Swing Set
ElectricCircuslover: This was another vent I had to make yesterday. Spent most of the day crying due to depression and such. Made this story while doing so. It consists of friendship, neglect, pain, jealousy, anger, and a bit of a little bit of satire too here and there. One part I was poking fun at the people who draw on DeviantArt on how they'll be flipping patties or something petty in the future while the writers will become so much more like authors or directors. XD I always wanted to express that feeling some way or anohter. Anyways, I was straight forward on this story where as I was very elusive on what was bothering me on my previous vent stories involving Adult Shadow. Addressed the things that kepted bothering me for months. Mostly friendship and neglect. Something 'Popular Artists' will never know or understand. I also had Shadow talk a little about his family too. Using my step-dad and my father together as examples from time to time. Should see where I'm coming from when you read that part. I was so depressed yesterday, I also had suicide thoughts in the middle of the night. I wanted to act upon those thoughts so badly with what was going through my mind along with the physical and mental pain I was enduring. I would like to thank, Brian for helping me out during that time. Just so much hurt. Doing great right now, but I only just woke up too ^^;
I wanted to send this in yesterday but internet got crappy as usual and I kept finding mistakes. I wouldn't least be surprised to find more after I corrected and submitted this. Spent three hours on this story. Which is odd for a vent story because it normally takes me an hour to finish one, but I had a lot to say and I couldn't keep it inside me anymore. Though, I don't feel any better for writing it, but I can't say it didn't relieve my burdon as well. Stuff you know. And depression doesn't just end over night either. So, I guess this is the part you read what I have to say. I was quite clear on what I wanted. I didn't know how to space the large paragraphs properly sorry about that.
I ownStitchie Lee Petals, Sparkle Electra Lightning, Shadow Aaron Petals, Andy James Petals, Shade, Spring Angelina Petals, Berrie Rose Petals, Volty Electro Lightning, Destro, Carma, Mom (Shadow's doll). Use'em if you want but tell me, okay?
Bio-Cat is owned by a friend of mine from DevaintArt. Brandimuffin if your curious.
I don't own the rest of the people from Disney. Even though they failed to fill the list of Experiments before ending the show. Which took me three days to fill that list 4 years ago. Flbbbbb Disney XD
Inspiration came from Megadeth's 'Last Rite/Love to Deth' from 1985. Yes it's supposed to be 'Deth' Know your metal people. XD
Enjoy.
The sky had been darkened by the clouds that poured rain today. It was gloomy enough for the average funeral with saddening aura that held a tight grip on the island of Kauai. Winds were calm at least, but it didn't give much of a positive effect the weather had provided.
The park stood empty with only a teenage Shadow in a tux and fancy shoes, clenching his doll of his mother in his paws. Depression had him in a grip and the more the rain hit him, the feeling became more real and painful to him.
Shadow cried, which wasn't blood for a change, due to his mutation problem dealing the 'Bleeding Eye Effect,' and Jumba subscribing the pills to subdue the mutations from one of his experiments on Shadow in the past.
Tears of crystal blue mixing with the rain that soaked his tuxedo and doll he held on to tightly became part of Shadow. You couldn't tell if his eyes were bloodshot from crying due to his bright red eyes, but by looking at how soaked he was there was a chance Shadow sat outside for a long period of time.
"So, this is how it feels to be truly alone…" Shadow cried, staring at his doll, then at the empty park, and then back to his doll he cherished to Death, "I didn't think friendship would end so quickly at this swing set. This place used to be a gathering of the people, who were my friends but vanished, that vanished with each swing over the course of time. I valued them so much before each one of them disappeared through time and their own popularity. They became one with the crowd as I sit by myself in the cold, gloomy, swing set with only a doll my mother made me to keep my company now. So this is how friendship and love really is? Or was I just a bad friend with a pessimistic attitude towards life and to myself? It doesn't matter anymore now that they're gone with only me to fill the seat. I tried to help them, some were grateful, and some took advantage of me, starting with the people I loved most down to the people I wanted to be friends with," he took a deep breath, choking on the words he had said.
"I had many friends but they would swing further back and forth than me. I never liked reaching such heights because I always feared of falling off. But they continued to do so as they drifted further away from me. It was sad knowing that the people I helped most and formed the strongest bonds with were the first to go. It was either being betrayed like Sparkle or vanishing in the crowd such as Bio-Cat, who I have no anger nor hate to deal with, but loss instead. Not because I feel the friendship is done and over with, but a feeling of being forgotten which comes to no surprise to me as popularity becomes dominant. Oh well, it won't matter anymore as I only have a few hours left to attend a funeral of a dear friend of mine. One closer than all who knew me, and is the oldest of friends I had as well. In the end, or during, which feels more like it, I only feel guilt along side of regret. I feel guilt because there's that natural feeling I wasn't doing enough for him, or to better the life he had. I have unlimited power, but it doesn't mean anything without the words of a true friend. To me, the words I wanted to say never came out like I wanted. It was like I was making things worse intentionally when in fact, I just scraped together words that I thought were good, but harmful instead. I feel it was my fault he killed himself and with that comes regret. I regret knowing him or meeting face to face. Even wishing I wasn't born so things would be better. It doesn't matter anymore. But, I don't just cry for him, I cry for all the friends that slowly vanished from my life, or even disappearing now with little to no warning signs. Maybe it's time to move on and forget what this swing set meant to me. The start and end with this swing set being the teeter-totter of my life," Shadow sighed with a yawn in the midst.
"Alas, the words I just said will not be successful. The things on my mind don't just leave peacefully. If they did, I would be a better person. But I've let depression get the best of me and now it feels like I became a persona of complete pain to others. The real question is…have I really become that person or is it the overwhelming guilt saying that? The question feels ominous and suffocating at the same time. Perhaps this swing set has more to do with my emotions than I allow. It raises questions that I feel are unanswerable but when in fact I fear of answering wrong. Meaning, there's always an answer but I choose to not answer them due to fear of the wrong answers. As I say this, I also feel my words are entangled in a knot I can't untie. Hmmm, I fear I confused myself with all these sentences," Shadow chuckled, still staring at his doll, "Mom would've been able to answer what I just questioned myself or was it really an question towards the answer I just made? Gaaahh, too much in my head right now! I can't even talk right with all I'm feeling," he took another deep breath and started to change the subject before getting too irritated.
"So…What do I know that I'm totally alone?" Shadow asked his doll, which sat in his hands, soaked by rain, "I wish you could talk but knowing my luck, I'm going to screw up and blow up a planet or something if I try it. The last thing I need is more trouble. Still, it would be nice to talk to someone. Yeah…But all I have is you and me. No one else but this doll and stupid person like me. The feeling of friendship feels nonexistent to me anymore. I'm just a 'nobody' who can write. If I could draw then people would take notice, but the world is small and illiterate. It's like everyone went primal, relying solely on cave drawings over a story by Edgar Allen Poe. Such ill forgotten humor that can never be expressed to people properly by writing but is substituted with a simple picture instead. Look, I drew a crappy circle. It's supposed to be a sad sun with clouds blocking the light shining down to the people. People can only understand the symbolism by drawing now. Yeah, the next few years everyone's forgotten how to read and the human bible will be only a picture book," Shadow laughed, "Such mockery is only fun when it's by myself. Other's take it too far and start fights or detour me away from such thoughts. They can bask in the glory while they can but I'm going to be an author, or person who writes for magazines, or even a director in the future, or so I hoped. What will the drawers be in the future? Flipping patties, custodial work, waiters or waitresses, or even garbage men and it all starts with this swing set. Achieving high altitude with glory to fallow it and sliding against rock bottom in depression in the end. But…I'm being jealous too and jealousy will only cause more harm. At least I'm not out to cause harm to others like Stitchie did to me. Beating me up out of jealously and impregnating my girlfriend, who cheated on me during the relationship with I, Shadow Aaron Petals. Look at me, this isn't me at all. I feel very selfish now with everything I said. Things work because they depend on the people who want to make it work. At least I had a family to read my writings too…Or thought I used to have a family before they slowly faded away from the swing set," Shadow began to cry some more.
"Stitchie, Andy, and I had the tightest bond in the family, other than mom which seems natural I guess. This swing set stood out from the rest of the park. This particular place was the center of gossip, planning pranks on school teachers and my older sister, Spring, and our arguments about metal bands and such, no surprise right? The big picture was the bond fading as we were swinging. Andy and Stitchie always went higher than me, only because I was afraid to fall off. Stitchie ended up getting a girlfriend, who was mine, and Andy started becoming more friendly to Carma, who was Chopsuey and Carmon's daughter. As they swung higher, I was becoming less noticeable while they played in carefree joy. Of course, Stitchie called me a wimp for not following the lead my older brother's had on the swings, but the fear of changing to different heights stopped me. Therefore, I appeared weak to Stitchie and Sparkle and that's why I lost the ones I love. They bond faded away when they hit the bottom and left me behind on the swings. Boasting about their girlfriends and relationships and whatnot. So, it wasn't my friends that vanished too, it was also my family too. Dad hated me, often wished I wasn't born, Stitchie and Andy had girlfriends they attended too. Spring hung around Destro a lot, another child from Chopsuey and Carmon, and Berrie became very intimate with Volty, Sparky and Thundra's daughter…Did I say daughter? It's funny because he is so timid and scared all the time. He reminds me of me when I was little. I can't believe he would get my sister, do I dare say it…? With great looks like Berrie. She would either blush or hit me," Shadow laughed, "It's kinda funny really. A tomboy like her falling for a wimp like Volt? The world's gotta end soon or something," he laughed harder.
"It makes me wonder though. I'm not too far off from Volty. Ever since the separation of Shade and I, it's left me a bit troubled. I used to be proud, respected, and wasn't afraid to get in a fight. Now that Shade is gone, I became like a skittish kitten. I guess the reason why I bonded with my mother most of all because she was the only one who could understand me. I stood out from the rest of my sixteen some siblings, because I was more like the runt of the family. The 'baby' and it makes me sick when I think about it because I'm a teenager now. I'm seventeen years old and I fall under the category of runt still. I blame myself when others say differently or believe I'm too hard on myself. But I'm a male, I'm supposed to be control my life like an adult and not like a small child with a sippy cup. It's not a pleasant feeling knowing, or at least feel like your knowing that others look down on you for sounding like a child, when the awful truth is a child stuck in a near adult body. Dad tried pushing me to become like my brothers, strong, cunning, and sweet with the ladies. That last part always makes me chuckle inside. But, I never rose up to his expectations like he wanted me too. I was a pacifist and didn't want to fight, but he frowned upon me and gave up. That bond between father and son, or I thought he was my father anyways, faded away. Which would lead back to the swing set again. My main question is how would he be part of that swing set if he hated me from birth, even trying to kill me after mom gave birth to me. I guess it was the false relationship that went up and down until the seed finally emerged into the weed it truly was. So I guess the question lies with you, Mom. Was the feeling real like the swing set I sit in right now or was it a sham?" Shadow asked his doll, getting no reply.
"The silence speaks louder than the fake 'I Love Yous' from my false father. So I guess I should apologize to Volty now. Calling him a wimp was inaccurate I guess, well not far from where I stand, but he fights and doesn't let things get to him, like I do. So even he is stronger than me which is quite pathetic from my point of view. So for that, I'm sorry Volty, you may be a wimp, but I'm a bigger wimp than you," he laughed again, "There's my apology. It's funny how my mood changes. Well, it's not funny but you get the point, Mom. It seems odd to be honest. To go from complete sadness, to the feeling of neglect, to anger, to this and that, and still squeeze a few laughs during the whole moment. In the end, I feel deep selfishness for what I said during this whole conversation with you Mom. It's funny because you're not really mom, but a doll made my mother that I just call 'Mom.' Is it irony or I'm too attached to my own mother? She would be the second to last person to fade away from this swing set, but she did too. It's not her fault really. A lot of kids and only one mother with three different dads for those kids who are Stitch, Yaarp, and Kix, along with a son who was adopted and turned into an experiment, by your's truly. You know how hard it was to get him to be our size? My god, William was larger than the house in his species and he was only ten years old. It took a whole day to get him to by our size. Like me, he doesn't have a form of immortality like my family. We die, we're gone for good. Jumba can't put me out of a 'shutdown' because I actually don't qualify as a B-X but I was birthed by an experiment. I never understood the difference between that and my family. It's something that always eluded me, but I guess it's fate for being a fake experiment verses a family of experiments," Shadow sighed, but squeezed in a smile.
"So the conclusion is, I'm the last to fade away from the swing set. First comes friends, then comes family, and then comes me in a casket a parody of a first comes love, blah, blah, blah kind of deal. This is it. All my friends are gone. My family is gone. Now it's time the closest friend to me has to be gone too. Okay, Mom, let's see those faded friends and family members who actually cared to show to my funeral. When they could not come to me at this one particular swing set. Even though, it's raining and I'm drenched in water from not of the rain, but the drowning of myself, I'm still going to smile and remember the good things that happened to me," he smiled, setting the doll on the swing, "Farewell, Mom. I'll always love you…" Shadow vanished.
After vanishing, the doll's fake appearance disappeared too, revealing teeth marks from the more aggressive fish in the water of Kauai who thought it was food