Secrets Shared

Captain Jack Harkness glanced up from his paperwork to the CCTV to see the lift lower into the Hub. Gwen stood there, drooping with sadness, while Ianto was waiting to meet her, a cup of tea in hand. Jack knew that she had just come back from visiting Nikki and let out a frustrated sigh. What a mess. Why couldn't Gwen have listened to him just once? Now he had to figure out something to tell Tosh and Owen and Ianto was having nightmares again. Flat Holm was not a secret that was meant to be shared, hadn't he learned his lesson from the last time.

Gwen wandered into his office and dropped into a chair, hand rubbing at her forehead as if she could erase the headache that seemed to have taken up residence. Placing the tea cup on his desk, she wouldn't meet his eyes, preferring to stare just slightly off to the right over his shoulder.

"Sorry." One word but it said so much. Sorry, I didn't listen. Sorry, you were right. Sorry, I should have left well enough alone.

It was all he needed from her. Until the next time.

"I know that you get angry with me when I don't tell you things. I should share more with you, all of you, but some things you are going to have to accept that I won't share with you for a reason." Jack paused as he saw Ianto hovering outside his office door and gave him a wave to come in.

Ianto held out a cup which Jack accepted gratefully and took a sip, savoring the flavor.

"Ianto, did Jack give you a hard time for helping me?" Gwen watched as the two men exchanged smiles.

"We've....reached an understanding," Ianto gave her a gentle smile, grateful for her concern.

Leaning back in his chair, Jack put his feet on his desk. "I knew Ianto would do something. He's been pushing for me to tell you all about Flat Holm ever since I came back from the Doctor."

"Jack, it's a lot for two people to handle. What if something had happened to me while you were away? Flat Holm is not something you should have to hide from your own team." Ianto didn't want to argue in front of Gwen but he felt strongly about this issue.

"Ianto." Jack's voice had a warning tone to it. He was too tired to get into this now.

Hoping to head off an argument, Gwen remembered something that she had been wondering about for a few days. "Ianto, how do you know about Flat Holm? I'm a bit surprised that Owen, as a doctor, doesn't know." The 'and you did' went unspoken.

Jack lifted a questioning eyebrow in Ianto's direction. Ianto gave a slight nod of consent so it was Jack who gave Gwen her answer. "You're looking at the only person to ever escape from Flat Holm Island." Jack seemed proud, his voice almost joyful, as he poked a finger in Ianto's direction.

"What! When?" Gwen was speechless.

Another silent conversation took place between Jack and Ianto and ended when Ianto abruptly left the room, closing the door gently behind him. Jack started to pace around his small office.

"He doesn't like to talk about it," Jack explained to Gwen. "Most of it is broken images anyway, bits of a nightmare that flash occasionally. Have you ever wondered how Ianto came to Torchwood in the first place? Not here, but to London Torchwood."

Gwen shook her head. No, she had never really considered that question. She knew that Ianto had been a part of Canary Wharf, of course, but she had always been afraid of asking him specific questions about his time in London, worried it would bring up disturbing memories for him.

Looking out his window, Jack saw Ianto perched on the edge of the couch, staring off into space. "When Ianto was 17, he and his mother were taken by the rift. You have to understand, back then, I didn't have a team. Torchwood one sent me help every couple of months but no one stayed for long. I didn't realize it at the time, I was working on another mission, but when the rift spat them back out, one of the temporary guys rescued him and took him to Flat Holm."

"What about his mum?"

"The police found her first and took her to Providence Park. She had been a patient there before and it was a good cover story so we left her where she was."

Gwen was silent as she thought about these new revelations. Even after two years, Ianto still was full of surprises. She shuddered at the thought of him being in the institution at Flat Holm and wondered if he ever went back there with Jack. She turned her attention to Jack to ask but he was lost in thought.

Biting his lip, Jack thought back to the time Ianto had accompanied him to Flat Holm.

***

Jack jumped on the dock as soon as the boat hit and helped to tie it down. He turned back to lend a hand to his companion who was still standing in the boat.

Ianto was pale, his body tight with tension. "Jack, what is this place? It's…familiar somehow." It was twilight and the silence was almost eerie, making him shiver a bit as he glanced around in the fading light.

"It's a place that houses victims of the rift, the ones that have come back. C'mon." Jack carefully made his way up the stony path as he heard the younger man following him.

They stopped outside a door as Jack fiddled in his pocket for his key. Ianto reached out to touch the faded, peeling paint on the concrete wall.

"I've been here before, Jack," he said unsteadily.

"Ianto, that's impossible. Not many people know about this place, not even within Torchwood one. Highly restricted access. Maybe you're remembering a TV program or pictures you saw."

The younger man tried to shake off the strange déjà vu feeling. "You're probably right. There are a lot of run down buildings on small deserted islands in Wales." He tried for a bit of humor to lighten his mood.

They made their way through the quiet corridors until they reached the main room, which was deserted except for Nurse Helen, who was obviously waiting for them.

Giving Helen a hug, Jack gestured to Ianto. "Helen, this is Ianto. He works with me and I thought it might be good for you to have another contact on my team in case you need anything and I'm unavailable. Ianto…Ianto?"

Nervously running his fingers through his hair, Ianto had wandered a short distance away, spinning slowly around as he looked at the room, taking in the chairs, the couches, the television set. "This place, Jack…I was here. I sat in that chair. My room, it was… No." He let out a low moan and sank down on his knees, his hands cradling his head.

"Ianto!" Jack moved quickly and sat down on the floor to cradle the other man to him. He was baffled, not sure what was happening, as Ianto clutched at his coat and sobbed in his arms.

****

Forcing himself back to the present, Jack attempted to calm the sadness that bubbled up as he thought back to that day. He took a deep breath. "I had taken Ianto with me to Flat Holm after our disastrous adventure in the county. I thought it might help him, give him a new focus, plus I was feeling the pressure of keeping the place going by myself." He had also hoped that by sharing such a secret with Ianto, it would help their rapidly deepening relationship, show Ianto that he was trusted and respected. "Going there, his mind broke through the retcon he had been given."

Horrified, Gwen whispered, "Retcon?"

The office door swung open as Ianto stood in the doorway, his eyes red rimmed from tears but his voice cold as ice and filled with resolve. "They retconned me. I don't remember much from the rift but the damage was minor. I spent two days recovering and then the next two days angry as hell and planning my escape." He gave them a grim look as the memories came flooding back. He had been so frightened but knew he hadn't belonged in that strange place and was determined leave.

Jack reached for his hand and pulled him into the room. "Even back then my Ianto was clever and resilient." He gave Ianto's hand a small squeeze and let go, continuing the story. "When the nurses discovered he was missing, they called here and one of the temporary guys picked him up. I was still out of town so they gave him retcon and sent him back to his life. The whole incident was forgotten because I was fed up with the latest help and shipped their asses back to London."

"And Torchwood's been after me ever since. I made it onto someone's list of 'people to recruit so they don't cause more trouble' and after university, they made me an offer I couldn't refuse." Ianto felt raw, the remembering and the talking stirring up emotions long locked away and he moved away from the others, trying to get himself back under control.

Jack realized that Ianto was on edge but would not want Gwen to be a witness to the breakdown that he knew was coming. Flat Holm would always be an open wound, even for all the good it did for the others. He felt that Ianto had been brave in not only helping Gwen get there, but helping her through the aftermath, at risk of his own mental stress. "Ok, so now you know, Gwen. Another piece of the puzzle that is Ianto Jones. I'm sure you can understand why we keep this a secret, why we don't tell this story often." He gave Gwen a hug, and casually held her arm while subtly leading her to the door.

Gwen could recognize a dismissal when one was thrown her way but she pulled out of Jack's grasp and went over to Ianto, throwing her arms around him. "I'm sorry, so sorry. Thank you for sharing your secret with me."

Patting her on the back awkwardly, Ianto whispered some words of forgiveness hoping that would be enough for the woman. He couldn't handle Gwen's pity right now.

Letting Jack drag her away, she quietly said goodnight and left quickly. As gathered her coat and bag from her desk, she glanced back to Jack's office. Jack had his arms around Ianto, one hand stroking his hair and the other rubbing his back. Ianto's face was buried in Jack's shoulder, hands clutching his sleeves.

Gwen made a promise to herself that next time she wouldn't make a fuss about secrets. There were some secrets she didn't need, or want, to know.

.