Heartbreak Made Me A Killer

A Twilight Fanfiction

No. I am not a killer. I never decided to stick a knife into a guy's heart. No, I certainly never meant for James to die at my feet, begging for forgiveness. It wasn't me; it was the heartbreak.

Heartbreak made me a killer.

How was a young girl supposed to react when she found that the guy she loved, mind you the only man she had ever loved had been taking her for a ride the entire time? How was I supposed to feel when I saw James with that redhead in a fancy restaurant, the place he called special for me? And what was I supposed to think when instead of getting an explanation, I was handed a set of cruel words. "Sorry Alice, you're cool and all, well no you're a freak, but it was really fun for us to mess around together. But Victoria and I, we were always destined to be together. You were just a cover up; so that Vicky and I could spend more time together under the radar."

Destined to be together. Those were the words he had always told me. And to hear James say that he was destined to her simply broke my heart. I think I remembered running from the restaurant screaming, with tears flowing like a river down my face. I remember flashes of concerned faces as I ran; all I wanted to do was get away from James. Get away from his promises. His deceptions, his lies.

I can't remember how I managed to get back to my apartment that night. I just remember collapsing outside my door, sobbing uncontrollably. I knew my flatmate, Rosalie was out for the night but even then I just hammered foolishly at my own door, delirious and unable to find the strength to fish around for my keys. I just slumped there, crying.

I don't now for how long but it couldn't have been less than half an hour. My mind was in a dark gloomy place but somewhere, someone was asking me my name.

"Alice?" The voice asked. "Alice, what happened? Are you alright?"

I had to blink to clear the tears from my eyes and that's when I saw the hazy outline of Jasper Whitlock. He was Rosalie's cousin and lived in the flat just down the hall. Somehow, and I can't quite remember how, although it may have something to do with taking the key from my handbag, Jasper managed to get me inside where I fell onto the worn out sofa and cried myself to sleep instead.

It was way past noon when I woke up with eyes as puffy as tennis balls. Rosalie had gone to class, after leaving me a note which asked 'Do you wanna talk about it?' clearly referring to what had happened. Somehow, I managed to snort and threw it in the bin. Did I want to talk? Heck no. Did I want to crawl into a hole and die? Sounded like a plan.

Except then I heard a knock on the door, which I originally ignored except the bastard just kept on knocking. I flung the damn thing open and then he was standing there, grinning as though there was no reason he shouldn't be standing there. I tried to slam the door but he wedged it open with his foot and then strolled in as though the apartment was his. I followed him into the kitchen; I could practically feel myself shaking with suppressed fury.

That's when I saw that asshole open the fridge and take out a can of Rose's favourite beer.

And that's when a snapped.

I realized that he had broken my heart and then stamped on the pieces. I saw in that flaming second that he had cause me more pain and more hurt than anyone else I had ever met. And I felt that, IF I HAD TO LIVE FOREVER WITH THIS GREIF, THEN HE HAD TO SUFFER AS WELL!

It was over in seconds. I grabbed the knife and plunged it into the centre of his chest. This was the moment that all sound stopped too. I could see James' mouth open into a comical 'O' by I was deaf to his screams for mercy and forgiveness; after all did he ever give a shit about me? The knife fell, once, twice, maybe a couple more and soon he was on the floor, lying in a pool of his own blood.

I remember feeling so happy, so elated like a great big weight had been lifted off my shoulders. I think I walked over to the fridge and drank a whole can of coke, not once caring about the dead body at my feet.

A few hours, Rosalie got home. She saw me and started screaming. Really, really really loud – like a fucking banshee. I think she alerted the whole apartment block or something, which then ended up with some mongrel calling the cops which turned up to arrest me. Them dragging me out of the building was a huge rush; it was a blur of colours, faces and people. I think someone asked me whether I had an explanation for what just happened and I think I only said the same thing, over and over.

"It was the heartbreak. Heartbreak made me a killer."

And that's how I ended up in the holding cell at the police station. Here, I got a white and brown tiled floor which was absolutely filthy with speckles of dirt and a narrow wooden bench. I had walls and a bolted metal door. Hallelujah. I'd already had this copper say that I would 'be detained under suspicion for the murder of James Lafferty'. I remembered scoffing; I was for lack of a better term – uncaring.

Rose had given me a visit as well. She started talking to me, giving me this crap "I just want to understand why you did it. This isn't the Alice I know." Who is the Alice you know? "You can tell me anything and everything. I won't judge you." Go to hell Rosalie. You're judging me right now; you're patronizing me. You're implying that I'm stupid. Don't you even dare to call me stupid when you're the one who's so blind you can't see the obvious?

So, I had spent the whole conversation brooding and glaring so quickly Rosalie left me to my own devices.

It was now past six. I had already been locked up in the stink hole for three hours when I heard the metallic screeching sound of my door being opened. It was a young policeman who told me that I had a special visitor who was also apparently my lawyer. He took me down to the interview rooms but for the entire walk I was thinking: who the hell was this lawyer? I didn't have one and I certainly had not requested one, so when I was led into the room, the only thing I could feel was shock.

There, standing in an impeccable white shirt, contrasted vividly to denim jeans was Jasper Whitlock.

He was no attorney. I knew he was studying law but that didn't mean he suddenly had the fucking ability to represent someone in the legal system. The door snapped shut. It was just me and him. Alone.

"You're not a lawyer." I said breaking the uncomfortable silence; I had intended to be cold and snappish (like I had been to Rosalie) but somehow the coldness just died in her throat. There was a static silence as the breathing of two uncertain people was the only sound in the room.

"It was the only way they'd let me see you, alone." He stated and I was vaguely surprised. Why would he even want to see me? Alone? Of all things?

"Why?" I whispered; I found that my voice was hoarse. There were a few more seconds of silence where I could hear the mechanical ticking of the fluorescent lighting.

His back had been turned away from me until this moment but here he turned. For the first time since I met him, I noticed his eyes – a shade of brown so light they could pass for topaz; and those eyes were staring into mine with a dazzling intensity. I saw so much: devotion and desperation and then there was more: torment and agony. I found myself wanting to take a step backwards, to get away from this blizzard of emotions but my feet stayed rooted in place.

For a minute, two frozen statues gazed into each other.

"You killed him." His voice was so soft that my ears strained to catch each work. "Why?"

So many had asked the same thing and I had given them the same answer. Heartbreak made me a killer. Yet even as I wanted to repeat those same words, they were altered halfway in my throat.

"He killed me first." I said. "I'd given him everything I had. I'd loved him with every inch of my being. But he betrayed me. He never cared for me. All that time he was seeing Victoria-bitch behind my back. I GAVE HIM MY HEART AND HE TORE IT TO PIECES!"

I was screaming profanities by now. I found myself unbelievably angry at everything James had done to me. I sank against the wall and sagged towards the floor, well aware that my face was a flood of tears. I buried my face in my arms. I heard movement beside me, an indicator that Jasper was sliding down the wall. I could feel the warmth of his presence; he was crouching right next to me.

"I would never have hurt you." That low whisper was so quiet I could have sworn he was muttering to himself.

But either way I turned my head. He wasn't looking at me, staring towards the ground; his lips were twitching as though he was trying to say something. I was now slightly curious as he blurted out.

"Alice, I think I'm in love with you."

I stared at him, blank.

And then my brain went into overdrive. WTF? Where had this come from? Why, why, why in the world would he even care about messed up me? I was catonic and according to federal police – a murderer. Why did he come? Why did he want to see me to deliver those words? Like the bastard who had repeated the same sentiments before, I was insignificant compared to him and the prospects of my future wasn't exactly fine living.

I was gaping, searching for a catch: just one too many blinks of his eyes would unravel the entire lie. But he appeared sincere and if I squinted, I could see the trace of a tear.

"Correction. I know I'm in love with you, Alice" He amended. "I have been ever since Rose introduced me to her flatmate and newest best friend. I knew that you were special the moment I saw you – so radiantly beautiful; you were a free spirit, living as though nothing in the world could upset you. You were at peace, like an angel in the sky; even if all we exchanged was a 'hello' in the corridor, just hearing your voice would make me smile. I wanted to ask you out but then James, that mule, beat me to it. If you were happy with him, then I was ready to simply let you two be.

But you weren't happy when you learned the truth were you? And that's what's absolutely killing me, Alice. If I had known that he was a lying sleuthing cheater, I would have beaten him black and blue, damn the consequences. He had the most amazing and perfect girl, don't you see? And he cheated on you for some common filth!"

We were both crying by this point. I was sobbing about how different everything could have been if I had never met James and never agreed to go on a date with him. Then, I would never have been consumed with this grief, nor landed in this mess which was likely only to take me to a prison cell. I felt my head fall loosely onto his shoulder and his arm was relocated around me, wrapping me into a hug.

"I wish I could have asked you out earlier. I wish that it wasn't me saying that I loved you now and that it was me reassuring you that you are and mean the world to me. And I want you to know that I would never hurt you like that scumbag did. And when I'm with you, I don't ever think about anyone else; they're not important, but you are." He continued.

Within the fit of sobbing, I somehow became even more aware of Jasper sitting beside me. He was gazing with a pained intensity into my eyes and I felt myself shift automatically closer, wanting to get closer to him. The one who genuinely loved me. It was like electricity and like a spark had ignited within me; my body weight was moving forwards.

And we kissed.

It was colours. It was exuberant reds, greens and purples that I had never experienced before. The lips moving against me were quivering with a fiery passion and I was consumed by a bubbly layer of endless devotion. It was a moment of magic; so beautiful that I could imagine myself floating in the land of the fairies.

But all too soon, reality reared its ugly head. And I was back at a prison.

I looked over at Jasper, wanting to say something, anything to describe the magnificence of what I had just felt. But words just couldn't form that could possibly be enough. In just wallowed in his embrace. It was only when a police officer knocked on the door and came in did I realize how much time had passed. Jasper helped me up.

"Plead temporary insanity." He said swiftly.

What? My confusion must have shown on my face.

"Alice, you're not going to go to jail." He stated with a confidence so great I had no choice but to believe him. "We'll plead temporary insanity. Any jury with half a brain would realise that you normally wouldn't do this. You're not going to jail, Alice. You won't. "

"You promise?" I whispered. You promise you won't let anything bad happen to me?

"Yes Alice, I promise."

Hey everybody and thanks for reading my latest one shot. I've been trying to write an Alice and Jasper fic for quite a while now so am quite pleased to finally have something completed and uploaded. I hope that you guys all enjoyed reading this as well and will be kind enough to tell me what you think. Good, bad? And maybe suggestions for other Alice/Jasper fanfictions that I might try to work. Currently, I'm trying to compose some ideas for if Jasper (vampire) met the human Alice but can't yet create a decent plotline. So, please review! :D

~livebyinsanity