"You can't keep doing this, Irvine!" Her face was contorted with the expulsion of the many feelings that she had tucked away in the time that he had been gone. Tears streamed down her red cheeks, but they weren't tears of only sadness. They were tears of abandonment, fear and desolation. He had left her in her time of need and left her to face life on her own. And since they had been together, she had grown dependent on him. And he had left her to fend for herself.
He groaned again and pulled his hat down over his eyes, his stomach twisting and writhing into a sickening knot that nearly had him doubled over. What was he to do? Before he had met her he was confident – nearly to the point of arrogance – and was so sure of everything. But now, he couldn't be so unsure of anything, especially when it came to his feelings for her.
She fell to her knees at his feet, her emerald eyes wide and glittering with tears. She reached for his hands but he pulled them out of her grasp, stunning her momentarily. "Irvy… Please... Say something…" The silence was screaming out to her, blinding her, deafening her, slowly drowning her. The silence said more than words could. When he said nothing she turned her eyes down to her midriff, and rested her hands on the small bump that protruded from her thin cotton tee.
She hadn't meant to fall in love with him. She hadn't meant to fall into bed with him. She hadn't meant to drive him away with the news of the baby. After all, it had been the first time they had even physically been together. It had been a shock to the both of them when they had gotten physical. They were like school children again, both with a secret crush, their cheeks burning with embarrassment when their gazes ever met. But their gazes scarcely ever met once she broke the news to him that she was two weeks late. And two weeks pregnant.
The news of her pregnancy spread like wildfire, and this served to further flame Irvine's confusion. They hadn't been together long enough. True, he adored her, he cared for her, but did he know her well enough to love her? Much less spend the rest of his life with her? Never had he had so many doubts about one person, one choice.
And Selphie, poor, naïve Selphie, she thought that everything could and would be as easy as sunshine and roses. She assumed that they would both work harder, or just hard enough to provide a comfortable life for the baby, that her and Irvine would be together and be in love and be happy. She soon learned the true nature of the matter.
She had awoken in the middle of the night and rushed to the bathroom, barely making it to the toilet as the vomit burned and scorched her throat. She was a month into the pregnancy and the "morning" sickness was hitting her hard – all throughout the day, not just in the morning. She found that her nights grew more and more restless and that she was very moody and sick. She sat on her knees, hunched over the toilet, crying and sweating. Finally the sickness faded away and she rinsed her mouth and face.
She stumbled back to bed, her hand subconsciously resting on her little stomach. Right before she sank back beneath the sheets she realized something was missing: Irvine. First she ignored the fact that he was gone, shrugging it off. He was probably in the kitchen or the living room. But as the neon lights of the alarm clock slowly ticked away the time, Selphie grew anxious. She struggled out from beneath the blankets and stumbled into the kitchen. No Irvine.
Selphie's emerald eyes filled with alarm and scanned the apartment. That's when she realized that he wasn't just gone from the dorm they shared. He was gone for good. His every possession had disappeared. She remembered falling into shock. She merely flicked off the lights and slipped back beneath the sheets and buried her head into her goose-down pillow. Then as the minutes turned to hours, the tears began to slip from her eyes and stain her pillowcase.
"Irvine, just please tell me." She climbed back to her feet and looked deep into his emerald eyes. He looked away from her, or tried to. He found that his eyes came back to her innocent young face. He cared so much for her, whether it was love or not, and it killed him so much to see her hurting so bad.
"What Seffie?"
"Do you love me?"
His silence screamed out to her.