Disclaimer: Twilight and all of its following books are not mine. I'm especially proud to say that about Breaking Da--... hem hem. I won't go there.
Author's Note: I did this for the 1sentence community on livejournal, for theme set beta. As it is with these sentences, I warn anyone who reads this of cruel overuse of dashes, colons, semi-colons, and parentheses. Also: angst. Tons of it. That's what happens when you pair two ridiculously angsty people together, though.
A Cold and Broken Hallelujah
by Looly
Oh baby I have been here before
I've seen this room and I've walked this floor
You know I used to live alone before I knew you
And I've seen your flag on the marble arch
And love is not a victory march
It's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah
-- Hallelujah by Leonard Cohen
#01 – Walking
Walking, both with one arm around the other's waist, they think to themselves, This is an okay start.
#02 – Waltz
All of the steps are the same, Leah can already tell; the only difference is her partner.
#03 – Wishes
Jacob can see everything Leah wishes for (blood between her legs, a hand caressing a growing stomach, a ring on her finger that looks just like Emily's) but is always, for whatever reason, kind enough to pretend otherwise (won't come true if you tell, you know).
#04 - Wonder
Sometimes Leah sleeps too close during their wolf-y excursions and when she does, Jacob can't sleep at all, haunted by how similar her dreams and nightmares are to his own.
#05 - Worry
Jacob shies away from her more than the others, even more than Sam (still) does, and it doesn't take her long to realize that she is his greatest fear—that one day he will end up just like her: bitter and alone, nothing but a painful reminder to the one he loves most.
#06 - Whimsy
It's nothing serious, Sam thinks as he watches them, a confusing jealousy brimming at his fingertips; it's nothing serious and he smiles, nothing like we were.
#07 - Waste/Wasteland
"What happened to you?" he yells, and she's never appreciated him more than in that moment, as he is first person to ask it with disgust instead of pity.
#08 - Whiskey and rum
"There's never enough," Leah sighs, and, ignoring his nod that says I know what you mean, tosses what might be her tenth bottle at his head just because she can.
#09 - War
They rip and tear and bite at each other because any tenderness would feel too familiar (and they just want to forget), because they know the other can take it and not harbor any
resentment in the morning (they're both warriors, after all).
#10 – Weddings
Two different weddings, one similar thought: this was supposed to be mine.
#11 - Birthday
Watching her slowly age is the hardest part.
#12 - Blessing
"Have fun being a slave to that lake monster for all eternity, Jakey."
#13 – Bias
Eventually she stops telling him to give up on that Bella girl—it's too hard, she knows and knows and knows, to blame the one you love.
#14 - Burning
She hates the little brat, because something is seriously wrong when Leah Clearwater is jealous of a half-vampire-half-human freak of nature.
#15 - Breathing
"Here, Jakey," the little girl says as she presses the inhaler to his lips—Leelee, rubbing his back and whispering into his ear breathe, Jacob, breathe.
#16 - Breaking
There are days that Leah just can't stand the thought of Sam and Emily; on those days, she seeks out dear, vulnerable Jacob, letting her thoughts and memories crash over him like a tidal wave.
#17 - Belief
She never says or thinks it outright—but with Jacob, she never really has to (we're alone because we're not good enough).
#18 - Balloon
When they were little, Jacob had a habit of dragging balloons outdoors and letting go of the strings ("They wanted to fly away, Leelee"), and Leah had smiled and ruffled his hair, pretending not to be sad to see the balloons go away; years later she finds herself wondering where that old habit went ("I love her too much to just let go, Leah").
#19 – Balcony
Shakespeare had been smart enough to recognize it—the horrors of love-at-first-sight—and had been quick to tell the world look, don't you see, it only ends with suffering ("That, or it's a comedy," and for once Leah laughs).
#20 - Bane
The day eventually comes when Leah stops transforming (she's just so good at being the outcast), but instead of relief and freedom, she feels only a deep scalding pain, the ache of being cut off from her pack, from her own.
#21 - Quiet
"Don't ruin this by talking, Jacob," Leah hisses, shoving him against the wall as her fingers tug at his belt.
#22 – Quirks
Seth's eyes widen as they catch up, greeting them with an, Oh, that's gross, you guys!
#23 - Question
Leah can see that question in Jacob's eyes, that question that she asked herself so many times not so long ago (what do I do now?), and some small part of her hopes he finds a better answer than she did.
#24 - Quarrel
"I'll fight you for him, you know," she says to the small child in her lap, and as two tiny hands take hold of her face, Leah can feel the sad but unsurprised reply of, I know.
#25 - Quitting
Childhood dreams of fairy tale endings have long been forgotten, thrown out with everything else they've realized they're not allowed to have (it's those very fairy tales that screwed them over to begin with, anyway).
#26 - Jump
She only ever knew what it was like to want a relationship, to jump in headfirst, confident of what she wanted and why—to slowly and unwittingly and accidentally fall into one was something completely different.
#27 - Jester
It's not that bad, being able to make someone (anyone) laugh (Hey, Jacob, what do you call a blonde with two brain cells?).
#28 – Jousting
"Fight me!" and the other is always quick to respond.
#29 – Jewel
His face is red and he can't find his voice and man, he looks ready to kill but she won't let go; "Give me one good reason to forgive you, Jacob, and I might reconsider fixing you."
#30 – Just
"Why Jacob, Leah?" Sam asks, and for once Leah doesn't wonder if he means why Jacob or just plain old why; for the first time in a long time, she simply doesn't care.
#31 - Smirk
…So, you got in a fight over Jacob? Seth thinks, and laughs while Leah visualizes his smirking face—right before her fist collides with his right eye (Shut it or I'll eat you).
#32 - Sorrow
He says the words one night, and with a bitter laugh she replies, "Oh, Jake, you know you don't have to lie to me like that," and ignores the ache she feels as his shoulders relax, relieved from the burden of having to love her.
#33 – Stupidity
"Please," Leah says, with a tired voice and tired eyes and he swears she sounds human, "Please don't do that again, Jacob."
#34 - Serenade
"I've seen this room and I've walked this floor," he murmurs into her hair, feels her shift in his arms and give him an annoyed look; "Sorry, just thinking aloud," and ignores the roll of her eyes (it's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah).
#35 - Sarcasm
"You used to be so nice," he says in all seriousness, but Leah must have heard it wrong because the next moment his nose is bloody and crooked.
#36 - Sordid
"Do it, it's not like Sam didn't near the end," she says warmly as she pulls Jacob into bed (but still, what she wouldn't give for a man to cry out Leah during sex instead of biting back the name of another).
#37 – Soliloquy
People call her lots of things when they think she can't hear; Jacob is the first to make sure she can.
#38 – Sojourn
Leah's always ready, always watching and waiting—for the day his eyes dull, when his voice sounds just a bit too far away, when his touch searches for places that recall the shape of another—because this won't last, nothing ever does.
#39 - Share
They share a lot of things (rejection loneliness anger regret too many things)—adding a bed to the list might not make it all better, but it sure as hell can't make things worse.
#40 - Solitary
"You'll forget about me soon enough," Leah says with a cold smile and careless shrug, because she knows, knows that soon she will be left in the dust, left to wonder why everyone but her was allowed to forget.
#41 - Nowhere
They're tragic, really—never quite enough for the ones they want, never quite enough for each other.
#42 - Neutral
He crushes his lips against hers, desperate to feel something—anything—but it's too late.
#43 - Nuance
The stings will never fade, never disappear, but when they're together they can almost forget that those stings ever existed in the first place.
#44 - Near
After Sam, she's never really around anymore, floating from place to place like a dead leaf in the wind, and in a time when he can remember her warm smile but is still too young to know what a broken heart can do to a person… well, he kind of misses her.
#45 - Natural
"We'd be good for each other," she murmurs into his neck, and for once he doesn't pull away.
#46 – Horizon
"One day me and Seth are going to die, Jacob," Leah says, steady and thoughtful, for once not quite so vindictive; "I know," Jacob replies just as steadily, eyes closing because he knows he will live to see it all; and together, they wait.
#47 - Valiant
Jacob defines bravery by running away, by heroic sacrifice; Leah defines it by the will to stay, by pride in the face of disgrace.
#48 - Virtuous
She hates him, sometimes, for being too good of a man to just lie (No, he had said, sorry but not sorry enough to spare her the truth, No, I don't think I ever could).
#49 - Victory
Sometimes they dream of it—dream of a time in which, though they never do imprint, they never actually need to.
#50 - Defeat
But in the end, they come to understand what Sam and Bella knew all along: that pain, that confusing and terrible pain of wanting to love someone so unbelievably much, but never being able to.
19: Romeo and Juliet reference. Just... y'know... in case anyone didn't get that.
27: The answer is, "Pregnant." Because Leah's cruel that way.
34: Hallelujah by Leonard Cohen. It's a beautiful song, and the basis for the title of this set. :D
And that's that. I've spent that past three months working on this sucker--there were a few that just eluded me for a while, and then recently I got into my writing again and finished. So, I hope y'all enjoy it. Reviews are always appreciated!