TBoGT: Armageddon at Hercules
This is a one-shot story based off of something that I accidentally caused outside of Hercules while messing around in the game. I didn't know it was possible until after it happened. So I decided to put a story along with it, a few minor tweaks and major tweaks, and see where it takes me. Rated M for Graphic Violence, language, and adult themes. Prepare to ROLF. Read, Review, Laugh your ass off. :]
Luis Lopez decided that tonight, he wasn't going to work at the Maisonette 9. He actually felt like talking to someone who he hadn't talked to for a while. He door guard of Hercules, Troy. Luis thought it would be nice to make a better connection with him. Driving like a crazy person, Luis whipped down the road in the Bullet GT, that he just randomly spawned out of no where. Tony and Dessie always commented of the spawning process, calling him a "noob," and a "cheater." However, Luis hadn't a clue why, he just took it as making a car appear out of thin air, but anyway. Troy wasn't outside of the gay bar when Luis arrived, leaving him with no other choice than to go inside.
As he walked through the crowd of men in thongs and guys whistling at him. He finally made his way to the dance floor, where he saw this smokin' hot babe. Pink shorty shorts, and a top that revealed her belly, and some cleavage. Luis thought for a moment. Damn, she is so hot. But last time I was in here... blegh...
Flashback:
"Care to dance with me baby?" Said a smokin' hot babe from the dance floor. He boobs practically popped out of her top they were so big.
"Damn right," Said Luis.
As the two danced, a few of the homosexual men in the room noticed, and did not like the act. The got into a huddle, while grabbing each other's asses, and talked amongst them selves. Then broke the huddle. Then then approached the babe and Luis. The began to dance around the two, and eventually, began to hump them. Causing Luis to freak and punch one of them in the face.
"Don't fucking touch me!" He yelled. He then looked around and saw Troy in front of him. Troy had is arms crossed and shook his head. Luis sighed.
Flashback End:
Maybe it's not such a great idea. He thought to himself. He then turned around, pushed through the crowd of men, and back outside, where Troy was now standing.
"Hey, whats up L?" Said Troy.
"Not too much bro," Said Luis, "Can't find shit to do, can't get laid or nothing tonight."
"Eh, don't worry about that man," Said Troy, A gay guy walking into the club waved at him, "Good evening sir."
"I guess I shouldn't worry too much about it," Said Luis, "After all, it could be worse."
"I know what you mean." Said Troy.
"I mean, I could be you." Said Luis, Troy shot him a look, and Luis continued, "Yeah, I could be working around gays all of the time, no pussy at all, and no room the breathe at times." Troy became frustrated. "Glad I work at Maisonette 9. No gays there."
"Okay!" Said Troy, "Shut up ass hole!"
"What Troy?" Said Luis, "I'm just saying that it could be worse."
Troy then shoved Luis, "Just shut your fucking mouth!"
Luis stood up and cocked his fist, "That's it,"
"You fucking started it!" Yelled Troy. A police car pulled over to the side of the road and the cop watched for a few moments.
"How in the fuck did I start it?" Said Luis, who then looked around, noticing all of the gay guys outside of the club. "Oh," Said Luis. Who then felt a hard fist hit his face, dropping him to the ground. He then got up fiercely and got into a fighting stance, "Alright fucker, let's go."
The cop exited his car, drew his gun, and pointed it at the two. "You two, hold it right there!" Luis and Troy looked at him, then back at each other, then, devilish smiles grew across their faces, and they both charged the cop, with battle cries. "Hold it, I said Stop!" The cop then got hit in the face by two hard fists.
Another cop car pulled up, and two cops exited, both with shot guns. They fired at the same time, Luis ducked out of the way. "Fuck!" He yelled, he then looked up at Troy, who had a bullet wound in his arm, but was not phased by it. Holey fuck, is this guy like invincible?
Troy then rushed the two cops and began to beat the hell out of them. The fired shots at him, causing blood to spew everywhere, but Troy was not affected at all. Troy then beat one of the cops to the ground and pounded his face into the blacktop. Out of no where, NOOSE trucks and Patriots appeared, housing more officers and the NOOSE unit itself. Out of no where, an unexplained occurrence took place, the Marilyn Manson song, "Arma-Goddamn-Motherfuckin'-Geddon started playing. No one knew why it happened, but it didn't matter. It seemed fitting.
Luis felt as if half of this was his fault, so he pulled out his phone, and scrolled down to the sections that said "Cheats." "This should get them good." He said as he selected a cheat, and a little box appeared to the left of Luis' field of view. "Look, I know the cheat was fucking activated!"
It's Arma-Goddamn-Motherfuckin'-Geddon!
Fuck, Eat, Kill, Ect.
A bullet then went right through Luis' right shoulder. "Fuck! Gragh!" Then he stood up with his baseball bat and ran into the fight. "I'ma kil you for that you angry... uh, evil... retarded pieces of fucking Bacon!"
Cops surrounded Troy, firing at him with P90s, other types of SMGs, Pistols, and Shotguns. Troy was unaffected, he was piratically invincible. Troy knocked one officer after another down with a series of punches each. While beating one of their faces in, Troy grabbed the shotgun of one of the officers, shoved it into his stomach and pulled the trigger. Luis then ran up behind a NOOSE officer and whacked him in the back with the baseball bat, which caused a small explosion and sent him flying into the air, and over a ledge that led into the Pay n' Spray parking lot. Cops then began to fire at him, only to have Luis run up to them and hit them with the bat. Helicopters were soon enough brought into the mix and Luis noticed it right away.
Is it the news? or is it the noose?,
Results may vary side effects are very,
Arma-goddamn-motherfuckin-geddon...
"You fuckers!" He yelled. He then reached into his jacket and rummaged around a bit, pulling out an RPG.
The officers in the choppers noticed. "What the fuck does he have, and jacket with the strage space of Russia?" Then, Luis aimed the RPG at the chopper and fired a rocket. The rocked caught the prepeller of the chopper, causing it to explode and spin out of control. The chopper landed on a bunch of NOOSE vehicles, and exploded, taking about fifty officers with it.
Fuck the goddamn tv and the radio
And fuck makin hits i'm takin credit for the death toll.
It's Arma-Goddamn-Motherfuckin'-Geddon!
"Bam!" Yelled Luis out of excitement. He watched Troy take out a few more officers, Troy grabbed both of their heads and cracked them against each other, knocking them unconscious. His jacket was covered in blood.
It's Arma-Goddamn-Motherfuckin'-Geddon! (X2)
Luis and Troy both looked around and saw a small stage set up, and Marilyn Manson, with his band, were on stage, and packing up their equipment. Luis scratched his head. "Okay?"
Troy then walked up to him and shoved him again. "I ain't finished with you yet you fuck." Luis gave him a cold dead stare, then pulled out his shot gun. "Oh, what's this, you think you're gonna be able to drop me with that thing, they couldn't, what makes you think you can?"
Luis then aimed it at Troy's stomach, "Shut up, Ese." He then cocked the gun, and pulled the trigger. A spread shot of bullets fired out all at once, but because Troy was right in front of Luis, only a few bullets strayed away.
Troy's face became pale, and blood began to flow from him mouth. "You tricky little... fucker..." Troy then dropped to his knees, then fell to his left, groaning in pain.
Luis dropped the gun because of the wound he obtained to his shoulder. "Fuck, this is bull shit." Said Luis, who then grabbed his phone, went to the cheats section, and simply pressed the select button without searching. His weapons reloaded, and his wounds healed.
"What the fuck happened out here!" Yelled Gay Tony from the entrance of Hercules, He then looked over to the stage, "And why is Marilyn Manson here?"
"Fuck if I know," Said Luis, "But it sure was fun."
Tony then ran up to Troy and looked down at him. "Oh, fucking great Luis, now I'll have to find a replacement."
Luis laughed, "Not at all Holmes, he's fine, he'll be back to work in about thirty minutes."
"What the fuck are you talking about?" Tony said while scratching his balls.
"We did this the other day, then I drove down to my house to grab a parachute, for base jumping, then I drive back, and there's Troy, standing outside of Hercules as if nothing had happened."
"I see," Said Tony, "Alright, well, if that's the case, I'm going back inside."
Luis laughed, then went to his car, "Tony, stay away from the guy with the construction hat on, I heard him say something about having AIDS."
"Ha ha ha! Very funny ass hole." Yelled Tony, who then kicked the door open and walked in.
Luis just laughed, got into his car, and drove off in the direction of Maisonette 9. His reasons were self explanatory, to bang Joni in her office. This will have been the fourth time in two days.
About an hour later, Luis drove by Hercules again, witnessing Troy standing outside with a gun in his hand. Luis pulled into the small alley next to the club and got out. He walked up to Troy. "Yo man, what's the gun for?"
"For Tony," Said Troy, "He's going to want it, I give it about ten seconds." Sure enough, ten seconds later, Tony came tripping out of the door of the club, down the steps and on to his face.
Luis and Troy both laughed, Tony then got up and yelled. "And just what the fuck are YOU two laughing at?" They both stopped laughing, but still chuckled a bit. "Troy, where's the gun?"
"What do you need it for?" Said Troy with a smirk.
"That fat guy in there with the construction hat, he just grabbed my ass and tried to kiss me, but his friend told me that he has aids, and now, he keeps stalking me."
From behind the door, a voice could be heard. "Come here little man, Boris wants to have some of that."
Tony grabbed the gun out of Troy's hand and blasted holes through the door. Tony dropped the gun and freaked out, "Oh shit, what the fuck did I just do?" He then ran through the door and saw the man laid out on the ground with a bullet wound in his head. "Oh... Fuck!"
Luis laughed, "Yo dude," He said, "On the way over here, I heard an interesting story on the radio. Some Serbian guy was driving a hi-jacked Patriot into a swing set, and apparently, the swing set launched it into the air, and hasn't been seen since. Can you believe that shit?"
"Yeah actually," Said Troy, "It's a glitch in the programming?"
"Ah," Said Luis, who looked up as if he knew what Troy was talking about, but gave up, "Come again?"
"Nothing," Said Troy.
"Mhmm... Yo," Said Luis, "How the fuck do you survive those massive gun shut wounds given to you by cops, and then me after the fight?"
"A glitch." Said Troy.
Luis nodded again, he had no idea what Troy was talking about, but went along with it. Just then, a bald guy on a motorcycle drove by, eyeing Luis. "Hey," Said Luis, "I think I know that guy."
"Of course." Said Troy, "You've... never mind, it's hard to explain." The bald motorcyclist got parked his bike and walked a few feet away from the bike.
"Oh yeah," Said Luis, "I remember now, that jacket, The Lost MC."
"Exactly." Said Troy. Then out of no where, a shadow formed over the bike, which caught everyone's attention. The shadow increased in size until a Patriot smashed into it, landing up side down, crushing the vehicles together.
The biker freaked out. "What the fuck! My bike!"
Then, a man who looked Eastern European, crawled out of the Patriot, cracked his neck, and looked at the biker, then at Troy and Luis. "Sorry about that friend, I was experimenting, I'll get it fixed I promise."
"How the fuck do you expect that to happen?"
"I know a guy, his name is Stevie, I'll hook you up." Said the European man.
Luis looked at both of them, "I've seen him before too, and where the hell did he come from?"
Troy sighed. "That's the guy from the swing set my friend. I told you."
Luis sighed, "Oh I see." Said Luis, "Well, what ever man." They both laughed.
And that's the end, hope you ROLF'd at it and liked it, but it's probably obvious since you've made it this far. I thought it was funny, and pretty messed up as well. Reviews would be appreciated, thanks for reading it. Later.