Hey guys, just a little one shot for y'all.
I know the exact meaning of every look on your face. The way your eyebrow's raise certain ways, the way your eyes twitch, and the way that your lips quirk, can all mean different things, and I know them all. To be honest, it is one of the things in life that I am most proud of. Just the simple fact that I was able to spend enough time with you to learn these signifiers of yours. Like right now for example, I can tell that you are happy, in love, and quite nervous. I chuckle softly to myself hoping that no one notices, this is your day, what have you got to be nervous about? I watch you walking up the aisle and I can't help the smile that grows on my face. Everyone knows that I am not the type to openly smile, but you just look so beautiful that I can't stop myself. I know that you are insecure about your dress, that it isn't exactly your style, and that you wore it mostly to please your mother. That sort of thing makes me fall in love with you all over again, even on your special day you are sacrificing yourself for the happiness of others. It feels like time is in slow motion as I watch you approach the alter, and I am reminded of another time that I had seen this exact look on your face.
In a second everything in my head has come rushing to a screeching halt. I can not for the life of me even remember what it was I had been yelling at you about. All I can think about is the feeling of your lips against mine. Warm, wet and slightly chapped. I don't want it to go away. I can feel myself leaning forward, as you pull back, more than willing to follow your lips anywhere. It takes me a second to collect myself, slowly opening my eyes, fully prepared to accost you for your actions. But before I can get one word out, our eyes meet, and I see something there that I have not seen in a long time. And it makes my heart beat faster.
The memory of that moment fills me with so much emotion, I have to close my eyes, and when I open them again I realize you have reached your destination. I can see by the slight raise in your eyebrow that your nervousness is gone, and it is instead replaced by cockiness. As if to say, I made it, now its up to you to keep your end of the bargain. I love the look of such self assuredness on your face. It always manages to make me simultaneously proud, and turned on.
I have become addicted to your lips, I cannot think of a time of the day when I don't want to kiss them. They distract me from my work, from my reading, from damn near everything. So it's not a complete surprise to find myself making out with you on the couch like some love struck teenager. What is surprising is where I can feel your hands going. We haven't really discussed moving beyond the kissing stage, and your hand under my shirt, caressing my stomach, moving upwards with an obvious destination in mind; scares the hell out of me. I stop kissing you and pull back to meet your eyes. You stare back at me with such intensity, your gaze never wavering, and your hand never halting in your destination. I find comfort in your stare, and choose not to say anything, allowing you to continue. The seconds tick by and I can feel tiny puffs of your breath on my face. Finally your hand reaches the front clasp of my bra, and your deft fingers pop it open. I hold my breath. Still you stare into my eyes. I can feel the tiniest pressure of your fingertips glancing over my breast. I feel them circle slowly around my nipple, and I bite my lip. Finally your fingers move to flick and gently squeeze my nipple. The desire that shoots through my body forces me to close my eyes, and a quiet moan breaks through my closed lips. Your ministrations cease immediately, and I am devastated, wrenching my eyes open to see what had caused you to stop. I find you looking at me curiously for a moment, then your eyebrow raises, and your head tilts slightly to the left, and your fingers start their teasing again full force, leaving me to lean my head back and enjoy the ride.
I break out of my reverie as soon as I hear your voice. I don't want to miss this. I always loved when you are trying to say something romantic. You are never very eloquent with words of love, always fumbling and tripping over them. I know you get aggravated with yourself for not being able to get the words out, but I find it even more romantic. It feels like you are just so overwhelmed with emotion that words are not enough. Secretly it makes me swoon inside. I am curious if your mother insisted on helping you with your vows so that you can say them with ease, or if you will wing it, risk fumbling, for the sake of saying it directly from the heart.
One of my favorite moments of the day is mornings, right before the alarm goes off; when the sun is shining through the window, causing your hair to shine like gold.. I love taking in the expanse of your skin, love the look of you in my bed. I love how you can always sense that I am looking at you, and you wake and gaze up at me. Neither of us ever speaking, just enjoying the moment of togetherness, before the alarm goes off and our days have to start. Today though, is different when you look at me. I notice immediately. You seem worried, or upset. I try not to let my emotions get the best of me, choosing instead to wait for you to tell me what was wrong.
"Regina..."
"I uh."
"You know how much I love this..."
"And I uh..."
"Fuck, I wish I was better at this shit..."
"I just enjoy everything..."
"Well everything about spending time with you..."
"Dammit Regina, I love you ok? I love you so fucking much it drives me crazy, but its not the type of crazy I want to run from, its more like the kind of crazy I want to run to. I want more of you, and all of you, all the damn time..."
"I just love you ok?"
For a second I don't say anything, completely taken aback by your words. We haven't been at this for very long. We aren't even telling anyone about it yet. But as your words settlein my mind, I realize that I am just as gone as you are. So before that look in your eyes can become more worried, I end your suffering.
"I love you too, god help me, so much."
It turns out I am not disappointed by your vows. You made the right choice, taking it from the heart. I smile at you, looking into your eyes, soaking up all of your words. You are so in love. I can see it in your eyes, shining through every other emotion. Even if I had never memorized all of your other looks there is no way I could miss this one, you can see it all the way across the room. Or in my case, from hidden behind this door as I watch you marry someone else.
"Regina, want to come with me and the girls tonight? We are going out for a couple drinks. I think if they spent more time with you they would feel less hostile, and maybe more accepting of us"
"Please explain to me why I should care how your insipid friends feel about me. If you want to go and waste your time with them then fine, but don't expect me to be waiting up for you when you get home."
"Hey baby, I know you have been working hard, so I brought you the usual from Granny's"
"Just sit it down over there Emma, I hardly have time to eat right now."
"But I thought we could have lunch together, I feel like I haven't seen you in weeks."
"While that is hardly accurate Emma dear, considering we live together, I do not have time to cater to your insecurities. I have pressing matters to attend to, I will see you when I get home."
"Regina?"
"Regina?"
"Baby? Are you awake?"
"Hmm, What is so pressing that you felt the need to wake me up?"
"Well its June 15th, officially, since it's after midnight now."
"And why, pray tell, are you waking me up to tell me this?
"You don't know?"
"If I did know, would I be asking?"
"It's the anniversary of the first time we kissed. One year ago today, we you know...started on the path of our lives together."
"Oh for the love of... Emma we aren't 12. You woke me up for that? Go back to sleep we can discuss this in the morning."
"Hey mom, where are you?"
"I am at the office Henry, is everything ok?"
"Um yah, I was just wondering when you were going to be here?"
"Here? Where is here dear?"
"At Granny's, me you and Emma are supposed to be having dinner."
"I can't make it Henry, you guys have a good time. Oh and tell Emma to make sure she takes her shoes off at the door tonight, she tracked mud all through the house last night."
"But mom..."
"Henry, I have to go, I will be home in time to kiss you goodnight"
"Ok. Hey ah Emma, mom said she wasn't going to make it."
"That's ok kid, at least your here. And hey, that means more cake for you and me."
"Yah, Happy Birthday Emma."
"Thanks kid."
"Hello?"
"Hey Regina, just wondering if I was going to see you tonight?"
"Emma, when did you become so needy? I will be home when I get home."
"I would hardly call it needy Regina, I have fallen asleep without you for the past three months, and you have been gone when I woke up for, at least, the last two. Is it a crime to miss you?"
"Emma, I have been busy..."
"Is there someone else?"
"What? No! Of course not. And frankly I am offended that you would accuse me of that. This may be a small sleepy town, but there are still a lot of people to please. A lot of people that really don't like me, need I remind you, which makes my job increasingly harder as all of those people continue to push to show I can't do a good job."
"Yah, you're right. I am sorry, I guess I will see you later then..."
"Good night Emma."
"I love you."
-click-
"What do you mean you are leaving?"
"Regina, I can't live this way anymore."
"What way it that dear? You have me, you have our son. You don't want for nothing."
"I don't have you Regina. I haven't had you for a really long time. In fact, I'm not so sure that I ever had you. Not the way you have me. But I can't do this anymore, I can't be in a relationship where it feels like I am the only one participating. I can't live here, and sleep here every night, wondering and dreading if this is the night you tell me to leave."
"Emma, will you stop being so melodramatic."
"Fuck you Regina. I am done, is that melodramatic enough for you? You don't love me. You love yourself. You have always loved only yourself, you only enjoy things when they work on your terms. But I don't live like that. I wanted to be with you. Your partner in life. Not another one of your possessions that you can pick up, and put down whenever it's convenient."
"Fine. Go. I lived my life before you, I will certainly live after you. In fact, I think you are right Emma, I never really needed you more than I just wanted another thing to conquer."
"Good bye Regina."
-door slams-
"Emma wait..."
I gaze at the crowd as you kiss your groom. Unable to witness it, instead I see the smiling faces of all of your loved ones. All of the people that are so happy that you were able to find love again. Happy that it worked out with someone who isn't the evil queen. I'm happy too. Not for myself, no for that I am miserable. But I am happy that you found someone who deserved you. Someone who treated you the way you needed to be treated, who woke you up in the middle of the night just to kiss you. Who sent you flowers just because he passed by them and thought you would like them. Someone who made sure that you had family dinner together, and rubbed your back in that one spot that always acts up on you, after you fought that bail jumper five years ago. I'm happy that you found someone who had the courage to love you, putting you before themselves, putting you first, even if it meant putting their heart completely on the line. I'm sorry I was not that person, because I wanted to be. I watch as everyone files out behind the happy bride and groom, I notice Henry linger a little behind, glancing at the alter sadly. I wonder if he is wishing it was me that had married you, I know I am. Once everyone has left, I find myself walking towards the alter. Standing underneath the arch that is carefully woven with orchids. I close my eyes and picture how you looked a few moments ago, pretending you were saying all those words of love and adoration to me. Looking at me again, with those eyes so full of love that you once had for me. It's a wonderful feeling, as a recite all of the things that I had wanted to say to you a thousand times. Except when I open my eyes, you aren't there. You had married him, and I am standing here alone with no one to hear my vows.
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