Mistake
Why?
Why do they hate me? Did I do something wrong?
They don't treat anyone else like this, not even the grown-ups that they don't like that much. Was it really that bad?
What did I do to deserve their hatred?
I try to be a good boy. I try to work hard, but then they don't seem to like that. I know I'm not good enough, but I don't want to bother them. ANBU-san, the one who always changes his mask and hair, he doesn't seem to like me much either. He always says he'll do something with me tomorrow, but then he forgets.
They don't touch me, ever. Sometimes I think some of them want to hit me, but they stay away and whisper to each other. Then they glare and call me a monster. I don't know why.
When they don't glare at me, they're looking the other way. They pretend I'm not there, and I think they'd like that. Maybe if I was gone, they would be happy? But then I think Sandaime Hokage-san would be sad. But he looks sad when he talks to me too, so maybe he'd also be happier if I disappeared.
But I don't want to leave. This place is home, the only home I know. But I don't want to be selfish, either.
I guess, it would be better for everyone else to be happy than for me to be sort-of okay. But… it hurts. Besides, I don't know what anywhere else is like. It could be worse! And I wouldn't know anybody. I wouldn't know who wouldn't let me buy stuff at their shop, and who would give me the best stuff. And… I'm scared. I don't want to leave.
I don't want to give up. Maybe it will get better, right? I'll even work for that if I have to. I'll make them happy, I'll protect them all from the bad guys, and then maybe they'll smile at me sometimes and let me play with them.
I want to, but I don't know how.
I'm kind of scared to ask. I tried to ask the masked ANBU guy, but he just said he'll tell me tomorrow. I don't think he will.
I don't know why. I wish they would tell me. If I ask someone, though, they might get mad, and I don't want them to not like me even more.
I… I wonder what they would say. What could I do, if they told me?
Maybe I'm from another village, and they never told me? I don't think I ever saw anyone that looks like me, except the Yondaime, but I'm probably just imagining it. We probably don't have the same hair or eye colour, so he can't have anything to do with me. But then, why wouldn't I be in my own village? Why would they even let me stay, if they don't like me? They don't have to, especially if I'm from an enemy village. I don't know why they would look at me like that otherwise.
It could be my mom or dad. I never knew either of them, so maybe they were executed or something for doing something wrong. They might have run away, but then I think – I hope – that they would have brought me with them. That could explain why they call me a monster, I think, since they think I'll do bad things too. But I won't! I can promise them, if they ask.
That can't be right, though. I don't have any super special secret power, so if that was true they wouldn't be scared to hurt me, unless the Sandaime Hokage said so. I'd like to think he would, since he looks nice and I think he cares about everyone, even me. Maybe.
When they look at me, it's like they see me as something else, so I guess I could be right.
But, I don't think so. I don't think they could really blame me for something my parents did, not all of them. At least some of them have to be good people, right? Some people dislike me less than others, but that's not the same, because they're not actually being nice.
So maybe it's me?
I don't remember what I did. It has to be really bad, not just a minor prank or something. Maybe I accidentally killed someone somehow, or hurt them. But can't they forgive me? I know it would have to be less than a few years ago, but couldn't someone tell me that I've done something bad, but it's okay because they can move on?
Or, if they can't, couldn't they at least help me fix it?
I guess not. If I did something wrong, I'll have to fix it on my own, right? I have to earn their forgiveness.
I hope they'll accept my apology, when I make one. I won't ask, because I've heard that actions speak louder than words. So I'll just work hard and do my best, and every thing I do will be a silent apology. When they accept it, it doesn't have to be out loud, either. I think a smile would work just fine.
I wish they would tell me what they don't like about me. If they did, I could try to fix it, right?
If I made them sad, would making them laugh make it up to them?
If I hurt someone, could I make it up for them by protecting them?
And maybe if I killed someone, would my life be an even trade?
Betaed by NaiteShyde.