Cleanfic part 2

Chapter 1

His hand shook as he opened the envelope - his whole future rested on this. The short term plan was that he would work this year (some gap year!) to allow Becca to have time with Ella and ease herself back into work. But after that he wanted to return to his studies. Being with Becca had proved to him that he was intelligent and that not only did he have potential, he had the drive and discipline to realise it. He knew he hadn't worked as hard as he could have these past few months, and who could blame him when the distractions were as beautiful as Becca and Ella? But he owed it to them to get the grades and secure his place at University.

"They're here then?" Becca's voice brought him back to the present.

"Yeah..." he slid the piece of paper from the envelope, his heart in his mouth.

"Do you want me to leave you alone?"

"No...it's OK..." He unfolded the paper, taking in the generic information (Name, address, date of birth) to avoid looking at the crucial detail.

"Well?"

Becca knew how important this was to him - and to her too - but she was desperate not to pressurise him. He'd been through so much even before they'd started their relationship - a lesser person would almost certainly have given up by now. He'd already proved himself an excellent Father and supportive partner, so under the circumstances nobody would blame him if he hadn't passed. He'd stepped into the breach and taken charge in a way Jake could never could have, and she was amazed he'd even managed to keep up with his schoolwork, let alone take the exams. But he would blame himself - he took his responsibilities very seriously and she knew he didn't want to let them down.

He let out a sigh and handed her the piece of paper.

"What is it?" Becca looked at him, not wanting to look at the results.

"Look." He nodded at the paper in her hand. "Read it."

Her eyes scanned the page, now knowing what to expect. And there it was in black and white - the result that had now shaped their future together.

"Oh Justin..."

Liz had been only too happy to babysit while they went out to celebrate, although it taken Becca ages to convince him that it was a cause for celebration.

"Two out of three isn't bad." She'd told him – especially when they were 2 A's. The cruellest irony was that he'd failed English – how could he explain that away? A 'phone call to the college reassured him – they were keeping his place open pending his retakes – and Becca's demonstration of her own special brand of 'intensive revision' soon put the smile back on his face.

"Cheers." She raised her glass to his. "I'm so proud of you."

"What for?"

"For everything you've achieved, for the way you've looked after me and Ella, for staying strong…everything."

"It was easy." He smiled at her, meaning every word. What could be easier than being with the woman you loved and bringing up your child together? "The hard work starts now."

"What do you mean? Retakes?"

"No, my job. Proper work for a change!"

They'd agreed that he wouldn't work through the Summer holidays, so they could have time together as a family. But come September he would be working full time. Sean was branching out and had offered him a sales job. The money was good, and after the building site last Summer he was grateful that he'd landed such a cushy number. Not that it wouldn't be hard work but he was impressed by all that Sean had achieved and was looking forward to watching him at work. Becca wasn't so keen, saying Sean was sleazy and untrustworthy. What was it she'd called him? A player? Justin had laughed at that – so what if he was? He was pretty sure he wasn't Sean's type!

"Well, I'd hardly call what Sean does 'proper'…or 'work'. "

He laughed at her.

"We're not having that argument again! It's on the doorstep, it pays well and it's only for a year. Now shush." He leant across the table and kissed her.

Becca sighed as she watched Justin walk over to Sean's car. She had a bad feeling about Sean and she didn't like Justin associating with him. She been disappointed when he'd accepted that job, feeling that he could have found some more 'suitable' employment in his gap year. She frowned, realising then how selfish she sounded. After all, if it wasn't for supporting her and the baby he'd be a Uni now, really investing in his future. She had to give him credit though, he was determined to provide for his family and she knew that he'd do anything to make sure they were looked after. But she knew Justin of old, and she was worried that the family life wouldn't hold his interest for long. Not once Sean had introduced him to his world...

'You never did tell me how you and Becca got together?' This was Sean's favourite topic of conversation and one that irked Justin every time.

'You know what happened - she was my teacher.'

'Yeah, but I'm talking about details Justin, details! I mean, how did you manage to pull a woman like Becca? I want to know your secret!'

Justin groaned.

'No secrets...we love each other, that's all.'

'Love!' Sean snorted. 'What do you know about love?'

'I'm not in the mood for this Sean. Leave it.'

'But I'm serious. How many women had you been with before Becca? How many relationships had you had? How many times was your heart broken?'

Justin said nothing and looked out of the window.

'Exactly. You've got nothing to compare it to have you? All I'm saying is, you deserve a bit of life, that's all. You're too young to be tied down...even if it is to someone as hot as Becca.'

'Look, we've been through this before Sean. We're happy, I'm happy, and that's that. I don't need anyone else. I've got everything.'

'You're not kidding! Eighteen years old with a wife and child.'

'We're not married yet.'

'As good as. Don't get me wrong, I'm impressed. You're doing the right thing and standing by her...that's admirable Justin. But look at what you're missing. You should be on holiday now, going out clubbing, spending your money on nice clothes and good times. Sooner or later you'll end up doing it - you'll have to. My point is, why not do it now, get it out of your system while you're young. And if you're clever enough...' he winked at Justin '...Becca need never know.'

He switched the engine off and they got out of the car. Justin was getting tired of this conversation now, not least because some of what Sean had said did ring true. The holiday for example. He could be in Ibiza now with Sonny if he only he'd had the money. And if the photos were anything to go by (Sonny had texted him some very indiscreet snaps!) he'd have plenty of tales to tell when he got home. It's not that he wanted anyone else but Becca, after all she was beautiful and he'd never met a man that didn't want her. But what with the baby and returning to work, she was always so tired these days and their sex life had suffered. He'd tried to broach the subject but felt it made him sound young and shallow. She'd reacted badly too, complaining that Jake used to pressurise her into sex and that she thought he was different. He'd not mentioned it since but it had stopped him initiating anything for fear that she'd reciprocate because she felt she had to and not because she really wanted to. He rubbed his eyes, feeling bad for thinking like this, and troubled because these feelings were growing stronger.

'What's the matter, up all night again?' Sean smirked. 'I would say good on you Justin, but I suspect it was the baby keeping you up and not that gorgeous missus of yours. Am I right?'

'Piss off.' Justin put his hands in his pockets and marched up to the door, not turning to face Sean when he caught up with him.

'Sounds like you need a holiday Justin...just say the word and I'll sort something out for you.' He tapped the side of his noise. 'We could even pass it off as business if you like?'

Justin ignored him and followed him into the office. He was struggling to bite his tongue but Sean wasn't a man he wanted to get on the wrong side of. He was going to have to talk to Becca about this though - he wasn't doubting their relationship, but things were certainly strained at the moment and he wanted everything back to normal. He made up his mind to talk to her that night. Everything would be OK, he'd make sure of that.

'We can't afford it.'

'Just hear me out first, you don't even know how much it's gonna cost!' This talk was not going quite as well as Justin had hoped.

'I don't want to stay out though. I want to come home to our bed and our baby.'

'But don't you want some time alone? It's been ages Becca. Think about it...you and me, no interruptions..' he went up behind her and put his arms around her waist, nuzzling her neck. 'Haven't you missed this?' He felt himself stiffen as he pressed himself against her, relishing this close contact and the smell of her skin. Feeling him, she instantly pulled away, angrily turning to face him.

'I might have known it would come back to that.' She spat. 'And there was me thinking you were different! Grow up Justin will you? This is the real life now, not some fairytale, and guess what? Real life interferes, it takes over, it shows you what's important.' She was raising her voice now. 'And spending money we don't have just so you can have sex...that's not important.' She looked at him for a second. 'I'm going for a bath. And I don't want to be interrupted.' She slammed the bathroom door behind her.

Justin was stung by her rejection. Had she not listened to him? He wanted them to have time alone to talk, to be Becca and Justin and not Mummy and Daddy. It was about getting things back to how they were. Now he wondered if that would ever happen. He was embarrassed too that his body had let him down, showing her how he felt when he was desperately trying to contain himself. How could she do that to him? He shook his head. Perhaps Sean was right after all. Perhaps he did need to live a bit? He certainly didn't need this.

The more he thought about it, the angrier he became. How dare she talk to him like that? He needed some space, needed to get out right now. He grabbed his jacket from behind the door and went out, his turn to slam the door this time.

'Well, well, well...given you a freedom pass has she?' Justin drained his glass before turning to face Jake.

'I'd watch it if I were you Jake.'

Jake looked at Justin for a second before breaking out into a laugh.

'Whatever, Burton!' He turned to his group of friends. 'Did you hear that? I've got to watch it!' Turning back to face Justin he took a step closer to him. 'You think you could take me on do you? Think you can hurt me? Well go on then...do it.'

Aware of the raised voices, people had turned to watch, and knowing the history between Jake and Justin they were all very interested. Justin got off the bar stool and stood up to face Jake.

'Becca always said you had a short fuse.' He smirked. 'At least, I think she said it was your 'fuse' that was short...' He ducked as Jake lashed out, laughing as his fist connected with a pillar. As Jake yelped in pain, someone came up behind Justin and pulled his hands behind his back, dragging him away.

'What the...' Justin struggled to break free.

'Calm down will you? It's a good job I was here.' Sean.

'I'm OK, just get off me will you?' Justin finally shook himself free. 'What did you do that for? I can look after myself you know!'

Sean smiled and shook his head.

'I was saving you from yourself Justin. Look at you...how much have you had to drink?'

'Not enough.' Justin shrugged. 'What's it to you anyway?'

'I don't like to see my employees getting into trouble.'

'But I'm not at work now am I?' He stared at Sean.

'No...no, you're not. But if you carry on like that in public you won't have a job at all. I've got a reputation to maintain Justin, you know that. I don't want people to think I employ thugs. Especially after the trouble we had with Warren.'

Justin looked at the floor. Losing his job now would make things even worse with Becca.

'Let me give you a lift home.'

'I don't want to go home yet. I want a drink. Let's go into town.'

Sean sighed.

'I'm not sure that you need anything else to drink.'

'Now who's being boring? Come on...you're always saying I need to live a little. Well tonight I want to do some living. And if you're not gonna come with me...'

'Alright, alright, I'll come with you. But let me choose the venue OK? The mood you're in I think somewhere quieter is a safer bet, don't you?'

'Whatever you say boss.' Justin got in the car, grateful for the change of scenery and grateful to Sean. He wasn't in the mood to be on his own tonight but with Sonny and his mates away he'd had little choice.

'Have you eaten?'

Justin shook his head.

'Let's get some food then, soak up some of that alcohol.'

They went to a small bistro that Sean knew, and it appeared that he as well known there too. They were seated immediately and without asking the waitress brought them over a beer each.

'You remembered!' Sean smiled at her.

'I remember everything Sean. Everything...' She smiled back at him, they clearly had history, but whatever it was it was long gone. There was no animosity between them though, just a warmth.

'Maria...can I introduce you to my friend Justin?'

She looked him up and down, holding his gaze for longer than was necessary.

'Nice to meet you Justin.' Her eyes were still fixed firmly on his and he started to feel uncomfortable.

'You too...' He quickly looked down at the menu, busying himself choosing something to eat. Was she flirting with him? Apart from his relationship with Becca and Nicole's clumsy offerings, he'd had no dealings with women, and had no idea what this meant. Was she just being friendly? He looked up at her again, surprised to see that she was still staring at him.

'Do you know what you want yet?'

He could have sworn he saw a smile playing at her lips as she said that. He looked across at Sean but he was reading his menu, no hint of him having see or heard anything untoward. He must have imagined it.

'I'll have the lasagna please. And a green salad.'

'Sean?'

'I'll have my usual.' He smiled as he handed the menu back to her. 'Thanks.'

Justin watched as she walked into the kitchen, comparing her body to Becca's. She was much fuller figured, curvier and shorter. He tried to guess how old she was. Late twenties maybe? He wondered what her connection was to Sean.

'Ibiza.' Sean must have read his mind.

'Three years ago. She worked for me there and came over when I bought this place.'

'This is your restaurant? Why didn't you say?'

'You never asked.'

Justin looked around him. It was a nice place. Subtle, sophisticated, the Mediterranean theme - he should have guessed.

'How many other businesses have you got?'

'Enough.' Sean took a swig of beer and looked away, indicating that this conversation was now over.

'So are you going to tell me what's wrong? Don't tell me, trouble in paradise?'

Justin looked down at the table.

'Thought so. I told you Justin, you need a change of scenery.'

'It's not that easy.'

'Why not?'

'Money, for a start.'

'Not a problem. All you need is a cheap flight - I can let you have one of my places for the week.'

'Then there's Becca. She can only take time off in the school holidays.'

'So go on your own then.'

A holiday without Becca? Until today he would never even have considered it, but he was still smarting form their earlier exchange. No...he couldn't. It just wouldn't feel right. And anyway, what they needed was more time together (and preferably alone), not more time apart driving an even bigger wedge between them. No, he couldn't do it.

'I'll think about it.'

'You may not have a choice anyway.'

'What do you mean?'

'We might really have some business over there soon. There's a couple of loose ends need tying up on an old deal. I'm having trouble sorting it out at this end, it's taking too long. It makes sense to sort it out face to face, don't you think?'

'So why do you need me there?' Justin felt uneasy. There was a lot about Sean's business deals he didn't know and a lot that he didn't want to know either. He knew that Sean liked to work outside of the law if he could, and something told him that this 'deal' was strictly illegal.

'Back up.'

'Back up? For what?'

'Calm down...all I mean is that another pair of hands may come in handy, that's all. Anyway, it may not happen. I'm just letting you know it's a possibility.'

Justin suddenly felt a pang for Becca and Ella. He wanted to get home to them now, to tell Becca he was sorry for walking out and to clear the air between them.

Maria returned with their food, lingering by Justin's side although he kept his gaze on the table in front of him.

'Enjoy your meal...' she lightly touched his shoulder and then she was gone.

He placed his hands on the table and pushed his chair away.

'Where are you going?'

'I'm not hungry anymore.' He pulled his wallet out of his pocket and threw some notes on the table. 'That should cover mine.'

'Justin wait...' Sean called after him as he marched out of the restaurant, but he didn't turn back. He was going home.

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Turning the key in the lock he braced himself for another tirade. He let himself in and saw that Becca was still up, waiting for him.

'You alright?' he asked?

'Sorry...I shouldn't have said those things. That was unfair of me...'

'So why did you say them? It was obviously something you'd been thinking...'

'No, it wasn't...it's...I don't know, I've got a lot on my mind that's all.'

'So talk to me Becca! What are you hiding from me?'

'You don't want to know...'

An icy stab of fear cut through Justin's heart.

'You're scaring me now Becca. What is it?'

'Oh Justin...I'm scared too.' She looked up at him and he saw the tears in her eyes. 'I think...I think I'm pregnant.'

That wasn't as bad as he'd expected to hear, and yet it offered little in the way of relief.

'Well, aren't you going to say anything?'

He sighed and crossed the room to sit down next to her.

'How do you feel about it?' He was trying to gauge her mood and wondered where the tears had come from.

'I don't know...it's all too soon, and I've just gone back to work, and you've got retakes and then there's your college place...' she sobbed. 'But I can't get rid of it Justin, I can't.'

He sat back and let the implication of her words wash over him. A second child. That would end his college plans for good. Or for the next few years at least. But by the time Becca was working again he'd be too old for college. He could see it now, being ridiculed and sidelined for being the oldest student there. It wasn't fair.

'How did it happen?'

'You are joking, right?'

'You know what I mean. We've been so careful haven't we? Oh...' He remembered their celebrations following his exam results and a certain 'spontaneity' by the river on the way home. They both fell silent.

'You're not happy are you?' Becca sounded sad.

'I'm not unhappy...'

'But?'

'But...I feel like my life's been taken away from me Becca. I'm happy working this year, happy deferring my college place and happy to work my way through so I can support you both. But another baby...that means no college, no career, no prospects...no life.'

Becca didn't try and argue the point. They both knew that he would have to earn for the both of them as the cost of childcare would mean it wasn't worth Becca working.

'There is one solution I suppose...' Becca started. 'We could move in with Mum for a couple of years. She's got plenty of room and that way I could work full time while she looked after the children, and you could go to college?'

He considered it for a fraction of a second before he made up his mind.

'No. No way.'

'Just think about it Justin...'

'Absolutely not. Let your Mum support us Becca? Are you mad? How will she ever respect me? No.'

He went to the kitchen and got a beer from the fridge. He suddenly felt very sober again.

'I'm sorry Becca, I'm not angry.' He winced at his own lie.

'Doesn't sound it to me...'

'I'm just...I dunno, disappointed. No, no...that's the wrong word. I'm a bit shell shocked really. I just need time to take it all in.' He looked out of the window at the familiar village surroundings. So much for all his plans for a greater life, the places he wanted to see and things he wanted to do with and for his family. 'You'd better get used to this mate' he told himself 'you ain't getting out of here now.'

'We need to talk about this Justin, we can't leave it like this.'

'Let's talk in the morning Becca, I'm tired now.' He kept his back turned, trying to keep a lid on his emotions, afraid that if he started talking now he'd say things he'd regret. He didn't want this baby but he couldn't tell her that so bluntly. He'd work on her, find a way round her. He had to.

He left the house early the next day, before Becca woke up. He knew they needed to talk but still wasn't quite sure what to say or how to say it. Until then he needed some space. He was grateful that Sean was out today, leaving him alone with the accounts of a couple of his salons. Something wasn't quite adding up and Justin couldn't put his finger on it. He rubbed his eyes, wishing he wasn't so tired. He had to get this done today and he was frustrated that he couldn't sort it out. Just then the 'phone rang.

'Hello, Kennedy Enterprises?'

'Hi, is Sean there please?' A woman's voice that he vaguely recognised from somewhere.

'He's not in today, no. Can I take a message for him?'

'Who's that?'

'My name's Justin, I work with Sean.'

'Justin, we met last night. It's Maria...'

'Oh...hello...' he suddenly felt very awkward 'do you...erm, can I help at all?'

She laughed, surely sensing his discomfort.

'No, it's fine. I was just passing and wondered if he was free that's all. I've got some food and thought he may like lunch...'

He held his breath, aware of what she was about to ask and unsure how to respond.

'...I don't suppose you're interested? It seems a shame for it to go to waste...'

'No. I mean, sorry I can't. I'm meeting someone. My girlfriend.' He stuttered, not sure what to say or why he was saying so much.

'Another time maybe?'

'Yeah, maybe.'

'I'll see you then...'

'Yeah...bye.' Justin put the 'phone down, confused by the exchange. Had he just made a fool of himself over a totally innocent conversation? And why had he reacted so defensively? He wasn't like this with Sean's other staff, but something about her...something about her just connected with him. He wasn't sure why or on what level and it concerned him. He didn't need any complications at the moment.

He was still brooding about it that night, finding it hard to concentrate on anything Becca was saying. They were trying to talk about the baby and his distracted air just heightened his negativity.

'Is it even worth us having this discussion Justin? It seems to me like you've made up your mind already about this baby. You don't want it do you?'

'I've told you before Becca, it's not that simple. I love you and I love Ella - I'm happy with my family. And I was happy thinking about the future - college, a career...and then maybe another baby. Not now, not yet. Not before I've...'

'Before you've what?'

'Before I've lived.' He regretted it the instant he'd said it, but it was too late.

'Before you've lived?'

'You know what I mean Becca, I'm talking about college...'

'You're talking about Sonny and the things he gets up to. And Sean. You should hear the way you talk about him - how you can admire a man like that is beyond me. You call that living? A different girl every night, drinking yourself stupid, waking up in a strangers bed! Is that what you want to do?'

'Becca...' what had happened to her? This was completely out of character. 'Becca...calm down. What's brought this on?'

'I don't know...'

'Becca don't lie to me. Talk to me...'

'I knew this would happen.'

'Knew what would happen?'

'This. You. I knew it was all too good to be to true. I knew it wouldn't last.'

'Becca?' He couldn't believe what he was hearing. 'Where's all this come from? What do you mean 'too good to be true'? Nothing's changed. I love you and I want to be with you. I'll always love you.' He cradled her head against his chest, feeling her tears soak his shirt. This was more than just hormones surely?

'I know it's not the right time, I know it's too soon, but I can't get rid of this baby. You know how I feel about Jamie's baby - I'll never get over that guilt and I just can't put myself through it again. Don't make me, please don't make me...' She clung to him, sobbing, as he stroked her hair.

'Ssshh, it's OK Becca, it's OK. No-ones going to make you do anything you don't want to. Everything's going to be OK, I promise.'

'Really?' She looked up at him and he felt that familiar pull of longing when he saw her face.

'Really.' He kissed her hard, overwhelmed by the conflicting sense of longing and anger that he felt. He wanted her yet he didn't want her...he needed her to want him. He pulled her closer to him, kissing more purposefully now and pulling on her hair.

'Justin!' He silenced her protests with another kiss, surprising himself with his roughness. The past few days anger and frustration had built up and he suddenly needed a release. He unzipped his fly and pulled himself free, pushing Becca's head into his lap. He felt her resist slightly but kept his hand firmly on the back of her head. As she started to suck him he grabbed a handful of her hair, pulling tighter any time she tried to move away. And the more she tried, the more it turned him on, his anger fuelling his lust. As he started to come he pushed her down onto him, forcing her to take all of him. Spent, he released her hair and eyes closed, rolled his head back against the sofa. Suddenly ashamed of himself, he hurriedly re-dressed as he heard her get up and walk away.

It was only when he heard her bath running that he opened his eyes. He had never treated Becca like that before and was shocked at his behaviour. He was also concerned about the effect it would have on them at a time when things were so strained. He felt hot angry tears prick at his eyes. What was happening to him at the moment? Where had all this anger come from? And why, when Becca's mouth was on him, was he thinking of Maria?

He stood outside the bathroom door, listening intently. He was sure he could hear her crying.

'Becca?' He tapped the door gently. 'Can I come in?' No answer. He tested the door to see if it was locked. It wasn't, so he slowly pushed it open.

'Sorry.'

She ignored him and looked up at the ceiling.

'I don't know where that came from Becca. I'm so sorry…' His voice broke into a sob as he wondered yet again how it had come to this. What was happening?

'It's OK.' Her voice was small and it shamed him even more.

'No it's not OK Becca. It's unforgiveable. I don't know…I don't know why…' he broke away, knowing that there was nothing he could say to defend himself.

'It's fine Justin. I'm fine.' Her tone was cold, dispassionate. 'But I would like to be left on my own now.'

He waited but she said nothing more so he turned and walked away. He was crying now, suddenly fearful for their future. Everything was crumbling and it seemed like he had lost all control. He went into the nursery and looked at Ella, sleeping in her cot. She was beautiful, a tuft of her blonde hair visible above the covers. She was a perfect mix of him and Becca, her blue eyes and his rosebud mouth, and a sign of all that was right between them. He wondered about the child Becca was carrying now. Would it be another girl or a boy? He tried to imagine them a family of four but couldn't. Despite the guilt he felt at this evening's events, he was still unhappy at the thought of becoming a father again, but felt it was ground they couldn't cover again. He'd just have to accept his responsibilities and see what the future had in store for him. For them.

He kissed the top of her sleeping head and turning off the light, gently shut the door. As he turned round he almost jumped, not expecting to see Becca standing there.

'Sorry…didn't see you there. I was in with Ella…went to say goodnight…' he was at a loss for words, aware that he'd never felt this uncomfortable with Becca before.

She said nothing, just looked up at him.

'Becca, please say something.'

'I…I don't know what to say Justin.' Her voice had that same empty tone.

'Say you'll forgive me. Please.'

'I think I'm going to have an early night.' She leant across and gave him a cold dry peck on the cheek.

He watched her walk into the bedroom, a stranger to him now. And he had nobody to blame but himself. Throwing himself onto the sofa, he thumped the cushions in anger, eyes filling with tears again.

'Becca…' he half sobbed, half whispered into the night as he drifted off into a fitful sleep.

He awoke to the sounds of Becca in the kitchen, stunned that he'd slept there all night. She walked in and handed him a mug of coffee.

'Morning. Her voice was still distant but warmer than it had been the previous evening.

'Becca…'

'I don't want to talk about last night Justin. It's in the past.'

An uneasy silence hung between them.

'When are you going to see the Doctor? About the baby?'

'I'll make an appointment sometime this week.'

More silence. He tried again.

'I went to another one of Sean's restaurants with him the other night. A bistro…very nice. Small, classy…' He glanced across at Becca, her eyes fixed on the floor. 'We should try it sometime.'

'Hhhm? Yeah. Sounds nice.'

He put his hand on her arm, waiting for her to look at him.

'Becca?' Finally she turned to face him. 'We are going to be OK aren't we? You and me?'

She paused before replying.

'I hope so…I hope so.' She smiled sadly.

Things slowly returned to normal, although Justin couldn't forget what had happened. He was glad it was Friday though and was looking forward to a quiet weekend with Becca and Ella. He wanted to make things up to her, to show her that was happy being a family man, whatever misgivings he may have about the pregnancy.

'Hope your passport's up to date Justin?'

'Hhhm?' Sean's voice had broken his reverie.

'Passport. Up to date. Wake up Justin, it's not 5 o'clock yet!'

'Sorry. What were you saying about a passport?'

'Only that you'll need it for next week. That business I told you about…it needs sorting.'

'I don't know Sean…'

'What do you mean you don't know? This isn't negotiable - this is your job.'

'It's just not a good time at the moment.'

'You can't let your personal problems interfere with your work. Anyway, a bit of distance between you will do you good at the moment. Absence makes the heart grow fonder and all that.' Sean winked at him.

'It's not that. I need to be around to look after Becca…'

'Why? She's not ill is she?'

'No…'

'So stop making excuses. We're going to Ibiza. On Monday.'

'She's pregnant.'

'And?'

'I can't leave her now!'

'You can and you are. And if this all goes to plan there's a bonus in it for you…and I guess that you need any extra money you can lay your hands on at the moment?'

Justin said nothing. He knew this was going to cause some trouble between him and Becca and yet a part of him wanted to go. A change of scenery may well help to clear his head and a bit of space couldn't hurt. It would be good for them both to miss each other. He only hoped they would.

'What time Monday?'

'I'll pick you up at ten. Pack for a week…I'm not sure how long this will take.'

He waited until Ella was in bed before broaching the subject with Becca. He poured her a glass of wine and sat next to her on the sofa.

'I've got an interesting job on next week.'

'Oh yeah? What's that then?'

'Finalising a property deal on one of Sean's developments.' Truth was he wasn't sure exactly the deal was but he didn't want Becca to know that.

'In Ibiza.' He held his breath waiting for her reaction.

'Ibiza? How long are you going for?' What will you be doing? How long have you known about this?' Her voice rose the more questions she asked.

'I only found out about it this afternoon – we're going for a week and we're finalising the deeds on a new…apartment block that he's building.' He mentally crossed his fingers, hoping she wouldn't sense the lie.

'I told Sean that it wasn't a good time and that I needed to be here to look after you and the baby…'

'You told him about the baby?' She softened slightly on hearing this.

'Do you mind? Anyway, he's promised me a bonus if we…if we can get the paperwork signed and property opened on time. And the extra money will come in handy…'

She sighed.

'I can't pretend I'm happy about it Justin..'

He turned to face her.

'And nor am I. But I'm thinking about the future Becca. And we need the money. But I will miss you. All of you.' He let his words sink in before kissing her gently, brushing his hand lightly across her stomach.

He put his arm around her and rested his head on her shoulder. He needed to restore some physical intimacy between them, but was wary of his actions being misinterpreted. He was happy just being close to her now that things were back on an even keel and wanted her to know that. She lent her head against his and held his hand as they sat in comfortable silence.

The weekend had been the perfect antidote to their stressful week and as Becca helped him pack, he felt a pang of regret that he was leaving them.

'I'm going to miss you.'

'And I'll miss you too.' She smiled at him. 'You know I expect a present don't you. A BIG present…'

'I'll be too busy working to do any shopping…'

'Yeah right!'

'I'm serious…you know what Sean's like.'

'I do…and that's my only worry.' She frowned slightly.

'Don't worry. Please. This is a business trip and it's all above board, I promise.'

'I hope so.'

'Look, it's only a week. I'll be home before you know it. With a big present…' He laughed and pulled her close, whispering to her '…although you can have that now if you want?;

'Justin!' She pouted in mock outrage then giggled as he pushed her back onto the bed.

Justin looked out of the window, watching the ground below slowly disappear. He smiled as he thought of Becca and their farewells, enjoying the fact that he could still taste her on his lips. It was going to be a long week without her, but now that things were back on an even keel between them he was looking forward to a bit of space and the inevitable reunion when he returned!

Sean had remained fairly tight-lipped about the work but what he had divulged had satisfied him somewhat. It seemed that he was involved in some legal tax incentives (and a few illegal too no doubt!) and it really was a matter of all hands on deck to get everything sorted by deadline. That would mean their evenings were free and Justin was hoping to meet up with Sonny. He hadn't told Becca that, deciding to pay down his social activities whilst he was away - he saw that as something he deserved for working hard and besides, even if she were here she wouldn't be interested. Even if he didn't see Sonny, Sean had plenty of contacts and new many 'colourful' people so he knew it was going to be a good trip.

He watched Sean flirting with the air hostess and couldn't help but admire him. He was a man who by his own admittance had left school with nothing and yet had proved how hard work, determination and a healthy disregard for the law could make a man successful. He seemed to enjoy the single life, and after a slight lapse, seemed to be over Louise. He had a lifestyle that most men would envy - fast cars, pretty women... Justin compared it to his life with Becca. He would never want to give her up, yet he wished they had some of the trappings of Sean's success. He'd love to be taking her out to nice places in a flash car or enjoying exotic holidays. His thoughts clouded as he remembered that she was pregnant again and what that spelt for him and his future. He had told himself not to dwell on that and to enjoy this week of freedom, but it wasn't that easy.

'Drink?' Sean was proffering a bottle of champagne.

'At this time? What are you celebrating anyway?'

'Got a good feeling about this week Justin...thought we should start as we mean to go on...' he poured them a glass each. 'A toast then.'

'To what?' Justin didn't feel like he had much to celebrate.

'To being young...and free.'

'I'll drink to that.' Justin downed his glass in one. Sean was right, start as you mean to go on...

The villa was beautiful and yet again he felt a pang, wishing that Becca was here with him. They had arrived early afternoon and Sean suggested an early dinner so they could go through their plans for the next couple of days before heading out for some 'real fun'. He sat outside on the terrace surveying his surroundings. ' I could get used to this' he thought to himself. The Autumn sun and champagne left him feeling fizzy headed and he dozed off, waking only as the temperature dropped. He looked at his watch - 6 o'clock.

He showered quickly, keen to ring Becca before meeting Sean for dinner. He wanted to tell her how beautiful it was here and how he wished she were here too, sharing this with him. And how much he missed her.

'I miss you too...and it's raining here. Can't believe it's still sunny over there! What are you up to tonight then?'

'Dinner with Sean...meeting some of his business associates and planning the week.' And then onto a club, Sean had said, but he decided not to tell Becca that.

'Alright for some...I've got beans on toast and Coronation Street to keep me company!' Her tone was light and he knew she was joking.

'I wish you were here though...both of you. We do need a holiday Becca...'

'I know...and we will have one, I promise.'

He refrained from asking when, sensing a slight tension in her voice.

'Well I'd better go, Sean's waiting for me...love you.'

'Love you too...have a good night.'

Sean's business partners weren't the shady thugs Justin was expecting and as drink flowed freely over dinner he felt himself relax.

He told them about Becca and Ella and as always, the fact that Becca had been his teacher was a source of great admiration. He'd always felt embarrassed about that, feeling like it cheapened what they had, but when he thought it about it objectively, he had to admit that it was impressive. Not that he would ever say that to Becca of course, but he was beginning to see that it was something he should be proud of.

'So what do you fancy then? A club?' Sean was keen for Justin to make the most of what he called his 'freedom pass'.

'Don't mind really. Whatever. Anything'

'Anything?' Sean raised an eyebrow. 'You may regret saying that Justin!'

He must have looked stricken as Sean was quick to reassure him that it was just a joke.

'No point hitting the big clubs when we've got an early start tomorrow - I know a nice place on the beach where we can chill out.'

Justin followed him out of the restaurant and onto the beach. They'd worked together for a month or so now and he was relatively comfortable with Sean, although he felt that was one that did all the talking. Sean never gave away anymore than he felt was necessary. And that wasn't very much.

'I'll get these.' Justin went to the bar while Sean took a seat. He looked around at the crowd - older, 20-30 somethings he supposed, smart clothes, looked like they had money. He wondered what sort of place Sonny was in now? Wherever it was, he bet it was a totally different crowd - younger, louder, lairier. Becca would like it here - it was more sedate, 'classy ' she' probably call it. He thought about himself and which he felt most comfortable in. If Becca were here he'd say this place, but on his own he felt young. But if he was out with Sonny he knew he'd prefer to be without Becca. Oh well, he was lucky he could do both this week. Rub shoulders with the well-heeled and get completely bladdered with his student mates. And he was getting paid for it! Not a bad life...

As he carried the drinks over to Sean he saw that they had company. Female company. He grinned, impressed at Sean's speedy work. Hearing him approach, they turned to face him and Justin felt his breath catch in his throat.

'Hello Justin...'

'Maria...'

What was she doing here? Had Sean planned this? No, he couldn't have. Had she planned it? How did she know he was here anyway? His mind was racing and he had to remind himself that there was nothing suspicious going on. He just felt uncomfortable around her as she was the only woman apart from Becca that had ever turned his head. He drank quickly to avoid conversation and soon returned to the bar. Sean and Maria seemed not to notice, they were talking 'shop' in great detail and he was grateful. He watched her, noticing how animated she became when telling a story. Reaching the punchline, she threw her head back and laughed. It was a deep throaty sound, completely un-self conscious and yet again, he felt a flicker of interest in her.

Mentally shaking himself, he decided to leave. He looked at his watch, cursing the fact that it was too late to call Becca -he couldn't risk waking Ella up. He felt like he needed to talk to her - the difference between his two worlds was suddenly unsettling and he wished he hadn't come. He needed the comforts of home to restore his connection with Becca and reassure him that everything would be OK. Those quiet doubts he had were slowly getting louder and although he suspected that the alcohol was fuelling them, for the first time he couldn't say for certain that this was going to work. He couldn't imagine a life without Becca and Ella and couldn't (and didn't want to) imagine either of them with anyone else. But, working with Sean, he had seen enough to know that there was a world out that there that he wanted to be part of. He wasn't scared of hard work and he was prepared to pay his dues but he knew he wouldn't even get the chance with another baby on the way. He felt the anger rise to the surface again, confused once more. What did he want exactly?

He walked down to the beach and sat on the waters edge, watching the waves lapping the shore. He found it strangely calming, the repetition almost hypnotic, and he started as he realised someone was talking to him.

'Feel like company?' Maria held out a beer to him and he accepted tentatively.

'Not sure I'm great company at the moment to be honest.' He looked away, not wanting to give out the wrong signals but not knowing what the right ones were.

They sat in silence for a while, both staring out to sea, seemingly lost in their own worlds.

'How long have you known Sean?' Justin broke the silence, needing to know more about the nature of their association so he could understand why she was here exactly.

'We worked together in a bar when he first came to Ibiza. We hooked up after a while, nothing serious, but we had some fun...you know what it's like.' He nodded, not wanting to tell her that actually no, he didn't.

'You know how ambitious Sean is - he branched out on his own after a while and I worked for him. We fizzled out then - it wasn't easy dating your boss. Anyway, you know Sean...all those girls around him every day...he was never going to be able to resist.' She laughed. 'Until he met Louise of course...' her tone suddenly became serious. 'He was different with her, everyone could see that.' She trailed off.

'What happened?' Justin knew what had happened between them back in Chester, but wasn't aware of their history before that.

'Sean being Sean.'' She shrugged. 'Couldn't see what a good thing he had and went back to his old ways.' She shook her head. 'I wonder if he'll ever learn.' She smiled, a wistful, affectionate smile.

'What about you and him? Were you never tempted to go back?'

'Never.' She shook her head emphatically. 'I'm happy being his business partner - our relationship has boundaries and we both know exactly where we stand.'

'But you're obviously still...fond of him.' Justin wasn't sure that was the right word to use but he couldn't think how else to describe the bond that obviously existed between them.

'That's all part of Sean's charm! But yes, I am fond of him, but believe me, I'm happy this way.' She turned to smile at him and he saw that there was not a hint of bitterness on her face. It seemed that maybe Sean's reputation was a little undeserved after all.

'So...' he wasn't sure how to ask this without sounding rude and offending her. 'Why are you out here at the moment?'

'Same reason as you - business.'

'What business?'

'I said I was Sean's business partner didn't I? I have a stake in all of his Spanish properties - he can't finalise anything without my signature too.'

'But I thought...'

'You thought I was a waitress?' She smiled.

'Yes...'

'We co-own the restaurant.'

'But why wait on tables?' He was confused.

'I like to get stuck in sometimes - it's more sociable that way. Anyway, my life gets a bit...lonely sometimes.' He heard a forlorn tone in her voice and kept his gaze straight ahead at the sea. 'I like to keep busy...' He drained the last of his beer, wanting to know more, yet at the same time not wanting to know.

'Anyway, enough about me. What about you? What's your story?'

'Has Sean not told you?' He was used to Sean telling everyone how he and Becca had got together, as if he got some vicarious credibility.

'About what? What's your secret?' She raised an eyebrow and laughed.

He found himself telling her everything about Becca. When she tutored him, the visits at the YOI, the trial, Christmas... That seemed like so long ago now he hardly recognised it as 'their' story, things were so different now. She listened patiently, wincing as he recounted his beating from Jake, smiling when he described Ella's birth and frowning when she heard Becca was pregnant again.

'Wow...' She exhaled slowly. 'I wasn't expecting that!' She shook her head. 'How old are you now?'

'Eighteen.' Telling her that, he suddenly felt very young.

'Eighteen... You've got a lot on your plate for an eighteen year old Justin.'

There was nothing accusing in her tone and yet he felt like he needed to defend his relationship with Becca.

'But we're happy. I'm happy.' His voice gave him away as for once he lacked conviction.

'Are you?' Her voice was soft and he turned to face her.

He shook his head slowly.

'No.'

Becca stirred, feeling uncomfortable without Justin by her side. In truth she was grateful for some space, but she missed him already. She lay on her back and stared at the ceiling, thinking back over the past week. He'd taken the news of her pregnancy badly and she knew they hadn't really resolved things. She brushed her hand across her still flat stomach, feeling protective of the life inside her. She understood why - giving up the chance to go to college would be a disaster for all their futures, but he didn't have to, not if he let her Mum help. She knew he wasn't comfortable about it and could see why. He and Margaret were never going to be close - she'd never approve of the way they got together or the age difference and Justin did little to help that situation. He'd been patient early on but had soon lost interest in charming her. It was this arrogance that's he found so attractive...and also so frustrating. They needed to talk about this as soon as he got home - the week apart meant she had plenty of time to construct a logical argument, to make him see that this was the best thing for all of them.

He looked down at the sand, feeling disloyal, yet at the same time relieved that he could be honest with someone.

'I'm not happy about the baby.' There. He'd said it out loud at last. 'It's too much too soon. This job with Sean...it's only a temporary thing. I'm going to college next year...this is just...pin money, to prop us up until Becca's working full time again. I've got plans Maria, ambitions...being a Dad of 2 at nineteen isn't one of them. But Becca can't see it...and I can't see a way out.' And that was the truth. If Becca had the baby that was his life effectively over.

'Surely it's not the best timing for Becca either?' Maria reasoned. 'Why would she want to tie herself down even more?'

'She had a bad time before…a few years ago, she had a termination…she really suffered…' He felt uncomfortable discussing such personal details of Becca's life with Maria. 'She can't go through that again. And I can't make her.'

Maria nodded. 'So what next then?'

'I don't know.'

'You said you can't see a way out…so what will you do?'

'Go with it I suppose. See if we can make it work.'

'Make what work? The situation? Or you two?'

'Both.' He stared at the sea.

She laid her hand on his knee, and he felt her heat as intensely as if he was being branded.

'You only have one life Justin…and it's a short one at that. Don't waste a moment.' She leant across and gave him a gentle kiss on the cheek, her lips barely grazing his skin. 'Night.' She whispered.

Her hand was still on his knee and he turned to look at her, their faces only inches apart.

'Night…' they stared at each other, neither of them moving.