*Oneshot Callie struggles with her PTSD and takes jurastic measures
I was having a nightmare, I woke up in a hot sweat, I walked over to my moms room
"Sweets whats wrong?" Mom said Groogly
"I had a bad dream" I say shaking
She patted down next to her
"I.. Am uh just gonna go pee first I'll be right back, Sorry" I ducked out of the room, I had been dreaming that they didn't want me again, I felt like such a fucking bother and problem why did I bother?!
I used the bathroom crying, I dried my eyes and went back towards the room
"This kind of behavior is just unexusable" I heard Mom say
"I know Stef thats why your not doing enough about it!" Mama says.
Shit I was in trouble, I shouldn't of gone to their room, now waking them up was "Unexusable" why do I always have to mess everything up?!
I ran back to the bathroom in tears, I dismantled a razor and pull up my shirt sleve holding the razor up to my wrist shaking I'm hyperventalating as it glided into my skin, a straight jagged cut from the tip of my wrist to my elbow.
I kept slitting my arm deeper there was crimson red seeping onto the sink I felt the hot water against it, the burning sensation
"Callie?" I hear Mom
"Just a minute" I say quickly hiding the razor and washing the blood, there was no time to do anything about my arm I pulled down my sleeve at least my shirt was dark
"Sorry" I said opening the door
"What's wrong.. Love look at me" She tilted my head up, I saw so much concern had I misheard them somehow?
"Nothing... I ah just had a nightmare that you and mama unadopted me and left me somewhere to get a lethal injection, like I was a sick animal" I say being partially honest tears flowed from my eyes I was shaking.
"Hey, that's not happening, never, we would never hurt you or abandon you, we will always want you and we love you Callie thats not going to change" She says softly pulling me into her arms
"I just keep messing up, I'm so sorry" I cried into her shoulder
"Sweet's you've done nothing wrong" She says kissing my hair
"If only you knew" I mumbled maybe I had over reacted
"Knew what?" She says tilting my head up
"Nothing.. I'm just tired" I say blood loss starting to kick in, I was lucky she hadn't felt the blood on my sleeve.
"Come on love, Let's get you to bed hm?" She says guiding me into her room, I got into bed and snuggled up against her
"I love you" I whisper kissing her cheek, what if this is the last time I get to say that, what if I die?, I wonder if I should tell her what I did and go to the er? No I can't then she'll really hate me, I have to just hope I don't loose enough blood that it stains the sheets or anything.
"I love you too" She says softly kissing my forehead
It all starts to go blank.
"Callie, Please wake up!" I felt someone shaking me
"Come on open your eyes sweets!" I look around confused and tired
"Mom, whats wrong?" I slur out then all of a sudden I feel a pain in my arm, I look at her she's covered in a bloody t shirt I look down at myself to see her holding a rag against my arm I'm covered in blood from the waist up to my neck
"How could I not have noticed?!" I hear her yell at herself
"Callie, Callie you need to stay with us come on sweets" I heard Lena say her voice cracking, I saw the two of them crying
"There's no time to wait for paramedic's we've got to get her to the er now!" I hear Lena say
It all goes blank again
I wake up to a white light "Callie it's not your time yet, Please believe me when I say this" I look up to see my biological mom "Mom?" I ask all of a sudden "Clear, Cancel code blue" I hear my eyes dart aroud the room, I'm in the er.
It all came rushing back to me "Thank god, Don't you ever scare us like that again!" I hear Stef, my mom now, say
"I'm so sorry" I cry as she crushes me in her arms hugging me so tightly
"Why did you do that?" Mama asks tears streaming down her face
"We thought you were happy being adopted with us" Mom says
"I'm sorry I just felt like such a bother for waking you up and then I overheard you two saying that behavior was "Unexusable" and thought I had messed up by waking you up, I thought I was doing you a favor but then I realized you were more concerened then angry and just covered it up because I thought you'd hate me if you knew the truth, I thought maybe you'd never find out" I say, how could they still want me after all this, they'll probably really unadopt me now, I start shaking.
"Shh, Love calm down, Mama and I could never hate you, we're upset that you didn't come to us with how you were feeling instead of acting on it but we're just glad you are alive, Sweets are our daughter and you mean the world to us, all of you kids do, if I lost you I don't know what I'd do, I love you so much Callie Adams-Foster" Mom said putting her head against mine nuzzling me tearfully
"I love you too Mom" I cry
"And for the record, you overheard us talking about Jesus drinking, Mom was the one who realized you'd been in the bathroom for more than usual and checked on you, You having a bad dream and coming to us in the middle of the night, there's nothing wrong with that when you really feel you need to" Mama says sandwitching me in.
"But this(She points to my arm) Is not okay Callie, your heart stopped you actually killed yourself for a few seconds, the doctors could of not been able to resecitate you, we almost lost you, I should of payed more attention but I was half asleep and you should have never done that" Mom says upset
"I know, it won't happen again" I whisper
"It better not, I can't handle losing you" My mom says kissing my forehead