Disclaimer: Naruto is not owned my myself, this is a non profit work made only for the enjoyment of the
Author, and hopefuly the readers.
Warning: Coarse language, refrences to violence and eventual character death.
This shall be the story of an ANBU operative, right in the thick of things, as it were.
It will be in a journal format, dealing with the feelings, thoughts, inner doubts of a man
who should have lived peacefully and well, being forced to kill or be killed on a day to
day basis. My skills at literature are poor, fair warning to all. In any case, on with it
before i chicken out and go back to reading fanfiction again (as opposed to writing it).
24/8/2008 - Konoha village, below hokage tower.
Well, I am not sure if to start with "dear diary", or some such crap. I suppose a recount
of the day is expected. Today I 'graduated' unofficially from the ranks of shinobi, trained
killers who do the undersireably violent jobs for individuals and places with the money
to pay them, to ANBU, the elite version of the same.
Dont quite know how to feel, this means more trust, higher paid missions and the possibility
of solo work, much safer for me as it is.
On the other hand - might have to kill this time, even after all the times ive managed to avoid
it. They told me, quietly after the little ceremony with ibiki, some seniors and the hokage
himself, to always keep a written account of all significant things, meaning specifically
actions taken by and against myself, thoughts and all the other shit in daily life.
Not really sure why, I mean this is life now, before that there was only lonliness
and now, such pain, all I want is to... forget it I guess. But orders are orders after all,
and who knows, this little chicken-scratch filled book might actually have a use... well
best not to get too hopeful on the front.
So anyway, today: ANBU, tommorow: perhaps dead or worse. I promise Myself this though,
I will not go looking for it, will never impale myself on the enemy's spear, no matter how
easy the end would be. I Will Survive. Thats all for now, see you again when I must open
these stupid pages next, filled with sentimental garbage as they will likely become.
25/8/2008 - Konoha village, trees near training area 44.
First mission today... and already the dead begin to litter the path behind, as I now truly
realise they will the one ahead. I killed her, so easily, casually even though it was
a simple move... the Kage bunshin, an energy filled thinking me as much a part of my will
as my pinky finger, leapt and crushed her windpipe with an open-handed chop.
They warned me when i learnt the move, that it could easily be fatal, but I always knew just how
hard to hit to cut off the air flow long enough to render one unconcious, yet this time
I failed. It was only a little, easy mission to start my career off, they said, those cold
faced basterds in the breifing room. Finally I realise that they are as cold inside
as out, chilled permanently by the lingering essences of those they have slaughtered
in the name of duty...
Dont know if i can continue doing this shit, yet due to my ... little problem they
will not let me go back to the regular troops, nor will they accept that I cannot learn
more powerful and dangerous moves, fuckers know as well as I that there are no limits
in that department at least for me... no it looks like the only way is staring right
into my eyes.
That doesnt mean I have to like it, or ... kill any more that I absolutely must,
It is a sick thing to do, the ultimate deprivation of another living, breathing thinking
yet most of all feeling human being. They feel the pain... just as I do every day, as they
fall. Yes, Ill do this, but the day I come to enjoy or even accept it, I shall leap off
the kage tower and Not Kage Bunshin on the way down... consquences for the bloody
village be dammed! Later 'diary', I am starting to dislike you as much as the Hokage,
always with that stupid little grin on his face when he looks at me out of the corner of
his eye, as if I would not notice... Bah, enough time spent awake today.
30/8/2008 - Konoha village, below hokage tower.
Its strating to become routine now... always another mission, only ever a day or two at
most, usually solo, sometimes with backup or a partner or two, with whom I cooperate
silently, thats alawys my Fucking way isnt it, no goddamm words, after all no reason for me
to speak... not like the other 'real people'. Always the mission, the inevitable kill,
I dont even hesitate now, if the split second decision in my mind decrees that the poor
shitters have to die, I kill them, or signal the other/s with me in to the slaughter.
Funny thing is, I was wrong, the pain cannot be a punishment for past sins, Even as they die
It reamins unchanged, a roiling and churning deep inside me, burning like a raidoactive furnace set to blow
... at least that is consistant in its incosistancy. Heh heh, 'listen' to me, must be
going as fruity as that now dead Suna ninja went, right before he and his village pissed off
the much larger, stronger hidden mist village.
Im glad konoha and our outwardly cheerful kage decided to break off our alliance with Suna
then, best case scenario would have been all out war, with both sides breaking down, not
a good thing considering the hidden sound is still out there somewhere. Who would have
expected that nutter missing-nin Kabuto to take over and crush the manipulative
secret missing-nin organisation that held some strong mother fuckers, all seemingly
out for my head on a plate for some bloody reason, as if i didnt have enouygh to deal with
back then.
Ah fuckit, thats water under the bridge anyhow, it turned out allright, so I guess the
future will too, even if I have to deal with this thing for some time to come. Noticed
some of the other shinobi from the old academy class the other day, they are Chunin now,
mostly, guarding the gate like Boring Shinobi and face Bandage Face used to, before our
latest little scuffle with Iwa. Thats the hidden stone village to you, fucking
ANBU when you read this over someday and cannot remember when you wrote it, or even
your own true fucking name! ZZs are needed methinks, later auidence of one (I.E.: me).
Ok people, if anyone did read this, thats uh, more or less the style it will be taking,
a doubtful ninja trying to make his way in life, not knowing why it hurts, or is so hard,
yet he is too damm stubborn to stop. He is not a cheerful soul, as many naruto fanfic
main characters seem to be, though there is still a glimmer of the eternal soul buried under
the pain and growing cold blooded killer instinct. Ah, by the way: this is AU: alternate
Universe, the things like how old the realitve people in naruto are (if even
all of the are still alive), the relations between villages and people are very different,
sometimes drastically so, and answers will not just be handed out!
Its going to be tediously slow to glean the historical and personal information
thats different in this story compared to canon (not sure of exact meaning of that word
beyond meaning original storyline)
Did you like? totally hate? not care much one way or the other (boring as Bro?) Please
review either way, give me an idea how worthwhile it is continuing this fic, though ill
probably keep writing it anyway, to blow off steam as it were and try and plug out ideas
swirling around in my head onto something constructive, advice can only improve it, and im
sure there are ways to drastically do so, after all Im not exactly J.K. Rowling here, to
have made millions from my written work. laters!