Chapter One
Due to the extremely poor and greatly discouraging reception of my first story I have decided to post this one as a replacement. Now many of you may be angry and disappointed or rather twenty of you since that's how many follows I got but I'm sorry this is something I have to do. As a new author it really is discouraging and hits you hard where it hurts when your first ever published chapter of +8k words only gets 2 reviews, 12 alerts and 26 favourites. It makes you believe that you suck at writing. I really hope I'm wrong and have to believe that I don't suck and that the reason why so little people liked my first chapter was because of the plot. Which is why I'm trying again and posting this new idea to replace my old plot. I hope you all take to it better. It's more angsty and less fluffy which I heard is popular. Same pairings though (Naruto/Alice and Edward/Bella). Hope you enjoy.
…..
Dear diary,
Have you ever felt pain? Loneliness? Agony? Emptiness? If you have then what you felt was only a drop of the ocean of suffering I am enduring today.
It has been one month, three weeks and six days since Edward left me and when I woke up today I thought maybe I would feel better. Maybe the hollowness in my aching chest would be gone but I was wrong it's still there. If time is a medicine that heals all wounds then my broken heart is an anomaly unaffected by its healing properties. Time hasn't made my anguish better it has only made it worse.
Each second, minute, day, week that passes I hurt more. I try not to, I try to forget him and stop loving him but I can't. Can a person willingly stop their heart from beating? That's how I feel each time I try.
Yesterday just like every night that's passed since he left, I had another dream about Edward. It was in our meadow, the afternoon we first made love there. His burning kisses, his scorching touch and caresses all seemed so real like they were happening and weren't just a memory. When I woke up and left my euphoric dream I expected Edward to be there laying next to me. I had forgotten for a moment the cruel reality of my dark world and expected my love to be there in my bed smiling at me with his crooked grin but he wasn't. The anguish I felt when I realised that is indescribable diary. It was just as worse as that day in the forest or if not worse.
No matter how much I want it to be different diary I realise as I write this that Edward's gone and he's really not coming back. Maybe it's time I accept that.
Bella
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Dear diary,
Today it has been two months and four days since Edward left and for the first time he's not the thing on my mind. Something else is…
The past week since I last wrote to you I have been feeling under the weather. My head hurts. I find the room spinning often when a wave of nausea randomly hits me. Breakfast, lunch, supper, snacks none of them stay in my belly I always throw them up. In the mornings I wake up in a puddle of sweat. Something is definitely wrong with me and I fear I know what it is.
Pregnancy.
That's what I think is the cause of all my symptoms and the reason why I am today two months late. But it can't be. Vampires are infertile at least that's what Edward told me yet he also told me he loved me and would never leave me so maybe he lied. No. Edward would never lie about something like this so vampires must be infertile. What I'm feeling is probably a stomach bug added to everything I have recently been through my symptoms totally make sense. It's just a passing feeling that will be gone by the end of the week.
Bella
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Dear diary,
Today I went to Seattle and got myself a home pregnancy test. I peed on the stick and waited like the instructions said. From the two blue lines I can see I'm pregnant. God what am I going to do diary? I am PREGNANT with the child of my ex-boyfriend! What am I supposed to do?! Tell Charlie?! Tell Renee?! Go to the pharmacy and get some vitamins or something?! God I don't know. I know nothing.
Bella
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Dear diary,
So I decided on my first logical step of action and told my parents or rather should I say ex-parents. Charlie got Renee on the phone the instant I told him and both of them screamed at me. They told me how disappointed they were and told me I had to get rid of 'it'. When I refused they kicked me out and pretty much disowned me. I'm only welcome back when I'm ready to go to the abortion clinic which I will never be so I guess I'm never going back home.
I want to cry, yell or scream as I write this, I really do but all I feel is numb. Maybe after the first abandonment by a loved one I have no more tears to shed for the second. Maybe Edward shattering my heart has left no intact pieces for my parents to break. I don't know.
All I do know is that I have my truck, a single suitcase of clothes, a candy bar, ninety six dollars and a quarter. That's all I have and you diary. No parents, no home, no boyfriend, no plan. Nothing else.
Bella.
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Dear diary,
It has been three weeks since the two people who are supposed to unconditionally love me disowned me and since then a lot has happened.
Firstly I'm starting to slightly show the tiniest of baby pumps. When I lifted my shirt a couple days ago I thought I was getting a fat but then I remembered I was pregnant and couldn't help but break down into a puddle of joyful tears. I'M GOING TO BE A MOM AND THERE IS A WONDERFUL LIFE GROWING INSIDE OF ME! That fact hadn't really hit me until then but I'm glad it did since it made all the bad that has happened endurable.
Speaking of bad the second thing that happened is that I have gained the title of the village leper. Everywhere I go. Everyone I try to speak to. People all treat me the same. They all avoid me like I'm some walking contagious disease. They all point and whisper calling me Trampy Bella or Slutty Bella. What hurts more is that everyone even my friends are in on it. I realised now that I am alone and have no one but that's fine because I have this baby and to me that's enough.
Eating from vending machines, sleeping in my truck, having no one I can cope with all that. My baby will get me through it.
Bella
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Dear diary,
Five dollars that's all me and my baby have left. I tried getting more money by selling my truck or getting a job but no one would hire me and no one would buy Trampy Bella's truck.
Maybe in Seattle I would have had more luck but using the last money I have to get me there isn't responsible in my books. But neither is getting pregnant at eighteen and being homeless yet here I am.
I don't know what to do. When I looked down at my belly a couple days ago and had this fantasy of being a super single mom. Raising an amazing boy or girl despite what everyone said I didn't think of the hardships I would have to face to make my fantasy a reality. Now that I'm facing one I don't know what to do or how to overcome it.
If the stars don't align and something good doesn't come through for me maybe my fantasy will remain just that.
Bella
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Dear diary
It has been six days since I last ate and I'm starving. The car battery to my truck also went flat so along with food I have no heat. I tried finding something like fruit in the forest to eat but after I stumbled five feet from my truck I fell down. I'm too weak to do anything. Six days without water or food has taken its toll on me. Even moving a pen across your pages has become a great effort. I can't help but feel that this is the end diary. That as I lay here weak on the seat of my truck I'm drawing my final breaths and my story is ending. Maybe I'm wrong, I hope I am for my sake and the baby's but something tells me I'm not.
Bella
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Dear diary,
This will be my last entry. I have no clue what I'm supposed to write. What I want to. All I know is that it ends here for me.
Since I parked along an abandoned trail I doubt anyone will find me but if anyone does I guess they will read these last words I'm writing and if they do I want them to be what I never got to say to my loved ones.
Charlie and Renee. I forgive you. I know that when you kicked me out it was because you thought it was best for me. I know you did it because you thought I needed a wakeup call to bring me to my senses and stop me from making the same mistake that you two did. I forgive you and love you. You two were the greatest parents don't ever doubt that.
Ang, Jacob, Ben, Eric, Jessica, Tyler, Mike and the rest of you. I don't know why you did what you did. Maybe you were never my real friends to begin with but as I lay here dying I want you to know that I still think of you as my first friends. In Phoenix I never had those but here you guys welcomed me with open arms and gave something I always wanted; friendship. Thank you for that.
Esme, Carlisle, Rosalie, Emmett and Jasper. My family. Even though you guys left without saying goodbye I still love you all even you Rosalie. We may have not been close but I always hoped that one day you would be like a sister to me. A bitchy snot nosed sister that is but a sister none the less. Too bad we never got there but I know if we had time we would have. Jasper don't hate yourself for what happened on my birthday. It wasn't your fault it was mine and my clumsiness. Don't blame yourself for it. If he does can you hit him for me Emmie-bear. I love you guys. All five of you.
Edward. There is so much that I wish to say but I doubt that the blank pages in this diary or any diary are enough for me to say it so I won't try to. I will just say what's important. I love you. I never stopped even for a second. You Edward Antony Masen Cullen are the love of my life and I want you to know that it was for you my heart gave its final beats. Goodbye.
Bella
Wiping the tears on her face away Bella closed her diary and placed it on the dashboard where she knew if someone found her truck they would definitely see it. Laying back on her car seat Bella felt the final bits of strength she had leave her. Her heavy eyed lids involuntary shutting for what Bella knew to be the last time. Laying their Bella gave up and let the fatigue she felt envelop her. Her last thoughts as she waited for the looming shadow of death to take her were of Edward and their baby.
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Seventy miles away
"No! No! No! Bella no! Don't give up now! We're almost there! Please hold on!" Alice frantically pleaded refusing to believe what she had just seen and praying her psychic ability for once was wrong
"Alice! What's wrong?!" Naruto asked alarmed. His foot flooring the accelerator of his wife's Porsche and pushing the tiny yellow car as fast as it could go down the highway towards Forks.
"We're too late Naruto!" Alice told her husband, venom pooling in her distressed golden eyes as she looked at him. "Bella's dead! My great grandniece is dead!"