AN: This fic was written at request of a friend: '009'.
Thank you for the inspiration! This follows my earlier story 'Paris, Here We Come!', and is about the class reunion Bill mentions to Q there.
The day William Tanner had been dreading for two weeks had finally arrived, and even though he had thought a lot about simply not attending today's event, in the end he had decided not to be a coward, take a deep breath and just jump into the cold water; so to say. So that was what had brought him to the door of one of the most famous restaurants in London on this otherwise quite normal and average late autumn Saturday evening, vehemently cursing himself inwardly and wishing for the night to end very quickly and as painlessly as possible.
Of course he wouldn't get his wish granted.
"Billy? Oh, guys, look! This is Billy!" – Shouted one of his old classmates, called Jeremy, who had spent a great part of their time together at high school picking on 'Pimpled Billy', making the even normally awkward teenage years just a tad bit more unbearable for the poor boy. – "I see you have lost your spots somewhere along the way, mate! That's great!"
Bill winced and closed the door behind himself, resigned to the fact that there wasn't any escape for him anymore. He had been spotted by his old classmates already, so he had to spend at least the shortest acceptable amount of time in their company before he'd be able to leave.
What had he been thinking? He shouldn't have come. So what if that was the 30th anniversary of their graduation? It only showed how old they were, nothing more or less. It was not something they should be celebrating at any rate if anyone asked him. Unfortunately, nobody did.
"Bill, come on, sit down! We're just about to start telling each other about our lives and what has happened to us since the last time we met!" – Shouted Clara excitedly, drawing her chair a bit to the site to make place for him between herself and Judy, another former classmate. The Chief of Staff had actually liked both of them well enough during their schoolyears and felt instantly grateful to be able to sit near them instead of other, less agreeable people. – "You didn't attend the last two meetings, so you'll have a lot to say, I hope!" – She finished as he sat down, and thrust a menu into his hands. – "Also, we have all ordered already, so pick something quickly."
Bill took the menu with a forced smile and – seeing all eyes fixed on him – explained as apologetically as he could:
"I'm sorry for being late. I had to work today and only now managed to escape." – In reality, he hadn't been to MI6 that day at all but had been sitting in his car in front of the restaurant for over an hour before having gathered enough courage to actually enter. But they didn't have to know that.
"Nah, it's okay, Billy. We understand. Being on time has never been one of your strengths, has it? I remember when you missed the entire Spanish class… Oh, well, I guess it was because you were crying in the bathroom because some guys had picked on you in Sports. Sorry, I shouldn't have mentioned it; it must still be a sore memory…" – Shrugged Jeremy, never mentioning that he himself had been one of the boys picking on teenage Bill. – "So, where were we?"
And with that, to his great relief, Bill was already forgotten as the first one of his old classmates (a skinny, blond man called Mickey) started to tell them all about his absolutely wonderful family and the fabulous job he had.
The poor man just sat there red-faced, let Judy pat his shoulder comfortingly, numbly nodded to her 'Do not mind him, he's always been a prick!', and tried to remember why he was there in the first place.
'There are people I like. I want to see them. I want to know about them. I don't care about bullies. I'm an adult…' – He chanted to himself.
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The story-telling had been going on for about half an hour now. Bill had spent that time trying to block everything out and concentrate on his food instead; but not with much success. Not even the world's most wonderful parmesan crusted chicken could make him totally ignore how others all seemed to have a perfect life. Everyone but him.
Mickey – the first to speak – had told them about his two daughters and loving, always understanding wife. Lilla, the next, had boasted about her blooming career as a business woman and how she had still managed to raise her son without problems – owing the self-sacrificing help of her husband, of course. Said son was already over twenty and the epitome of the perfect gentleman. 'Just like his father.' Peter had told them about having three children, a dog and a huge house in the suburbs, and that he wanted to buy a bigger car in the near future. Also, he had a feeling it wouldn't be long before he'd become a grandfather. 'I think I'm going to be the first of you all.' – He had teased.
And so it went on and on. By the sixth person Bill wanted to hit his head rhythmically onto the table so that he wouldn't have to hear any more details of their 'miraculous', 'amazing', 'astonishing', 'breath-taking'… lives. And then think about his own simple, work-filled one. With no family to speak of. It was just so unfair.
"Bill, are you all right?" – Asked Judy worriedly. – "You seem a bit pale."
"Ahm… Yes, Jud, thanks. I'm just a bit tired, that's all. You know, work and all…"
"Well, if you're sure…"
"Billy never liked speaking in front of the class." – Remarked another of his ex-tormentors sarcastically. – "Maybe he's just worried because it's his turn soon."
"Shut up, Gary." – Warned him Clara then turned to her left. – "Are you quite sure you're all right?"
"Yes, yes. Fine. I'll just step out for a minute if you'll excuse me. You all continue, I'll be back soon." – And with that he all but fled into the toilet.
There, he leaned against the wall with a heavy sigh and took out his cell. Should he…? Well, his hands decided for him for he found himself already dialing the number he knew best, as if his fingers were moving on their own accord.
- Bill, hi. What's up?
- Q, sorry for disturbing you, I just… well. I hope it's not an inconvenient time?
- No, of course not. 003 just left and 008 is only scheduled to come for briefing early in the morning, so it should be quiet here for a while. We'll run diagnostics during the night. Why do you ask? Do you or M need something? I thought you had free for two days.
- I have. I'm on the class reunion right now. The one I told you about in Paris.
- Oh? I thought it was tomorrow. Wait a minute… It is tomorrow, right? I guess I forgot to go home again… It's a good thing the kittens are here with me; at least I can't forget to take care of them this way...
- Son, we've talked about this. You need to rest!
- Yeah, yeah. I know. So, did you want to say something?
- No, I… I don't know. I hate this. I hate them!
- Did they do something to you? Did they make fun of you? Do I need to send faulty software updates to their cells? I could set their ringtones to something entirely annoying, erase all the saved numbers, or-
- I don't think Gary and Jeremy would stop because of their phones playing funny, to tell you the truth…
- Gary and Jeremy? Tell me more about them and I'll-
- No, it's okay. I just fled out because they were all talking about their lives and soon it would have been my turn… I hope it'll be over by the time I get back and everyone will have forgotten about me. Though I highly doubt… There's 18 of us… Maybe I should just climb out the window and go home?
- Don't be silly, Bill, you don't have anything to be ashamed of! What's wrong with telling them you have a great job and lots of friends who love and respect you?
- I can't tell them much about my work and I don't have a family to boast about either… They know I'm divorced and without children and they all look at me with those pitying eyes… I hate it!
- Yeah, of course, because their own families are all just perfect.
- As a matter of fact: they are. Bright, hard-working and successful kids, understanding spouses, loving grandparents to help them…
- Naturally. You know… That gives me an idea. Go back and enjoy yourself, but don't say anything about your life just yet. Stall for time.
- What? For how long? What are you thinking about?
- For as long as it'll be needed. You'll see!
Bill stared at his phone a whole minute after the teenager had abruptly disconnected the call. What might that young menace be planning? Well, whatever it was, he certainly didn't envy Gary and Jeremy. The Chief of Staff didn't doubt for a minute that the boy could find out everything about them in two minutes just from their given names and the fact that he knows they had been his classmates.
Maybe this evening would be interesting after all.
Q * Q * Q * Q * Q * Q * Q * Q * Q * Q * Q * Q * Q * Q * Q
"Sorry, urgent call." – He said as an explanation as he took his seat again between the two women.
"No bad news, I hope?" – Asked Clara.
"Oh, no, no. Quite the contrary, actually."
So he continued with dessert (a slice of baked almond, banana and blueberry cheesecake) much happier than before. He was now also able to completely ignore his other former classmates' reports about their stellar lives. He couldn't wait for Q to do whatever he was going to do. Some of these snobs really needed any prank they would get.
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Just when it soon would have been Bill's turn to speak (he'd already had to fake a coughing fit for them to move over without interrogating him), the door of the restaurant opened and a small, skinny, wild-haired whirlwind with glasses arrived. Everyone stared at the apparition as the boy – maybe a bit shyly so – cleared his throat. He looked a bit out of breath as well, as if he had been running to get here.
"Ahm… Dad, I'm sorry to disturb you, but it's important…" – He said, shrugging his shoulders but not really looking sorry at all.
The members of the reunion looked at each other in search for who the 'dad' could be. Nobody had ever seen that boy before and he didn't resemble any of them, so they were at a loss.
Tanner was dumbfounded. Had the boy finally lost it? What was he doing barging in here, calling someone – him? – dad? As soon as he wanted to open his mouth to say something, the door opened again, and Moneypenny entered – much more gracefully than Q had done just a few seconds ago.
"Benny, I told you to wait for me! Oh, sorry, dear. Has Benny told you?"
"I haven't, Mom, I just arrived as well."
Mom? Were they both crazy?
One of his old classmates had just had enough and asked:
"Who are you looking for, ma'am? I don't think that young man's 'dad' is here. This is a private event you see."
"Of course my son's dad is here. He's my soon-to-be husband, Bill Tanner." – Answered proudly Moneypenny, and everyone gasped out loud. Billy Tanner with a supermodel girl like that!? Impossible!
"Dad, I know you said you didn't want to be disturbed during the reunion. I know you've wanted to see your friends for ages, but the Prime Minister herself wants to talk with you. We've been making up excuses for you for an hour already, but…" – He finished, looking at Eve as if asking for help.
"Yes, dear, I'm sorry. It sounds really important."
"The Prime Minister?" – Asked at least three people at once.
"Well, yeah. My dad works in the Parliament." – Stated Q simply. – "It's not unusual for members of the Government or even the Royal Family to call him."
"Bill, I didn't know you had such a wonderful job… and a son and a wife…" – Clara looked uncertain. She had known about the divorce and also that they hadn't had a child with his ex-wife.
"Ahm…" – In reality, Bill hadn't known about that either. Q hadn't told him he was planning to play theater. – "Well, my son is…"
"Adopted." – Finished the boy for him, helping him out of his misery. – "Nearly two years ago. My parents were ambassadors in Peru and they were killed… Well, it wasn't pretty."
"Oh, my God!"
"It's okay. Dad and Mom are great. They've really helped me cope."
"And what's your name, young man?"
"It's Benjamin." – Said Q.
"It's Benevolent." – Said Moneypenny at the same time.
Everyone blinked.
"Ahm… well, okay… It is indeed Benevolent." – Admitted the boy, shooting a killer look at his 'mom'. Eve just smiled at him sweetly. – "But I prefer Benjamin. It's 'Ben' either way."
"Or Benny." – Teased Moneypenny and Tanner had a sudden forbidding feeling the boy would get revenge on her somehow soon enough, if the look on his face was anything to go by. Eve finally seemed to have realized the danger, so she quickly changed the subject. – "Anyway, you should call him back. The Prime Minister, I mean."
"Yes, right. Of course." – Tanner didn't know what to do, so he let himself be led by Moneypenny out of the restaurant onto the street again. – "And Ben?" – He asked halfway out.
"Oh, I'm sure he can find something to do while he's waiting for us, dear, don't you worry about him."
Q * Q * Q * Q * Q * Q * Q * Q * Q * Q * Q * Q * Q * Q * Q
"Eve, what's going on here?" – Asked Tanner as soon as they were far enough so that nobody would see or hear them.
"Don't ask me. I'm just playing along with that crazy boy."
"I think you may have angered him with that name a bit."
"I know. I couldn't resist… I'll just have to make it up to him; get Paddington a new outfit or something."
"What do you think he's doing inside?"
"Don't know. Probably talking to them."
"And how long do we have to stay here?"
"He said at least ten minutes. Oh, and we have to look as if we had been kissing when we get back."
"WHAT!?"
"I'm just following instructions."
"But why?"
"Because he has threatened not to build any more hidden weapons into my high heels if I don't. That boy knows my pressure points."
"Oh, dear."
"Yes, 'oh, dear' is about right."
Q * Q * Q * Q * Q * Q * Q * Q * Q * Q * Q * Q * Q * Q * Q
"So, Benny, it's a surprise. We didn't know about Bill adopting a boy. Or having a girlfriend."
"Yes, well. Dad's very busy. He's sorry he can't be in touch with you guys more often. He respects all of you very much. I'm sure he wanted to tell you about these all himself."
"I'm sure he did." – Remarked Jeremy sarcastically.
The boy turned to him.
"I'm at the same school as your older son, Mr. Sommers. I'm sorry about what happened to him, but I'm sure the judge will understand when he tells him about not knowing it was weed he was smoking. This could happen to anyone; I'm sure he'll get off easily. Just a warning, or something like that."
Jeremy paled visibly.
"I… I don't know what you're talking about, boy!"
"I'm talking about the fiasco a few weeks ago when a couple of kids were caught with marihuana. The problem is that your son was seen handing it out to some younger children, but I'm certain he didn't know what it was. I don't think he's the type to deal with drugs. He looks so much nicer than his older brother. Oh, sorry… But that accident with the motorbike was something to remember… Sorry."
"Shut up, you're just making things up!" – The man shouted angrily but by then everyone was looking rather funnily at him. More of them had children at the same school and so they all wanted to know if there were really students giving out drugs.
Q shrugged innocently.
"I might have misunderstood something then. Obviously, I wasn't at that party where the arrests happened. I help dad a lot with his work; I don't have time for parties. But a few people told me about the hearing they had to attend the next day. For example your daughter, Mr. Shenton." – He turned to Gary. – "She was questioned as well, since she was going out with James Sommers at that time. Well, among others, of course."
"WHAT!? What are you insinuating?"
"Nothing. I mean, I know the rumors aren't totally true. Then again: when are they? That's why they're called rumors and not news."
"What rumors?"
"Well, about her having already been with her entire class. But I know for a fact there are two boys she hasn't slept with and only one of them is mildly interested. The other doesn't even want to hear about her. Understandably so, after… But it doesn't matter."
"After what? SPEAK!"
"After 'The Scare'. When she thought she was pregnant."
Everyone stared shocked at Gary.
"Of course, it turned out she wasn't." – Q hurried to reassure them. – "But after that her popularity among the boys faltered a bit. I mean, I can understand: which teenage boy would want to be stranded with a baby that might not even be his?"
"You're a liar, boy!" – Hissed Gary.
"So, you didn't know about it? Oh, I'm so sorry you had to find out this way…" – Q made an effort to smile at him apologetically, and noted with delight how the man nearly burst with anger. He was close to breathe fire through his nostrils. – "No wonder you didn't notice it with everything else that was going on in your life back then."
One of the other participants asked:
"Why, what was going on? Gary?"
"Nothing!"
"I was referring to his wife cheating on him. But Mr. Shenton, I don't blame you for not finding out sooner about it. Really. I mean, who would even think that his wife would be ordering unnecessary things nearly daily only so that she could sleep with the delivery man? I'd have rather thought she was shopaholic, or something similar… I was very surprised to hear you decided not to get a divorce. It's something to be respected at any rate!"
"You're a liar; shut up! You just want to discredit me! You little-"
"Gary, it's enough! The boy didn't do anything wrong. He's not making these up. My daughter and two sons have hinted a few times things like that as well. I didn't know what to believe and they weren't very specific about it, but now I understand. Kids like your daughter and Jeremy's son are a danger to others and mean only trouble for the whole school. They have to be dealt with, not that young man for knowing about it!" – Lectured one of the men sternly. – He seems so innocent, he probably doesn't even understand half of it."
"I'm sorry; I didn't mean to cause trouble." – Q hung his head as if in shame when in reality he had a hard time holding back his laughter. This was going more splendidly than he had imagined!
Just then Moneypenny and Tanner came back and their arrival instantly put a halt to the argument between the two men. 'Perfect timing as ever', thought Q. Maybe he'd even forgive Eve for 'Benevolent'.
"Sorry, the PM is just very demanding." – Smiled Tanner.
"Oh, yeah. Her and someone else I know." – Laughed Eve and winked at the audience. Some gasped and two women giggled.
"Ahm… So, son. I think we should go. I just got a bunch of tasks and they need to be finished by tomorrow. I hope you'll help me?"
"Of course, dad, I'd be glad to. Like always."
"Yes, like always. So, I'm sorry, guys. You'll have to continue without me, I'm afraid. You all have a good time."
"Thanks, Bill." – Smiled Clara. – "You have a charming family and you all seem very happy. I'm very glad for you."
"Me, too."
"Thanks, Clar and Jud."
They hurriedly said their goodbyes, and left the still surprised group gawking after them.
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As soon as they were securely sitting in the car, Bill turned around in his seat, to be able to look at the boy who was sitting behind him.
"Son, what did you do inside while we were away? They looked like they had just seen a ghost."
"Nothing bad; I promise. I just told those two some truths they hadn't wished to share with the class."
"What do you mean?"
"Don't worry about it. The only important thing is that they won't bother you anymore with their picture perfect lives, I can guarantee you that. Facebook accounts can contain very precious information…"
"And this story about us being a family…?"
Q smiled angelically at him, radiating with happiness.
"It's brilliant, isn't it? And they believed it right away! It seems it's not entirely impossible to believe I could have a normal family!"
None of the adults knew what to say to that, so they just smiled back at him, before Tanner started the car and they drove away.
As they were driving towards MI6 to drop off the Quartermaster there, the two adults on the front seat could hear him singing very quietly:
Just because you find that life's not fair
It doesn't mean that you just have to grin and bear it,
If you always take it on the chin and wear it
Nothing will change.
Even if you're little, you can do a lot
You mustn't let a little thing like 'little' stop you.
If you sit around and let them get on top,
You might as well be saying, you think that it's okay
And that's not right!*
*Matilda The Musical – Naughty (Tim Minchin)