One quiet evening in the Village Hidden In The Leaves...
"Lee, my youthful pupil, we have come together this fine afternoon to celebrate your mastery of the Reverse Lotus technique! You have earned this, and I know that you will continue to grow stronger until your might surpasses the heavens!" Might Gai finished his speech with his trademark grin, teeth flashing unrealistically in the light of the restaurant.
Said pupil sniffed loudly, as more liquid than the human body could possibly hold flowed out of his eyes and down his face. Grabbing a napkin, he blew into it with his trademark enthusiasm. Neji Hyuga, who was sitting next to him, took a sip of tea, eyebrows twitching at the embarrassing display. "Lee," He said stiffly. "Please try to restrain yourself, we are in public, and this is one of the most exclusive restaurants in the entire village." Gai laughed. "Try to relax my pearly eyed pupil." Neji's eyebrows twitched again. "This is a time to be merry and gay, embrace the joy of the moment!"
"Indeed sensei." Lee replied vigorously. He reached for his water and raised the cup to his lips, taking a small sip. Neji's eyes narrowed. "Wait, was that Gai sensei's sake?"
Just then, an immaculately dressed waiter approached their table. "Are you gentleman ready to order"? He asked politely. An ominous silence greeted him. Slowly, deliberately, Rock Lee looked up at the waiter, blinked, and punched him square in the face. The unfortunate server went down like a ton of bricks. Before anyone could react, Lee wailed like a banshee, jumped into the the air, and brought his leg down on a nearby table, shattering it and sending a shower of food flying in all directions.
Somewhere, a woman screamed, and pandemonium ensued. A wave of terrified customers rushed for the doors on a blind panic. One bucktoothed, thin faced gentleman, fighting his way through the crowd, suddenly found himself face to face with the source of the chaos. "You're ugly." Lee slurred drunkenly, and sent the man flying with an powerful uppercut.
The restaurant's head chef, a six foot, 350 pound land whale of a man, burst through the kitchen doors, a large cleaver in his hand. "What the hell is going on here?" He demanded loudly. At the sight of the armed fatty, Lee's eyes popped out of his head.
"Sumos!" He screeched. "Sumos are invading! Alert the Hokage! We must protect the village! Never fear citizens, I will defend you with my life!" And with a single bound he flew through the air and buried his iron feet into the cook's gut. With a bleating grunt the hapless cook went flying backwards, smashing through the kitchen doors he had entered through just moments before. As he disappeared back into the kitchen, there was a monstrous crash, followed by an cacophony of noise that could only come from a avalanche of falling debris. "They are defeated!" Lee exclaimed, dancing about happily. "The sumos are defeated! The village is safe..." He pivoted to the left just in time to dodge a flying tackle by Neji, who went soaring past Lee and landed on top of their unconscious waiter.
Mumbling an apology, Neji was struggling to his feet when Lee's foot landed firmly on his butt, sending him skidding through a slippery slide of assorted foods. "Gai sensei!" He practically screamed, "For the love of God, Help Me!"
Gai, who had been rooted to his seat in shock, managed to snap out of it. "Lee, stop this immediately!" He shouted, snatching up several plates and sending them flying like Frisbees towards the green menace. Giggling through a hiccup, Lee dodged the plates and leaped onto a table. Gai and Neji's eyes widened in shock as Lee grabbed a bowl of peas and dumped them into his mouth. Looking like a spandex clad chipmunk, he dropped the bowl and breathed in deeply through his nose. Neji barely had time to think, "Sweet mother of God..." Before Lee sent a stream of saliva drenched peas shooting from his mouth towards his friends.
Gai and Neji split in opposite directions. Gai effortlessly slid behind a table and knocked it on its side, forming a barrier between him and his soused student. Unfortunately, he was not quick enough to avoid the large, ripe, drool drenched pea that hit him on the shoulder. The horror of seeing his favorite leotard defiled momentarily overcame his affection for Lee. "You unyouthful ASS"! Gai yelled from behind the protection of his table.
Meanwhile, Neji was huddled behind his own table, calmly reconsidering all his life choices, and engaging in a deep meaningful conversation with God on the terrible sins that he must have committed to bring him to this point in life, namely, hiding behind a table in a wrecked restaurant while his drunk friend machine-gunned peas at him.
As Lee continued to vomit out veggies, Gai motioned to Neji. "Neji!"
"What?"
"Lee must be almost out of Peas by now. He'll be out of breath and slow, so as soon as he stops, we can rush him and subdue him!" As it turned out, Gai's guess was right on the money. After another couple seconds, the barrage of peas halted. Instantly, Gai was leaping over his table and headed towards the target. "Lets go!" He called to Neji. Neji followed, only be be greeted by a horrific sight. Lee had grabbed another bowl, which was filled with hot curry, and was refiling his mouth. Lee fixed him with a crazed glare and breathed in through his nose.
Terror filled Neji as he realized that his forward momentum would not allow him to either dodge or slow down. The only option was to use his rotation jutsu, but if did, the whole restaurant would be destroyed. Time seemed to slow down for the Hyuga as a stream of curry shot from Lee's lips, aimed straight for his face.
All of his life Neji Hyuga had trained to be a ninja. To endure torture, starvation, dehydration, and suffering. The life of a shinobi was dark and deadly, and Neji had always hoped that if he were to fall in battle, that he would die nobly, and with dignity. But, when the first of the spicy, boiling, saliva-infused curry hit his face, Neji found that he didn't give a shit about nobility and dignity anymore. All he could think about was that this was even worse than the incident with the Curry Of Life.
Losing momentum, he fell to the floor in a heap, utterly defeated. Meanwhile, Gai, moving at lighting speed, reached Lee and aimed a chop at the back of his neck. With almost deliberate slowness, Lee effortlessly knocked the hand away and with one blow, put the Green Beast of Konoha on his ass.
Laying among the barbecued pork and the udon noodles, Gai looked at his idiot pupil in astonishment. Lee's movements were unlike anything he had see before. They were slow, yet lighting fast, clumsy yet flawless, ridiculous yet deadly. A though popped into his mind. "Could it be..." He shook his head. He could think on it later. Right now, he had to take care of Lee.
Rushing up from the floor at inhuman speed, he tackled Lee around the waist and held on tight. Lee rained blows down upon his sensei, all the while screaming about the exorbitant prices of movie theater concession stands. Feeling his grip start to loosen, Gai turned towards Neji, who was just beginning to recover. "Neji, grab him!"
Staggering to his feet, Neji shook his head, slapped himself a couple of times, and jumped into the fray. He wrapped his arms around Lee's feet, while Gai subdued Lee's arms. Lee wriggled and squirmed like a muscular green earthworm, but it was no use. There was no escape. "Lee," Gai said sadly, "I'm sorry, but I have to do this. Please know that this hurts me far, far more that it hurts yo… Ouch!" He screamed as Lee's shiny white teeth nipped his arm. "Oh screw this!" he thundered and smashed his fist into Lee's face. Lee crumbled to the floor, out cold, an expression of peaceful stupidity on his face.
Gai and Neji looked at each other, "What the Hell was that"! Neji demanded. "It would seem that Lee can't hold his liquor." Gai said sagely. "No shit." Neji replied in a rare show of temper. "But what actually was that?"
"Well, Neji, have you ever heard of the Loopy Fist technique?"