The Sun Rose In Your Eyes by darrenbanana
Blaine ran a nervous hand through his hair. His heart was racing.
Kurt was there. So close. In his bedroom.
If he only reached out his hand he could've touched him. He could've cupped his jaw, rubbed a thumb along his cheek, felt the stubble underneath. Kurt could've melted into the touch, let out a shaky breath and taken a step forward, closing the gap between them.
But Blaine's hands remained inside his pockets because he knew that that would be the opposite of the response he'd get if he actually touched Kurt right now.
"Come on, Blaine." Kurt was getting impatient. "Talk."
This was everything Blaine had wanted. An opportunity to explain to Kurt what had happened, in person. But when he opened his mouth, everything that came out was;
"You know, I have the perfect song to explain everyth-"
"No, Blaine!" Kurt spat, interrupting him. Blaine looked up, eyes lining with tears, shrinking in on himself like a puppy that'd just been scolded.
Kurt's features softened slightly, but barely noticeably.
"I'm sick of not getting straight to the point," Kurt sighed, looking around. "A song that you didn't write can only say so much about our situation. I need to hear what you have to say. Why is that so hard for you?"
"Because," Blaine said, feeling a need to defend himself, but the sudden defiance disappeared instantly when Kurt shot him a disapproving look. "It… it isn't exactly hard to do, I just… I thought…"
"I know," Kurt said. "You thought I knew why you have such a hard time talking about this. I do. But that doesn't mean I don't need to hear you spell it out for me."
Blaine released a frustrated groan and sat down on his bed, arms around himself. Kurt took a careful step forward, searching for his eyes. Blaine looked away purposefully. He didn't want to look at Kurt. He understood too much, saw so much inside Blaine's eyes. Things that Blaine would prefer staying hidden.
"Blaine." Kurt was getting impatient.
"I was stupid!" Blaine exclaimed suddenly, throwing out his arms and standing up, staring straight at Kurt. His heart was beating fast inside his chest, pounding and protesting, refusing to be shown. Blaine couldn't do that anymore. He'd betrayed his heart so many times the last months, he might as well do it again. "I know I was stupid! I spent the entirety of last year trying to prepare for your leaving, and when you didn't get in to NYADA I just… All of that went out the window. All of my preparation for nothing. I let myself love you again, without caution. I stopped being scared of losing you."
"But then you convinced me-"
"I know!" Blaine yelled. He sounded stupid, voice high and breaking. "I know! Because I saw how much you were hurting, taking classes at community college and working at the Lima Bean. It wasn't what you wanted, but you were settling. I could tell. You kept compromising yourself, because you were becoming more and more convinced that you weren't good enough for New York, or NYADA."
Kurt said nothing. He waited for Blaine to continue.
"So, after finally convincing you to leave," Blaine said, releasing a shuddering breath, "you left."
Kurt's eyes changed. His angry expression changed slightly, verging on compassion.
"And it hurt," Blaine said. "More than I thought it would. I thought I had some back-up preparation left, but I didn't. Nothing could really prepare me for how I would feel once you were gone."
Blaine swallowed around the lump in his throat.
"I realized I didn't have any friends anymore." Blaine couldn't look at Kurt as he way saying this. "I realized that I was just a part of this mass, this group of people that I could talk to and hang out with, but… I didn't have a person, you know? Someone to hang on to. Everyone in the Glee club already has their someone, and I felt left out."
"You could still call me," Kurt said, and the softness of his voice made Blaine dare look up.
"I did," Blaine sighed. "I tried to talk to you, but you wouldn't listen. You were busy with your own life, and the only person who could fully grasp your new life was Rachel, or Isabelle. Not me. I'm still just a stupid high school kid who gets excited over winning Student Class President and preparing for Sectionals."
"It's not stupid," Kurt supplied.
"Yes, it is. I know it is. But that's my life, Kurt." Blaine couldn't keep from letting the emotion in his voice show. "And you weren't interested in hearing about it. At least… not in the same way as you were before."
Kurt sighed. This much he knew was true.
"And then someone else gave me exactly what I wanted," Blaine said, choosing his words carefully. "Attention."
Kurt opened his mouth to speak.
"And I don't know why, but because of that I felt like he deserved to get what I gave him," Blaine rushed. He needed to get this out without Kurt's interruptions. "It wasn't right, Kurt. I shouldn't have kissed him. I shouldn't have let him touch me. I shouldn't have let him think he could get with me. But I did. And here I am. And I'm so sorry. And that's it. That's everything"
As soon as the last words were out of his mouth, Blaine started crying. Kurt's arms wrapped around him immediately, holding on to his shaking frame, muffled sobs against his shoulder. His fingers carded through Blaine's hair soothingly, letting him cry, not stopping the arms snaking around Kurt's waist.
Blaine pulled back slightly, eyes wet with tears. He looked so defeated, scared even. Kurt stared at the way Blaine's bottom lip was quivering, noticed that Blaine's eyes were on his lips as well. Kurt felt his heart expand inside his chest as he leaned forward, eyes fluttering shut, mouth pressing against Blaine's.
The kiss was close-mouthed and sweet, but long. Blaine released a held-in breath through his nose, brows furrowing as his hands clutched more firmly at Kurt's sides. Kurt responded by putting his hands on the back of Blaine's head, bucking his hips forward against Blaine's crotch. He let out a soft whine, nipping at Blaine's bottom lip slightly. Blaine's mouth opened obediently, familiarly, and their tongues met for the first time in too long. Blaine almost broke at that, breathing heavily, mind clouded with a sudden burst of lust. He walked forward until Kurt's calves hit the bed and he was forced to sit down. Blaine straddled Kurt's lap, grinding down at his crotch unashamedly without breaking the kiss once. Kurt's hands settled on Blaine's butt, squeezing at the jean-clad cheeks and moaning softly at the friction of Blaine's hard cock against his through the too-many layers of clothing in-between.
"Is this okay?" Blaine managed, his hips still rolling forward in spite of his words.
"Yeah," Kurt breathed, and Blaine's mouth practically attacked his neck. "Yes. Yes. Don't stop."
Blaine pushed Kurt down so that he was lying down. Kurt bucked his hips up, eyes squeezing shut. He was already close. It had been so long. He'd barely felt any sexual desires since Blaine broke him so completely, only treating himself to jerk off when he really had to, but it always left him feeling empty and even more alone. This, though. This was different. It didn't feel wrong at all, like he could imagine it would. It felt so natural to have Blaine's body so close to his, have his hand slide down between their bodies and feeling the outline of his embarrassingly hard cock through his jeans.
"I'm c-close," Blaine gritted out, thrusting his crotch down onto Kurt's with more force, repeatedly, whining desperately as he did.
Kurt responded by moving upwards slightly, his hands wrapping around Blaine's neck and kissing him, open-mouthed, wet and absolutely delicious. He could feel Blaine's movements starting to go out of rhythm, hips stuttering as they ground against Kurt, until they hit the exactly right spot that made Kurt's vision go blank. His body tensed up, he even felt his toes curl up inside his socks, teetering at the edge. Blaine came just then, releasing a down-right dirty moan of relief and pleasure, and it made Kurt's muscles finally relax. It made his toes uncurl and his jaw to go slack, as he himself came desperately in his own pants.
Blaine kept going, dry-humping Kurt through the decline of the climax, until they were both unmoving, lying bonelessly on top of the bed. Blaine was still on top of Kurt, placing soft, stray kisses over his neck. Kurt sighed contentedly.
"Kurt?" Blaine asked after a couple of minutes. He'd shifted to lie half-on top of Kurt, his leg over Kurt's thigh, a hand on his chest, his head resting against Kurt's shoulder sweetly.
"Yeah?"
"Is this… wrong?" Kurt looked down questioningly, fighting the urge to smile at how adorably cautious Blaine looked. "I mean, I loved it. But I don't want you to do this just because you feel sorry for me."
Blaine avoided meeting Kurt's gaze.
"Blaine, honey," Kurt said, voice soothing. Blaine looked hopefully up at the familiar nickname. "No. It wasn't wrong. It actually felt… completely right."
Blaine nodded, though still waiting for something to make it ring true to him. He sat up on the bed, and Kurt followed. They were still touching by the arms. Blaine was looking down at his hands.
"I love you, Blaine."
Blaine looked up. He couldn't stop the tears that immediately started rolling down his cheeks.
"Really, Kurt?" His voice was small. "You do?"
"God, yes, Blaine," Kurt sighed, as if he'd been waiting forever to say it. To be allowed to feel that way again. His hand went up to cup Blaine's jaw, catching some of the tears on his thumb. "Honestly. I never stopped."
"You're the love of my life, Blaine," Kurt kept going, lips turning up into a sad smile. "You're the one."
Blaine let out a small sob, but it was cut short by Kurt's lips against Blaine's.
"I love you, too," Blaine managed through the tears. "I love you so much."
"Can you promise me to never make me doubt that ever again?" Kurt asked, some of his own emotions showing in the thickness of his voice.
"Yes," Blaine said, sniffling sadly. "I promise."
For some reason, Kurt believed him. It was Blaine, after all, and even though he wasn't perfect or even close to figuring out the intensity of his own issues, Kurt knew Blaine was taking the first few steps to getting there. Kurt knew that them kissing and having sex and calling each other boyfriends again wasn't the solution to Blaine's problems. He let Blaine have this night, though, before he tried to bring it up.
But when he did, he'd find out that Blaine accepted the theories Kurt had. He accepted the suggestions of talking through his problems regarding self-image, and others acknowledging him and his talents. He talked through the pain of having neglecting parents and an older brother that was achieving things Blaine still only dreamed of, and the pressure that put on him.
And after they did that, Kurt realized that they were going to be okay. They were going to be okay again.
~End