Merlin looked over at Arthur as Gwen entered the room. They were now happily married and the rulers of Camelot. He sighed, his heart breaking into pieces, bit by bit.

He didn't understand why it was now that he realized his feelings for Arthur. Maybe because he was taken? Well, that doesn't make a difference, thought Merlin. He's the bloody king of Camelot. It's not like I had a chance in the first place. Plus, he fancies women. Gwen is proof of that.

Still, it was painful to see Gwen and Arthur romancing. He was glad that his two best friends were happy, yet he wasn't glad that they were happy together.

He watched as Arthur kissed Gwen, his heart aching. He didn't even know why he had to love another man! It didn't seem right. Not to this new religion, at least. But, Gaius told him once that during the times of the Old Religion, love was love. A man could love another man, or a woman if he so chose. It didn't matter who you were in love with as long as you were happy.

"What are you staring at, Merlin?" Merlin jumped and turned to Arthur, who was giving him a strange look. "Haven't you seen two people kiss before?"

"I-sorry, sire…" Merlin said, colour spreading across his cheeks and down his neck, and his ears became hot as well. "I-I'll just be going now…"His head dropped. Merlin turned towards the servant's entrance and walked. As he closed the door behind him, he suddenly began to cry.

"Why do I have to love you?" He whispered through choked sobs.

-M-

As Arthur pulled away from his kiss with Gwen, he noticed Merlin, staring at them with a look that seemed…pained?

"What are you staring at, Merlin?" Arthur asked. He saw Merlin give a slight jump. "Haven't you seen two people kiss before?"

Merlin's eyes widened as his cheeked became slightly pink, the colour reaching to the base of his neck and to the tips of his ears. He couldn't help but find this adorable.

"I-sorry, sire." He said, bowing his head. "I-I'll just be going now…" He responded as he turned for the door and walked away. He closed the doors behind him with a loud bang.

Arthur suddenly felt sad. Why did Merlin leave? He didn't want him to leave. In fact, he wanted him to stay. Suddenly, he wanted to comfort him. Hold him

Arthur mentally slapped himself. He wasn't supposed to have these feelings for Merlin! He was supposed to have them for Gwen, his wife. His queen.

Then again, he's had these feelings for Merlin since he first met him. There was something about him that made him feel happy. Content. And that day when he saved his life from the witch who was disguised as Lady Helen, he honestly wanted to kiss him. Possibly every day since.

"Arthur, are you alright?" Gwen asked, looking over her troubled husband.

"Yeah, I guess you could say that." Arthur said, his trance broken. He shouldn't have these feelings for Merlin. He was a man! A man that fancied women!

"Arthur…"Gwen said, placing a hand on his shoulder, but he shook it off.

"I need some time alone." He said, standing up. Gwen shot him a worried look before she walked off.

Arthur began to pace around his room, trying to figure out his feelings. Although he's had these feelings for as long as he can remember, he always pushed them away. He always thought that if he thought of Merlin in that way, he would somehow look weak. He didn't understand why he thought this, but he did. Arthur grunted in frustration as he braced himself against his writing desk. This was never going to be easy.

He turned his head towards the window, and walked slowly to the sill. He stared out across his kingdom and sighed. "Why do I have to love you?" He whispered, bowing his head.