Lovers at Arms
Summary:since the end of the Lylat wars, Wolf O'Donnell decided that Star Wolf needed a change .1)hire some more pilots and 2)marry the love of his life Leon Powalski .Follow them and their adventures as they shoot,rob,and steal their way through the lylat system,looking for new recruits .Panther Caruso never saw it comin' .Crack fic
Warning: This fic contains extreme violence,sexual content,grossness, homosexual references,cross dressing,drugs,black humor/,gallows humor,creepiness and extreme fuckery . Read at your own risk
Authors Note: This spawned on two ideas .One,there are no Leon x Wolf stories .They were together forever ,so clearly,they have a bond . . . . just not like in this story .This is for lulz and shock factor really and was spawned from a ridiculous dream ,so things get worse later .
Chapter 1:Nothin' says love like free money and cheap rings
-Wolf O'Donnell and Leon Powalski had been seeing each others for years; since Wolf was twelve (he lied about his age .his voice was waaay too deep for a twelve year old) and Leon was seventeen . (Leon found out and had the decency to wait until he was fifteen to pounce . . .at which point he might as well have been a grown man ,he sure as hell looked like one) . It was love at first site,at least that's what Leon wanted to believe .The sad reality was that Wolf followed Leon like a puppy because he liked his tail and Leon had a starship,and grew to love him much later .But they were happy together ,in love and that's all that mattered .
That and money,which is why they were robbing a bank .
"Everybody get the fuck down! This is a fuckin' stick up! Throw your communicators to the middle of the floor,or I'm gonna start searchin' people out and smokin' em' .!",Wolf yelled as he kicked open the door to the bank,weilding a submachine gun in each hand,and a skeletal mask hiding his face .The people screamed and went to hide behind counters and dropped to the floor .Except for one , a cat who stood there screaming and pointing .
"Shut up,bitch!",Wolf smacked her in the back of the head with his gun and she hit the floor .When a fox went for his communicator,Wolf shot it right of his hand .This prompted everyone to start throwing their cell phones and communicators to he middle of the room .
Leon crept in ,camouflaged and pulled a gun on one of the teller .He became visible ,a gun aimed at one of the tellers .He threw a duffel bag at the dog and pressed the gun to his skull .
"I suggest you load up or get loaded full of bullets",he said .He wore a mask similar to wolves,only with cracks in it .
The dog was shaking uncontrollably and pissed him self .
"Are you fucking kidding me!This guy pissed himself and ruined my new boots!",Leon called .He kicked the dog in the side,making him cower even more .
"Fuck that pissy dog,somebody better start payin' or I'm gonna start sprayin,now what's it gonna be?! ",Wolf said .He saw a tiger creeping away and shot him dead .Wolf paced around,looking for targets .
"C'mon people,I'm not a killer,I just want my money .Stop making this hard .Everybody can get out of this unharmed .Except for those two guys I shot .And that screamin' bitch who-"
Suddenly,the cat started screaming again .Wolf kicked her this time .
"Are you fuckin' retarded ?!",he growled at her .
At this ,the tellers started loading up the bag Leon gave them .Wolf meanwhile was watching for anyone to press alarms and shooting at anyone who dared .
The sound of sirens reached the bank and Wolf and Leon prepared to leave .Hover cars pulled up in front of and around the building .
"We have you surrounded! Surrender yourselves,drop your weapons and put your hands up!",someone called through the megaphone .
"Gotdamnit! So how're we gettin ' out,hostage or what?",Wolf said .
"I had the sense to bring smoke bombs,no hostages this time",Leon said .And with that,he ran and caught up to Wolf who was near the entrance .Leon tossed a smoke grenade to Wolf , and he readied a flash grenade .Wolf held the door .
"Ready . . .ready . . .now!",Leon said .Wolf threw the door open and the grenade flew between two cruisers ,making the officers flee .
"Everybody get back!They've got bombs!",the cat with the megaphone called and everyone scattered .Screams were heard when the bomb went off .Wolf threw the smoke grenade near the entrance and him and Leon made a run for it ,hiding in the smoke .
Leon made it to a car first,hacked it with his wrist computer and and got in .By the time he finished,Wolf was right behind him .Leon drove them into a garage in the midst of the chaos and they changed out of their masks and bodysuits,and parked the car there .
"How do I look?",Leon asked hopeful .He was wearing a long white summer dress,two large ,wooden bracelets,a pastel hair scarf,lip gloss,a denim jacket and clogs * .Wolf reached over and adjusted the chest so they were more even .
"Ugliest woman I've ever seen",Wolf said .Leon glared and punched Wolf in the shoulder .
"Damn you! Is it at least passable?!",Leon said .
"Yeah, just don't flirt with anyone",Wolf said .Leon grumbled and put on his tinted shades .
"Much better",Wolf said .
"I hate you",Leon said,stepping out of the car .
"I love you too,babe",Wolf said and drove off .
Back at their beat down apartment,Wolf and Leon walked with a spring in there step to the elevator ,happy at their achievement .They got in laughing wickedly,ignoring the badger who was slowly stepping away from them .
"Fuckin' queers",he mumbled .Suddenly,they stopped laughing and glared at the badger,before exchanging looks .Leon pulled out his communicator and messaged Wolf .
Leon:What's this guy's bounty?
Wolf:5,000
Leon: Can I?
Wolf:He's all yours
Wolf stepped to the other side of the elevator and put on some music .Leon was brimming with glee as he discretely whipped a knife from his purse and went for the badger .
A muffled scream was heard from the elevator and Wolf just stood indifferent,listening to his mp3 player as Leon had his fun .When he finished,he ,Wolf calmly pulled on his gloves and robbed him of any and everything of value on his person .
When the elevator door opened at their floor,the badger lay slaughtered against the wall,and Leon's dress was splashed with red ,contrasting against the white .
"Oh ,I'd love to keep a picture of this,what do you think?",Leon said gleefully .
"Yeah,really has a nice lighting in the elevator . . .except that we'd look obviously guilty when it gets found",Wolf said flatly .
"Yes,I suppose . . .oh well,bask in the moment! I'll just put it up as advertisement for our services ",Leon said .He snapped a Polaroid of the dead badger and they waited for the elevator door to close .
"And where did you find that old thing?",Wolf asked .
"Same place we find everything else ",Leon said .And by that ,he meant stolen .
"Should we call clean up?",Leon asked .The two paused,thinking .
"Nah",they said in unison and went back to their room .
"Let's see . . . new coat,new shoes,new suit,laser upgrades,another suit,some grenades,some nice cologne .That's what I'll do with this",Leon said,holding a handful of colorful translucent cards,counting it .
"When the hell are you gonna take off that ridiculous get up?",Wolf said,looking out of the window .
"I like the red and white contrast,very dramatic .I know,I'll take a photo to add to my art collection beforeI burn it",Leon said .
"Well hurry up,there are cops swarming the area .Might need to hurt something",Wolf said .Leon sighed .
"I swear,you're such a brute .We can lay low and cuddle on our new bed instead,and watch the free cable I ripped from the system yesterday",Leon said .He took off his disguise to reveal that he was wearing a black speedo underneath .
"Hm,you should wear one of those at our honeymoon",Wolf said .
"Yes,if we were actually getting married",Leon said .
"What,you don't want to marry me?",Wolf said dejectedly,his ears hung .
"I do,I just want you to man up and propose already",Leon said .
"If you wanted to get married,why didn't you propose?!",Wolf demanded .
"I wanted you to bend to my will .The great Leon deserves to be spoiled",Leon said .Wolf sighed and got down on one knee .
"Leon Powalski,will you marry me?",Wolf asked sincerely,grabbing one of Leon's hands in both of his .Leon just looked at him bored .
"Of course . . .now where's the ring?",he said .Wolf pulled a simple gold band from his pocket and slid it onto the other man's finger .
"Cute,but I require more style and sophistication .The wedding ring had better look better than this",Leon said .
"You're a piece of shit,Powalski",Wolf said,standing up ,annoyed .
"Back in character,I see .We can grab some nice ones the next time we go out .No diamonds though,much to easy too track",Leon said .
"Yeah,I got ya' lizard face",Wolf said .
"Fine with me ,flea-bag .Now get over here and give me a kiss",he said .Wolf complied and strode over to Leon and kissed him on the mouth .As they kissed,he felt Leon's long tounge sliding all the way into his throat and he shuddered for a second,before recovering .He pulled back from the kiss,coughing slightly .
"Oh look,you're getting use to it now"Leon said,drool on his mouth from the sloppy kiss .
"And I want more",Wolf said,inches away .
Later that night, the janitor of St .Ruleux apartments looked at the out of order sign,annoyed .He already knew what it was,because after working in an apartment that keeps shady characters,this kind of thing was bound to happen .But hell,it paid three times more than regular janitors and the crooks paid him big to be their eyes and ears .Sighing,he ripped off the sign and unlocked the elevator .
"Gotdamnit ,Powalski,why can't you just do clean kills like everyone else!",the old blood hound mumbled to himself .
So ,this is just a mild taste of it .You'll be in for some more fun later