Take Your Time

Part I

"She's late, isn't she?" Daisy asked as she walked up to her best friend.

Lola turned and smiled, "Naturally."

"Well that's what you get for having a world renowned surgeon for an aunt."

"True, but Daisy if she doesn't hurry we'll miss our plane."

"Oh that's right y'all are leaving for Seattle tonight?"

"Yes, Lauren has a surgery at Grey Sloan Memorial Hospital." she said with a sigh.

"Well I'll see you when you get back?" said Daisy as she touched Lola's hand tentatively and withdrew it questioningly.

Lola nodded as her friend disappeared with a wave, leaving her alone outside their school.

Feeling tired Lola found herself sitting on a bench by the door of Commack High School. It was a warm April afternoon so she didn't mind. Even when all the buses had left, she was still content to be alone with her thoughts. Finally, 30 minutes later the cherry red Grand Cherokee pulled in.

"Oh my gosh Lola." Lauren said "I'm so sorry I got stuck in surgery." She said as her niece climbed into her new jeep.

"It's ok, Aunt Lauren, it's really a beautiful day I wouldn't have minded" Lola said. "I was just worried we'd miss our flight." Turning quickly she saw the slightest blush cross her aunt's cheeks. Though as soon as it had come it was gone, so she couldn't have been sure.

"I bet you are excited" Lauren said as she forced herself to smile. She hoped her niece didn't notice her nervousness. This entire trip was heavily weighing on her mind. Though it had been over a year since her last visit. That trip was one that she tired hard to forget. Though it returned in her sleeping moments. As she awoke to fresh tears and a newly broken heart.

"You bet" Lola said invading Lauren's thoughts. "I can't believe I get to miss an entire week of school. I know you'll be busy but I hope we can still do stuff."

Lauren who wasn't totally listening answered with a "yes" anyway.

To Lola, her aunt was almost like a second mom since her own mother often traveled. Whenever that happened she'd find herself at her aunt's house for extended periods of time. Something she relished since her aunt was totally cool and pretty much maintained a laissez faire attitude.

JFK as always was packed and Lola watched as her aunt checked their luggage. She added extra tags not wanting to lose any of her belongings. As Lola wandered off to find something to eat before their 7:25 pm flight. She found herself, feeling that all to familiar panic. As she chastised herself Lauren you've flown so many times, when are you going to get over this fear of flying?

As the time drew nearer for boarding, Lola watched as her aunt became noticeably agitated. Her own mother had told her they had often flown as children. Even then she'd said that her sister hated flying, something she often did because of her job. Lola wondered how her aunt did it.

All too soon the intercom crackled into life announcing the nonstop flight to Seattle, Washington was now boarding. Sighing and trying to quell her panic Lauren motioned Lola to headed for their gate.

When they'd been safely seated, Lauren found she'd been holding her breath. She felt her niece's eyes watching her quizzically questions unspoken. All too eager to sleep the six hour flight, she wasted no time in preparing to order a drink as soon as they had taken off. She hoped Lola would be content to entertain herself on the iPad, she wasn't.

No sooner had the flight taken off, as Lauren braced herself, then Lola softly said "Do you know the real reason I didn't go with Mom and Dad to Barcelona?"

Lauren was surprised by the question "Gracie said you didn't want to miss an entire semester of school and your summer away from your friends."

"That's true, I don't want to spend so long in Spain with my Dad. I know he has to go most professors try to teach in Europe at least once. I know Sara Lawrence asked him before but he declined. Now, with moms's new job as a flight attendant they say I can't be left alone."

"Yes, she mentioned that" nodded Lauren. "You still need some supervision" she said as her niece made a disgusted face. "Still those are all the reasons your Mom gave me. What reason did you have for staying behind? I'd have jumped at the chance to live in Europe."

"Mmmm I know that's what Mom said."

"Well then?"

"It's complicated."

"How?" Lauren said as she flagged down a stewardess requesting a rum and coke on the rocks. Turning back she asked again "How is it complicated Lo?"

"It's complicated because I like someone."

Chuckling to herself Lauren smiled "Oh I see and Mom doesn't know?"

"NO oh my gosh NO!"

"Heavens why not? Your mom and you are so close."

"Yeah but..."

"But what?"

"She wouldn't understand."

"I'm sure she would. Your mom has had a lot of boyfriends." If only she knew what trouble we'd get into as teenagers.

As the stewardess delivered Lauren's drink she took a deep sip.

"Yeah but she's never had a girlfriend."

"Ahh whoa..." Lauren exclaimed as she swallowed her drink done the wrong way.

"She's never liked a girl." Lola said blushing as she looked away.

Sighing Lauren, realized someone had told Lola about Seattle. She felt her stomach clench she wasn't prepared for this kind of discussion. Looking at Lola she saw her niece staring with green eyes filled with curiosity.

"Okay the thing is" Lauren said trailing off "I..."

"Aunt Lauren! I'm sorry but..." Lola had tears in her eyes. "I didn't know who else to turn to. I'm scared I don't know what's wrong with me. I just thought Mom said something a month or so ago that you broke up with Henry because of a girl."

Henry, Lauren's heart broke for the way she'd treated him. A man who had loved her for four years. He had asked her to marry him and had wanted to make a life with her.

They'd met during a freak snowstorm, he had been flying the plane she'd been on. As she had been on her way home from NYC where she still worked at New York Presbyterian. He had come back to reassure everyone that there wasn't anything to worry about. She'd been clenching the seat then as she was tonight. Smiling he'd come up to her asking if she was okay. She remembered she'd admitted to him she was terrified. It hadn't taken long for Henry; as she learned his name was to ask for her number. He'd laughably said he never asked for pretty passengers' numbers. That in her case he was making an exception and she'd totally forgotten her fear. When they touched down in Denver she had been completely smitten.

A few weeks later he'd called her in NYC and taken her out. They'd had a wonderful time and one date turned into four years, an apartment and a dog. After the terrible break up she'd felt guilty keeping their dog. Lauren still felt sadness thinking about Macy who she'd raised from puppyhood.

"Um Aunt Lauren...?"

Coming back from her memories Lauren again tried to take stock of her current situation.

"I just...I thought."

"No it's okay" Lauren said sadly "It's true, your mom is one of the only people who knows."

"It's...oh my gosh?!"

"Yes, it's true I realized in the instant I saw her, I couldn't lead Henry on."

"Is it okay for you tell me about it? I wouldn't ask but Aunt Lauren I'm so confused. I don't know how to deal with my own feelings. You're the only person I know who might be able to understand."

Lauren felt the stinging of the unshed tears and the lump in her throat as the memories poured back.

"Yes okay, Lola, I'll tell you about Arizona."

"Arizona?"

"Yes, her name was Arizona."

- A Year Ago -

The phone rang insistently as Lauren Boswell was leaving New York Presbyterian. Fumbling in her purse, it had gone to the bottom of the bag, typical.

Seeing, who was calling, she hurried to slid her finger to unlock the iPhone. She had been eagerly waiting for her fiance Henry to call. As an international pilot, his travels often took him far from their home.

"Hi baby!" his cheerful voice filled her heart with excitement. "I'm home, did you just get off work?"

" es, I worked a 48 shift again. I'm exhausted but I'm so happy you're home, did you just land?"

"No, I've been down an hour or so, just getting things together."

"How long are you home this time sweetheart?"

"Two weeks babygirl" she could almost hear him smiling.

"Awesome! That's great news because I need to ask you a favor."

"Sure babe."

"Chief Lawrence has been asked by Dr. Avery, who's on the board of Grey-Sloan Memorial Hospital in Seattle, Washington, if I would come and assist on a surgery there"

"Oh, I've heard of that hospital!" Henry interrupted animatedly "Isn't that the one who suffered that huge lawsuit after a plane crash. I saw it on the news last year."

"Yes and the doctors who were on that plane used their money to buy their hospital after financial ruin."

"Oh yes that was on the news too, wow. Oh I'm so proud of you baby."

"That's why I'm so happy you're home for two weeks sweetie" Lauren said as she headed for the subway back to Long Island. "Then we don't have to put Macy in the Petsmart Pet's Hotel, you can stay with her."

"Of course I'll stay with her; are you on your way home?"

"Yes, I'm headed to Penn then I'll catch the LIRR."

"Okay baby, I'll see you soon, I love you."

"I love you too" Lauren said as she hung up.

All the way home, Lauren kept replaying how Chief Lawrence had called her into her office. She had been beaming when she'd walked in. She'd told Lauren that this was a great honor, something she already knew.

I mean there just aren't that many craniofacial specialists in the world. Lauren thought as she watched Long Island passing in a blur. A trip she'd made all too many times since she'd moved to NYC from Denver out of residency. Back then she'd had a tiny flat on Staten Island, with a view of the city. That was until she met Henry and moved out to Long Island with him after they'd been together two years.

As her mind turned to Grey-Sloan Memorial Hospital, she remembered something else Chief Lawrence had mentioned. She'd said Lauren should do some research on the hospital and the doctors she'd be working on. She was given Dr. Avery's doctor and another one. She'd written it down and she pulled it out of her pocket. Dr. Robbins it said in her perfect script.

Checking her watch she noticed she still had a half hour. Might as well Google some of this stuff now she mused. Again she returned to her iPhone. She already knew a little about Avery and the hospital but nothing about Dr. Robbins. So she started by typing her name into Google, curiously. Only to get a burst of information about the plane crash and her involvement in buying the hospital. It was a torrent of links but all she could stare at was the picture of the gorgeous, female doctor smiling back at her, wow.

-present-

"So that's how you heard about Arizona, um Dr. Robbins I mean?" Lola asked softly.

Lauren just nodded just remembering it was painful but she didn't regret any of it. She just wished she could forget how much it hurt.

"I spent the rest of the ride home reading about all the amazing wonderful things she had done."

"What did she do..."

"Well she was given the Carter Maddison Grant to go to Africa and be a doctor for children. You see she's a pediatric surgeon. It doesn't look like she stayed long; after that there wasn't much written about her contributions to the medical field. However, there was a great deal on her survival story in a plane crash."

Lola listened astonished without interrupting as her aunt continued. "She survived four days in the middle of the forest of Washington with no food and badly injured. She wasn't alone either and two of the doctors with them died. It also said that she had her leg amputated but still returned to work and continued to help others. To me she sounded like Wonder Woman; absolutely amazing in every incredible way. I just stared at her picture for fifteen minutes until the train stopped at Deer Park. I felt a tightness in my stomach and an excited fluttering in my chest thinking how it would be when I met her. At the beginning, I didn't realize what those feelings meant that came later."

- A Year Ago -

Lauren lay awake long, after she and Henry had finished having sex. Her heart was racing long after her pulse should have slowed. It had been wonderful, she'd climaxed as she always did. Normally, she'd been asleep snuggled beside her man. Yet she couldn't shake a feeling that something felt different, not wrong just new. She kept replaying the day over again, what was it. This was their room it looked like it always did. It wasn't until the image of Arizona flooded her mind. Then her heart jumped again she felt that tightness, but this time it brought fear.

As suddenly as she remembered something she'd tried all too often to forget. A drunk moment before she'd met Henry, in college. She had been out at a bar with a group of her close friends. She'd been having a wonderful time forgetting a recent break up. Shot after shot, glass after glass until she could barely think straight. Then she couldn't anymore when she ended up hooking up with a girl from the bar. They'd done absolutely everything and she'd never imagined it could feel that good. She'd never contemplated trying again, maybe to date a women. She'd let herself realize she'd had feelings for a childhood friend for years. Thinking perhaps something could happen she'd told her everything. Her friend had been horrified, repulsed and told her she'd never speak to her again. Devastated it had been just a month later that she'd met Henry. She vowed never to tell him anything and she'd never had to.

Those strange feelings had gone away for four years. She didn't even think about them anymore, but now here they were again.

Sighing, Lauren tried to turn over and go to sleep, but all she could think of was Arizona. Fuck what do I do now?

-present-

"So how did you end up justify going when you already knew how you felt?" Lola asked mesmerized. "You had to know that it would change everything."

"Of course I knew, Lola, but I was drawn in like a moth to a flame. I couldn't deny it even though I tried, I had a week to back out. I didn't and everyday my feelings were more and more confused. Honestly, I can't believe I'm telling my sixteen year old niece this story" Lauren sighed. "I guess though it's all apart of the journey I took to realize who I was and what I wanted. Something you'll need to discover in your own way."

"So what happened next?" Lola asked.

"Well, I packed my bag and said goodbye to my dog and Henry. That was our last kiss goodbye, by the time I'd spent a day near Arizona. My heart couldn't betray Henry and I ended it."

Lola nodded she remembered the stir their break up had caused the gossip at Thanksgiving that year. It had been unexpected and no one could imagine why.

"Only your mother knew why I broke it off. She was extremely sympathetic and sad for me for all of us. I broke his heart and because what happened later. I decided to give up custody of our dog one of the hardest things I ever had to do."

Lola remembered that too, her aunt had been a wreck for months depressed and didn't smile. Eventually, she'd bought a kitten and that had helped a little. By the following summer her aunt had nearly been back to herself. Suddenly a thought came to her. "Did Arizona know about Henry?"

"No, I never told her, I didn't want to drag her into my own pain, but I'll explain everything honey. If you'll just give me the time?"

- A Year Ago -

Lauren hated flying, she muttered "If man was meant to fly he'd have been born with wings" under her breath. She'd just said goodbye to Henry at the gate and couldn't help but feel it would their last goodbye. When he'd kissed her what she remembered wasn't there. She was shocked and scared, but yet here she was on the plane headed to Seattle.

As the stewardess passed, she quickly asked to order a rum and coke her favorite. As soon as she had her drink she found herself able to relax. Sighing she fell asleep only to be waked by the pilot announcing their descent.

Soon enough she was checking into the W Seattle, by a friendly lady who's name tag read Dolly. After an extra long shower she was only too ready for bed. Tomorrow she knew she'd meet Dr. Avery and Arizona damn it Dr. Robbins she chastised herself. Slipping into sleep was a welcome distraction for Lauren anything not to have to worry anymore. Everything was about to change.

All too suddenly Lauren woke up to her five am wake up call. Rubbing sleep from her eyes, she realized today she would be going to Grey-Sloan Memorial Hospital. Her breath felt shallow and it felt all too hard to breath when her taxi pulled up by the front door.

I'll just go get a coffee.

She walked to the coffee cart

"Can I help you miss?" the barista said.

"Yes I'd like a medium decaf with, do you have two percent milk?"

"Sure do and what name should we put on your cup?"

"Lauren" she said "I'll just be over there" she motioned to an inside bench.

At that very moment her phone began to ring persistently. It was Henry but instead of answering it she ignored it and turned her phone off. She'd already called him when she arrived, she didn't feel like talking to anyone just then.

All too soon her name was called and she went to collect her cup when she saw another blonde taking her cup. Oh fucking hell she thought. Making a mad dash she slowed when she realized who the blonde was. Her cheeks burned and her heart was racing, stop it, relax Lauren.

Drawing a deep breath she stepped forward and said "I'm Lauren."

Arizona turned looked and confused said "Um okay Hi Lauren."

Obviously, she wasn't understanding and her look made Lauren melt. She looked so cute when she was oblivious.

"No I meant Lauren, as in Lauren on the coffee your way over sugaring." She smirked, as Arizona was totally surprised and blushed.

"Oh I...yikes I'm so sorry I didn't even look up there when I just grabbed"

"It's okay really, it's no problem" Lauren said smiling, as her confidence took over.

Just then the barista said "Here you go" slamming another coffee on the counter this one said 'Arizona.'

Without being able to help it Lauren found herself compelled to ask "This you?"

"Yeah that's me..." Arizona said her eyes following this new doctor's words mesmerized and Lauren could tell. Oh my god she's so beautiful.

"Mmmm now it's me" Lauren heard herself say, knowing full well how flirty that sounded. Blushing at her own bravado she escaped by saying "See you around I hope." Looking back she saw Arizona watching her then embarrassed being caught turning around quickly and going in the other direction.

-present-

"Wow" Lola breathed "So you liked her from the moment you met her?"

Lauren chuckled, a typical teenage question "Yes I guess you could say that. I mean I haven't even told you the hardest part of this story. The reason, of course, why I'm not with Arizona."

"Oh my god, so she was..."

"Yes, Lola my goodness close your mouth you'll let flies in. Yes she was interested in women and yes she was interested in me." Lauren said half laughing at the expression on her niece's face.

"So then why..."

"Well, honey she was married, that's why."

That's where the story ended for the moment as Lauren felt tears coming on and exhausted herself. Leaving Lola in their seats she ran to the airplane bathroom and burst into tears. She cried for the perfect moments she'd shared with Arizona. She cried for her own stupidity and for a heart Arizona could never have loved.

Lola for her part couldn't stop mulling over everything she'd been told. Her aunt had fallen for a woman and doubly tough that woman had been married. It was no wonder she'd ended it with Henry when she'd been so confused. She recalled that when her aunt came back she refused to try again. Henry begged for a second chance but she wouldn't give it. Now it all made sense.

It was a long while before Lauren returned to their seats and thankfully Lola had fallen asleep. It was only 8:45 their flight didn't arrive until 10:53. Unfortunately, there was still time for her to wake back up.

At 9:30, Lola stretched and looked around to see her aunt had returned. "Aunt Lauren" she whispered softly touching her.

Lauren had been reading a book and looked up sighing. She knew this moment would come.

"You want to know what happened next don't you?"

Lola nodded "I'm sorry."

"It's okay maybe talking about it will make me feel better." She didn't really believe that for a moment but she sympathized with Lola. She remembered how hard it had been coming to terms with her being a lesbian. It had ripped apart a relationship she'd thought would be forever.

Sighing again she said "So Arizona and I saw each other often. We were working together after all, she was so funny, smart, creative, sassy and beautiful. I found myself flirting with her at every turn. It was on that first night that I confirmed that she was married. I mean I was engaged but while I was in Seattle I didn't wear my ring. No one had any idea. I was as good as cheating by just wishing I could kiss this beautiful, amazing, wonderful women."

"So you left Henry?"

"Yes, I called him and broke it off. I felt guilty and that he deserved better but I couldn't give him anymore. I needed a clean break and right away. He was so upset and angry with me he said I'd never see Macy again. I never imagined he'd be that vindictive. It nearly destroyed me it took all my strength not to take it back. But I knew I couldn't I knew it wasn't meant to be."

"Then what happened?"

"Well Arizona told me everything she could think of to keep me at bay. At first I was flirting just to learn who and what I wanted. Then when she started flirting back it took on a different meaning. Secret looks in the ER even in front of her own wife. I've never felt worse or more alive then I did for those short days in Seattle with her."

"Did you tell her how you felt?"

"What would there have been to say, like I already said she was married."

"But did she liked you back?"

"Yes oh my god!"

- A Year Ago-

Lauren couldn't believe Arizona had actually showed her into an on-call room. She'd fully known her intentions and she was pretty sure Arizona did too. Yet married or not her she was as the lights went out and their world was plunged into utter darkness. Lightening lit up her face and Lauren couldn't stop herself though she heard a voice screaming NO.

She kissed Arizona like she'd never kissed another soul. As she filled it with her own desire and felt Arizona kiss her back, thunder drowned their moans. Never before or since did Lauren feel that wanted then by this beautiful blonde woman. Though all too suddenly the lights flashed back on as the back up generator took control.

A confused and startled Arizona stood in front of her "I can't" she said."I can't" she looked utterly horrified. Lauren felt her heart wrenching for what she had done.

Turning away Arizona said "It was a pleasure meeting you."

"Arizona" wait oh my gosh please.

Yet without, saying please stay Arizona stood facing the door her hand on the handle.

Lauren found her words pouring without a thought "You are allowed to lose a little bit of control."

She hadn't thought it would change a thing. She'd simply had to say it was okay to take back your life. She was blushing and her heart was racing with lust and confusion. Yet she didn't show any doubt as Arizona locked the door and came back to her. Kissing her like their lives depended on it and maybe they did.

Her last thought was this is going to change everything, I'm changing everything.

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