All the reasons she loved him were obvious. They were in the slight twitch of his fingers and the silly little way in which he stood, his feet pointed inward. There wasn't a mean bone in his body. He was sweet and soft-spoken, if anyone had the ear to listen. She always did. Whenever that soft, lisping voice spoke, she felt her soul come to life.
How could she leave him? Leaving her house, leaving her troubles meant ultimately leaving him and she would die before she caused him pain. They were close. It had been a foursome for the length of their youth before propriety and schooling had forced the boys and girls to be separate.
They had their moments. Their stolen, quiet moments after school. It was quiet in the woods, in their safe place by the river. Lately, however, he seemed troubled. More troubled than he usually was, anyway. He seemed restless and too tired at the same time. He was afraid to touch her but that had never been a problem.
She didn't like being touched. Not ever.
But this moment was unlike any other. He seemed afraid and yearning all at the same time. His eyes kept meeting hers and then looking away, far away, anywhere but the green eyes that begged him to speak. She needed to know. Had to know what was wrong.
There was a darkness that seemed to be surrounding him. A darkness she could identify well enough. She didn't know what was causing it, only that she wanted desperately to free him from it. But how could she? How could she begin to free him if she couldn't even free herself?
Finally, she held him close and pretended not to feel the wetness of his tears. He shook in her arms and, for the first time, she felt comfortable with someone's arms around her. He was safe. He was so safe. He would never hurt her.
'I'll go tonight.' She resolved, inhaling slowly to calm her pounding heart. 'I'll go tonight and free myself and I'll come back for Moritz.'
She pulled back and ran her fingers through the unruly hair of the boy she loved. The only boy she could ever imagine loving. "No more sadness, Moritz. I promise you everything will be okay."