A/N: Sorry, I know I'm crazy. This is what happens to me when 1. I'm at school, or 2. it's after midnight.
Window: *thud*
Alice: WTF, a talking window?
Window: Hell, yeah! I am very articulate, thank you!
Unknown: Open the fucking window, leech!
Emmett: Hedwig!
Nessie: Mmmm, tasy!
James: No! Not my candy bar!
Owl: No! It's me!
Emmett: A talking Hedwig!
*Nessie reaches for owl*
Owl: It's me, Jacob!
Nessie: Jakey? Why are you covered in feathers?
Jake: Some crazy kid named Harry got pissed at me!
Nessie: Where's grandpa?
Fred & George: The constipation sensation that's sweeping the nation!
Jake: Help me! I am sooo fucking tired of coughing up mouse hair and bones. I will be a
vegetarian after this!
Alice: Talk to Carlisle, he can help.
Lowes Commercial: You can do it; we can help!
Carlisle: I know just the thing! Go see the banana king!
Emmett: Bananas…you know what they look like…
*Rose smacks Emmett*
Alice: Oh, by the way, where's Jasper?
Jasper: Down here! Pick me up!
*everyone looks down*
Edward: Eh, what?
Alice: A rabbit? You're a rabbit?
Jasper: No, I'm a killer rabbit! See? Look at my pointy teeth! *grins maniacally*
Alice: How the hell did you turn into a bunny?
Jasper: Rabbit! I'm. A. Mother-fucking. RABBIT!
*everyone stares at Jasper the Killer Rabbit*
Jasper: What?! Oh, will someone just give me a bloody carrot?
Emmett: Do you want blood, a carrot, or a bloody carrot?
Jasper: God! *hops away*
Carlisle: Hurry! Go see the banana king!
*everyone leaves*
Jacob: I will hunt down this son of a bitch named Harry! He. Is. Dinner!
* * *
Alice: A room full of cupcakes?
Emmett: Cool! Damn. I don't eat.
Rose: J.D.!
J.D.: Oops. *cupcakes vanish*
* * *
Pink & Blue horses: It's a bridge Jacob, a magical bridge!
Jake: Like I give a shit. I'm flying!
Emmett: So is the banana king gay? I mean, he's the king of bananas! *Rose smacks
Emmett*
Bella: I like bananas. *Alice giggles, Edward looks away, Emmett laughs raucously, and
Rose rolls her eyes* What?!
Edward: Emmett is saying that bananas closely resemble, uh…
Emmett: Penises! Penii! Woo! *Rose smacks Emmett*
Bella: Oh. *blushes*
* * *
Emmett: Can I meet the banana queen? *Rose smacks Emmett*
Alice: Shut up, Emmett! I'll push you into the chocolate river!
Jake: A chocolate river? Where?
Alice: You're not human. Stick to the mice, dog. Owl. Whatever.
* * *
Pink & Blue horses: Beware the vortex! Oh. Never mind. Ron's fat ass is stuck in it.
Again.
Jake: Do these wings make me look fat? Or just gay?
Edward. Both. Always both.
Jasper: But what about my fluffy tail?
Alice: You look fine, dear.
Emmett: *snickers* Your package is smaller! The dog's—owl's—bits and pieces are
nearly non-existent!
Jake: Don't insult my babies!
Nessie: Momma, Jake has babies?
Bella: No! I—er, yes, but no. Never mind.
Emmett: Nessie, I got you a friend. His—it's—name is Fluffy.
Bella: Get that dog away from her!
Jake: Hey!
Please review and tell me what you think of my crazy ideas!