When someone you love has run to the edge of hope, seeing only bleakness and sorrow, sometimes all it takes to bring them back is a simple touch.
~Sora
It's cold outside. Maybe I should have brought a coat with me. Then again, I wasn't really paying too much attention when I ran out...
I hate you! How can you do this to me? What am I to you?
-Listen, Sora, I didn't mean to hurt you...
Well, then maybe you should have thought of that beforehand!
The bastard. I'm better off without him. I shiver. It's really cold out here. I should go inside somewhere. I hug my knees instead.
I really don't know why I ended up here of all places. I haven't played soccer in years. Not since I was younger. Back when my life had a purpose.
I hate my life. There's nothing here for me, I swear. Sometimes I feel like the sun rises every morning just to mock me. To say, 'hey look, it's a new day, all bright and happy' and I turn to look at my life and all I see is bleakness.
I hear the snow crunch as someone approaches. Figures. He always knows where to find me.
So I call to him.
~Tai
I continue walking. I knew what to do the minute he called me.
Tai...I did it again...
-...so...what is this, number 4?
This time I really blew it
-she'll take you back...she always does
I'm not so sure this time
-Why?
...she saw me with another girl
-...you cheated on her.
Well...yea...no...we hadn't done anything! She just found us together in a...in a compromising position.
-Compromising position?
It was a harmless hug, I swear! Tai...you know that I think I'm in love with her. I'd never try to hurt her...
-...yea...I know...
So he sends me. Because he knows that he can't.
Talk to her Tai, for me...
-Why do I always have to be in the middle?
Because. She'll listen to you. She always does.
I know...I know. She listens to me. I can get through to her like he can't. I'm here to do the one thing I hate and yearn
for the most. I don't like being in the middle of them.
It hurts.
Because I finally realized that I love her. I finally figured out my feelings for her, only to find that she has given
her heart away. So I bowed out, letting the better man win. At the cost of my heart. But I thought I could ignore it.
But no, instead he has to drag me into it.
But at the same time, I'm glad he does. It gives me a chance to be with her, to comfort her, to help her mend the
broken pieces.
Even if it is just to send her back into his arms.
I look up. Finally got to the soccer field. And there she is, sitting on the ground, hugging her knees. She forgot
her coat, like I expected. I walk up to her. She must have heard me because she calls out.
"What took you so long?"
~Sora
I tilt my head up to look at him. His messy brown hair, sticking out everywhere, defying gravity. Sometimes I wonder
what it'd be like to run my fingers through that soft hair...
He just smiles in response to my question. Then he drops a blanket on my head. "You look cold. I thought you could use this" he says. I swear, he knows me better than I do. Except...
Except he doesn't know...
He doesn't know how it feels...
How it feels to be alone...
Utterly alone...
He asks me something. I blink and he repeats it. "Can I sit down?"
I just nod mutely. He sits and I immediately lean my head on his shoulder. It's our position. Every time, instead of getting me himself, he sends Tai. And Tai becomes my support.
"How are you?"
I mumble back some idiotic reply. Something I don't mean, just say because...well, because what else would I say? It's not like he doesn't fully know what happened. I just tell him not to worry about it.
I look over. He looks cold.
~Tai
After she asks me why I took so long, I just smile and drop the blanket on her head, jokingly, and comment about how
cold she looks. She just smiles and puts the blanket in her lap.
I ask her if I can sit down and she just gives me this blank look. Well, if at first you don't succeed...I just ask her again, and she gives me a silent nod. I sit down next to her and she immediately puts her head on my shoulder. It's our typical position. Me sitting, her head on my shoulder. She doesn't seem to realize it.
She doesn't realize how much I love it when she leans on me like that.
She doesn't know how badly I want to put my arm around her and pull her close...
And never let her go.
Instead, I ask her how she is. She replies with her head still on my shoulder. "I'm fine. Don't worry about me"
If she looked up, she'd see the withering look I'm giving her. Fine my ass. If she was fine, she wouldn't be sitting out here on a frozen soccer field, without a jacket, her cheeks streaked with tears that I'm sure she didn't even notice.
What the heck?
I was so busy brooding over her answer, I didn't even notice that she lifted her head from my shoulder and is now proceeding to wrap us both with the blanket.
She moves in closer to me, and once again, places her head on my shoulder. I long to just put my arms around her...
But I won't. I can't. She belongs to someone else. I can never love her the way I want to.
Despite anything my traitorous heart says.
~Sora
He gives me this adorable surprised look when I wrap the blanket around both of us. Did he really think I'd let him
freeze on my account? I lean my head on his shoulder again. He just sits there, his arms around his knees. We sit there
silently for a bit. Then...
"Do you remember what happened on this field?"
What? What is he thinking? We played soccer here, yes, but a lot of things happened on this field. I tell him so.
"Yea I know, but do you remember the championship game? It was raining..."
Oh yea...that game. How can I forget?
Sora! Where are you going?
-Leave me alone Tai!
No! Sora, stop!
I remember thinking, wondering, why he just won't let me run away. Run away from it all.
Sora, it's just a game! It doesn't matter!
-Doesn't matter? What are you talking about? You're the one that's been going on and on about how this championship
game was the most important game of the season!
I had tried running away. After I had missed it. I had lost the championship game. I couldn't stand to stay and see the disappointed faces of everyone. My mom...my friends...Tai...so I had just gotten up from where I had fallen and ran. I ran as fast as I could. I ended up in the woods that ran along one edge of the park. I didn't think he'd run after me...
Sora, it's just a game! Listen, it's raining and you can get hurt out here.
-I lost the game Taichi! Don't you get it? I'm a failure! I fail at everything!
No, you don't! Where would you get a ridiculous idea like that? It's one game, one shot. Tomorrow there'll be another
game, another shot. It doesn't matter!
-No Taichi. This is it. No more soccer. I can't take it! I can't take the failure!
And it's at this point that he just grabs me by the shoulders. He even shakes me slightly. And he tells me...
Don't give up Sora. Don't give up because of one time. Life is worth more than to be based on one experience or one failure.
Of course, I remember all this in the period of 5 seconds...I tell him that yes, I remember. And in typical Tai fashion, he replies, "I'm glad you remember my pearls of wisdom"
I laugh and lightly smack his leg. I respond back, continuing our little verbal banter. He gives me a scathing look, a mock angry scowl and responds, "Perhaps, but you should remember it. There's so much to life Sora. You can't just give up or stop a good thing because of a hard time"
He's right. He's always right. But he doesn't realize. I know all this. But still. It's all so bleak. What's the point? All that happens is that I get hurt. Again. And again. And that hole in my heart just keeps getting deeper and deeper.
"Then why?"
~Tai
I'm still sitting here, not saying anything. Her head is still on my shoulder. All I can think about is how easy it
would be for me to put my arm around her right now. To hold her close...why don't I? What was my reason again?
Oh yea. Because she isn't mine. Not like she's a possession or anything. We're not meant to be. She's in love. With someone else. I'm here because I'm supposed to help fix his mistake. As much as I'd love to have this moment go on forever, I have to do my duty as his friend. So I ask her if she remembers why this field is so special.
She looks at me for second before replying. "What do you mean? A lot of things happened on this field. We played soccer here during the summers"
I just nod slightly and ask her again, if she remembers that one time. After the championship game. Her eyes glaze over slightly as she recalls that time...
It was raining. I was running with the ball. I glanced at the clock. It was one of the scenarios you see in those movies.
5 seconds left, down by one, and I had two guys coming at me. So I did what any logical captain would do. I ran forward
and just before the two guys tackled me, I passed the ball back to Sora. The two guys ran into me. I had left Sora with
an open shot. I watched as Sora got possession of the ball and sprinted the last 15 yards. I recall shouting "Go Sora!"
as she faced the goalie, one-on-one. She kicked...
And the ball hit the post.
I watched as the opposing goalie ran out, his arms raised in victory, passing Sora as she collapsed onto her knees. I
ignored the groans of my teammates and slowly got up and headed toward her. As I walked forward, she stood up. I opened
my mouth to call out to her when she glanced at me over her shoulder. I couldn't tell if it was rain or tears streaking
her cheeks.
Next thing I knew, she was taking off for the woods at the far end of the park.
"Yea. I do remember. And I still remember what you told me"
The moment has just gotten too serious. She said that with such a dead tone, it hurts me to hear it. So of course, I do what I do best. I try and crack a joke to lighten the mood.
She just laughs and smacks my leg lightly. Then she has to say, "Well, they really are like pearls. Extremely rare"
At this I give her a mock scowl and a scathing look. I remind her that despite their rarity, the words are true and last a lifetime. Or something like that.
She sits there silently, like she's contemplating what I said. I settle slightly, expecting the usual silence to occur until she tells me that I'm right and leaves me, once again, for his arms.
Instead...
Instead, she says something that I would never have believed to come out of her mouth. "But what's the point? Life is so bleak...I'll go back and then I'll get hurt again. And again"
I don't even think she knows that she said that out loud. And, like the idiot I am, I respond before thinking.
~Sora
Omigosh. Did I say that out loud? I raise my head to look him in the eyes. His question is still repeating in my head.
"Then why?"
Why do I? Why do I keep going back to him? It's not working out. All that happens is that we get together, are happy for a time, then something happens and I get hurt again. Yet each time, I keep going back.
What is there in the relationship that keeps making me go back?
Yea, we have good times. We laugh, we share memories. But I can't remember any of them right now. I can't remember any. There's nothing constant in our relationship. It keeps changing, evolving. So why do I go back?
The only constant I have is...is...
This.
The soccer field. Coming here. Coming here after I've been hurt. After my heart has been broken, once again.
And having it glued back together by the one person that can share this field with me...
With Tai.
I look back at him. He's gone rigid. Almost like he's afraid...but of what?
Me? No...why would he be afraid of me? Or...or is it because he's afraid...of rejection?
~Tai
I'm an idiot. A complete and utter idiot. Why? WHY must I speak before I think? I should have just kept my mouth shut.
Instead, I just put my heart back in the open. I'm risking too much. My heart was safe before. Hidden away, yes, but
I didn't have to worry about being rejected.
I know I've stiffened. I can't get myself to relax right now. She's pulled her head off my shoulders and is staring at me. I just look away. I continue to stare out in front of me. Running into those woods at the end of the park seems like a good idea right now...
She's going to see it. She's going to see how much I love her.
But it can't be...it can't...
But why?
Why is it that I can't be free to love her? To let her know that I love her?
'Because you idiot' my brain tells me. 'She's not yours to love'
She's still silent. She hasn't said anything. I wish I could take it all back. Pretend I didn't say anything.
"Tai..."
I hesitate for a second before I turn my head to look at her. She's not looking at me anymore, instead she's staring out in front of her.
"The reason...the reason I keep going back to him. The reason I keep continuing that relationship...is because..."
I knew it. She's going to tell me that she loves him.
"...is because of you"
Definitely was NOT expecting that. I'm sure my eyes are as wide as saucers right now...
"You're there whenever I'm in trouble. I go back because I know...I know that despite anything, no matter what happens...you'll be there for me"
She finally turns her head to look at me. Her eyes are so beautiful, shimmering with tears. To me, she looks like an angel. And she says the words I've been yearning to hear...
"I love you Tai"
~Sora
I don't know why I never noticed this before. I didn't think I could be so blind. I always thought that when I fell in
love, it would be so clear. Everything would be so obvious, and I'd know right away that I was in love. But no. Instead,
I've been in love for so long...
And I had no clue.
I have to tell him. I didn't think love would feel like this. I thought I'd hear symphonies whenever I saw him; my heart would flutter like a butterfly. But no. I look at him and I see him. And I realize that there are no symphonies, no butterflies...just desire.
Desire to be with him, to have him care for me.
A desire that I've mistaken as friendship for too long.
For the first time, I hear the words coming out of my mouth...and I don't doubt any of them.
"The reason...the reason I keep going back to him. The reason I keep continuing that relationship...is because...is because of you. You're there whenever I'm in trouble. I go back because I know...I know that despite anything, no matter what happens...you'll be there for me"
I can feel my eyes starting to burn with tears. I turn slowly to look him in the eyes. What I have to say next is too important to not say face to face.
"I love you Tai"
God I wish he could see the look on his face right now...the beautiful grin that just spreads across his face. He opens his mouth to say something when suddenly, snowflakes start to fall.
We both look up in wonderment, and he remarks softly, "it's snowing"
I just smile and watch as he gets up. He offers me his hand.
"Would you care to dance, m'lady?"
~Tai
I want to pinch myself. I never would have thought. She loves me. She loves me. I can't get that idea out of my head. I
bet I have on a stupid grin right now. I open my mouth to say something when I notice that it has started to snow. I smile
and remark softly about it snowing. She has this beautiful look of peace on her face right now.
I have no idea what possesses me to do this, but I stand up and offer her my hand. I ask her to dance. She smiles and I pull her into my arms.
God...this feels so...
It just feels so right...
I don't want to ever let her go...
I smile as I twirl her around the soccer field. There's no music, but I don't need any. I have Sora. And I love her. I pull her close and whisper it into her ear. She gives me another one of those amazing smiles as I pull her close. To complete that one dream I have been dreaming all my life...
~Sora
I laugh softly as he pulls me off the cold ground and into his arms...
He wraps his arms around me and suddenly I feel it...
I know what it feels like to be at peace...
To have a whole heart...to be loved completely...
I laugh as he twirls me around the soccer field. The snow keeps falling, dancing with us. He pulls me close and whispers to me the words I've been longing to hear.
"I love you Sora Takenouchi"
I smile and close my eyes as he leans in.
I can feel his breath against my lips. I shudder in delight...in anticipation.
To complete a moment that I've been longing for, for longer than I knew I had been waiting.
As his lips gently caress mine, I realize something.
He had filled that hole in my heart; he had brought hope, love, healing...everything I could ask for, into my life...all
with a simple touch.
A/n: an attempt at a one-shot taiora. I like it. I was sitting at my computer, thinking about how it was going to be
my one year anniversary on ff.net and I realized that I wanted to write a story for that day. So here it is. I even tried
a new writing style...it was in alternating POVs, if you didn't catch on...I hope it wasn't too confusing *^^* leave me a
review!! I love reviews! I'll give you a cookie...
Check out my other stories while you're at it and you'll get a cookie...and review!! PLEASE?!?!?