disclaimer: I do not own naruto
SONGFIC TIME!
Hi guys! Bold is lyrics from a song called snuff by slipknot, which SCREAMS uchihaxsakura to me :D
I decided to deviate from my usual sasuXsaku high school genre and explore a bit of hotttt Itachi angst. The sasuke in this is very much like the one in the manga right now, (the one that appears once every 45790475904750 chapters -.-)though I still haven't given up hope he will stop being such an asshat. This is very new to me, please let me know how I did ;D
Bury all your secrets in my skin.
The smell of her skin still lingered on his fingertips. The soft fragrance of her hair still evident in the air. All across the room there was evidence of her. The bloodied bandages mixed with the rubbish, the wisps of slickly pink hair sprawled across the floor. Not matter how he tried to ignore it, ignore her presence, it was inescapable. He hated it. He hated her. Almost as much as he hated himself, and the disgusting part of himself that wanted her, wanted her to want him. To love him, to give him what was stolen all those years ago.
Come away with innocence and leave me with my sins
Every second week she would come without fail. No matter how much he threatened, how many times his long slender fingers curled around her throat or how he would cause crimson cuts to appear on her skin, she always came back. Staring with those emerald eyes, still wide with innocence, untarnished. Eyes filled with understanding. Understanding that made him angry. She couldn't understand, she shouldn't. No one would ever understand. She would reach out to touch him, her fingers lightly brushing her skin before he would jerk away.
"Don't touch me..."
She never listened. Her hands brushed across his eyes, softly sending their healing energy through his head. She would lean in close, examining her work. So close her forehead would touch his, her eyes staring directly into his. Her hand would tentatively reach and gently brush his cheek, her actions would snap his self control in half.
The air around me still feels like a cage
He would then capture her lips in a searing kiss, his hands running down her body with a shivering caress. Her hands would run through his hair, tuggin at the roots. He would loose himself in her body, loose himself in her. Forget that he was broken. Forget his sins. He was alive again.
"I love you..." she would whisper, as always. And as always, the loathed part of himself would hum with content.
and love is just a camouflage for what resembles rage again
"leave."
He felt trapped. Trapped in the same room while he healed. Outside a world was destroying itself. The war he had given his life, or attempted to give, to stop was raging. People were dying. And it was his fault. He had failed. Sasuke was lost. He didn't deserve any happiness. He didn't deserve the affection she gave. The affection he had stolen from his brother, the one that needed it the most.
So if you love me let me go, And run away before I know
He thought if she truly loved him she would have left him alone. Let him die that day. Ended the suffering. He had planned to die that day, at the old place of the family he had slaughtered. But she hadn't given him the chance. She had found him, broken. Both physically and mentally. He was basically blind. The illness had taken his body, making it weaker then it had ever been. All he wanted to do was die, like he had planned. Die peaceful. Without the guilt that had crippled him most of his life. He had wanted to die thinking he had saved his precious brother, the only reason he had continued to exist.
"I told you to stop coming" He would tell her as she ran her healing hands down his body once again.
"You'll die If I stop." Her simple response every time.
"What change will occur If I die?" He would retort, bitterness evident in his voice.
"I would die." Her answer came plain and simple, and he simply did not know what to say. She would then reach for him. And for once he did not put up a fight. He would give in. After all, it was the only time he was just Itachi. Not the Uchiha. Not the mass murderer. Just Itachi.
My heart is just too dark to care, I can't destroy what isn't there
"I can't love." He would tell her. He told her over and over again. And he would continue to. Until she understood. Until she got the message and left him alone.
She would tell him that was destroying himself. Which was not true. He could not destroy himself. He already had been destroyed. When at the age of thirteen he was commanded to kill everyone he loved.
"Don't touch me."
Deliver me into my fate, If I'm alone I cannot hate
"Do you hate them?" She once asked, her voice barely above a whisper.
"Who?"
"Kohona. For what they did to you?" Anger in her voice. Anger for him. For the wrongs that had been committed against him. The ones no one ever would know about, the ones that bound his life.
"I do not feel anymore." Would come his careful reply. Devoid of emotion, as usual.
Why should he hate? He was alone. There was no reason to hate, no gain.
"I hate them for you." Her whispered confession. Tears filled her anguished eyes.
She hated them for destroying him.
I don't deserve to have you. My smile was taken long ago, If I can change I hope I never know
His kunai slightly broke the skin of her neck, red blood slightly coating the metal.
"It is Sasuke you love. I am not him." He would growl at her, never taking the weapon away from her neck. He would not be a replacement for his lost younger brother. Nor would he steal what was rightfully Sasuke's.
She would stare back calmly, before placing both hands on either sides of his cheeks, leaning in to brush her lips against his.
"Only you."
Her words only broke him further. What he wouldn't do to be able to smile. To be able to give her back something, anything that she gave him. He then fell to his knees, blood stained kunai falling to the floor.
"I'm sorry." He would mutter.
I still press your letters to my lips, And cherish them in parts of me that savour every kiss
When the war had started to get worse, her visits had gone from fortnightly to monthly, and then longer still. He would never admit it, but he had missed her presence. Missed the warmth that radiated off every part of her, the warmth that he would feed off. Her long absences angered him. He had felt abandoned. She had shown him what it was like to not be alone. Now he felt the solitude more than ever.
She then started to send him letters by carrier pigeon once a month, when she could not make it. No long love poems. A few simple words in her simple scrawl. Letting him know she was alive. If only he could read it. But it had been enough. He never would tell her, but he kept every single letter. After all, they were all signed with her love for him.
Her absence had taken its toll on his deteriorating eyes.
I couldn't face a life without your lights, But all of that was ripped apart when you refused to fight
6 months, 29 days.
Thats how long it had been since the last letter. Since the last time she had sent him evidence that she still existed. That she remembered. That she cared.
He smashed another hole in the wall.
Always used. All his life. He had been used as a tool. She wouldn't have done that to him. She wasn't the same.
He started to train. 7 hours a day, 9 hours, 10. How ever many it tool to tire himself out to the point where he couldn't think anymore. Never mind the toll on his body. He was Uchiha Itachi. No matter how much he tried to escape it.
7 months 12 days.
For the first time in 10 months he would let his eyes bleed crimson.
Blood oozed down his cheeks, a small pool forming on the floor. His own bloody tears.
Anger. Anger. Anger. He was still here because of her. He was still breathing because of her. He was waiting for her. And she had deserted him. She left him. Betrayed him.
All the same. They were all the same.
So save your breath, I will not care. I think I made it very clear.
Her smelt her first. The sent was unmistakable, committed to the very depth of his memories. He opened his eyes, waiting as the blurriness that slowly crept across them cleared. He could see the outline of her small body, the spread of bright pink hair atop her head.
She was really back. He reached out, hand reaching for her cheek, to confirm she was there, that she was real. As his fingers touched her skin, his kunai pierced her skin. She jumped back, shocked, pulling the metal out of her abdomen. He lunged again, eyes red with rage, this time missing her by inches.
"What are you doing!" Her voice was frantic, panicked.
He had her pinned against the wall in an instant, arm firmly over her neck.
You couldn't hate enough to love.
Is that supposed to be enough?
She would never forget the day that she had found the forbidden records in the Hokages office. The records that detailed an event that had utterly destroyed the person she had loved, turning him into something that only understood hate. She had gone looking for anything that could help he kill the one person who had caused Sasuke to fall. Instead she had found something that would change her forever. Tears fell harder as she finished each page. She couldn't understand how the village she loved and trusted could make a child do such a thing, ninja or otherwise. She read up to page three before she had to stop, already being on the brink of physical illness. More then ever, she needed to stop Sasuke. Stop him from killing the only person he had left.
I only wish you weren't my friend, Then I could hurt you in the end
A sick sadistic pleasure thrummed through his veins at the fear evident in her eyes. Knowing that her life was in his hands, his to take.
His hand connected with her stomach, causing her yelp in pain, before his lips were at her ear.
"You left me." The words came as a soft growl, causing her to grow more fearful.
He bit her earlobe, pulling down slightly as the other hand fisting the back of her hair, pulling down, causing her to open her mouth in shock.
His lips were then on her lips with such brutal force it was painful. She didn't complain. His arm moved away from her neck and wrapped around her, pulling her even closer. Her hands scraped down his shoulder blades, causing him to growl again, though not for the same reason as before.
It had been two years. He didn't understand it. He hated it. But he had missed her.