The Adventures of Batman and Spider-Man
Chapter One: Escape From Arkham
Max stared into the vast sea of insanity that was the dining hall of Arkham Asylum. It was his first day, and Max Dillon had seen enough prison movies to know that the other inmates thought of him as a new fish, or at least they would if they weren't all doped out of their minds, and not thinking clearly anyway. But Max did not realize that; he was too terrified by the idea of being incarcerated in the notorious Arkham Asylum for the criminally insane.
Max tried to search the crowd for a friendly face, and ended up fixating on just the opposite. He just could not look away from the sinister clown face sitting next to the man who seemed to have two faces. Max's lips barely whispered, "old school super-villains." Thinking that his costumed electrical loss of control that landed him in the asylum made him a super-villain, that was where Max set his sights.
With bolster and conviction Max marched over to table of villains, totally unashamed of the shrill squeaking that his rubber suit made as he walked. Before anyone could say otherwise Max grabbed a chair and plopped himself down next to a man with large teeth, a silly smile, and a what looked like a top hat made out of torn scraps of the red jumpsuits the inmates wore. One by one each of the rogues at the table turned their heads to Max, silently demanding an explanation. Max slowly looked around, he recognized the Joker, Two-Face, and he was pretty sure the lady was Poison Ivy, then there were four more that remained a mystery to him. To Max they looked old and feeble, nothing as frightening as stories he heard from the golden age of super heroes and villains.
Max he puffed out his chest and spoke, "Oh, hi… I'm Electro and I'm a super-villain; like you guys, and I have to say, you guys are ledgends."
Max saw a coin rise and fall in Two-Face's hand, and then the deformed, melted, grey-pink, side pointed to him, "what's with the rain coat Electro?"
Two-Face's deep rasp sent shivers down Max's spine but he answered anyway, "It p-prevents me from electrocuting all of the orderlies…" Max then decided to add on, "by sheer will power."
"Are you a mutant," asked a tall thin man Max did not recognize.
Max opened his rubber mouthpiece and fidgeted with his food, "… no."
The tall thin man spoke again, "It's okay if you are; we know all about mutants."
The coin flipped again and Two-Face moved his face so that the good side faced Max, "We knew mutants before we even knew what they were. You guys remember Killer Croc right? Dumb as a stump, but I miss him." The others grunted.
Max
gave up trying to bite into an apple before saying, "No I'm not a
mutant."
"Then what are you," came a voice from behind a
book of crossword puzzles.
Max, still a little nervous said, "It was my first day on the job as an electric lineman, and I got struck by lightening, and that's how I got the, um, electricity thing. But then I kinda freaked out and one thing lead to another, and, um, I ended up being chased by Spider-Man all the way to Gotham, and he caught me and that's how I ended up here."
The Joker finally spoke in his rubbery manic voice that made Max's guts tie in knots, "Spider-Man?"
Max once heard that the Joker killed over two thousand people in his prime, he tried not to think about that as he addressed the clown to his face, "He's a super-hero in New York."
The Joker's voice suddenly became deep and sinister, "He's obviously lying; there aren't any more Super-Heroes. Someone please kill him for me. I don't feel like it right now."
Even though no one moved, Electro said as fast as he could, "s-sure there are. Spider-Man's an outlaw hero, I swear."
The Joker sat up straight, like something that was missing for a long time suddenly came back, "Tell me about this Spider-Man, Electro."
"Well, he crawls on walls, and swings on webs…"
"No, no, no, not what he does, what he's like?" The Joker leaned his head forward and smiled like he hadn't for years, "Do you think he can take a joke?" The Joker broke into hysterics displaying a full set of horrible yellow teeth. When the laughter died down the Joker stared deep into Max as if into his very soul and said, "I would like to meet this Spider-Man." Max was suddenly wishing that he sat alone. "So Electro that rubber suit doesn't look that difficult to get out of. If I can get it off of you, do you think you can get us out of here?"
Terrified, Max nodded.
"Good."
"Wait," the more grey than red haired Poison Ivy added, "I want to go too."
"And me," the tall thin man said.
"Me too," Mister crossword puzzle added, as did all of the others except Two-Face and a timid looking old bald man.
"Harv?" Joker asked.
Two-Face flipped his coin, "Maybe next time."
"Arnie?"
The timid man began to mumble, "You know I'm just a flunky, I can't go anywhere without Mister Scarface.
The Joker gripped his chin thinking. Then he reached down and pulled off his shoe and handed his sock to Arnold, "Here. Mister Socko can help you until you find another Scarface."
Arnold put the sock over his hand and made it say without using any Ps, Ms, or Bs, "You know, they really shouldn't tut all the suter-villians in grout therety together."
Overnight, Electro went from another super powered punk, to bombing down the busy streets of Gotham city in a hijacked garbage truck containing the aging, yet ever-sinister Joker, Riddler, Poison Ivy, Mad Hatter, Scarecrow, Ventriloquist, and the new-born Mister Socko. This, Max assured himself, would land him a spot in super-villain history, if the Joker didn't kill him first. Max shook his head; the Joker was just an old man with a weird look. Max was a human power plant, but then again, the Joker was nothing if not unpredictable.
"Pull in here," the Joker ordered, his dastardly voice jolting through Max's ears. Max complied and stopped in front of a cheap diner. The Joker jumped out of the truck and kicked open the front door. He scanned the diner for only a moment before he found the right middle aged blonde waitress. "Harley, daddy's back," the clown yelled across the room.
Two cups of coffee with little packets of cream and sugar, a turkey sandwich, a tuna fish sandwich, a whole load of potato chips, and two pickles hit the floor when the waitress leaped into the arms of her psychopathic former lover, squealing like a child.
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