down."
"Can you just tell him that I need to speak him?"
"Sure honey."
She patted Adam's hand and Adam sent her a pained smile before going back home.
8 MONHTS EARLIER.
The thing with Nina lasted about four month. The months of misery Adam called them to himself whenever he tried his best to be happy for Tommy who seemed to really like her. To the nauseating point!
Adam tried to back of a little when it hurt too much or when he got too many annoyed looks from Nina, but Tommy wouldn't let him. No Tommy just patiently explained to the both of them why it was absolutely necessary that they watched this particular movie in Adam's room or some shit like that. And Adam caved every single time and he loved Tommy a little more for the effort to hang out with Adam, but as much as Adam wanted to hang with Tommy he really didn't want to be stuck in his own room watching a, God forbid, horror movie of Tommy's choice and listening to two horny teenagers make out in his bed. Or maybe he just wanted the earth to crack open and swallow Nina and leave a horny Tommy with him, yeah that's what he wanted. But since that wasn't going to happen would it be too much to ask for some time alone with his best friend so they could actually talk or maybe just watch a movie together where Tommy curled himself around Adam the way he used to?
Another thing was that Adam was fairly sure Tommy was utterly clueless to how Adam felt but it was a whole other story with Nina though. Adam had the distinct feeling that she could see right through his act. And she used it to stake her claim every chance she got which really made it damn hard to pretend to like her, even to keep Tommy happy.
It was tiny things like a small but thoughtful look at Adam before she would kiss Tommy stupid and panting right before leaving them to join her girlfriends, and then wink wickedly at Adam. Or the way she looked suspicious when she came over to Tommy's house and found Adam there, like Adam had try to make a move on her boyfriend.
As if Adam would ever actually do that, because when he finally admitted to himself that he wanted Tommy, he felt kinda awkward and shy and there was no way he would ever work up the nerve to act on it. At first Tommy hadn't noticed anything was off, but one day he came up to Adam's room with a movie in his hand and declared that it was time for some 'guys and guys only quality time' and had flopped down on Adam's bed and had demanded to know what the hell crawled up Adam's ass before they got to the good stuff, waving the movie in front of Adam, but when Adam brushed it of as nothing, Tommy had just kept doing what Tommy did best, he had looked at Adam searching before giving a little shrug and cuddled against Adam as they watched a movie and forced Adam to relax. That day was awesome and awful, but mostly awesome.
Somehow that afternoon did the trick and Adam relaxed around Tommy and one day took the other but Adam's resentment towards Nina grew, not entirely because she was Tommy's girlfriend but because she gloated and because she did it when Tommy didn't see it!
So every kiss he had to witness, every time he saw Tommy walking with his hand curled around Nina's or every time he had to say good night before Nina so Tommy could say good night to her the 'proper way' killed him a little. But the worst part was when he saw a note in the window saying that Tommy had other plans. Notes like "off to the movies" or "using my hard earned money on dinner tonight " every one of those notes made Adam feel rejected and he damn well knew that he wasn't, that he was special to Tommy, just not that kind of special. It sucked.
One day he saw a piece of paper with a broken heart on it hanging in Tommy's window. And Adam let out a little gasp. Fuck really? Shit. A million thoughts ran through his head. Was this about Nina? Or was there something else that made Tommy feel broken hearted? He hoped this was about Nina even though the thought of Tommy sad was heart breaking in its own way. With very mixed feelings Adam ran over to Tommy and much like four months ago he took two steps at a time up the stairs and hurried down the hall to find Tommy.
He found him curled up on his bed watching something Adam couldn't care less about on the TV. Adam stood still for about 20 seconds before quietly entering the room. Tommy looked up and they locked gazes. Adam was thrown completely of guard at the hardness and anger he saw. He had expected a sad Tommy not a pissed off Tommy.
"What happened?" Adam asked softly and went over to the bed and sat down before scooting up to the headboard, Tommy tossed him a pillow and Adam offered a smile as he got comfortable. Tommy looked at Adam for a while in silence and Adam realized he was waiting for him to make space to cuddle. Adam lifted his arm and Tommy settled in by his side before Adam let his arm rest around Tommy's shoulders and Tommy sighed a little. Adam squeezed Tommy a little urging him to talk and secretly loving the closeness and warmth coming from Tommy a little too much.
"She dumped me. We're done." Tommy said in a calm tone that didn't quite match the look Adam saw before.
"Oh. Why?"
Tommy glanced up at Adam. "Because she is a jealous bitch, that's why!"
That didn't come as a surprise to Adam, but he didn't want to say anything bad about Nina, one thing was how he felt but it would be a whole other thing to rub it in Tommy's face. Tommy who had seemed very infatuated with her, like yesterday. So instead Adam asked, "Jealous of who? Did you do something stupid?"
Another quick glance up at Adam and this time Adam saw something he couldn't decipher in Tommy's eyes, but it made Adam's heart beat a little faster. Tommy looked away fast and picked at some imaginary lint on the jeans clinging to Adam's thigh. "Um, you. And other than spending time with you?! No."
"Me? But I tried to give you guys more space."
"I know you did and it kinda pissed me off Adam, no offense but you're my best friend and best friends don't need to do that, there should always be room for the people you love, it's that simple."
This time Tommy didn't look up at Adam which Adam was a little relieved about. Hearing that Tommy loved him, even though Tommy frequently said it still made his heart want to burst, it didn't seem to acknowledge the difference between friendship and something else. Adam sucked in a much needed breath, before trying to sound reprimanding. "Tommy."
"It is! Jesus."
Adam briefly though that this was exactly one of the reasons that Tommy was so loveable, before catching Tommy's hand and keeping it still, the way Tommy was touching Adam's thigh, feathery light and almost not was maddening and had to stop.
"Yeah but I just wanted you to be happy Tommy and I thought that if-"
"Yeah I know the thing is that she kept saying that I needed to let you go. But I don't wanna! You're my best friend, end of discussion. Damn it." Tommy said; and there was an edginess in his voice that made Adam think that this wasn't the first time Tommy had argued that. Tommy inhaled before continuing,
"But then a week ago she told me I had to choose and I kinda just laughed it off and told her that you do not choose the people you care about and you never choose who you love the most. I guess she thought it meant I would choose her because she got really pissed when I told her I had to go hear your singing lesson."
Adam was stunned. Tommy went to hear him sing today? And why the hell hadn't he seen him? "You went to hear me sing?"
Tommy was quiet for a while before he twisted his hand in Adam's and Adam reluctantly let it go, but Tommy didn't take it away. No, instead he began to play with Adam's fingers. Just gently touching, driving Adam insane. When Tommy finally spoke he really messed with Adam's poor brain.
"I always do. I love those 45 minutes spend on the back rows letting your voice wash over me."
Adam swallowed hard, what should he make of this? What did it mean? Tommy had always been very supportive of Adam when it came to singing, but Adam had just figured it had something to do with their mutual passion, music. But this had to be more than that didn't it? Adam silently screamed at himself, God he could not keep doing this to himself, Tommy was straight and not into guys little alone Adam.
"I didn't know you did that. I've never noticed you there."
"Naw, that's your time and I never wanted you to lose focus on your singing so I kinda just listen and then I leave.
"But if you don't talk to me then why wouldn't you just ditch it to spend time with Nina? It's not worth getting dumped for."
Tommy laced their fingers together and then let go again immediately after. Adam wanted to grab his hand and make him do it again. Damn those long slim fingers felt so right there, between Adam's. Adam felt like the worst friend ever, here he was supposedly listening to his best friend go through his break up and all he could think of was how perfect Tommy felt against him and that he just wanted to entwine their fingers again so, so much.
"Um, I barely saw you last week, and I just, I dunno Adam. It's just a thing of mine okay?"
"Yeah okay." Adam said softly even though he didn't understand it at all. He was so out of his game that it wasn't even funny.
"She said she wouldn't be my number two after that."
"Number two?"
"Yeah, that I always put you first and that she was tired of that. She said that she was beginning to think that maybe I was just as hung up on you as you are on me."
Adam felt like someone knocked him over, she actually told Tommy! Bitch! He succeeded to put on his best innocent face right when Tommy looked up and caught Adam's eyes. He seemed to search for something and Adam wanted to squirm under that gaze, but kept still and let Tommy look.
"Oh. Um, what does that even mean?" Adam asked. Because Tommy had said something about Tommy feeling the same, and Adam really wanted that cleared up. Like desperately.
Tommy looked away and Adam was sure he imagined the tiny pinkish tone Tommy's cheeks had gotten.
"Beats me. Anyway we're not together anymore and," Tommy sucked in a deep breath and exhaled slowly, "maybe that's a good thing."
Tommy shrugged lightly and sighed. Adam didn't know what to say so he just let out a little, "Maybe."
Tommy curled closer and Adam wrapped both arms around him rocking them a little together, making Tommy laugh. And suddenly the mood was lighter, a bit more playful. Tommy looked at Adam and those damn brown eyes had gotten soft and warm again and a smile played at his lips.
"More time for us to hang again, I mean, I miss you dude! I missed this." Tommy said before poking Adam gently in the ribs.
"Yeah I missed this too." Adam admitted, "You're such a cuddle slut."
"Hell yeah, and since I'm now without a girlfriend, then I'm all your cuddle slut." Tommy laughed and went for Adam's ribs in earnest, tickling him merciless. Adam made a halfhearted attempt to stop him because he was supposed to. Tommy hands were on him and God did Adam want them to stay there, tickling or not. That day turned out pretty good Adam thought.
A month went by and Adam didn't know if he was in heaven or hell. Tommy spends every possible moment in Adam's house, which were all kinds of awesome. But he also seemed to withdraw a little from Adam and that made Adam think he did something wrong, but every time he asked Tommy if something was wrong, Tommy would send him a full blown smile and say that everything was fine and ask what Adam wanted to do. Adam saw there was something hidden in Tommy's eyes though, and he couldn't let go of the idea that he was the reason Tommy didn't seem all that happy.
One day in particular made Adam confused and upset. It began with them walking to school and Adam had playfully nudged Tommy's side and asked if it wasn't about time he started dating again. Tommy had looked up at Adam through his lashes, looking a little shy and that's when Adam had noticed that Tommy was blushing. Adam put an arm around Tommy's shoulder, and Tommy leaned into the one armed hug, fitting perfectly against him and Adam scolded himself for doing this to himself all the damn time.
"You've got a crush on someone." Adam said matter of factly.
Tommy's blush deepened and he shrugged, kind of dismissive, the little movement made his shoulder rub against Adam, which pretty much melted his brain. Adam didn't ask about it and Tommy sighed heavily and pulled away from Adam with a sad glint in his eyes. Adam wanted to pull him back and chase that look away but he had no idea how to do it, so he echoed Tommy's sigh and they walked the rest of the way to school in silence.
Then at lunch Tommy sat down beside Mia and leaned his head on her shoulder, something he used to do with Adam, it made Adam want to get up and leave, especially when Mia pressed a small kiss to Tommy's hair and she got that completely content look from Tommy and a little secretive smile. Mia ruffled his hair and whispered something Adam couldn't hear and he knew he was staring at them but he couldn't look away.
Brad kicked Adam's ankle under the table, making Adam hiss and turn to glare at him, but Brad the fucker, put a hand over Adam's and squeezed it lightly and his ridiculously pretty eyes were soft and pitiful. Adam wanted to cry and hide somewhere safe with Brad. To yell at the world for being totally unfair or to at least pour his heart out to someone that knew, Brad was perfect for that obviously.
When school ended that day and it was time for Adam's singing lesson, Adam found Tommy already sitting all the way up back in the last row waiting, with his chin in his hands looking at Adam patiently. Adam's heart began beating a little faster, the way it always did when he had Tommy's undivided attention.
"Hey!" Adam said loud enough to know it traveled to Tommy, and he got a small nod in return.
Mrs. Connelly rushed in and Adam had to warm up his voice and get singing and before he knew it the lesson was over and Tommy came down the stairwell quietly.
"Oh I see your boyfriend has stopped being shy and is coming down to join us." Mrs. Connelly said warmly. Adam felt his eyes go huge and he immediately began to explain.
"No no no Tommy is not my boyfriend; he's my best friend, that's it. And he's straight."
Mrs. Connelly raised her brows, "oh I'm sorry I just assumed-"
"It alright Mrs. Connelly," Tommy said smiling coldly. "To Adam I'm just one of the girls, I swear he has no clue that I'm born with a dick." Tommy brushed past Adam and Mrs. Connelly fast and Adam stood there, with his mouth open and felt totally lost. What the hell was wrong with Tommy these days?
Mrs. Connelly patted Adam's shoulder and said, "I think you two need to talk Adam." before leaving him with his train of thoughts.
So that's what Adam decided to do when he heard Tommy's voice in the kitchen talking to Leila before coming up to Adam.
His decision flew out the window though, when Tommy flung the door open and with a joyful smile threw three CD's on the bed.
"Oh my God, Adam I found these in the little music shop near Mia's place, they're awesome!" He took on of the CD's out and went over to put on. He was all exited and Adam thought oh what the hell and went with it and for two hours they discussed music and lyrics and it was all good, until it wasn't.
It started with a friendly disagreeing on the lyrics and that turned into playful wrestling on the bed. And Adam damn well knew he was tormenting himself but Tommy writhing and squirming under him was just too good to ignore and maybe, well not maybe, he did get a little too carried away, he honestly didn't know what went wrong though. But all of a sudden Tommy had pushed with real force against him and in a panicking voice begged Adam to let him go and when Adam did Tommy had gotten off the bed in a hurry and went straight for the bathroom. Staying in there forever or at least long enough for Adam to worry, and to get rid of his embarrassing erection, which by the way was a total bonus.
"You okay in there?"
"Fine."
"Please talk to me?"
"Nothing to talk about."
The door opened and Tommy looked flushed and very self-conscious, Adam got off the bed and met Tommy in the door.
"What is up with you?" the love in his voice so clear that it would probably embarrass him later, but right there he didn't care.
"Nothing Adam, listen imma head home, I'll see you tomorrow morning okay?"
"Yeah okay."
Adam looked at Tommy searching and Tommy flickered his gaze away and mumbled, "Let it go Adam, you don't wanna know, not really."
And then he looked up with a determined look on his face and pushed up on his toes to kiss Adam on his cheek, making Adam struggle to keep a moan from escaping. And then he was out the door, yelling a good night to the rest of Adam's family. Adam went over to his window and watched Tommy ran over the lawn and jumped the small fence the way he always did. When Tommy disappeared into the neighbor house, Adam wrote him a note saying 'it can't be that bad! I'll still love you, best friends forever, right?!' and put it up in the window for Tommy to see when he felt like communicating again.
When Adam was getting ready for bed that night he looked over to check if Tommy had written a reply. He had and the note made Adam even more confused.
'maybe one day and maybe you won't feel like that after, ILU2'
PRESENT.
Adam was lying curled up on his bed, cradling his pillow tight when he heard the front door in the neighbor house open and close. He got off the bed quickly and hurried to the window, heart beating fast, hoping to see Tommy, but it was Dia and Lisa, and they're going out not in. Adam's heart clenched and he ran his hand through his hair and shot a glance at the cell phone and grabbed it. He thumbed speed dial and waited, and waited. He swallowed and dialed Mia's number, heart in his throat, but desperate to talk to Tommy.
"Mia Tyler."
"Hey it's Adam. How is he?"
"How do you think Adam? He saw you kiss Brad for Christ sake."
"Can I talk to him? I swear Mia, it was one kiss and it didn't mean anything."
"Um, I'll ask him okay? But don't get your hopes up."
Adam sat down on the bed and waited picking on a loose tread on the bedspread, he could hear Mia talk to Tommy but he couldn't make out Tommy's response. His mind wandered back to the day that made everything right in Adam's life.
Tommy stayed over for dinner, like usual, and they went upstairs after helping with the dishes and the cleaning up, to get the homework done. Leila's demand.
"Damn it! I'll never learn this! I just don't get the 'logic' how the hell is math 'logic' anyway?"
Adam looked up from his own math books and frowned when Tommy tossed his book into the corner with a frustrated sigh.
"Hmm. I thought you did good in all your classes."
"I do okay but argh, I just don't-"
"You're sure it's the math bugging you? You've been like this for the last month."
Adam packed away his books and shoved them into his backpack. And then flopped down on his bed where Tommy was sprawled out staring up at the ceiling, and keeping quiet. Adam nudged Tommy's side with an elbow.
"Hey what's up with you? You know I'll listen right?"
Tommy sighed and left the bed to pick up his math book and put it back in his backpack.
"Nothing. It's nothing." He huffed out; sounding like all hope for a good and bright future had left him. Adam didn't really want to know what he was about to ask, but Tommy clearly needed to get something of his chest and being best friends meant that Adam would have to suck it up.
"You're having girl problems? Did I do it again? Zone out when you talked girls? I mean I know you're crushing on someone."
Tommy turned around slowly and caught Adam's gaze briefly before making his way back to Adam's bed. He sat down on the edge of the bed and picked a little at a cuticle before stuttering through something of an answer. Adam really didn't like the nervous behavior at all.
"No, um maybe, sorta?"
Feeling guilty for being a lousy friend Adam moved so he sat next to Tommy, so close that their thighs touched and took a hold of Tommy's hands and began apologizing, "Oh I'm sorry I swear Tommy I didn't mean to." Adam watched in wonder when that actually made Tommy smile and relax a bit.
"No doofus. I haven't told you anything. I meant that I sorta have a crush on someone. Um, actually it might be more than that, like…" Tommy paused and looked down at their joined hands and Adam held on a little tighter, ignoring the warm tingling feeling his skin created every time it touched Tommy's.
"Like what?" Adam asked while he was begging in his head for Tommy not to say 'in love'.
Tommy sneaked a peek up at Adam through his bangs and Adam wanted to put a finger under his chin to lift it to meet his eyes properly. But Tommy looked away fast and went back to stare at their hands. When he finally spoke, his voice was barely a whisper and Adam had to listen really hard to make out the words.
"Like, I think I am in love, really in love and this person really has no clue and I don't even know," Tommy broke off and sucked in his lip into his mouth. Adam's heart dropped to his stomach and he released Tommy's hands and pushed of the bed. He needed a little distance before he could continue. Looking out the window and his back to Tommy he asked, "Know what Tommy?"
"If, um, if I should try to make a move."
"Oh." Adam breathed out and wanted to punch something, he certainly didn't want to keep this conversation going. Tommy didn't say anything after that and Adam put on his best poker-face before turning to face him again.
"Well maybe you should just go for it." He said with a little shrug, doing for casual. Huge brown eyes hung on him shining with insecurity.
"Yeah? 'coz it could screw up a pretty amazing friendship."
That hit Adam right in Solar Plexus and he suddenly saw all the little signs clearly, all the ways Tommy had seemed drawn to Mia more lately.
"Oh! You're in love with Mia?! Wow. Why didn't I see that one coming?"
Tommy shook his head and sighed heavily. "No, not Mia. Listen, Adam I don't really wanna talk about it. Could we just I dunno watch a movie or something?"
Adam could have cried in relief. "Yeah sure. What do you wanna watch?"
Tommy smiled that rare little smile that Adam always thought of as the perfect mixture of pleasure and pain. "Dunno. Don't care, just pick one."
So Adam found a movie that he knew they would both enjoy, and got comfortable against the headboard. He kind of expected Tommy to cuddle the moment he touched the mattress, like he usually did, but he didn't, instead he rolled onto his stomach facing the TV, feet up and crossed by the ankles' and chin put in his hands, quite the opposite of Adam.
"Why are you down there? In five minutes you're gonna be cold because you're lying still and you know I'm like a furnace." Adam cursed at himself the moment it was out his mouth, why was he such an idiot. Asking for cuddles was like carrying wood to the fire.
"Dunno, just felt like it." Tommy said without taking his eyes from the TV. Adam was equally relieved and miserable.
"Okay."
It didn't take long before Tommy started to rub his feet together though; Adam made a little knowing sound.
"Don't say it." Tommy said immediately and Adam snorted.
"Not gonna."
Ten minutes later Tommy was curled against Adam side with a blanket pulled loosely around them. Tommy pushed a cold hand in between Adam's crossed thighs and Adam had to suck in a startled breath, damn that hand was close to where Adam really, like really wanted it.
"Sorry." Tommy whispered and nuzzled Adam's collarbone. His thumb stroked Adam's thigh in a mindfucking way and Adam who had been hot for Tommy for months wanted nothing more than for that hand to go a bit higher up his legs.
"It's fine, you'll be warm in a minute." Adam got out, he was sure getting hotter by the second with liquid heat boiling lazily in his veins where his body touched Tommy's.
"Hmmm.I know."
Tommy's eyes seemed to be glued to the TV, but he kept wiggling a little which was killing Adam softly and to make him stop Adam hooked his index finger into one of Tommy's belt loops on his jeans. Tommy squirmed a little more and suddenly Adam was connected with warm skin under his thumb. They both tensed and stayed still and Adam swore to himself that he was not gonna move his fingers, but Tommy went pliant and Adam's thumb got a life of its own and started to caress the soft skin on Tommy's waist.
For a while they stayed that way, but then Tommy moved his hand a little, a bit closer to Adam's cock that is and the liquid heat was not so lazy anymore, in no time it became like a lake of fire.
Tommy made a comment on the movie and Adam thanked the powers of the universe that he decided on a movie he knew by heart. Because there was no way his brain could wrap around a plot and Tommy's hand touching him like that at the same time. Tommy moved again, restless and sneaked his hand under the hem of Adam's t-shirt and spread it out on Adam's skin. Adam thank fuck managed to swallow the moan.
"Is this okay?" Tommy whispered, his head tilted onto Adam's shoulder so he whispered right in his ear, and Adam shivered.
"Is-" he said. So fucking turned on that he couldn't think, well that's not entirely true because his brain was very focused on how close Tommy was and on how it would be to kiss those lips there were only a few inches form his own. And the hand under Adam's t-shirt, sure supplied mental images enough for hours of jerking off.
"God, how are you so deliciously warm all the time?" Tommy purred. And Adam just didn't give a damn anymore, so why not make a fucking joke out of his current state of mind, and body obviously. "'coz you keep me hot and bothered?"
Tommy snorted, and it came out a little too forced, in Adam's opinion, but he didn't know what to make of it.
"Oh shut up. Don't say shit like that when you don't mean it. Nobody likes a tease."
Adam heard the unhappiness and against all his good attention of never revealing how hot he thought Tommy was, then when he opened his mouth, what came out was, "You don't think I find you attractive?"
"No?" Tommy sighed.
Adam's brain to mouth filter was gone by then and he stared at Tommy, who stubbornly kept his eyes on the TV. "Oh. Um do you want me to?"
Adam felt Tommy's body go rigid and there was a huge amount of seconds wasting their time on just ticking away before Tommy answered. And when he did look up at Adam, it was with a look that Adam could only think of as vulnerable, like Tommy could break into a million pieces. Adam held his breath, waiting.
"Maybe. Yeah."
Adam tried to get his head in the game because this meant that Tommy was what? Interested? In Adam! No fucking way was this really happening because that would be like asking for miracles and Adam didn't really believe in those. But then Tommy lowered his gaze and started to pull away from Adam and Adam realized that this was really happening and he hadn't said anything to Tommy yet. Filled with awe of what he just discovered he whispered softly, "Shit. I-"
"See? I knew it, fuck. Why did I even-" Tommy was moving really fast at that point to get some space between them, but Adam was fast enough, mainly because of the blanket that were clinging to the both of them, to stop him with a hand on his neck.
"Shut up. And let me finish okay?!" Tommy nodded wide eyed and started to chew on his lip and Adam knew this nervous trait so very well and he wanted to get his wording right this time, so without caring about sounding like a total girl he just laid it on a line for Tommy.
"Um, I think you're gorgeous and sexy as hell. You're small and delicate and you fit, like made for me fit. I love your eyes, they tell everything about you and they have this amazing ability to change color depending on your mood and the light." Adam took one of Tommy's hands in his own and laced their fingers together. "You have these long slim fingers there are so much stronger than they look and I just," Adam swallowed and met Tommy's eyes and he lost completely track of his thoughts when he saw the heat in them.
"You just?" Tommy asked needy and Adam's heart tried to pound its way out of his chest because Tommy's eyes kept darting down to Adam's lips when he spoke, as if he really wanted to kiss him. And boy was Adam on board with that. "I just want them on me, touching." Tommy glides closer, eyes locked on Adam's mouth while darting his tongue out to wet his own. Adam didn't try to hold back the moan that slipped him and the sound made Tommy raise his gaze to lock it in Adam's again.
"And then there's your lips. Yeah I love those."
"Yeah?"
"Yeah. I definitely love those."
"Enough for me to kiss you?" Tommy's voice was low and soft and somehow Tommy sneaked a leg across Adam's and then he was straddling him, and in a maddening slow pace he leaned in to kiss Adam.
"Please do that." Adam whispered right before Tommy's lips finally touched his. The kiss was dry, and warm, and innocently sweet but it still made Adam tremble. Tommy pulled back just enough to look at Adam and a small smile played on his lips before Adam asked, "You sure you want this?" Adam tried to keep the joy out of his voice and failed. Tommy just looked at Adam with the same heat as before and it was making his eyes dark and clouded. Adam basked in the knowledge that he was the one making Tommy look like that. Tommy cradled Adam's face and leaned in again and murmured against Adam's lips. "Um, can I just. I want to-"
Adam loved the way Tommy's lips felt against his, soft and warm, and all kinds of awesome.
"I wanna keep kissing you." Tommy purred. And then Adam was being thoroughly kissed again and as a direct result, his body tingled all over and in his groin and stomach pure heat pooled, making him impossibly hard. He got his hands lost in blond hair when the kiss deepened and tongues met in an ancient and slow dance. The kiss went on forever and Adam got lost in it, and when it came to an end they stared at each other for a while, fingers traveling slowly, possessive over cheekbones, necks and shoulders.
"That was my first kiss." Adam said in wonder and Tommy beamed and asked, "Was it okay?"
"Awesome! Please don't stop kissing me."
"I'll keep kissing you for as long as you want me to."
Tommy grinned and kissed Adam again slow and sensual, and Adam felt like he was cracked open and floated feely bursting with love.
PRESENT
Adam touched his lips thinking back on that evening, on their first kisses, on the first time Tommy made him cream his pants, on kissing Tommy good night on the porch, on his moms knowing smile when he went inside again and wasn't able to wipe the ridiculously happy smile of his face.
There was a scratching noise, like the phone was being passed over and Adam's heart almost stopped when Tommy's voice reached him.
"I'm here."
For a minute Adam had no idea what to say, how to begin. He hadn't really expected Tommy voice to be there at all.
"Adam?"
"Can I come over?" Adam asked hurriedly. He heard Tommy inhale before exhaling hard and Adam knew the answer before Tommy answered.
"No. I don't want to drag Mia's family into our break up more than they already are."
Adam closed his eyes and with a broken sound he begged, "Break up? Tommy, please? Please, don't do that, not before we've talked, before I've told you why-"
"Adam. You really think I want to know why? I don't need to know why I wasn't enough!"
"Enough- You're my everything! Everything! I need you." Adam cried out.
"It really didn't look like that Adam." Adam could hear that Tommy was about to cry, his voice trembled and Adam hated it. And he swore to himself that if Tommy ever forgave him this then it would be the absolutely last time he would be the reason for Tommy's tears.
"But if you'll let me explain. Please let me explain."
Tommy sighed, "Okay Adam. I'll come home after school tomorrow; you can do your talking thing there. But don't.." Tommy's voice broke and he stopped talking.
"Don't what?" Adam asked softly.
"It's, I don't even know why I bother. Um, that's not true I know why, because I love you. The thing is that you don't love me. Shit! I know you do but not the same way, and that was fine, I was okay with that but I can't be with someone that wants to be with someone else. Not even if you need me to."
"What?" Adam couldn't keep the shock out of his voice. Tommy didn't think he loved him? Adam damn well knew that he hadn't said it, but he showed Tommy in every way he could think of.
"Brad-" Tommy began but Adam interjected right away.
"You don't think I want to be-" Tommy didn't let him finish though.
"Not once since we got together have you said you love me, not once Adam. I understand that I maybe say it too easily or maybe too lightly, but you used to throw me a 'love you too' bone when we were friends. Now I only get it on paper or text messages. And then I see you kissing Brad. I'm not leaving your life Adam, I wouldn't know how to, but I'll back off and let you go after Brad if that what you want, but please don't use me as a doormat. I deserve better."
"I know I haven't said it and that's why," Adam paused, this wasn't going well, not at all. "Oh gods. Can we not do this over the phone? I want to be able to see you when we talk."
"Yeah. Tomorrow." Tommy resigned and Adam heard him wipe his eyes and sniff.
"Thank you. And Tommy? I promise it was nothing."
"Bye Adam."
"Bye Tommy."
After saying good night to his family and curling up in his bed under the comfort of his duvet, Adam laid there thinking about what Tommy had said, and realizing that he had fucked up way worse than he thought. But he was gonna straighten things out tomorrow, he was going to tell Tommy why and he was going to show and tell him just how much he loved him. He was done being scared of how important Tommy was to him, done being scared finding 'the one' at the age of seventeen and of the possibility of being left by that one.
Adam had been sleeping restlessly for a couple of hours when he woke up to the sound of pebbles against his window. With his heart in his throat he climbed out of bed and looked down on the lawn and fuck him sideways, Tommy Joe was down there. Adam opened the window, struggling a bit with the locks, stupid trembling hands. But finally he got the window up and Tommy's sweet voice reached him, "Can I come up?"
"You wanna?" Adam asked, not really enough awake to grasp that Tommy was really there, wanting to talk.
"I wouldn't be here if I didn't Adam."
"Right. Yeah."
Adam saw Tommy find the spare key and wave it at Adam before running around to the front door, and Adam finally realized that Tommy was gonna be up in a second. He spun around and looked at his bed, warm and cozy and down himself shirtless, only wearing a pair of pajama bottoms. He went to his closet to find a T-shirt, not wanting to feel exposed. It was kind of silly because in the five months they had been boyfriends Tommy had seen Adam's bare chest numerous times.
But then Tommy was in his room, looking at him and the task of finding a t-shirt was forgotten.
"I talked to Brad." Tommy said, moving closer.
"Oh. Why?" Adam was fairly sure if he had seen Tommy kiss Mia he wouldn't have talked to her, ever again.
"Um, Mia said that it might be a good idea, and I guess I was", Tommy paused, searching for the right word. "Curious and pissed enough."
"Oh."
"I think I understand now, I'm not saying it was okay! You hurt me! But he explained a couple of things and yeah." Tommy eyed the bed and with a little nod towards it he asked permission to sit. Adam smiled and Tommy sat down.
"I know. I never meant to." Adam sat down next to Tommy, wanting to touch but scared to do so.
"So, um I still kinda need to hear it from you Adam. Why? Why were you-?"
"So scared? To be honest, I don't know anymore. This day considered it seems so stupid. I guess I love you so much that it scares me. You've been the center of my life ever since that first day you moved into the neighbor house. I'm terrified that it'll end then what? And you-" Adam stared at the wall across the room; trying to find the words to dig him out of this hell hole.
"I?" Tommy asked.
"Remember when you broke up with Nina?" Adam twisted his fingers and sneaked a quick glance at Tommy, who was looking at Adam's hands.
"Yeah?"
"You were like, head over heels for her one day and the next you're telling me that maybe it's a good thing she dumped you; you were kinda, I don't know, cold? You didn't really seem all that sad."
Adam saw Tommy nod thoughtfully in the corner of his eye.
"I wasn't! She was right you know, I was so hung up on you and it wasn't really fair to her. But she wanted to be with me and she made me feel good, and I loved that, not that it's an excuse or anything. But when she ended it I had to realize she was right. That there was only one person that could own my heart, you."
"It just scared me how easily you let go, and I kept wondering if I, um, if you would let me go just as easily, and if I could ever love again if you did."
"Oh. Wow. So you what? Wanted to test me?" Tommy sounded like he was getting angry again, so Adam tried to explain.
"No, it wasn't like that. I've been talking to Brad about it and he was telling me that I was stupid, that you loved me and I know that you do! But it kinda made me think about how unrealistic it sounds to find your soulmate when you haven't even kissed anyone else."
"Okay?" Tommy dragged the word out and Adam could hear some of the anger had disappeared, replaced with suspicion and maybe curiosity. "So what? You wanted to kiss others?"
Adam startled when he felt Tommy's hand softly curl around his, looking down Adam twined their fingers together, it felt so right and Adam started to believe that maybe this could work out anyway. He lifted his head and meet Tommy's eyes. They still looked hurt, but the small smile Tommy tried to offer urged him to go on.
"Actually that was Brad's idea. He said something along the line of 'Oh my fucking God, just kiss me, Tommy and I are just the same type, see if you feel anything, which you won't 'coz I didn't hang your moon, and then accept the fact that you're gonna grow old, fat and ugly with Tommy and he'll still worship your ass then.'"
Tommy's face broke in a genuine smile and Adam's heart decided to add a few beats to its normal rhythm.
"He said that?"
"Yeah and I was like fuck him and I went for it." Adam shrugged, "You weren't supposed to see it, but I did intend to tell you about it. I never ever meant to hurt you. We went outside because he was right and I needed to get my head out of my ass and just trust that you wouldn't dump me in any near future and all the way home I was planning to sweep you off your feet and seduce the hell out of you and then tell you just how much I love you! But when I came over and you were already crying and packing and-"
"Tell me now." Tommy said softly.
"Um," Adam furrowed his brows not really knowing what Tommy wanted him to say, but then the open and expecting look in Tommy's eyes made him understand. He cradled Tommy's face and said,
"I love you Tommy Joe. You own my heart, body and soul."
"Thank fuck. It wasn't that hard was it?" Tommy breathed out beaming at Adam, making Adam wonder why on earth he had been so scared to say it. It had never been hard when they were just friends.
"No." Adam said and kissed Tommy thoroughly."Wanna stay?" he asked between kisses that quickly became heated and hungry.
"I'd like that."
Next morning Adam woke up to Tommy's warm body snuggled around him, bottle blond hair tickling his nose and his mother's warm smile as she pushed the door ajar to tell him it was time to get up and get to school.
"I see you two made up."
"Yeah."
Tommy stretched and yawned before opening his eyes and Leila laughed fondly when Tommy cuddled closer to Adam and offered her a low, "good morning."
"Do I want to know what you two were up to last night?"
Adam groaned, Tommy snickered and Leila shook her head a little.
"Yeah, thought so. Get dressed and come down prepared for the most embarrassing talk of your lives. See you in ten boys." she said before closing the door behind her.
"Oh fuck" the boys said in unison.
The end.