Catching Fire, p423, Peeta's point of view.
We sit, silently on the damp sand, her right shoulder and hip pressed against mine. I watch the jungle, emerald green leaves softly rustling in the light breeze.
I keep rethinking what I should say to Katniss, to make her understand what I would do to keep her alive, that I would do anything to make sure she returns to District 12. But I know there's a part of her that wants to die for me and I can't let her do that, I just can't.
She leans her head on my shoulder and I stroke her hair. Then I take a deep breath and just say it .
"Katniss" I say gently, "it's no use pretending we don't know what the other is trying to do." All I want to do is protect her. "I don't know what kind of deal you've made with Haymitch, but you should know he made me promises as well." I think she already knows this, but I say it anyway.
"So I think we can assume he was lying to one of us." This conclusion was one that I was sure of. Haymitch had promised me that he would try his very best to keep Katniss alive, but judging by the way she has been acting, she has other ideas; to keep me alive and sacrifice herself. Haymitch must be in on the plan, but I desperately want to know if he will follow through with my requests, or hers.
Katniss looks up at me and meets my eyes. I am aware of the urge to be nearer to her, but this isn't the time and besides, I'm not sure if she would want to. I'm never sure now, not after I found out that last time it was all an act. She's so perfect though...
"Why are you saying this now?" She asks me.
Letting the words tumble out of my mouth, I reply, "Because I don't want you forgetting how different our circumstances are. If you die and I live, there's no life for me back at district 12. You're my whole life. I would never be happy again."
I can see she is about to object so I put my finger to her lips to silence her.
"It's different for you. I'm not saying it wouldn't be hard. But there are other people that would make your life worth living."
I take the golden locket from around my neck and show it to her, the engraved mockingjay shimmering in the moonlight. I open it up and present pictures of her family, her mother and Prim laughing and Gale grinning from ear to ear, a rare sight apparently. His mother gave me the photo when I talked to her about my plan to keep Katniss alive, the situation that I was in. She's fond of Katniss, I know, so I don't think she was reluctant to assist me.
"Your family needs you, Katniss," I say.
She needs to realise that to me, her life is my only option. I wonder about mentioning our pretend baby, but somehow it doesn't seem right. This is about us. Not the Capitol. Not anything else other than the truth.
My family doesn't need me compared to hers. I think back to home, the warm bakery and the autumnal scent of leaves and sweet fruit by the apple tree. My mother and my father and my brothers. The bakery can still run if I'm not there. Before the last Hunger Games, I knew that my mother thought that I wasn't going to make it home. I'm sure they will miss me, but time would solve that. To think of home is painful though.
"No one really needs me." I say.
I can see a cloud of thoughts moving across her eyes when I say this. Memories of my family. I watch her bite her lip, deciding if she agrees with me. She doesn't.
"I do. I need you" She breathes.
I feel tears threatening to make an appearance. Please Katniss, please. I need to make you realise what you mean to me.
I take a deep breath, an argument poised on the tip of my tongue. But she leans in before I can speak.
Her kiss is like no other. My insides seem to melt and a tingling heat gushes through me. Several times, I reluctantly try to pull away and argue. That Prim needs her. That Gale needs her. But after a while I give up as my heart takes over. I rest one hand on her waist and hold the other on the back of her neck as I pull her in closer, feeling the way her lips touch mine. We lose ourselves in each other, forgetting about the arena and only thinking of us, in this moment.
The crack of lightning arouses us both and we break apart. Finnick wakes and says with an edge to his voice, "I can't sleep any more. One of you should rest." He rubs his eyes and looks up at us. "Or both of you. I can watch alone." He adds.
"It's too dangerous, I'm not tired. You lie down, Katniss." I say.
I lead her over to where the others lie, put the locket around her neck and place my hand on her stomach.
"You're going to be a great mother, you know." I whisper. I kiss her swiftly on the lips and stare deep into her eyes. Then I stand up and go back to Finnick.
Although my time with Katniss should have satisfied me, it just leaves me wanting more. I want to feel close to her again and feel her body pressed against mine one more time. But I know that may have been the last.
