Bella's Playlist Chapter 1: Unlove You, a twilight fanfic

Chapter One: Unlove You

I sighed as the bell finally rang. I was relieved as I walked out of the classroom, the science classroom, the classroom with the worst memories in my opinion, the one with him written all over. Thankfully, I had Jake now. He was a great boyfriend, he may not be some vampire but he was a pretty sexy werewolf, if you don't mind me thinking. I had a bigger family than ever. Leah might not be better sister than Alice but she was still there for me when I feel like an outsider and for girl night outs. Embry and Quil were great brothers and Sam was a father for the things I couldn't tell Charlie. I talked to Emily as well about things that were confusing in my life and they all supported me in everything. They let me live on the risky edge of things and have my freedom it was the best.

As I walked out of class I felt warm arms wrap around my waist and pull me closer to him. I knew immediately by the woodsy smell of his skin that it was Jacob. I smiled as he spun me around to face him. Jake's dark brown eyes were dancing and his black hair was shaggy. His blinding white smile made me feel happy and he gently pressed his lips to mine. I stood up on my tiptoes and tangled my fingers in his hair pulling him closer to me. He pulled away not letting the kiss get too heated and anyways people were beginning to stare. I blushed cherry tomato red as we walked outside.

I walked to my Chevy truck and spun around. Jake was lagging behind me talking to Quil. "Think fast!" I called throwing the keys at Jake. Immediately he looked up and caught them in his right hand with speed that was slightly too fast for a human.

He quickly said goodbye to Quil and ran over to me picking me up and swinging me over his shoulders. I laughed thrashing my arms around and struggling as he spun me around on his shoulders. "Let me go!"

He laughed. "No way! I can't believe you threw keys at me!"

"I said 'think fast'," I whined.

He put me down on the ground and I huffed as I hit it. I walked over to the other side and got in the passenger seat. I welcomed the warm air gladly, shivering slightly. Jake got in the other side and we drove down to La Push.

As soon as we reached the beach I clambered out of the Chevy and ran carefully down to the sandy shore. I ran until I reached the water and the tips of my worn out sneakers were being brushed by the salty substance. Jake was close behind me.

He took his warm big hand with my small one and we began walking down the beach. "How was your day?" He asked, smiling.

It could be better, was my immediate thought every single time he asked because I knew it was true. "Great," I said smiling. We walked down the beach and I looked at my watch. It was 3:55 and I also checked the date. I felt tears gather in my eyes when I realized the date. Seven months had passed since he left me. Seven months of hollow life, seven months of trying to unlove him, seven months of a hole in my chest which Jacob was trying so hard to stitch together, seven months of no him.

He noticed a tear slide down my cheek. "Bells? Hey sweetie, what's wrong?" He wiped the tear off my cheek. I shook my head. "Do you want to go to your meadow?" He asked. More tears spilled as he mentioned that and a sob ripped out of my chest. It used to be our meadow, mine and his.

A look of concern crossed his face as picked me up and placed him in his lap. I curled close to him, crying. I knew it was utterly unfair that Jake had to see me this way, still crying over him but I knew he would do whatever it takes to keep me alive and somewhat happy. He wrapped his warm around me. "Bella? Listen to me, do you want to go to the meadow and then you find a song to sing to me that's related to him." His voice turned cold on the last word but I knew he couldn't help it. This was how it always was. I had discovered that I had a beautiful singing voice ever since he left. I always sang about how I felt and I sang at the campfires and sometimes when we were strolling down the beach. I felt the ground vanish beneath me as he picked me up and carried me like a child back to the truck.

He sat me down in the passenger seat and we drove in silence to the meadow. When we reached the parking space he took the portable I-pod player from the back (it worked on batteries) and my I-pod. I got out unsteadily and began to hike in the now familiar direction toward the meadow. The sun was beginning to peak through the clouds above and it filtered through the green of the forest, just like the first day he brought me here.

As I entered into the meadow for a split second I thought I saw him there, lying and sparkling, casting millions of rainbows through the grassy circle. His eyes were closed but the dark circles beneath them told me that he was hungry. His tousled bronze hair was falling over his marble forehead and he seemed tense, then as the wind blew he vanished. I shook my head methodically trying to clear it. It wasn't him, I told myself. You're just going crazy. Yet he seemed so real. I scanned the area to make sure he wasn't lingering in the shadows. "What are you looking for?" Jacob asked suddenly making me jump.

"Nothing," I said quietly. I plunged the I-pod into the speakers and turned to the playlist on my I-pod which only had the music to certain songs and not the words. I scanned through it and found the one I was looking for. I put it on play and I sat down and began to sing.

"Unfair
Unreal
I wanna tell my heart it's a quick steal (It wasn't though, I thought. You left me slowly and I watched you die and then leave me so suddenly.)
That'd be one way
to unlove you

"Unjust
Unkind
That I can't you erase from my mind (Not a day passes that I don't think about you… You were so kind to me and on my side… for most things.)
That'd be another way
To unlove you

"Even though my heart
Is tellin me to stay, beggin me to stay
My self-respect is telling me
I gotta walk away, so… (I can't walk away; you're too much to forget. I don't care, I've already lost most of my sanity.)

"I'mma gonna say what I gotta say
What's done you can't undo (You can never fix my heart now, for there's nothing to fix. It's gone)
I'mma gonna break what I gotta break (I ripped my books and tore out the radio…)
Cause you were untrue (You said forever… it's not nearly as long as I thought it would be)
I'm gonna hurt (I remember drawing that knife from Jacob's kitchen cupboard and nearly slicing my skin with it before Jake stopped me)
I'm gonna cry (Every night, every day)
I'm gonna tear me up inside (Already torn with it'll be as if I never existed.)
I'mma gonna do what I gotta do
To unlove you (to unlove you) (All of the above didn't work.)

"Until
I heal
I wish that I could freeze everything I feel (I've had enough pain…)
That'd be one way
To unlove you

"Emotions
Unknown
If I could only turn me into stone (Too bad I missed my chance and you wouldn't let me)
And that'd be, another way
To unlove you

"Even though my heart
Is tellin' me to stay, beggin' me to stay
My dignity is tellin' me
I gotta walk away, so

"I'mma gonna say what I gotta say
What's done you can't undo
I'mma gonna break what I gotta break
Cause you were untrue
I'm gonna hurt
I'm gonna cry
I'm gonna tear me up inside
I'mma gonna do what I gotta do
To unlove you (to unlove you)

"I've gotta look you in the eye (…it's only a wish)
And tell the worlds the biggest lie
What choice do I have
When you hurt me so bad (Hurt isn't a strong enough word)
Wrecked everything we had (You destroyed it, brutally, slowly, and painfully)
So…

"I'mma gonna say what i gotta say
I'mma gonna do what i gotta do
To unlove you

I'm gonna hurt
I'm gonna cry
I'm gonna tear me up inside
I'mma gonna do what I gotta do,"

I took a pause before I whispered the last line in such anguish and pain, "To unlove you." Jacob had listened to me in complete silence. I scanned the area again and I could swear I felt for a second the most unnatural wind ever and the sweetest scent I had smelled in days. That was when Jacob growled behind me and jumped. I heard the ripping of clothing as he slowly began to circle around me in wolf form. I wasn't going crazy. Someone was here, one of them. I wanted to cry so badly. I fell to my knees and whispered, "Edward…" The ripped pain tore open my chest as I fell down to the grassy meadow shaking in pain. Tears were pouring down my face and sobs were violently coming out of my chest. I clutched my empty chest and curled in to a ball willing the pain to go away. It isn't normal how much I hurt. Jake's warm fur enclosed around me and I drifted off into the darkness. In that darkness I began to dream…