A/N: Decided to put this in the drabble section after watching The World Only God Knows. Somehow, I thought it would just funny in the Naruto setting and what's more...if the girls didn't forget all the effort he put into seducing them in the first place! Some said I ought to just create a fic where I can dump all my ideas. And to be frank, I just might do that. I...need to get them out of my head! They're interfering with my other fics! Just the other day I found myself on a 500+ word writing spree in the middle of writing the next chapter Convergence! Do you have any idea how odd that was?! *Takes deep breath* Sorry about that, I am just getting really, REALLY frustrated with myself. Now, with my bitching and whining out of the way, I proudly present...

...The World Only I know!

"The world only I know...yes I! Because I am a god! The God of Conquest...yeah, right!"

~?

Divine One

Night had finally come to Konoha. Night had finally come, for Uzumaki Naruto.

It had been a long day, all things considered. A strange, unthinkable day. Because today, he'd done the unthinkable; he'd wooed a woman. Kissed her. Wormed his way into her heart in less than twenty-four hours as simple as could be, and come dangerously close to losing his virginity as a consequence. Yes, today had been a very, strange, otherwordly day. And from the look of it, from the noise emanating from this apartment, it would prove to be a most a very interesting night as well...

Kami wasn't quite finished with him just yet.

"Is there something wrong, Kami-sama?"

Uzumaki Naruto scrubbed at his eyes with the back of a hand and struggled to ignore those words, simultaneously grappling with the crushing wave of vertigo and nausea the act elicited. Deep breaths, Naruto. He told himself. You can't afford to freak out here. Just because there's a half-naked girl sitting on your bed...oh for the love of kami! Despite the mental command he found his breath hastening, his heart pounding, promising to explode from his chest if he didn't do something to calm himself down soon. Mentally, he reviewed the events of the day:

What the hell had happened? Okay, lets review, he held up the fingers of his hand and began to count off, 'First, I got pissed off at Ero-Senin. Bastard was too buy peeking to train me! Second, he made me a deal; if I could succsessfully steal the Scroll of Sealing a second time, and bring it back to him, he'd teach me the most powerful jutsu he knew. I managed to steal a scroll but...

...

Left eye twitching, the recently returned genin directed his gaze toward the girl sitting in his bed, glaring bloody red daggers at his apartment's newest tenant. She returned his gaze and waved, blissfully ignorant of the raging arguement in the blonde's head How the hell did this happen?! Naruto wracked his brain, struggling to retrace his steps to this very moment. Now, where was I? Ah, yes. I..."borrowed" that scroll. That was easy enough for me after I knocked Baa-chan out with my new sexy technique. But that still doesn't explain...

He stole another glace at the girl.

...how the hell she got here!

She was the strangest girl he'd ever seen in his entirelife. This coming from a boy who'd seen Mitarashi Anko, mind you! That one wore an awful lot of fishnet. But not this one. If anything, she was stranger still! Raven hair bound back in a ponytail beside a skull pin framed a heart-shaped face, from which light, violet eyes shone. The combination of those colors alone would've held him with little trouble. But it was her attire that held him, rooted him; leaving his eyes roaming over her short violet kimono/skirt, light-purple toeless long socks and wooden sandals. She couldn't have been more than seventeen years old.

Unbidden, Konoha's number one knuckle-headed ninja found his gaze drifting upward. Drinking in her every other feature, the oh-so subtle manner in which her fingers curled around the broom in her hands-wait, that broom?!-to the long fingerless gloves wrapped around those fingers right down to the sleeveless top, meshing with her curves in all the right places, the like of which he'd never seen. He even caught himself staring at her breasts-damn you to hell ero-senin!-jutting out prominently from within her strangely cut kimono. And then there was the matter of the strange pink cloth, wound around her shoulders.

She was...kinda cute. In a boneheaded, little sister way.

"I can't believe we did it!" She beamed at him. "We actually captured a loose soul!"

Naruto shivered at that. At the memory of what he'd had to do just to capture said soul.

"I'm dreaming." He told himself, shaking all over. "Yes, that's it. I've been training too hard and I haven't gotten enough sleep, so I must be dreaming...

He flung himself back on the bed and closed his eyes. Yes this was a dream. A terrible awful dream, one he'd awaken from any second...

Ba-dump.

Something soft pressed against his face. Naruto started awake with a cry, jerking upward.

"Hmm," the girl was peering down at him, her hand pressed against his forehead. "You don't seem to have a fever, divine one. Are you sure you're not feeling well?"

"Stop calling me Divine One, Elsie!" Naruto growled, slapping her hand away and thrusting a finger at the now named Elsie. "I'm still pissed!"

"Then...can I call you Kami-nii-sama?"

"What-no!" Naruto shouted. "Why the hell would I let you call me that?!"

Elsie snifled.

"Kami-sama...you're so mean...

"Aaargh!" The genin groaned as fresh tears welled up in her eyes. "Stop!" Then, more gently. "Stop." He scooted forward and reluctantly pulled the girl into his chest, knowing by now she wouldn't stop crying unless he did something about it, something like this. And it worked. The moment he pulled the quivering girl into his arms, she fell quiet. "If I let you call me Kami-Nii-sami, will you stop crying?" Naruto asked. Elsie nodded into his chest, softly, meekly. Naruto released her. After less than twenty-four hours together he'd already learned how to assauge the girl.

"You done crying now?" he asked, pointedly.

"H-Hai!" Elsie brightened at once beneath his words and his hand upon her shoulder. "Kami-nii-sama! You're much nicer than my last nii-sama!"

"Ha?"

Elsie tentatively tented her fingers.

"N-Nevermind...

Naruto's only response was to groan and tug at the collar around his neck, in the hopes that his feigned slumber had loosened it somehow. Once more, the effort proved to be futile. Damnit. Damnit it all to hell! I can't believe I got myself into this mess! Getting stuck with this collar, with a demoness, being forced to hunt down these loose souls of hers...

He thought back on it; his first foolish mistake that led him to this...

(Flashback/Reminisce)

Instead of bringing the scroll straight to Jiraiya as he'd been instructed Naruto had instead brought it back home to his apartment. His reasoning had been sound, or so he had thought. If he'd gleamed something as awesome as the kage bunshin the first time, then who knew what else he might learn from another peek? The moment he opened the scroll, however, he knew he had 'borrowed' the wrong one. For starters it was a great deal smaller than he remembered, though he'd attributed that to his own growth at the time. He'd barely been a boy the first time he stole it.

It was also marked with strange, cartoonish skulls, as if someone had drawn upon them,. Funny. He didn't remember the scroll ooking like that, either. If that hadn't been warning enough, as if his own growing sense of dread weren't enough to warn him, he'd still decided to open it. There were no earth-shattering secrets scrawled within. No devastating ninjutsu that could shape the very world as he saw fit. Not a single unbeatable, unblockable taijutsu technique. Nor an unbreakable mind-bending genjutsu. Written within was a simple, if archaic message:

Dear God of Conquest, otherwise known as the Yondaime Hokage,

I've heard that you can conquer any woman. On the the off-chance that this is true, I have a girl for you.

P.S.

Don't sign with your blood if you can't do it.

Sincerely,

Dokuro Skull.

"Who would sign such a stupid thing?" Naruto was less than amused by the words. This letter was obviously meant for the Yondaime! He scoffed and began to roll up the piece of parchment, preparing to return it to the tower. He'd just have to apologize to Tsunade-baachan and...ouch! The sixteen year old genin winced as the smooth parchment slid across his thumb, opening a thin slice across the skin. A lone drop of blood slipped off the ridge of his thumb before his regenerative capabilites kicked in, plummeting straight toward the floor. Time seemed to slow. Everything froze as that stray droplet of blood landed dead center upon the dotted liine of the scroll, the very same scroll he'd refused to sigh, moments before. He watched, dumbstruck, as that single drop of blood scrawled across the line, forming his name in shades of scarlet.

Oh boy.

The moment that happened-brilliant move, bonehead!- a storm erupted in Naruto's apartment. There could be no other word for it. Purple light strobed across the blonde's eyes, tossing his belongings wildly about, hurtling him back across the bed as though he'd been caught in the midst of a hurricane. He could only look on aghast, as that light took on human shape as a female figure took form; revealing the very same girl currently sitting pretty on his bed, bearing said broom and said piece of strange floating cloth!

"Thank you for signing the contract Kami-sama." The girl had said as she bowed in respect. Well then…" the girl said as she grabbed his hand and took him outside. "Let's go hunting for some loose souls!" she said that happily enough, and that, was the only reason the blond let his guard down. The next thing he knew they were flying-flying?!-hurtling through the village at a breakneck pace that threatened to snap the genin's neck in twine, were he not holding to her hand. The landscape melted into a blur of color, and the next thing he knew-

Ground.

Naruto yelped in surprise as the girl abruptly released his hand, the sudden momentum sending him sprawling. Wait a second! His training kicked in and turned his haphazard flight into a roll, and the roll into a three-point stance, his left hand spread for balance. That was when the vertigo kicked in. He stole a glance over his shoulder, alarmed to find the entire village spread out below them. Ha?! They were standing on top of the Stone Faces?! How had they gotten here so quickly? That was impossible, even for a shinobi! No amount of training could have prepared him for this!

Oh god...I think I'm going to be sick...

Naruto sank to his knees, chest having, struggling to recover from the sudden flight and equally abrupt landing. His mind knew he was safe, but his body instinctivey railed against it. His stomach heaved and he bitterly bit down on the bile threatening to tear up his throat. No! None of that! He wasn't about to hyperventilate and lose his lunch merely because he didn't understand what was going on! Absolutely not! Steeling himself, he dragged himself to his feet, turned his gaze toward the strange, broom-wielding girl.

"Alright," Naruto said as he pointed a finger to her. "Who the hell are you?"

The girl gave him a smile that could've split sunbeams.

"My name is Elucia de Lute Ima, but everyone calls me Elsie. I am a devil from hell that was dispatched as a part of the "Loose Souls Team." She held her broom low before her waist and bowed to him. "Its an honor to finally meet you, Divine One!" The newly named Elsie rattled all this off before Naruto could even hope to interrupt her. Now, he merely gawped.

"What…is this about?" Naruto thought to himself, unable to come to terms.. A devil? Hell? Soul Collecting forces? This doesn't make any sense! And she certainly didn't look like a devil!

"Um...Elise, was it?"

"Hai?"

"Are you really a devil?"

"Hai!" She chirruped happily. "I'm only three hundred years old!"

Naruto's sanity points promptly dropped to zero. Three...hundred...years...old. Ha. Hahahahaha!

Eventually, he came to a decision.

"I've got a mission today, better get ready." Naruto said to himself as turned in the opposite direction, descending the staircase, prepared to return to his apartment and pick up the pieces of what was turning out to be a very, very trange day.

"Be careful Kami-sama, or else you might lose your head."

Naruto froze, rooted in place by her words.

"My head?" Naruto asked as he placed a hand on his throat noticing there was some weird collar on his neck. "What the heck? What's with this collar?" Naruto asked as Elsie began to explain to him. "You see, you made a contract with the devils, didn't you see it? It was sent by my chief, Dokurou." Elsie said as Naruto tried to recall what he had until he remembered the drop of blood, much to his horror.

"Contracts in hell are very strict, so you'll need to be careful. If you fail to meet the conditions or break the contract without permission, the collar will activate and…" Elsie trailed off, and the next line she uttered would be forever burned in Naruto's memory forevermore. "You'll lose your head." Elsie finished.

The result was thus: Narutp panicked! He dug his fingers into the device around his neck, frantically trying to pry the device off him. "Don't mess with me! Take it off!" He hollered as he continued to try and pry the foul device from his neck, but to no avail. The collar held fast and firm, despite his best efforts to remove it.

"It'll be fine!" Elsie reassured him with another heartbreaking smil. "Once we round up the loose souls, it'll be removed!"

"Loose Souls?"

"Hai!" Elsie nodded. "Loose souls are evil souls that escaped from hell. They've come to the surface to commit more evil acts. Its my job to find and capture them!"

"Then go capture them!" Naruto shouted! "I don't see what you need me for!" He was seriously starting to freak out here!

"Well...its not that simple." the demon-girl replied. "After all, loose souls hide in the heart."

There was a silence.

"Within the heart?"

Naruto's left eye twitched.

"How are you supposed to capture them then?!"

"That's why we need the assistance of a human "buddy" Elsie chimed. "In other words, you'll just have to take its place in her heart." Naruto bristled. Take its place in her heart? He didn't like where this was going! Not a bit! But still he listened, the gears of his mind slowly churning, clicking together as Elsie continued, "Then the loose soul will be forced to leave. And the best way to insert yourself into her heart...is to make her fall in love with you!"

"Wait a second!" Naruto frowned. "You...You just said her, didn't you?"

"Hai! Loose souls prefer the hearts of young women!"

"Oi oi...you're not telling me to...

...conquer a real girl, hai!" Elsie finished for the blond. "It should be easy for you, kami-sama!"

"Ha?!"

Mistaking his dismay for something else, the demoness flushed and tented her fingers, the gesture strangely reminiscent of a certain Hyuuga he knew.

"Um...well...a kiss would suffice. I-I suppose you could do more if you wanted..."

"You moron!" Naruto seized Elsie by the shoulders! "You got this totally wrong! I signed that damned contract by accident, do you hear me? Accident! I'm no conqueror of women! T've never even held hands with a real girl in my life!" His words rent the air between them like a thunderbolt. Any and all amusement in those lovely puple orbs died, the instant he let go of her shoulders. The broom dropped from Elsie's hands, clattering to the floor with a soft rattle. Unbidden, tears welled up in her soft magenta eyes. Just as he'd done moments before, the girl sank to her knees, only this time, she began to bawl.

"That's awful...just awful, divine one!" Elsie sobbed sotly, vainly scrubbing at her eyes. "I had no idea you'd signed the contract by accident!"

"Don't rub it in!" Naruto growled, touching a hand to the collar round his neck. "Anyway now that that's cleared this up, get this collar off me." He was just beginning to think this might turn out alright after all. Alas, his hopes were irrevocably dashed by her response:

"I'm sorry. I...I can't do that!"

"What?!"

Elsie raised her gaze then, and then, only then did Naruto see it. The same purple collar bound around his neck...encircled hers as well. Pulsating softly, glowing a light violet as her frail fingers clutched at it. Blue eyes bulged with incomprehension, a sickening realization dawning within them. He knew what the demoness was about to say, but even so, found himself numbed by her words, by her tears all the same. The poor girl was absolutely terrifed, heartbroken beyond belief.

"To make up for it, I'll die with you...we're both bound by the contract...when the buddy dies, the demon also loses her head." She snifled softly, struggling against the waterworks threatening to come. "This is just like before, only worse! Waaah!"

"Oi...c'mon...stop crying...

"I'm doomed!" Elsie continued to sob. "There's absolutely nothing I can do and I...I...

Naruto really couldn't blame himself for what happened next. He couldn't think straight. So when he embraced Elsie, when he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her head into his chest, it was just to shut her up for a little while. Right. Had to keep telling himself that, even as he felt her bossom, pressed tight against his chest. All the while a single thought raced through his mind. I am not a pervert, I'm not a pervert I'm not a pervert...I swear to god, I'm not a pervert

"Kami-sama?" Elsie word were muffled, soft against him. She raised her gaze from his chest, tears still dangling from her lashes like dewdrops on a leaf. "What're you-

"I'll do it."

"?"

"If its your head on the line...I'll do it." Naruto was cursing himself even as he spoke, but he pressed on. "I'll help you capture these loose souls. I won't let you loose your head...I swear on my nindo!"

"Nani?"

The slow flushing of Naruto's face put his jinchuuriki cloak to shame.

"Baka yarou, Kono yarou!"

"Huh?"

"I said I'll help you, demon girl!"

"My name isn't demon girl!" Elsie puffed out her cheeks angrily. "It's Elsie!"

"Whatever!"

"So you'll really help me?"

"I said I wouldn't didn't I?" Naruto groused. It wasn't as though he'd much of a choice, though. Honestly, why did his life have to be on the line?!

"Yatta!"

Naruto grunted as the demoness swooped forward to embrace him, throwing her slender arms around his neck. Blue eyes flew wide open.

"Ahahaha...Elise?"

"Kami-sama?"

"You're...erm...kinda close?"

Scarce had he spoken than the strange skull emblem on the her head began to flash, its eyes glowing an eerie red. Naruto blinked his surprise as a high-pitched alarm squealed out:

DORODORODORODORO!

"H-Here it is, Kami-sama!" Elsie danced away from him, her face burning brighter than the brightest star. "Here comes a loose soul! Th-This way!" Naruto watched as the demoness darted toward the very edge of the stone faces, eyes aglitter with excitment. Tsking, he'd no choice but to followed after her; looking down upon the populace below, searching for this girl, following Elise's gaze. Inwardly his mind raced. He had no idea how he was suppoed to worm his way into a girl's heart let alone get them to love him. After all, he loved Sakura-chan...right? He'd been conflicted on that matter for quite some time now...

Shaking his head, desperate to dispel the thoughts of his teammate, Naruto instead risked a glance at Elsie. She caught him staring and smiled that sunny smile of hers. Honestly, how could ths girl be a demon? Naruto just didn't get it. But he couldn't very well stand by and let the little demoness lose her head now, could he? After all, their lives were on the line! Chastising himself for the slip, the geniin once more turned his attention to the populace below.

"I don't see how you can see anyone down there...

"Then lets take a closer look!"

Not again! Naruto wanted to exclaim aghast as Elsie grabbed him by the hand slung herself onto the broom and descended to the streets below. At least he assumed this was her intent. When the demoness leveled out and laid him out upon a nearby rooftop, he heaved a relieved sigh. Shinobi or not, he'd never get used to that...

"There!" Elise thrust a finger forward! "That one! Out in front! That's her!"

Naruto's jaw hung open.

...you...

...you have got to be kidding me?!"

A/N: For those who didn't get the point, this takes place during Shippuden, but the setting is obviously AU. There's quite a few "loose souls" fluttering around this world. And now, if you're at all familiar with the plot of the World Only God Knows, you know what's coming next! Be sure to vote for whom the first girl, as well as the rest, should be! Sadly with that, Im off to work once again. Have to pay the bills somehow! So, in the immortal words of Atlas...

...review, would you kindly?

R&R! =D