A few weeks ago I started writing a completely different story. I got stuck and started writing this one and the idea just flowed. I guess I'm meant to write Alex/Olivia stories for a while. Hope you enjoy. –M

The first chapter is in Alex's POV.

Why'd You Have To Be So Beautiful

Ch. 1

I think about her often.

We live in the same city, but our lives have gone separate ways.

Actually I choose a different path, a path that didn't lead to her.

My time in the Congo allowed me to separate myself physically from her and some days I thought I had even separated my feelings from her.

Some days though, she was right there beside me, right there clouding my headspace, consuming me during the quiet moments.

I would get lost in thinking about if she was safe, if she was getting enough sleep, even if she had someone to go home to.

I would think about how beautiful she was.

How beautiful inside and out.

My attraction to her is indefinable to me.

I had never been with a woman. I never been in love with a woman.

And 10 years later, I can honestly say I am in love with her.

I had to admit to myself I was in love with her.

I Alex Cabot am in love with the forbidden fruit, Olivia Benson.

Foolish.

It's completely and utterly foolish.

She had no feelings for me other than friendship, she has never thought of me otherwise.

That's why, though we are in the same city I had to choose a different path.

I thought when I came back to New York from the Congo I could keep pretending, but seeing her again, seeing how she only became more compassionate, more beautiful… sexier, I couldn't do it. I couldn't be around her.

I quit SVU.

I did follow my passion. I did change the direction of my career because I truly knew I could be of better service to women who needed a voice.

But I stopped lying to myself when I came back to New York. I knew my deciding factor to make a permanent change was her.

I needed to separate myself from her.

So I did.

I've kept busy mostly with work.

I've even gone out on a few dates that have only ended with lackluster appeal.

I had turned my crush, more admittedly my fantasy in to a way to torture myself.

But I did what I had to do in order to not shout from the rooftops and to her that I love her.

I love her.

aoaoaoaoaoaoaoaoaoaoaoaoaoaoaoaoaoaoaoaoaoaoaoaoao aoaoaoaoaoaoaoaoao

"Alex?"

I turned at the sound of my name to see a handsome face.

"Michael… hi!" I said giving my old friend a hug and a quick kiss to the cheek.

"I was just admiring your paintings," I said with a smile. "Everything is truly incredible!"

"Thank you," he said graciously. "I think I'm still in shock this many people would come to see my work."

"Michael don't be silly you are an incredible artist and you deserve all of your success!"

"Well thank you again," he said with a genuine smile. "How about I get you a glass of wine?'

"No, no I am perfectly capable of getting my own, you have too many admirers to tend to."

"It was great to see you Alex and thank you for coming."

"I wouldn't have missed it. Congrats!"

Michael gave me another quick hug. "Now go get that glass of wine, enjoy."

I smiled again as my friend was pulled away by another of his admirers.

I made my way to the bar set up in the corner of the room.

"Cab?" I asked leaning in, as the room bustled around me.

"Yes ma'am," the server said quickly pouring me a glass of Cabernet and handing it to me.

"Thank you," I said before turning back to the crowded room.

I took my first sip of wine then raised my eyes to scan the room.

I was so proud of my friend and his success and that the gallery was bustling with his friends and supporters.

"Alexandra Cabot!"

"Lucy!"

"It's so good to see you Alex!"

"You too! It's been forever!"

"It has been forever."

Lucy was a fellow attorney who I had done non-profit work with early in my career.

"I didn't know you were a fan of Michael's work?"

"Yes, I am. A friend… she introduced me to Michael and his work years ago."

"Isn't he great. I was thrilled that…"

I could hear Lucy talking but suddenly my ears caught the sound of laughter.

I had taken another sip of my wine, but my lips frozen against the rim of my glass.

My eyes went straight to her.

Straight to the sight of her head thrown back, her Colgate smile blaring and the sound of her unmistakable laughter.

"Alex? Alex!""

"Oh! I'm sorry."

I couldn't take my eyes off of her.

"Where did you go just then?"

I looked at my friend quickly.

"I just, I'm sorry. I just saw someone… it caught me off guard."

"Oh no, its not an ex is it? That is the worst trying to avoid someone in a room like this." Lucy said assuming.

"I know it is the worst." I said agreeing, not sure what I would have said anyway.

Jesus.

"Lucy, I actually think I am going to do the avoidance thing..." I said trying to give a cheeky smile.

Lucy laughed and shook her head. "Good luck, but if I were you I would totally walk by him and let him get a glance of you in that red dress. You look really hot Cabot!"

I smiled, I tried to seem humored by the compliment.

But our conversation was lost.

She was here.

"It was good to see you Lucy."

"You too. I'll swing by your office sometime, we'll grab lunch."

"Sounds great."

I turned from Lucy… I looked at her again.

Just to torture myself, I starred at her.

She stood tall in four-inch heels and a black (was she wearing a leather dress), hit every curve on her perfect body.

Jesus.

Why should I be shocked to see her here? Michael was her friend too. It was she who had introduced me to Michael years ago.

Why wouldn't she be here tonight to support her friend?

Shit.

I took a gulp of courage from my glass of wine and sat it down, ready to slither my way through the crowd in the opposite direction, on a different path from where she stood.

I finally made my way to the door, making my escape in to the cool night air that I so desperately wanted to take a breath of...

A deep breath in and out to calm myself.

And to take a moment to pat myself on the back for such a chicken shit move of avoiding her like I was some silly little high school girl.

"Alex! Hey there…"

There was no doubt who was calling my name.

No doubt who could take my breath away so suddenly.

I closed my eyes, clinching my lids shut for a split second before I turned to her.

"Olivia," I said trying to sound surprised to see her.

A smile was on her face.

"I saw you leaving and I was hoping to catch you. I wanted to say hello." Olivia said leaning in to me, giving me a firm hug.

She smelled of vanilla.

She felt so good.

"It's so good to see you Alex, I've missed you."

Why was she so beautiful?

"I've missed you too."

"You look great! How is everything?"

"Everything is good. You know the usual, working."

"Of course… I wasn't sure if you were in New York?"

"Yeah I've been here, a couple of trips to Africa, but I've been here."

Avoiding you.

"I guess I haven't been any better at reaching out."

"You work just as hard if not harder." I excused.

Olivia nodded.

"Well I'll let you go, but we should catch up!"

"Yeah we should," I agreed.

I agreed. Why did I agree?

"I know it's short notice, but brunch on Sunday?"

"That sounds great." I said with a smile.

Brunch sounds great if I get to wake up next to you before hand.

"Then Brunch it is… I'll come up with a plan and text you."

"Sounds good."

"It really was great to see you tonight Alex." Olivia said giving me a quick hug.

I wanted to hug her and shove her away at the same time.

Olivia turned to go back inside leaving me there on the sidewalk.

What had I done? Unraveled all of the hard work, all the distance I had created between me and Olivia.

It was too easily to agree to have brunch with her.

To easy to say yes, too easy to be in love with her because it turned out it wasn't so easy trying not to be in love with her.

I bit down on my bottom lip as I forcefully made myself walk in the direction towards home.

I wouldn't take a cab, at least not for a few blocks. I needed to take a breath again.

The breath I was holding in order to not tell her I love her.

I love her.

TBC