Notes: this is a SasukeSakura collection.
Disclaimer: not mine
Dedication:to Saraa (Dictionary Ink) and her lovely birthday. Happy birthday and hope you had lots and lots of fun!
Summary: Everything was different when he was dreaming, so much more serene and beautiful than the ugliness of war, than the shuttering of pain. And that's why he let himself go see her again.
Prompts: "Cover me, I'm reloading!" / guitar strings / the aftermath of a war / satchel bags / clear lip gloss/chap / gold-with sunlight curtains
Shattered dream lapse
By: Just Lovely.
"Cover me; I'm reloading!" a soldier shouted, his voice hoarse with gun smoke.
Uchiha Sasuke ran forward, gripping the gun tightly in his hands as he let shot after shot ring out onto the battlefield. It was a day of war and shooting, of killing or be killed; that was the life he lived, from the bright darkness of early morning to the pitch blackness of late nights. But at times, it wasn't so bad. Some nights were filled with nightmares, some nights with heartwarming memories; it wasn't so bad.
...-...
The air was so clear and so blue. Birds were chirping, leaves were rustling in soft breeze, and children were laughing; sweet, beautiful giggles of mirth. It was so beautiful.
Stunned, Sasuke walked along the cobblestone path, his ears hearing, his eyes seeing, but his mind-it wasn't quite believing. The euphoria and breathtaking captivity of peace and tranquility, it couldn't be real; it shouldn't be real. And that's what he kept telling himself as his feet brought him to a tall house with windows and painted shingles, the structure standing tall and proud. And she stood there, framed by the wooden window, pink with her green contrast, staring with a gentle warmness that was so familiar to him. It was like she was trying to talk to him, her rosy lips forming words that he couldn't hear – he strained forward, but the movement seemed to shatter the image as she grew farther and farther away; he could hear himself shout. His voice was hoarse and broken over the loud shattering noise. And then he couldn't see her anymore, the scenic peace replaced by blood and gunshots; loud echoing horror and despair.
...-...
He woke up.
...-...
Phase o1.
Morning rose in bright blackness. Darkness was illuminated by lit candles, their flames weakly alive. Sasuke was sweating, his dark locks stuck onto his pale forehead, his hands clutching onto the bedsheets, his heart pounding in his ears. Because it felt so real, so close and he had wanted it, so badly. His pretty girl, his pinkie, his blossom. Her voice had always been so charming, so light – feather like –, he hadn't seen her in so long – long months –, hadn't touched her, hadn't breathed her fresh strawberry rose scent in so long that it felt beyond forever.
His dark eyes scanned around him, fellow soldiers nodding at him in acknowledgement, their eyes never straying to his frightened clutch he held onto the sheets with; because they knew it, knew the fear and the visions, the death, the unbearable longing that came with the job. But, they did it anyways, fought for their lives, their happiness, their future. They all fought to protect.
He repeated it to himself, over and over again as he stripped off his shirt and shrugged the army top on. The rough material scratched at his skin, but it didn't matter; as long as he got to see her after this, he'd be fine then.
There was a thump-thump rhythm as leather boots hit the dirt ground, a steady dead tempo to the cries of gunshot and the explosion of war.
Five dead. Five. And he knew them, knew them by names and common desires. He stood statue still, face pale and expressionless because he didn't know what to feel. Terror, pity perhaps but this...this was uncalled for; they had been experienced soldiers, ones who knew procedure and had skill.
The shouldn't have died. The one thought echoed in Sasuke's head like a broken record as he watched stretchers bring in white bloodied corpses. He stood erect, lips in a stiff line, eyes vacant; his hand held up in a quiet salute of farewell.
They passed by, and he didn't even notice.
It was silent in the barracks. Wind whistled through chipped walls, and everyone stared in numb awareness – disbelief to death and its cheating ways.
Sasuke fell down on the hard mattress in a fit of troubled worries.
...-...
She was smiling, bright and so cheerful. She stood tall and proud, her pink hair blowing around her heart-shaped face, her green eyes laughing. She looked lonely but happy, and all he wanted to do in that moment was to press her against him and make everything okay again. To make her feel safe, to make her glow again.
But Sasuke wasn't a God.
"Come back to me, Sasuke."
He heard her voice, so piercingly clear and teary; she wasn't smiling anymore, wasn't happy anymore, just lonely. Yes, she was lonely and tired; she just wanted to see him.
"I want to...you have to believe me when I say that. I...I want to so much that it hurts..." There was an oncoming 'but'. She looked away from him; no longer listening or seeing.
"I miss you."
"I miss you too," his voice cracked, so broken and painful.
He reached out to her – and this time, he could touch her – and pulled her towards him, letting pink brush against his face as he tucked her head under his chin. He could feel her tears stain his shirt, wet tears that made him want to erase the past and make her happy.
She wasn't sobbing, just crying and when she pulled away from him, her eyes were glassy and red, a wet smile on her lips.
"I love you," she whispered and reached up, brushed his bangs away from his eyes, and placed a chaste kiss on his lips, lingering softly.
And then she was translucent mist, evaporation, and he couldn't quite catch her as she flitted between his fingers until she was finally gone.
...-...
He woke up.
...-...
It had felt so real. And maybe it was a sense of homesickness that made him believe it, but it was just like routine – go to work and then come home to see her. So he waited every day for night to come, for sleep to drift over him like a blanket and for her to reappear again.
His Sakura.
Phase o2.
His breakfast ration was tasteless as he gulped it down, the oatmeal lumpy as it slid down his throat. His mind barely registered it as the alarm sounded, blaring red beacons lit and all soldiers in the facility stood erect, left their trays and whipped into the hallway. Throaty voices shouted and every one of the soldiers stood armed and ready for the battlefield ahead.
There was smoke and shattered boards; debris littered the dirt ground, gun powder floated heavily in the air, and the strong stench of spilt blood made Sasuke sick to his stomach. He let the bullets fire from his rifle, turning away as they hit their mark, and the body fell down in dust and grime.
Hours – that seemed to be days – passed and the field was empty, deserted as everyone retreated with big injuries and hurt despair as they watched their own be carried in, dead.
Sasuke was amongst the standing, the pale terror on his face and a feeling of remorse grasping at him for not preventing all these deaths. For not being able to maybe, but the bluntness of the fact was clear; you were only protecting yourself to stay alive, uncaring to others and their situations. It was selfish.
...-...
Clockwork, like time had gone back and now she looked younger, but not as bright. Her eyes looked tired, though, full of obstacles and experience. She sat on their wooden porch, arms perched on raised knees – like she was waiting for him. She patted the seat next to her and he gingerly sat down, dark eyes watching her.
"Do you remember this porch?" she asked softly.
How could he not? So many memories – fond memories – had been made on this porch; this was their first house, their first start.
"You used to play your guitar here for me," she continued, a distant look in her eyes, "and I used to strum the guitar strings when you weren't looking."
He could hear the smile in her voice, but he couldn't quite see it on her face, clear lip glossed lips in a plain line.
"And you used to sing for me," she added, fondly.
He could remember those moments, those quiet nights sitting on a lamp-lit porch, staring up at twinkling stars as he sang, softly, for her.
"It was so nice then, too..."
Sasuke heard the words that followed, and even though she hadn't said it, he knew it like every other time: until you were called to go.
He came back some days and some days he didn't; he didn't blame her for being bitter, though.
"It's still nice, Sakura," he murmured and pulled her to him, a silent gesture of condolence and she pressed herself to him, afraid he'd disappear.
...-...
He woke up.
...-...
Her scent still lingered in the air around him, like a reminder. As he pulled himself into a sitting position on the bed and numbly rubbed his eyes, he realized he'd been crying, dark eyes wet, and he froze for a moment, vacantly staring.
Phase o3.
It was a little recon., some scouting work, and a day off all in one. They swung their satchel bags over their shoulders and stepped out into the humid air, their clothes no longer standard uniform but the familiar cotton of a civilian. Their weighted bags thumped against their thighs, guns hidden in holsters and caps shadowing their faces-grim soldiers indeed.
The sun wasn't out; grey clouds were rolling in, and it looked like it was going to downpour. They hadn't seen anything-nothing out of place, nothing wrong, nothing amiss.
Sasuke stood out amongst the group of men, pale skin, dark hair and face so gaunt and hollow. Even without uniforms, the group was easily enough indicated as God's helpers, peace bringers. Not one of them said a words at the name, the category – it was a hopeful classification anyway, no truth among the names.
"Are we set?" Sasuke inquired, voice low and so lonely.
There was a round of gruff heads nodding and then the group parted, slouched forms on the horizon. The townspeople behind them watched with a lit hope dancing in their eyes, dreams so close in reach.
And Sasuke wondered if they were letting them down.
...-...
Quiet, and so peaceful. So wonderfully lovely and happy.
There was no war. There was no shouting. There was no gunfire, no blood, no pain. No late nights, no long mornings, no hollow eyes, and no gaunt faces. No loneliness and no despair; no despair, no darkness.
The aftermath of a war: there was no destruction, no grieving by blissful company.
He sat next to her in the shadow of the park tree, his ashen face full and his eyes a bright obsidian; no longer weighed down.
"It's like a happy ending," he said to her, so hopeful, so optimistic.
She didn't reply, didn't say a word and instead, stared blankly at the little toddlers running around and the little babies crying. "Sakura?"
She turned to him, face so beautiful. "Come back to me, Sasuke." she whispered softly.
...-...
He woke up.
...-...
There was shouting, yells of hoarse voices and pained noises of frustration.
"They're dead, all of them!"
That was the second time people Sasuke knew had died. The group from the day before, the recon and scouting group-all dead in the freak explosion so early that morning.
There wasn't any more noise, no words spoken as soldiers took their rations, no conversations held as they crouched ready in the trenches. Nothing but bleak silence.
Phrase o4.
Deaths. They had become frequent in the days that followed. People were dying left and right, in the battlefield, the landmines, the explosions. And Sasuke, he couldn't sleep anymore – much like everyone else, he lay in bed just pondering and grasping at whatever hope he had left in a strong grip.
War was terrifying with all the fighting, two groups colliding and crashing – with casualties on the side.
And Sasuke, he had known what he was getting into, the pain, the experience, the life.
...-...
He couldn't hear anything, he could see and feel but everything felt like it was on mute, the laughter, the wind, the birds. And then, there she was, just sitting on the swing, her conversed feet swaying her back and forth, her green eyes staring at him as her pink hair blew around her.
She beckoned him over with a small hand and Sasuke couldn't help but be hypnotized by her; his feet seeming to move on their own until he was standing just in front of her.
It had been awhile since he'd last seen her, mentally anyways – physically, far too long. His lips moved, forming words – her name, a small inquiry of how she was doing, but no sound came out. He furrowed his brow at her, quizzical.
Sadly, she shook her head at him. "You have to come back..."
...to me.
I'm right here, he wanted to tell her; but she shook her head again, knowing what he wanted to say.
"You're not back, you're still there," she insisted, staring up at him and for a moment, her hand move towards his before drawing back to the metal chain of the swing; like he had shocked her. But back, back to where?
Back to me.
I'm right here. He fumbled to say the words aloud, clicking his tongue as a means to make his voice box function. Almost in a desperate motion, he reached towards her hand, his pale fingers touching the smooth surface of her skin before gliding just a little below the surface. He hissed, a sharp intake of breath and then hurriedly withdrawed away from her.
"It didn't happen because you weren't trying before – I'm not here, and I can't touch you," her hand reached for his, not quite making contact before suddenly, it moved on its own towards the opposite direction.
"Come back to me, Sasuke."
...-...
He woke up.
...-...
There was going to be a delay, and the very formation of the words made Sasuke desperate on the bridge of confused and why. This operation was only supposed to last four months, maximum six and now, one whole year. He didn't quite think it could get any worse but apparently, in the time span of the night, a lot of things had changed.
Ten soldiers dead; it wasn't like a killer had gone on a spree. No, a lack of experience, of uncaring treading, of ignorance had lead them to their deaths – and for once, Sasuke wished he was like that.
He had learned, he had experienced, but he had had enough.
Uchiha Sasuke closed his eyes one final time and could only see gold - with sunlight curtains.
Come back to me, Sasuke.
...
I'm here.
Many thanks to Selene (seleneswan) for helping out with the ending!