Chapter One

Rating: Teen, for some bad language.

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When I look back at my life, I notice that every memory of my childhood that I like to remember comes after the year that I turned eight years old. That was the summer when I met Tommy. Thomas Montgomery was his full name, but to me... he was just Tommy. He taught me so much about myself, who I would grow up to be, and how to be myself. Most of all, Tommy taught me to have fun. Even now I can't look at my life and imagine it without him as a part of it. To understand why... you would have to hear the story. The story of my life, our lives. A story full of love, sorrow, and the pain that comes with growing up and loosing the people that you love the most. Yet... it's a story that I look on fondly, simply because... I wouldn't change a minute of it. I'm proud to call this my life.

I suppose you could say that I fell for Tommy the moment I met him. You probably knew girls like me. The shy, quiet, never talk to anyone types. I was one of them, but there was nothing I wanted more than friends. Still, even though I wanted friends, I was too scared to even ask if I could play games with the other kids. One afternoon, the summer I turned eight, all of that changed. Thanks to Tommy.

Thomas Montgomery was pretty much the exact opposite of me. He was what people called 'outgoing'. He was the sort of person who smiled at everyone, always had a good thing to say, and made new friends every place that he went. I guess I should have expected him to be my friend too. Oddly, I didn't.

I was in my usual spot on the edge of the playground, leaned up against a tall oak tree. I was watching my best friend(well, my only friend) Jimmy play dodge ball with the other kids. As usual, I was sitting it out, all by myself. Nearly halfway through the game someone came over and sat next to me. I didn't even bother to look up. I never talked to anyone, besides, whoever it was wouldn't talk to me anyway. They never did. But then... his voice interupted my thoughts. "Hi! I got here too late to play. I guess you did too."

I looked up, ready to tell whoever it was that I just hadn't wanted to play, but when I saw his smile I faltered. I didn't want to make him leave me alone. For some reason, I knew I would regret that. "Umm.. yeah," I stuttered nervously and looked down at the ground near my feet. Then I glanced back up at him. He was looking at me as though he expected me to keep on talking. I figeted nervously. "I'm A-allie," I murmured quietly, lowering my eyes once again.

"I'm Tommy Montgomery," he introduced proudly, smiling at me again.

"Nice to meet you," I said with a wavering smile.

"Nice to meet you too," he grinned. He paused for a minute, like he was thinking. "Hey, I know! Why don't we go to the lake," he said excitedly. "It'll be fun and besides, it'll get boring if we just sit here while they play!"

He looked so excited... so happy, that I couldn't turn him down. "Sure," I started, but then I looked down again and saw what I was wearing. "Oh, no..." I gave him a sad look. "I can't. I'm wearing my new dress. Mom will be mad..."

"Oh, come on," he begged, his eyes pleading with me silently. "Live a little."

I bit my lip. I had never disobeyed my mother before and I knew that I would be in a lot of trouble if I ruined my dress. "I guess it wouldn't hurt..."

He cheered. "Awesome! Let's go!" He grabbed my hand and pulled me away quickly. Surprisingly, I just giggled and went with him. Almost as though... I trusted him. For me, that's a big thing. When we got to the lake, we played wildly and with abandon. Even when the other kids finished, we kept swimming and talking. It was like, with him, I could do anything or be anyone. I was a completely and totally new person around Tommy. Even more strangely... I loved this new, more outgoing person that I was becoming. Already I had started changing.

When the sky started getting dark Tommy looked at me with surprise in his eyes. "It's getting dark. We had better hurry up and get you home, right?"

I nodded, looking at my soaked dress. Now I wouldn't just get into trouble over that, I'd get into trouble for being late too. I bit my lip. Still, worried though I was, I didn't regret the fun I had just had with Tommy. It was worth all the trouble in the world.

Tommy and I walked back towards the culdesac where both of us lived. As soon as we reached my front porch I heard my mothers voice. "Allie Leigh McClenton!" She sounded angrier than I had ever heard her. "Where have you been?!"

I stepped into the porch light, nervously. I felt like a prisoner about to be taken to jail. "I was at the lake with Tommy."

"At the lake?! In your new dress," her voice stretched out thin and high. My mother had always been dramatic and I had the feeling that all my life she had practiced that voice, waiting for me to screw up. In fact, I wouldn't have doubted if she even practiced her expressions in front of the mirror. That's how great they were. You would have thought I was a delinquent. "Your Nana bought you that dress!"

My father came out onto the porch. "Now, Elane," he hushed my mother. "Leave the girl alone. That dress will clean up just fine." He glanced at Tommy. "Now. What was she doing at the lake is the question." He gave me a disapproving look. "Allie, you know better than to go to the lake alone with a boy. And you definitely know not to go and stay so long."

I knew then that I was in for trouble. My father deeply disapproved of me having anything to do with boys, much less being alone with them. I started to speak, but realized I had no defense. "Dad," my voice came out soft, scared, and pathetic.

Tommy spoke up in my defense. "We were playing. Both of us got to the playground too late to play dodge ball, so we just thought it'd be fun."

"Hm," my father said, giving Tommy at once over. He then looked at me. "Alright then. Allie Leigh, you had best get inside and change clothes. You'll need to hurry and wash that dress to get the mud out."

If I had been any more shocked, my mouth would have dropped so far it would've hit the ground. My father? Allowing me to get off scott-free for being alone with a boy?! It was a miracle! One I definitely wouldn't have been able to pull of alone. It was at that moment when Tommy first entered my heart. He'd kept me out of trouble.

I realized I had been standing there for a while when my father cleared his throat. "Well," I said quickly, smiling at Tommy, "I guess I will see you tomorrow.." I hated how my statement sounded more like a question.

"Yeah," he said with a smile. "See you then!"

From that moment forward, Tommy and I spent almost all of our time together. Slowly but surely I made other friends as well. One thing never changed, however. Tommy and Jimmy were the best friends that I had. In my mind, no one could ever replace them. They were my first real friends. I owed all my newfound friends to them.

The next big part of the story happened when Tommy, Jimmy, and I were all going to graduation. We were in the car singing loudly and offkey. Both boys were in the front seat and I was in the back of the car. I was happier than I had been in a long while. In fact, I had been that way for a month. You see, Tommy and I had been dating since we were fourteen years old and he had just asked me to marry him. I, of course, said yes. Since that moment, nothing had been able to bring me down.

"Are you two going to my party tonight," Jimmy questioned over the music.

"Duh," I laughed. "We've only been talking about it for weeks now."

He gave me a fake glare. "I was just making sure," he said roughly.

Tommy grinned at me. "No worries, Jimmy. We'll be there."

After graduation we all ended up at his party. It was on the beach just like he'd always planned. I remember exactly how everything looked that night. The sky was dark, but there were no clouds in seeing distance. Stars sparkled like diamonds against a black backdrop. They shone so brightly that I felt as though I could reach up and run my hand across them. The waves were crashing fiercely against the shore, giving us the familiar feel of Myrtle Beach. If it had been tourists out on the beach they'd have left, but to us Carolina kids the sound was soothing and natural. Afterall, most of us could hear it from our houses at night.

One of the things that I remember the most was how Tommy looked that night. His sandy brown hair was amazingly windswept, even more so than normal. His bright blue eyes were full of life and showed how excited he was to be old enough to leave home. Old enough to make his own dreams come true. He had changed his clothes after graduation. At that moment he was wearing red swimming trunks and a white t-shirt. Around his neck hung the necklace that we had gotten from a vender at Broadway at The Beach the summer before. All the little details stuck out that night.

We were all sitting around a bonfire, talking and chatting. All of us were holding back our sadness, trying to have one last night of happiness. In the back of our minds all of us knew that this was the last time that we'd all be together. Penny Williams looked over at Tommy and I. "So when are you two getting married?" She smiled at us. "I just have to know."

Tommy and I looked at each other. "We aren't sure," he answered. "We both agreed that we need to wait until after college." He smiled over at me, slipping his hand through mine. I smiled and linked our fingers together. I was so happy that I felt like crying. The happiest day of my life... or so I believed.

"Well, when you pick a date, I want to be invited," she said with a kind smile.

I nodded. "Of course," I replied honestly. I had always liked Penny. "I'll let all of you know."

After all of the talking and dancing had been done the boys decided to show off, just like always. "Come on," Eric, another old friend, said eagerly. "Let's jump from the cliff. For old times sake."

All the boys agreed readily. Tommy looked at me. He knew I hated heights. "I'm gonna do it once, okay?"

I nodded, terrified. "Yeah, have fun," I said quietly. Still, something gnawed at me in my stomach. Almost like... somehow I knew something bad was going to happen.

He kissed my cheek. "Be right back!" He flashed me a bright grin. Then he ran over to the edge of the cliff. He joined the other boys who were already climbing up the steep incline. When he reached the top he gave me a wave, took a run, and leapt into the air. He did a nearly perfect dive and soon came bobbing up to the top. He spit out a stream of water. "Yeah!" He grinned.

All the guys up on the cliff cheered. "Yeahhh!" I heard Jimmy yell and then looked up to see him doing another nearly perfect dive. Both Tommy and Jimmy loved the cliff. They had always come and jumped off. Even when the other boys had thought themselves too cool to do so.

When Jimmy bobbed up to the top of the water and started swimming towards us, Tommy took my hand. "Allie, let's jump. Together."

I shook my head frantically. "No, no," I said quickly, "I can't! Really," I said nervously, trying to pull away from his grip. "Tommy, I can't do it. I'm too scared," I said frantically.

"Come on," he pleaded with me. "I'll be with you."

I bit my lip, my eyes traveling up the steep incline of the cliff, taking in it's massive height. I gulped. "But.."

"Please," he begged.

I took a deep, steadying breath. "Tommy," I began, feeling my resistance begining to fade. "It's not a good idea..."

"Come on, please Allie," he begged one last time.

I took an even deeper breath, gripping his hand tightly in mine. "Fine."

He looked surprised. "Really?"

I nodded. "Yes," I said quickly. "But let's just hurry before I loose the nerve."

"Gotcha!"

We went up to the top and were getting ready to jump when I looked over the edge. Nausea filled me. "I can't," I cried, backing away from the edge. "I can't do it. I can't, I can't." I squeezed my eyes shut tightly against the thoughts in my head.

Tommy hugged me gently. "Sh, sh," he said softly in my ear, just so that I could hear. "Do you want me to go first and then come back up to get you so that you don't have to jump?" I nodded against his chest. I couldn't bear the thought that I might have to jump. He kissed me gently. "I'll be right back," he said, his blue eyes starring straight into mine. "I promise," he added when I gave one last frightened look at the edge of the cliff.

Then he jumped. I waited and waited. I didn't hear the expected cheers. Finally I heard screams of horror and fright. "Tommy?!" I looked over the edge and saw what had brought the screams. Tommy was laying, back facing up, in the water. He didn't move. Not even when I screamed his name.

My heart nearly stopped in my chest. "TOMMY," I screamed again. Then I was moving faster that I'd ever moved. I was down in the water beside him seconds later. "Tommy," I sobbed, clutching his body to mine as I swam us to the shore. My fingers were clutching him so tight that they soon began to loose feeling. The water looked black as it flowed past us, threatening to take us both away. I held him tight to me. "Tommy, Tommy." I put him down on the sand.

Jimmy's hands were on my back. "Let him go, let me see." When I refused to release him, he just moved to Tommy's other side. I felt his hands go towards Tommy's neck, searching for a pulse. Then I heard Jimmy's intake of breath. "Oh my god.."

Tears streaked my cheeks and sobs shook me at those words. "No," I cried fiercely. "You're a damn liar," I shouted. "He's not. He isn't, he isn't!"

I felt arms go around me. "Sh, we called 911," I heard Penny's voice. She was a good friend, but at the moment that was the last thing I wanted to hear. I didn't need 911, I needed Tommy to be okay! "Hush, Allie. Crying won't help."

"Don't touch me," I screeched, clutching Tommy's body even more tightly against my skin. "Stop it, don't lie to me. He's alive!" My brain refused to believe anything else. I was holding him so tightly that the tips of my fingers were numb. My mind couldn't compute what they were telling me. Tommy wasn't dead. He wasn't. He couldn't be. "No," I sobbed brokenly, pressing my face against his forehead. "Tommy, you have to wake up," I sobbed. "Tell them you're alive. Tell them," I sobbed even harder.

"Allie, stop it," Jimmy said quietly. "It's not going to help-"

"You shut up," I yelled at him, wild with fury and fear. "Just stop. He's alive, he's going to be fine! He's going to be fine," I said the last more quietly. "He promised me he'd be right back," I said and my voice broke. "Tommy, you promised. You promised. You promised me that you'd be right back. You have to be back. You can't die. You can't leave me.."

Then I could speak no more. Instead I sobbed, loudly, brokenly. My body loosened it's hold on him. Jimmy pulled me away gently. "Allie, come on. Let's go.. the ambulance will get him." When I looked like I was about to yell at him again he spoke. "Please, just come on."

It was then that I heard the depressed tone in his voice. It was then that I realized how upset Jimmy was. He sounded as though he would break down at any second. I knew that he was just trying to be strong for me. He had always been like that. I nodded, crying so hard that I couldn't speak. He held out a hand for me. I took it and he pulled me up. We walked off together and for the rest of the night didn't leave each others side. Both of us cried for so long that it was almost pathetic.

A week later they had a funeral and a memorial service for Tommy. His parents were sitting next to each other, crying. I didn't speak to them. I couldn't bring myself to do it. Finally when everyone else had trickled away, it was just Jimmy and I. I told him to wait at the car, that I would be there in a minute. I walked over to the hole in the ground that held the casket inside of it. As hard as I tried, I couldn't forget that I was saying goodbye to Tommy. Forever. I wiped away a stray tear and carefully pulled off my locket. I strung my engagement ring through the chain. Then I dropped it into the hole. I clasped my hand over my mouth to stop the sob from escaping. I squeezed my eyes shut. "Goodbye," I whispered, my voice cracked and I closed my mouth quickly, trying to suppress my sobs. I ran back to the car. I couldn't face this alone.

When I arrived at my house that night I made a decision. I was going to have to leave North Carolina. At least for a little while.. until I could stand to be here... without him. There were too many memories. I needed to get away. I needed to find a place where I could change and develop a life without Tommy. Where... I could start a new life. A new life that would hopefully be happier than the last one. I picked up the phone and dialed the number to the one person who I knew would offer me a place to stay. The one person who I could always trust and who always loved me, no matter what; Granny.

She answered the phone with a sweet, "Hello?"

I cleared my throat quietly, trying not to cry all over again. "Granny?" My voice was weak and quiet.

"Allie?" Her voice was sharp, she was all business now. I could tell how worried she was about me, just by her tone. "Are you alright, honey?" She paused when I didn't respond immediately. "Allie, sweetie, what's wrong? Do I need to speak to your Mom? Honey?" I could hear her how worried she was now. For Granny, that meant something. She never showed how upset she was.

"Sorry, Granny. I didn't mean to scare you. I was just wondering... can I come up and stay with you for a little while? You know, go to college at old Andrews College?" I paused and waited for her to answer. When it didn't come immediately, I spoke again. "I mean, its okay if you don't want me to. I understand. But I was hoping..." My voice trailed off again.

"Oh, no! Honey, I think that's a great idea. I'd love to have you stay with me and go to Andrews. I think that would be an excellent choice for you." I could almost see her chewing on her lip. She always did that when she was scared, nervous, upset, or worried. "But... what made you choose to do this now?"

I took a deep breath. "Mom told you about Tommy, right?" She said that yes, mom had. "Well... I just need to get away for a while. You know, experience new things and have a chance to move on. I don't know if I can do that here. Besides, you know how much I love Cuthbert." That was true. I did love Cuthbert. It's true that it was a little Georgia town with a population of about three thousand people. Now that may seem like a lot, but trust me. That's not. Let's just say, when everyone has known everyone since their great great grandparents were born, nothing seems too big. I love that. Cuthbert had history. It had culture. Not to mention, Cuthbert had my Granny. Nothing could beat that.

She laughed a little. "You're a smart girl, Allie. I just want you to be sure that Andrews College in little ol' Cuthbert, Georgia is gonna be enough for you. I don't ever want you to have to settle for something less than you have too." I smiled and assured her that I would love to go to Andrews and that Cuthbert was a wonderful town. I mean, Andrews was a small, private collage that was located right smack dab in the middle of Cuthbert. It had history, something I loved about the school. In fact, it had the second oldest charter in the United States. I was excited about even having the possibility of going to a school like Andrews. . "Well, then.. honey, when are you going to get here? I'm ready when you are."

"I'll be there soon, Granny," I said with a smile. I was so thankful for her. If anyone could piece me together again, it would be Granny.