Last words

Spike leaned back against the headstone. His beaten and broken body throbbing painfully as he stared up at the night sky. Blue eyes filled with pain that went far beyond the physical. His blond hair was streaked with the reddish black of drying blood.

He was so tired of this. He was so tired of getting beaten and hurt when all he wanted was to take Buffy into his arms until the pain stopped and she could breathe again. He couldn't stay here anymore. If he stayed he was going to dust.

Spike looked to the side to the blackened mess that was his crypt. There was nothing left here. Not anymore. Even Dawn didn't have time for him anymore. Finally having found her own place in life. A place away from the darkness he was forced to live in.

With a sigh he took out pen and paper and wrote a short note. Removing his cigarettes and wallet from his coat he put the folded piece of paper into one of the pockets. With his last bit of energy he took of the coat and placed it in the crypt. He hoped Dawn would forgive him although he knew that was unlikely. To many people had left her already.

Spike looked to the east. The sun was already starting to light up the sky. For a moment he was tempted to just stand there. Wait for the dawn to take him and blow him away. He wouldn't have to worry anymore. He wouldn't have to hurt anymore.

With his last bit of energy and resolve he pulled himself away from the sight and moved to the car. Getting in he just sat there for a moment, letting everything sink in. He was really doing this, he was really leaving. Something he had promised himself he would never do. He almost couldn't believe it himself.

Feeling completely numb he slowly turned the ignition. He felt detached from everything, empty. Like he didn't exist. He turned his eyes to the road. Eyes that had always sparkled with vitality. Eyes that now looked empty, dead. He placed his hand on the wheel and drove off. Houses blurring together in a way that had nothing to do with speed. He barely recognized the 'now leaving Sunnydale' sign. When he passed it.

Dawn slowly sneaked into the crypt, feeling slightly guilty for not going to see her friend sooner. Normally she would drop by for a little bit, before or after school but lately she had been caught up with her friends.

She gasped as she saw the state his crypt was in. The couch was a smoldering pile of blackened wood. His tv smashed into a thousand pieces. Even the stone was blackened and had crumbled in some places. She cautiously picked up the leather coat noting that it was relatively undamaged.

"Spike." She moved to where the trap door had been. It was blasted clean off and the ladder was gone as well. "Spike." She called again. Slightly louder this time. He should be here. He would never leave his coat behind. "Spike." Her voice was slightly panicked now. She checked the coat pockets for some clue as to where he could be and came across a small note.

Niblett,

I hope you're reading this. I know you'll probably hate me for this but I can't stay.

I promised that I wouldn't leave you. I promised that I wouldn't be like the others. I promised I would never do anything to hurt you. Seems like I have to break those promises pet. Just now that I never meant for it to come to this.

As much as I love you I can't stay. Cause if I stay I'm going to dust. This place is killing me. And as much I want to always be there for you I can't bear this anymore. Not even for you. I've held out as long as I could, given as much I could but there is nothing left to give.

I leave this coat for you. It saw me through some rough times and I hope it will help you. You're tough bit, even when you don't feel like it you are one of the toughest people I've seen. You'll make it. I'm sorry I won't be there to see it.

Love,

Spike

She gave a chocked sob, tears falling on the note in her hand and smudging the ink. He was really gone. She couldn't believe it. He wouldn't leave. He wouldn't leave her. 'Not unless someone made him.' A voice in the back of her mind whispered quietly. There was only one answer. Buffy.