I haven't felt like writing anything for the last few months to be honest, but this weeks incredible episode left me with a glimpse of inspiration, and this one shot is the result. I kinda reworked the conversation Jay and Hank had at the end of the episode to add the one thing I wish would have been addressed again. Anyways, hope you enjoy it. :)
He was one of those people that could get away with only a few hours of sleep and be perfectly functional the next morning. One might assume his time in the military had left him that way, conditioned by years of caching fleeting minutes of rest here and there, but even as a child he was always first to wake every morning. More often than not he was up hours before the sun, and he'd grown to appreciate the peace and quiet of the early hours. Even the busy streets of Chicago were near silent before 5 am.
Erin Lindsay on the other hand, was not one that could go without sleep. If she went with less than six hours it was more than obvious to everyone in her orbit. Those were the days he made sure his partner's mug was never empty, a constant flow of coffee being supplied. Even if she received a full eight hours at night, one warm cup- one cream, two sugars- was required before she became fully approachable.
Despite her usual desperation for shuteye, she'd done her best to stay up with him as long as possible that evening. She's fought like hell with cleft eyelids, sleepy slurs, and lazy fingers running through his hair, but eventually, inevitably, sleep won out.
Her valiant effort brought the faintest of smiles to the corners of his lips. She was a natural born nurturer. She'd fight you if she heard you say so, stubbornly claiming, "there isn't a maternal bone in my body," but he knew that was far from the truth. Nadia proved that wrong, the way she stayed up with him, wrapping herself around him like a human shield in an attempt to protect him from his own nagging thoughts and grief proved her wrong. Regardless of what she preferred to believe, she was she most nurturing person he knew.
As she slept beside him, limbs entangled with his own, his larger body seemed to engulf her petite frame making it almost comical for him to think that the woman beside him, all of five-foot-nothing and adorable girl-like dimples, was his rock. She'd been his source of strength through the last few hellish days.
Erin had the unique ability to take the pain and suffering of others, relieve the original owner of sorrow, and carry it on her own shoulders. He'd noticed she was capable of this quite early on in their partnership. It was one of her greatest strengths, yet her greatest downfall. It made victims trust her, approach her, and open up to her more than anyone else on the team, but it was also the reason she'd fall so hard when it all became too much. The reason she'd drown in booze and pills and grief when it all seeped in. The reason he'd almost lost her for good after Nadia.
One person wasn't meant to carry all that weight, but she did everyday with strength and grace, and it was one of the reasons he loved her so much.
Deep down he'd known for awhile that he was falling in love with his partner, but it wasn't until just two days prior when everything else in his life seemed to be crumbling around him, making him question all, but her that he truly realized that he was completely in love with his best friend.
That was the real reason he'd marched back into Hanks office after leaving mouse and Dr. Ethan Choi at Molly's. Hanks accusation still ringing in his ears violently, "Are you sleeping with her?"
Jay had been so stunned at the time that "no" was the only reply he could muster. The thought of hurting Erin like that, of hurting her at all, made him feel sick to his stomach. Erin Lindsay was the strongest person he knew, but her heart was fragile when it came to love and relationship. She didn't let men in, and he felt lucky just to have gotten within her walls. The fact that Hank, the closest thing Erin had to a father, believed that he would ever, could ever, jeopardize that trust stung.
He'd had a speech planned out in his head as he drove back to the district. He knew exactly how he was going to tell his boss how offended he was by his accusation, but as he climbed the steps to intelligence a text message came through, "Hope you don't mind that I let myself in. We only bought groceries for your place this week and I was STARVING. See you soon." He knew it was only an excuse to be there to comfort him when he got home, but it was enough to relax him and calm him down as he walked into Hanks office. He cared what Voight thought, but at the end of the day Erin's opinion about their relationship was the only one that mattered.
So, instead of the rehearsed speech he'd planned on the car ride, he bullshited another reason for showing up at the pen so late.
"Um, I just wanted to say thank you… for keeping me on the case."
"Alright, now you're gonna take a weeks medical leave."
"I appreciate it but I'm fine, really."
"It's not open to discussion." Hank replied leaving Jay to sigh and turn towards the door with a mumbled "Thanks."
Just as he took his first step out of Hanks doorway, spotting his partners desk straight ahead, he paused and slowly turned back around.
"Hank, she's uh, she's my best friend… Probably the best thing that's ever happened to me, and definitely the only reason I made it through the last couple of days. So, as far as what you asked me yesterday about Brianna, or anyone else for that matter, I'm never gonna do that to her. You don't need to worry about me hurting her like that."
Hank took a beat before replying. "Good to hear." A simple nod accompanied his simple reply. And this time as Jay turned to leave, Hank was the one to stop him. "Hey, I've been meaning to tell ya… I'm lucky to have you in my unit."
A sleepy sigh from Erin's lips pulled him out of his memory of his earlier conversation with their boss. He reached forward and gently pushed a curl off of her face, causing her to stir.
"Did you sleep?" Her heavy eyes fluttered open slowly, an extra layer or rasp present in her voice.
"Enough" He shrugged slightly.
"In other words, no." She grinned and scooted into him more. As she did, Jay dipped his head to be at eye level, leaving their noses just barely grazing. His fingers found hers, and they laced together resting at her hip.
"I need to thank you." Her eyes reopened at his words. "If you wouldn't have been here the last couple days… I don't know, I just know it woulda been a lot harder."
Erin pulled back just barely to get a better look at his face. Lazily, one corner of her tired face drew up in a smile, the perfect response entering her mind. She hoped he'd remember the words he'd said to her over a year ago, because lord knows she'd never forgotten any of their meaningful conversations. With a squeeze of his hand and a raspy whisper she replied, "You've been there for me before."