Hera Syndulla let out a frustrated groan. She was stuck in traffic for the third time today. The first, to drop Sabine off at school, the second to head to work, and the third and current time, heading home from work. Letting out a deep and frustrated sigh, Hera rubbed her temples as she thought about everything she needed to do once she got home. Go to the store and buy Chopper more cat food, take Kanan to his orientation and mobility class, make the living room and kitchen look at least somewhat presentable, pick Sabine up from her evening art class, and make sure she got some decent rest for her even longer day tomorrow.
She hated her new job as a military aircraft mechanic. She missed being up in the air, flying passengers to interesting locations all across the globe. Two years ago, Kanan had been deployed. It had always been a possibility, that Hera knew, but she didn't think about it often. Not until it happened at least.
For a while, life back home carried on as normal. Zeb graduated college, Sabine started middle school, and Chopper just continued to be Chopper. Then, Hera got the call that changed everything. Kanan had been blinded in combat and would be coming home immediately for treatment.
It was then that Hera had to give up her job as a commercial airline pilot to help Kanan. There was no possible way to be gone for long periods of time when Kanan was in the state he was in. He couldn't take care of the kids and Chopper, let alone himself. Fortunately, after everything that had happened, Kanan finally got disability, and she was recently offered a local job from the military.
Still, things had been difficult since Kanan's injury, and Hera felt that only for the first time in two years, things were beginning to become stable again. It had been fortunate that Zeb had graduated college soon before things became difficult, as he was able to provide a little bit of income for the family while Hera was basically living at the hospital for seven months with Kanan.
As Hera pulled into the driveway, she was interrupted from her thoughts by Chopper, who was sitting grumpily on the front mat, staring at her with a scorn. "I know Chop," Hera said as she stepped out of the car, "I'm going to buy you more cat food as soon as I grab the mail and check on Kanan."
An impatient meow was the only reply.
The mail turned out to be a handful of medical bills and the monthly newsletter from the Foster Care system. Great. This day just can't get any better. Hera thought. As she unlocked the front door, Chopper ran up to her and wedged himself in between her legs, running into the house at the speed of light as the door opened. "That cat just can't seem to figure out we have a cat door no matter how many times I shove him through it," she said to Kanan in greeting.
"He's getting old Hera, do you expect him to seriously be able to remember that we've moved it?" Kanan said, turning to face her from his position on the living room couch.
"No," Hera said with a sigh, "and unfortunately, we're almost out of cat food and Chopper's extremely upset about it." Hera stated as she sat down on the couch next to him, putting her hand in his.
"He's been a menace all day, Hera. I had to force him outside this morning when he wouldn't stop meowing and clawing the furniture."
"Typical." Hera said. "Hopefully this food thing is the only issue and he'll go back to being just slightly aggravating."
"I sure hope so. Is that all you have planned for the evening?"
"No," Hera sighed. "I've got to clean up around here, pick up Sabine and take you to your class. You forgot about that didn't you?"
"Is it really Wednesday?" Kanan said in reply.
"Yes, Love." Hera said, leaning her head into the crook of Kanan's neck.
Kanan was silent at that. Hera realized he was beginning to realize how much he asked that question these days. It still unnerved Hera slightly. Kanan used to be the most organized and responsible person in her household, now he was almost a shell of his former self. He would wake at strange times of the night, leaving their room. Hera often found him in the kitchen if she followed him down there, and many times he was confused, thinking it was morning, trying to make himself some toast for breakfast. Other times he would be awake from nightmares, and others he just wasn't able to sleep.
When she was home during the day, she would often find him-for lack of a better word-staring into space and thinking about nothing. Things had changed in their home, and while some of it would never change back, she hoped Kanan would be able to pull himself out of the funk he was in.
After spending a few quiet moments in each other's arms, Kanan broke the silence. "Mara from Foster Care called today."
"Did she now?" Hera asked, raising an eyebrow.
"Yeah. She wants you to come down to the office and talk to her about fostering this new kid the agency picked up." Kanan answered.
"Hummm… what did you tell her?"
"That I'd talk to you."
"Of course you did, Kanan Jarrus. Why did I even ask?" Hera said incredulously.
Kanan flashed a smile at that statement and pressed his body closer to Hera's.
"Well, Love, you'd better go get ready. I'll call Mara back later, but first I'm going to make a quick trip to the store, and then I'll be back to pick you up." Hera said, looking at the clock on the wall.
Kanan merely nodded warily in reply.
Noticing his anxiety, Hera said, "you get nervous for these classes every week, but they always turn out fine don't they?"
"I don't know Hera," Kanan said, moving his chin towards his chest as if to look into his lap. "I… I just don't feel like I'm making any progress."
"The doctors say you are really improving, Kanan." Hera said. She felt as if this was the thousandth time they'd had this conversation. "Do you really want me to go through the long list of things you can do now that you couldn't do a few months ago?"
"No… I guess not. I just…"
"Alright then," Hera interrupted, her no-nonsense attitude shining through, "I'll be back in about thirty minutes. Be ready by then."
XxX
It turned out that the pet store was out of Chopper's favorite kind of cat food, giving Hera yet another reason to be in a worse mood than she'd been in previously. Grumbling all the way to the pet shop on the other side of town, Hera knew she couldn't return home with a different brand of cat food or Chopper would know.
Finally, when she pulled into the driveway and unlocked the front door, she found both an impatient Kanan and a disgruntled Chopper waiting for her.
"What took you so long?" Kanan asked. "You said thirty minutes. I even set a timer so I'd know when to be done and waiting for you."
"Very clever Kanan," Hera said, feeling slightly annoyed. "The pet store was out of Chopper's cat food, so I had to visit the one on the other side of town."
"Ah, yes. Chopper is so picky about his food. I remember now. Why don't we just get rid of that fluffy menace and we wouldn't have these problems." Kanan grumpily replied.
"Kanan Jarrus, you know not to talk about Chopper like that! He's—"
"A part of this family, I know, I know!"
"Well, since you apparently know that so well, why don't you go get in the car while I put some food in Chopper's bowl?"
"Yes, captain." Kanan said in a mock-defeated sort of voice.
"And I'm not a captain any more!" Hera yelled as she left the living room to enter the kitchen.
XxX
The ride to the orientation and mobility center was as uneventful as Kanan could have hoped for. Most of the ride there was spent with Hera honking and yelling at other drivers. It turned out that the cat food incident was going to make them late.
Kanan knew not to say much when Hera was in one of these types of moods, but he wasn't upset they were going to be late either. He was getting tired of the classes. He'd meant what he'd said earlier. He didn't see the improvement in himself, even if Hera claimed she noticed it. To Kanan, all the classes were teaching him was that he was a constant failure at simple everyday tasks; and if he didn't fail at them, he was too slow at doing them to be of any use to himself or others. His doctors and the staff at the center kept telling him he was improving, but what use was that when he couldn't even go places without help.
His destructive trail of thoughts abruptly ended when the car slowed to a stop and Hera put it in park. After letting out a deep sigh, Hera let him know they had arrived. Kanan heard Hera open her door and step out of the car, and he knew he'd have to do the same. If he didn't do it himself, he knew Hera would just stand there and wait. Months ago, Hera had stopped accommodating him that much, if he could do it himself, Hera wouldn't let anyone do it for him. On one hand, he really appreciated it, but in other ways it just made him feel useless. Opening a door shouldn't be a frustrating task for anyone, but it still felt somewhat frustrating to Kanan.
He ran his right hand along the side of the door until he located the handle and pushed it open. Stepping out of the car and extending his cane, he swept it along the ground until he found Hera's location. Kanan went to grab her arm, but she pulled away.
"Hera, what?" Kanan said confused.
"I want you to use that cane of yours and find the front door of the building yourself today." Hera answered in a no-nonsense sort of way.
"But Hera, I'm going to be practicing finding things with my cane for the next four hours." He whined.
"Kanan, you don't just get to practice for four hours once a week, you need to be practicing all the time so you can go places on your own."
Kanan really wanted to bite back with a sour retort, but he knew Hera was right. In some ways he was secretly grateful for how hard she had been on him because he knew he would have never made it this far without her drive and determination pushing him along.
Taking a deep breath to shove his emotions away, he extended his cane again and began sweeping it in arcs back and forth as he made his way across the parking lot.
XxX
After dropping Kanan off at his class, Hera relished the few quiet moments she had alone in her car before leaving to pick Sabine up from her art class. Scrubbing her face with her hands, she distantly wished for a strong glass of wine. The day had been long and tedious so far, and unfortunately, it wasn't coming to an end for a little while yet.
Then she remembered. She still had to call back Mara. Pulling out her cell phone and dialing Mara's personal number, Hera subconsciously hoped she wasn't getting herself into anything she didn't have the time or energy to handle at the moment.
"Hera!" Mara said in greeting when she answered the call. "What's the occasion?"
"Don't pretend like you don't know, Mara. Kanan told me you called the home phone earlier today."
"That I did," Mara said. "Do you think you could come to the office at some point tomorrow?"
"Wow. Really cutting to the chase!" Hera said.
"Look, Hera. I know you know how backlogged the system has been lately. I've been sleeping at the office the past eight nights! I really need to get home to my family, but no one will take this kid. I can't leave him at the office alone all night, but I can't keep doing this to my family either!"
Hera knew Mara was trying guilt-trip her into taking the kid, but she couldn't just continue to let the kid sleep in the office without a solid support system to look after him.
"I know you've been dealing with your own share of problems at home," Mara continued, "but I've called every other registered foster parent in the city! No one will take this kid, Hera. Please help me with just this one favor? We can set up for him to go somewhere else as soon as possible. I just need to go home to my family for a few nights."
Hera squeezed her eyes shut and sighed. "I'll take him."
"What? Really?" Mara said.
"You heard me, Mara. I'll be at the office around two o'clock tomorrow."
"You really are the best, Hera. Thank you so much!" Mara gushed.
"Save it," Hera said. "I'm only doing this for you because I hate to see innocent children in need. Don't expect me to continue to do favors for you at every turn."
"I get it, Hera. Just this once. Okay, see you tomorrow."
"Alright. Have a good evening, Mara." Hera replied.
"You too."
As Hera hung up the phone, she really hoped she wasn't getting in over her head. This day was beginning to grow more and more eventful by the second. Hoping Kanan wouldn't be upset about this recent turn of events, she pulled out of the parking lot and headed to pick up Sabine.
XxX
It turned out Kanan was upset about Hera's phone call with Mara. So much so that he'd walked out of the room enraged when Hera told him. After he'd cooled off somewhat, Kanan decided he should try the conversation again. It was no use being mad at Hera for long anyway. If they couldn't come up with a solution together, she would just end up coming up with one on her own.
Besides, since Kanan had just decided to storm out, Hera had no idea why he was so opposed to the idea of another foster child in the first place. Ever since being blinded in the field, Kanan held many doubts that he had difficulty expressing to Hera and others. Feelings of inadequacy went with him wherever he went, both in waking hours and in sleep. He knew he was failing at being a father to Sabine and Zeb—not that Zeb needed much parenting at this stage in his life—but still, how could he become a father to another child when he couldn't even support his own children in all their endeavors?
Kanan was frustrated with himself for being unable to find the right words to express these worries to Hera. Instead, he had done the worst possible thing, he had stormed out on her when she was calmly trying to explain the situation to him.
As he walked toward their bedroom, he fruitlessly wished he didn't have these problems communicating with others, but ever since that horrible night in the field, he'd felt as if there was a barrier between himself and everyone else. It was a barrier he didn't know how to knock down. He felt trapped in his own mind in a way he had never felt before and it unsettled him constantly.
Kanan could tell Hera was on their bed the moment he walked into their room. He heard the shuffling of the covers and the sound of Hera's breathing as she adjusted herself in the bed.
"Why did you say yes, Hera?" Kanan said incredulously. He immediately regretted the tone of his voice and his words the moment they flew out of his mouth.
"You never told me to say no, Kanan." Hera answered enunciating his name the same way he did her's a moment earlier.
Kanan sighed and moved to sit on his side of the bed, putting his head in his hands. "You're right. I didn't tell you to say no, in fact, I didn't say anything at all."
"Kanan," Hera said, putting a hand on his shoulder. "I think this will be good for both of us. We will have something else to focus on besides all the problems we've been facing the past two years."
"But there will be new problems, Hera. It doesn't matter if this kid experienced trauma every day of his life, or none at all. There are always problems raising foster kids."
"You're right, Love. Raising foster kids isn't easy, but isn't that why we do it?" Hera asked, wrapping both her arms around Kanan's neck. When he didn't answer, Hera continued, "you and I both know first hand the trauma's one can face in childhood. You more so than me. We can't just stand by and stop caring now that we've adopted two kids of our own."
I never said we should stop caring, but we're in a bad position as it is. How can we adequately care for someone in this situation?" Kanan replied more grumpily than he meant to.
Kanan felt Hera stiffen at his words. Then she proceeded to unwrap herself from him and he felt her turn to face him and look him in the eyes. Not that it would do him much good anyway.
"Kanan Jarrus." Hera said as she intertwined her hands with his. "This is really what it's about, isn't it? You are worried that because of your injury, you are going to be an inadequate parent." It wasn't a question. Hera, as usual, had figured him out.
When Hera realized that he wasn't going to answer, she continued. "You've got to figure out a way to believe in yourself, Kanan. The rest of us do. But that won't do you any good if you can't figure out a way to see yourself as someone worth something. As I said, I think this new foster child will be good for our family. He'll give you a reason not to sit around and mope all day."
"Hera, I don't sit around and mope all day!" But even as Kanan said those words, he knew that Hera was right.
"You haven't even been practicing the things you've been learning at the orientation and mobility center. Maybe having the responsibility of being there for someone else will get you to come out of the house more often. I know you can adequately learn how to do the things they've been teaching you at the center, Kanan. I've already seen improvement in you! I know you can continue to improve, even if you don't think you can."
Hera took her hands out of Kanan's and stood, moving to lay back down on her side of the bed. "We are fostering that kid, Kanan. I won't take no for an answer. He needs you as much as you need him."
And that was that. Kanan thought. There was no way to sway Hera's opinion on the matter in any other direction now. Not when she had already made up her mind. Grumbling under his breath, Kanan gave up the argument as he got ready for bed.