Icha Icha Interview!
Jiraiya strolled into the cramped, filthy little house. He had been here before, and it certainly didn't look any better than last time. "Naruto? I'm here now! Where are you guys?" He walked down the narrow hallway, until he could hear the voices of the young ninja he had come to love. Team 7, the craziest, yet most successful cell in their generation. Sakura, the student of the 5th Hokage, Naruto, bearer of the Kyuubi, and Sasuke, the sole survivor of the Uchiha slayings. Although Sasuke had fallen into the hands of Orochimaru, which had brought his teammates as well as all of Konoha in a state of depression. Jiraiya opened the door and walked in to Naruto's kitchen, shaking the disturbing thoughts out of his mind.
"Hey, pervy sage! What is this interview thing about, anyways?" His cocky little apprentice asked.
"Ha ha! That's a good question! Well, you see, I'm starting this new book in the series-"
"OH, NO. No, Jiraiya, I am NOT doing this! Let me guess, Icha Icha? A new sequel? Come on, you're too predictable!" Naruto droned annoyingly.
"Well, yes… but I really need for you to do this! Please?" Jiraiya tried his best to sound convincing.
"Oh, alright, fine. But I'm only doing this to get you out of my hair!" Sakura sighed in defeat.
"Ha ha, I knew I could count on you guys! Alright, first things first… Welcome to my Konoha Ninja Interview! Here we will cover interesting interviews about all the mini people! A.K.A… Team 7, 8, 9, 10 and even the most successful Team of the nearby village, Suna. We will start with Team 7 today."
"Pervy sage! We're all practically JONIN now! We're not MINI PEOPLE anymore!" Naruto whined.
"Not YOU, Naruto, you're not even Chuunin yet." Sakura retorted.
"Well… you're still little to me, you know, I'm almost fif-"
"EW! Ew. Seriously, we don't want to hear it." She squealed rudely.
"What a sharp tongue, Sakura… tell me, why have you never used it on Sasuke?"
"Wha-What kind of question is that?" She stared at him, blushing furiously.
"What? Haven't you heard? Sasuke loves girls who pick on him." Jiraiya replied slyly.
"What? Y-you mean… he hates me because I… I'm nice to him?!" Sakura sobbed.
"You know, Sakura, I like girls who are nice to me…" Naruto winked at Sakura. Suddenly, Hinata burst into the room, with a crazed look in her eyes. Foam bubbled from the corners of her mouth. She dumped a pile of gifts on to him, and seemed to be mumbling words of encouragement and adoration. As Jiraiya and Sakura stared at her in disbelief, she crawled back out the door.
"Ahem… well… so anyways… uh…. If you're still among the living, Naruto, how long have you felt for Sakura?" Jiraiya questioned the pile of presents that used to be Naruto.
"Whatever you say, I'm still not giving up on Sasuke! I don't like you one bit Naruto!" Sakura said stubbornly.
Nothing but silence replied.
"Naruto? Narutoooo!? Oh… oh God… Oh God God God, Naruto! Speak to me! ANYTHING! PLEASE, NARUTOOOO!" Sakura dove into the sea of Hinata presents, grabbing Naruto and shaking him violently. "NARUTO! NARUTOOO! NOOOO! He's not breathing! Must… mouth to mouth… heh heh… that's it! She held him in her arms kissed him passionately (or resuscitated him, if you prefer thinking that way). Jiraiya merely stared, wide-eyed, and frantically documented all that was happening. After he regained a sane mental state, he choked out,
"So… you don't like Naruto one bit, eh?" Just then Naruto opened his eyes.
"Naruto! Oh, thank goodne-" She realized she was showing affection and dropped him suddenly, with a loud THUD.
"Wow, Saku-chan… you're a good kisser… how 'bout some more?" He stood up and walked towards her.
"NARUTOOOO! YOU JERK! You tricked me! This'll ruin my reputation! NOOOO! It's not MY fault I'm hopelessly in love with a jerk who pretends to be suffocating just so that I give him mouth to mouth! (Or a kiss… alternately.) She screamed and sank to the ground, sobbing.
"Sakura? You're in LOVE with me? Well what a coinciden-"
"Well, I guess he does have a p**** after all…" Sai said blankly.
"Sai, I'll kick your-" Naruto began.
"Woah, Sai, I didn't even notice you there… you've been very quiet… so do you support NaruSaku or NaruHina my friend?" Jiraiya asked, jotting notes frantically in his booklet.
"Hmmm…. Neither."
"Why not?"
"Naruto and Sasuke were meant for each other. Two idiots, both gay, both spaz freaks with no nards… (and then Sakura will be miiiiiiine.) Sai stared blankly at Jiraiya, which made him immensely uncomfortable.
"Well, thanks for this… heh heh… I'd better go now…" So Jiraiya left the scene behind him, Naruto and Sakura kissing passionately up against the wall, Sai creepily staring at them, straight faced as he did so.
And Jiraiya continued his quest for the perfect interview. Next on his list was Team 8... But first he had some business to attend to…