Hello. This is just a short little one-shot that came to my mind after re-watching Peter Pan 2003. I hope you guys can feel the emotions that where going through me while I was writing this little vignette. Let me know what you guys think by adding a comment, a DM or just by giving this story a follow or a favorite! Thanks so much! All my love, OA
The Never Dream
It has been 6 years since I lost him. Almost 72 months without feeling his hand on mine. 313 weeks without his smile. 2,190 days without hearing his laugh. 52,560 hours without seeing his green eyes. A life time since I have seen him.
Today marks the 6th anniversary of the day Peter left us back at the nursery and returned to Neverland. Oh how much hope I had that he would come back. To hear stories about himself as he had said. But he never did. All these years I have left my window open, even against my father's wishes. He will never understand why I felt the need to do so. He will never understand that it is because of the boy that has my hidden kiss. He will never know how I hurt inside knowing that I gave my love to a boy that will never love me back. That the only thing that I wish for and I think about is the one joy from which I must be forever barred.
My parents don't understand why I have never been interested in boys, why I am so determined to not get married, why I find a fault in every prospective suitor that looks my way. They worry that there is something wrong with me, for you see I may look and act like a woman but my spirit and my heart are still those of a 12 year old girl that flew to a place called Neverland.
My brothers have "outgrown" our childhood stories. They all act like the lost boys have been part of the family since the beginning. I believe that they have come to accept the story that we told the neighbors, that they were found wondering around lost and alone when we went on our adventure. That we came back with a group of orphans as friends and they stayed as brothers. We never talk about their Neverland names, we don't talk about Neverland and we especially do not talk about their boyish leader.
I remember about 4 years ago I tried to bring it up in a conversation and Slightly just looked at me with pity and told me that I needed to grow up and forget all that nonsense that I believed as a child. That we all where grown ups and that we knew the truth. The sad part is that all my brothers agreed with my cousin. This would have been the worst pain I had felt in my life if it didn't dwarf in comparison to the constant pain of knowing that that night I made the biggest mistake of my life when I asked to come back home and left Neverland and my heart in it with a boy with endless charm and emerald eyes.
Since then I have become a shell of who I was. I keep up appearances for my mother's sake. She worries so much about me and I want to at least try to do something to appease her worries at least a little. I go to events and balls, I talk to the ladies of the town. I am well mannered and well educated. I am very proper and lady like. I even help take care of my brother and do things that have to be done in the house. But I do not speak unless spoken too, I go to the events but I do not enjoy them, I do chores around the house but I do not laugh or sing anymore.
I spend my time alone reading or sketching to try and transport myself to a world different from my own. To one where there is no pain in my heart. One where there is adventure and love and romance. One where good triumphs over evil. One where the boy and the girl defeat all the obstacles in their way and end up together. One where the fairy tale has a happy ending.
It is in these moments, when love is professed and sealed with a kiss that my heart breaks the most. It is the time when I allow my tears to flow freely, and my heart to cleanse the never healing wound it has. It is at this moment that I am transported back to the Jolly Roger and to almost dying. To seeing Peter loosing the battle and thinking that if it was the last thing that I would do before I lost him and maybe even myself, that I would give him my kiss. I know that I was young but when the heart knows it knows. It was in that moment that I knew that I would never love again, that my heart belonged to this boy that would never grow up and would never love me the way that I loved him. That there would never be a happily ever after for us. That would not get the fairy tale ending that I always wanted and talked about in my stories.
In the last year I have written our story in a journal. I have completed my childhood ambition of writing a great novel in three parts about my adventures. I decided that the first volume would be about how I told stories and how I wished for a greater than life adventure. It finishes as I am deciding if I wanted to go to Neverland, leaving everything and everyone behind to chase my dreams. The second is all about our adventures in Neverland. About the mermaids and the pirates and the fairies and hideouts. It left off when we were taken by the pirates and believed that Peter was dead. The last installment is the action scene at the Jolly Roger. But instead of having our victory as the happy ending it has the tears of a girls broken heart as it's ending.
Oh how I wish that I could write a different ending. I have been tempted to create a new ending. One that I would have wished would have happened. But every time I take out my journal to rewrite the ending or to start a fourth volume that includes a love triumphs over everything situation my heart won't let me. Even though I wished this would have been a reality with my entire heart, I want to maintain the reality of our relationship. I want to keep these journals with our story as near to the truth as possible and as close to my heart as I can. They are what keeps him alive in my memories and what will ensure that I never forget the details of our adventures together.
But it doesn't matter that I feel that I was born when I kissed him or that I only felt truly alive when I was with him. What matters is that I died when he left me here and never came back. That my only true friends are the pages in my journals and the pens that I use to write in them. These pages contain my deepest desires and dreams. They contain the real depth of my pain and the real me. They are the only ones that know who I truly am, a broken girl that will never be whole again and that will never be able to make anyone else happy. They are the only ones that know the depth of my despair and depression. But I have promised myself that I will try to be a respectable lady for my family, that I will not embarrass them but I will never give myself to anyone. My heart belongs to him and no one else. I love you, forever and always. My only wish is that you are happy and that your life is full of adventures and fun. I hope that when my time in this earth is done I can visit you once more, if only for a second and be truly happy again since that is an impossible dream here.
"Wendy, can you some down here please?" I hear my father call me. I sigh as I put my journal back in its hiding spot under my mattress and slowly go towards the mirror. I look at the sad shell of a woman looking back at me. I smooth down my dress and fix my hair. I pinch my cheeks to try to bring some color to my always pale complexion and paste a fake smile while brushing away a stray tear. I compose myself and walk out of the room, never noticing the shadow of a boy in my window, a boy that never grew up but that has also felt pain since a dreadful night 6 years prior and that has shed a tear as well before taking flight towards the second star to the right and straight on till morning.