The second day in a row for me posting a Kingdom Hearts oneshot! Heavy warnings for severe creepiness.

Disclaimer: Do I look like Tetsuya Nomura? Nope. I am not a bishonen Japanese guy. So I don't own Kingdom Hearts

That's Just Nasty, My Apprentice

Vanitas pushed the door of the bathroom stall open, sighing with incredible relief. "I feel so alive!" he cried to the world, though no one but dear old Master Xehanort was within earshot.

From his place at one of those desks you'd see in a very aged high school teacher's classroom, Xehanort raised one unruly eyebrow. "You have seemed to have issues regarding using the toilet as of late...I'm relieved to see you back on schedule."

Vanitas snorted. "Oh, I'm relieved too, if you know what I mean"

The masked embodiment of darkness sniggered, and Xehanort rolled his eyes at his apprentice's boyish behavior. "Yes, well, I had my doubts as to whether a constipated brat could summon the x-blade."

"Yeah, yeah," Vanitas muttered to himself as he exited the premises, whistling "It's a Small World."

Xehanort resumed his paperwork...or at least, he tried to, but after a stretch of time, the air reeked of his apprentice's dookie. "Vanitas, you blasted demon of a boy!" he hollered at his oh so disrespectful apprentice. "You forgot to flush!"

Huffing, he stomped to the bathroom and ripped the door off its hinges...only to be stampeded Mufasa-style by a myriad of Unversed, each one a different size. They rushed past him until they reached the window, then they careened outside and toward the horizon.

Dazed, Xehanort was totally unable to stand. Salvation appeared in the form of his apprentice, who grinned viciously. "That's what you get for ordering Mexican food last night."

Xehanort's widened to the size of dinner plates. "THAT'S how you make Unversed? They're your feces?"

Vanitas nodded, a gleam of disgust in his eyes. "You didn't know? Geez. Now you know why I like to train just seconds from a bathroom stall."

Xehanort sank to the ground again, horrified by this knowledge. "Remind me to never buy laxatives..."

Eleven years later, Sora hovered anxiously above his household toilet. "Sora!" Riku bellowed from downstairs. "You've been up there for twenty minutes! Either go, or hold it! We need to beat Kairi and Selphie in this dang Scrabble game!"

Despite Riku's words of encouragement, Sora refused to move. "I don't know why, guys, I just have the strange feeling that monsters are going to emerge from my crap..."

Sometimes I scare myself.

Review? Tell me your thoughts on this explanation of the Unversed origins! I double dog dare you!

EDIT: In response to the reviewers, yes, I do know the Unversed come from Vanitas's negativity. This is just how he...expels the negativity from his body.

EDIT II: So it's come to my attention that this story is listed as one of the only decent Kingdom Hearts fanfics on Encyclopedia Dramatica. To which, pardon my ego, I agree entirely. Most stories are just yaoi fics of Axel becoming a pedo and raping Roxas, or Riku being emo and singing Evanescence songs during Deep Dive.

Honestly, KH fanfics are retarded.