SPOILER-LADEN DISCLAIMER: YES, I realise that Topher will be dead 500 years before River is born, so I have no idea how they actually meet, and YES, I know that River is totally not really emotionally available at all, what with being a mite whimsical in the brain pan and all, and YES, I wrote this before I knew that Topher falls in love with Bennett and therefore had I really wanted to write Kranz on Glau I could have just gone with that and YES, I realise that Topher kind of goes crazy and dies. Not canon to Firefly / Serenity OR Dollhouse in the slightest. I wrote this because a horrible idea occurred to me and I decided to run with it because it's hot (the weather, not the idea, put those thoughts away) and I'm bored and I can't sleep. Forgive me? Or don't, if you don't want to. I won't cry.

Okay? Okay. Here goes, in media res, the way I like it. Beginnings are boooring.

"My name's Topher," the young man said, grinning broadly. "I'm pretty good at–"

"He makes people disappear," River interrupted. "They fall asleep, and then they're gone forever."

Simon glanced at Topher. The grin flickered for half a second, then returned to full wattage.

"She probably means that I'm good at keeping secret things...secret. That's kind of like making people disappear."

River glared disdainfully at him. "Boys don't play with dolls."

Simon saw a flash of alarm on Topher's boyish face. Topher swallowed nervously and blinked twice, his mouth frozen in an uneasy smile. River stared at him, shook her head twice, and then moved away quickly, each step graceful and precise despite her speed.

Simon followed her, but Topher was oblivious to the man. His eyes were locked on River's receding form. Despite his anxiety at the fact that she impossibly seemed to know things about him no stranger could know, he inexplicably found her kind of hot.

Feeling an uncomfortable tightness in his jeans, Topher glanced down and groaned. He was having a..."man reaction."

"I need a juice box," Topher muttered, and set off down the hall, desperately hoping that no one would see him.

River lay awake in her bunk on Serenity, her brain refusing to release the cocktail of chemicals that would allow her to sleep, even though her eyes were closed. Her thoughts were fixated on a single topic.

Topher. A derivative of "Christopher," a name of Hebrew origin meaning "Christ-bearing." He makes people disappear. His eyes are really green and his hair was really messy. I wonder what he smells like. I wonder what he feels like.

River's eyes snapped open as she realised the tangent her internal monologue had just taken. Her heart rate was accelerated, and there was a strange feeling throughout her entire body, as if every cell that made her up was reaching for something.

This must be the feeling Simon had tried to explain to her two years ago, when he had found out that she had been watching him and Kaylee together. She had understood, sort of.

"It's like...it's like magnetism. You're drawn to another person by a force you can't really control, and you need to be as close to them as possible. You want them to be part of yourself, because you don't feel like you when you're without them." At this point, Simon had stopped, too flustered by the concept of trying to explain sexual desire to his crazy seventeen year old sister to continue.

River understood sex, at least for the purpose of mating. She failed to comprehend why people would want to do it for recreation. Out of boredom, she had tried to imagine herself feeling what Simon had described, but all the males she knew were totally unsuited to the purpose.

She had tried to talk to Inara about it, too, knowing that the companion was probably the most knowledgeable in matters of sex, but Inara had been just as vague as Simon.

"Your brother's right, River. It's an intense connection, a combination of factors that no one can ever really predict. Some people never find it, not truly. Some people only think they do."

At this point, Inara had stopped, turning away to adjust silk cushions and sticks of incense, and River had wandered off, still uncertain.

But now, as the memory of Topher's easy grin lit her memory, she was beginning to understand.

Too bad she'd probably never see him again.

Topher sat on the edge of his bed, resting his chin in his hand and trying not to think about the girl. He didn't understand why she was affecting him this way.

Because she's young, she's pretty, and she's real.

Topher was surrounded by beautiful women, but of course they were all just empty-headed shells. He felt no desire for any of them.

But it was no secret that he was lonely. He wondered if people knew just how lonely.

He'd built an imprint once, of what he imagined his perfect woman to be like, but he knew he'd never use it. The thought of having to program someone to love him left him feeling lonelier than ever.

Topher, Topher, Topher, get it together, man! he thought, exasperated. She's just a girl. She probably doesn't even remember you.

But she had seemed to know him. She had known him. She had looked him right in the eye and told him he made people disappear. People didn't just know that.

And she was gorgeous. She moved with an almost indescribable grace, her body moving lithely underneath the floaty fabric of her dress.

The memory was starting to bring certain parts of his own anatomy to his attention again.