May 27th, 1974 — Sarasota, FL
It was 4:20pm on a sultry Monday when I first saw Christine. "Kung Fu Fighting" by Carl Douglas massaged my earlobes through the radio as I smoked a marijuana cigarette in the ABC 7 news station parking lot. Earlier that morning, God had told me that there would be a smoldering piece of taint awaiting, and there she was.
The sun shone devilishly on that darling damsel, her pointed cheekbones dancing deliciously to the beat of her Jeffree Star Cosmetics Skin Frost™ highlight powder in So Fucking Gold. She copped that shit from the future—yes, she did that— 'cause something told me she had always been bad like that.
"Hey, let me respect you!" I shouted to her with a bucktoothed grin from my 1966 Chevy Impala station wagon.
"Holy shit! Yes!" Christine screamed. She made a noise that sounded utterly inhuman, but I just chalked it up to global warming. Then I beckoned to her and she got into the passenger seat.
"My name is Casey Anthony," I said. "I'm from the future."
"Bloody great to meet ya, mi burrito," she replied in her sexy Scottish-Mexican-Japanese accent.
"You want to have consensual, mutually pleasurable sex?"
"Fucc to the up yo shit up! I'll take my knickers off ahorita mismo, you cheeky cunt かわいい です."
After our brief but riveting dialogue, I drove Christine and myself back to my house. We encountered a problem, however, when I realized that my family would not be living there 42 years in the past.
"Okay, Chubbuck, we have to kill these white people really quietly so I can finally start eating you out."
"#BLACKLIVESMATTER!"
With that, she took off into a home full of innocent people and slew them one by one. I jacked off in the threshold while she carved the eyes out of their fucking happy faces with her fleek-ass mani and I ejaculated with a violent fervor once the pool of blood met my toes (I was wearing flip flops, it was totes cazh). Christine began to lap up the shit like she had a fucking iron deficiency, so I closed the door and went in for a kiss.
"Zamn, zaddy!" she cried out as I smooched her mons pubis. "You kiss the mound like Perspicacity do です!"
"Shut up, cunt," I responded politely.
"アッハーン!"