"REMNANTS"
At night I sit in silence, harshly bathed in midnight's glow,
Steeped in clouds of anger while the shadows ebb and flow.
I hunch within this big black chair and bow my head in shame.
Another day has ended and I've played my foolish game.
I've done my clinic duty, senses locked in stubborn pride.
Aloof …
Apart from others, nurse my leg pain; justified!
In a grim hotel a friend sits like a prisoner in a cell,
The thoughts I hold apart from him, I've not the grace to tell.
I steel myself; deny a truth I cannot quite disguise
Each time I hear his teasing words or meet his smiling eyes.
I stiffen at my desk and feel the effort take its toll,
And I clench with inner tension as I fight the breeched control.
Tomorrow I resume the mask and greet another day,
One more coward's compromise and one more price to pay.
I can't reveal the fear in me; control must be complete.
To lose this constant vigilance would bring my soul's defeat.
My heart decries the solitude, but I dare not let it show.
My whetted tongue is a lancer's blade … wherever I might go!
Another day is ended and again night comes around.
I escape once more to break the spell on my private, hallowed ground.
Still I feel the surge within, defying primal chains,
And within its throes I weaken 'til I'm unsure what remains …
Resolution banks the inner fire, but only for a while.
Emotion fills my mind with guilt I cannot reconcile.
Again I wait in darkness, just as countless nights before.
But the heart within me quickens at the click of the office door.
I rise with limbs atremble, the pain seeking quick release,
And I curl my fist in fierce control, but the tremors will not cease.
Before me stands my caring friend with his warm and friendly grin.
I shudder as he says to me: "House … where have you been?"
What can I say? I stand aside and he steps beyond my door
While I find a spot of interest to study on the floor.
He says I've had him worried.
"House … is something wrong? I'm going to stop for a beer tonight.
"Why don't you ride along?"
I lift my eyes to study him; perhaps I comprehend
His desire to share my burden and be more than just a friend!
In formal stance I grip the cane, clench that fist behind my back.
I know his love could mean as much as the Vicodin in my pack.
The surge I'd felt within my heart is taunting me again,
And we both begin to realize we're not like other men.
My courage falters further and my shoulders turn to wood.
I lift my head and meet his gaze, and tell him:
"Yeah … sounds good."
I see a sparkle light his eyes as he turns back toward the door.
His gift is like a lifeline … and maybe something more?
I stare at the spot where he had stood … with hopes I can't suppress,
And wonder if I've found an end to these years of loneliness.
Tonight I sit in silent joy, awash in the pale moon's glow,
Holding back emotion, which I still don't dare let show.
It seems I've found a truth at last and it fits me like a glove,
Opening a path I've longed to tread, paved with friendship, trust and love.
Oh God … which is worse?
Needing him?
Or denying vague remnants of a cripple's curse?
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