Everything you recognize belongs to BBC.
Fluffiness alert toward the end :)
Can I come for a cuddle in the middle of the night?
He opened the door to find Nikki standing there with a tired look on her face. An outsider wouldn't notice her tiny frame trembling, but Harry saw it instantly. It was obvious; to him at least, that she was holding back tears. Without saying anything he pulled her in his arms and she burst into tears.
She could cry now. She have kept it inside as long as possible, not wanting to admit to anyone that she let herself be fooled again, in the same game by the same man, by the same tactic.
But this was Harry. He won't judge, he won't ask until she's ready to talk, he'll know her better than she knows herself.
Without another word he took both of her hands in his, closing the door with his free hand. He led her to the couch in his living room. She was still trembling, tears falling slowly. So they sat. He held her hands as she was staring somewhere in the distance, images running in front her eyes. Suddenly she pulled her hands from his and started wiping tears angrily. But then anger just brought another wave of tears. She was almost hyperventilating so Harry pulled her in his arms again as she continued shaking.
Some time passed. Neither of them needed to talk. She desperately sought for comfort and he only wanted to be there for her. So they sat. He was wearing his jacket and realization that she forced him to stay with her when he was obviously planning on going out only brought another wave of silent sobs.
If someone was looking at this strange couple he wouldn't understand a thing.
They were in complete silence that was only broken by occasional sob. Somewhere phone rang a few times, both of them ignoring it.
Harry was holding Nikki in his arms, her head on his chest, his right hand holding her forearm and the left gently rubbing her hair. Every once in a while she would pull her hand to wipe the tears and then Harry would slowly take it in his again and return it back on his chest.
He hated whoever has done this to her but right now all he could think of was how to make her feel better.
"My father called last month" Nikki said finally.
"Oh" was all he said. "Why haven't you told me?"
"I knew what you would say."
Some time passed, none of them saying anything. His phone beeped once again.
"Poor girl. You should call to say you're not coming" she said smiling but feeling little guilty. Selfish, human part of her was glad he was with her and not with some of his adoring 25 years old. "Sorry for interrupting your life once again."
"She's not important. You are."
"Because I have no one else."
"No, because you are you" he said simply like that was explaining everything.
"Thank you, Harry. For all you do. For not telling me how stupid I am."
"You are not stupid, Nikki. You just have too much faith in people. That is incredible considering what you've been through and what we see every day."
"I want to have good relationship with him, Harry. He's my dad. My only family. But he is just…" she couldn't talk anymore as tears took over again and he pulled her in his arms. Suddenly she started to laugh.
"Story of my life. I screw it up and you have to put me back together."
"You did it plenty of times for me, too."
She smiled and put her head again on his chest, enjoying the sound of his heart beating.
"What happened with your father, Nikki?"
"He called me last month, said he wanted to see me. I gave it in again, we went for supper a few times, we would meet for coffee after work. He suddenly seemed to be everything I've ever wanted him to be. We had a good time together, Harry. I thought that finally time has come for us to forget and learn to be there for each other."
"So what did he do?"
"He stole my credit cards." This was Harry but still she was ashamed. It was her own father and he stole from her. He probably planned it since the very beginning.
"He did what?" Harry was shocked. Nikki's father has always been a jerk but this was outrages. "You have to call the police."
"No, Harry, please, no. You are right but I can't do it. I've cancelled my cards. He did take some money; I guess he was lucky my mum's birthday was a pin on one. And he bought a ticket for South Africa with the other."
Harry knew there was no point in fighting over this.
"I am so sorry. Is there anything I can do to help?"
"You are already doing it" she said, small smile escaping her lips. "And I will be okay as long as I don't see him ever again."
"He'll be back, Nikki. One day you know he'll be back."
"He probably will. With a story how he couldn't control himself, how he had to do it, how he's ashamed and a changed man."
"Promise me you'll tell me when that happens."
"I will."
For the first time today, she was at piece. Harry was here and she dared to hold on that.
"I am not myself when he's around. He knows how much I want to have a family so he uses it to his advantage. I hate having to feel guilty for wanting family. But I do. I've proved once again how naïve I am."
"Nikki.."
"I guess when you desperately want to get some sort of purpose in your life you'd do anything to get it. It's just that I hate how weak I am around him."
"That's why next time we'll face him together. You have to learn that you're not alone."
"If it wasn't for you I would be. Leo has Janet. If you had a family of course that I couldn't just run into your home crying. One day you'll have someone and I won't be able to come here in the middle of the night for a cuddle."
He said nothing and Nikki couldn't see that he was smiling. She sighed and continued.
"Can you imagine how it feels when you have no one? I could stand in the middle of the street, in the middle of the city, in the middle of the whole world and have nowhere to go to? It's my fault, I don't let people in, but people have failed me too, don't you think? Everyone, except you."
"Let me tell you something Nikki" he said sitting up "as long as I live, you'll never be alone."
She could feel how hard it was for him to say that, to open himself like that.
"What's the point of your life, Harry?" she suddenly asked, looking straight in his eyes. "What is special about you? What is it that makes you different from other six billion people?"
"Nikki, what kind of question is that?"
He didn't like where this was going. It seemed to be heading straight out of his comfort zone.
"What would you say is the point of you?"
"I am good at what I do. We do hard things, most of which normal people would never even consider doing. We go where no one wants to go. To put away the murderer, to give a closure, to read the clues and prove the truth. You think that's not a good life purpose?"
"That's the point of Home Office Pathologist, not of Harry Cunningham. The point of you has to be something special, something that no one else can do as good as you can. It has to be something for what when you're gone Universe would shout that no one will ever do it better than you did. That no one can replace you."
She was looking at him but not sure if he was following.
"It doesn't have to be anything big, only something that you know, feel, do that is unique?"
He didn't know what to answer. This was exactly type of question to be expected from Nikki. She would always ask questions that could not be answered. This time, though, he knew what she was talking about. As always she was challenging him, forcing him to go where he was too afraid to go.
"Trying to find a mission and some higher purpose in life doesn't make much sense, Nikki. You just live and die. World won't stop when we are not here anymore. You of all people should know that."
"But that mustn't stop me from trying to make of this life something more than… waiting room for death."
"Is that why you're trying to patch up things with your father?"
"He is my only family, Harry. You can't blame me for that."
"I am your family, Nikki. You're my…" He wanted to say best friend but was suddenly shocked at how little it sounded in comparison with how much she actually meant to him, to what she actually was to him.
"Your best friend, I know. But that's not…" it took her some time to put her thoughts in order. "Best friends are replaceable, they come and go, they move away and find a different jobs, and get married, and have kids… and stay behind..." she was crying again.
Harry wanted to hug her but she just moved away from under his touch.
"Being a mother is a purpose, being a sister or a daughter is a purpose, being a wife is a purpose. Those things are steady, unchangeable, and certain and you wouldn't believe how much I need anything in my life to be certain right now."
"I know."
She sighed and leant again in the safety of his arms feeling him kiss the top of her head. She knew he understood and as always her problems got smaller when shared with him.
Both felt their eyelids getting heavier but refused to let this moment pass.
"So, your life has no point, my life has no point…" Nikki said jokingly some time later.
"We could have pointless lives together" he said causing her to giggle quietly. It left in both of them bitterness but also a familiar reminder of the bond that they've always shared.
Suddenly it came to him.
"I know what's the point of me, Nikki" he said. "I know what I do better than anything and anyone else." She sat up and looked at him curiously.
It was obvious he wasn't joking this time and it brought strange feeling of excitement and anticipation.
"I love you" he said. "No one loves you more than I do. The point of me is loving you."
She was little taken aback by his words but at the same time it made perfect sense. It was needless to say that this was all she wanted to hear and that it was coming for years now.
"And the point of me is loving you" she repeated amazed by her own words.
"And when I die the Universe will shout that no one ever understood you or knew you better than I did" he said and the words brought smile to his lips.
"And when I die the Universe will shout that no one ever understood you or knew you better than I did" she repeated imitating his expression.
Soon they were laughing together, staring at each other's eyes, not believing in the twists of life.
"It makes perfect sense, Harry" she said.
"And we don't need any paper or shared DNA to know that we are a family. That we belong together. That we know each other better than we know ourselves."
"You are a genius, Harry Cunningham" Nikki said, hugging him tightly and causing him to fall back on the couch, than falling on top of him.
"And you have all that ingenuity for yourself" he said grinning, causing her to giggle and hit him gently on the chest.
That night they fell asleep on Harry's couch, together, in each other's arms. Through the night they giggled in their sleep as they were sharing the same dream.
Who knew what tomorrow would bring, but this night was good. This night was great.
Better than any other in their lives.
Please, please, tell me that there are at least some parts when they are actually in character. I know this story is not really them but I had to write it.
Thanks for reading, please review.
xxxxx
A