Disclaimer: I do not own Pokémon sadly as it is owned by others. This is a nonprofit work which I am writing for the sole purpose of making my friends laugh.
A/N: There will be a lot of offensive material included in this fanfiction. Most of this will consist of sex jokes, cursing, and later cannibalism. This is meant to be a parody of the first generation of Pokémon games and should definitely not be taken seriously. If you are easily offended please just don't read this. Well, now that this is out of the way, here is the prologue.
PRJ
Prologue: Welcome to the World of Pokémon
A young boy sat in front of his television watching a man that looked to be in his early sixties discuss the Pokémon world.
"Hello, my name is Professor Samuel Oak. Some people call me that shitty ass old man who lives on top the hill. Most people simply call me Oak, however. Anyway, I am here today in order to tell you about the world of Pokémon. There are many different types of Pokémon in the world. I believe that there are 717 known species in existence at the time of the making of this television special. There are some that are so shitty that they can only splash water around, but then there are others that can create and destroy entire worlds. In other words there is a vast difference in the level of coolness between the different Pokémon. That being said, one of my favorites is Caterpie. I will get into why in a moment."
An image of a Caterpie appears on the screen.
"Now there are many different things that people do with Pokémon. Most simply attempt to become a Pokémon Trainer. These are those human beings which wish to make there Pokémon stronger so that they may battle against their friends and complete strangers who make eye contact with them. Those Pokémon trainers with actual ambition will attempt to become the Pokémon Champion of their respective region. This means that they will have to win eight gym badges and then take first place in their regions Pokémon tournament. These champions will then be allowed to challenge the Elite Four and compete against the Pokémon World Champion."
"Others will simply try and collect one of each species in order to complete their Pokédex entries. This is rather foolish as there are several types of Pokémon that are considered legendary due to the fact that there are only one of them and they are very powerful. The likelihood of seeing, much less catching, one of these types is so small that those who attempt this endeavor usually end up killing themselves out of frustration, much like dentists and postman. There are also those that will spend their entire lives attempting to breed perfect examples of a single Pokémon species. One of my very best friends has actually spent the last fifty years attempting to breed a perfect shiny Magikarp. He is kind of a doofus, but we love him and make fun of him to his face."
"There are also some that take loving Pokémon to a completely different level like my neighbor Delia. She has this Mr. Mime that she likes to … Well we won't get into that here. This actually is a great transition into the last type of Pokémon occupation I will discuss in this video special. That is Pokémon Professors such as myself. Each Professor is in charge of all research in one of the different regions in the Pokémon world. Each one of us also specializes in a specific aspect of Pokémon. My research focuses on Pokésex. This is the study of the mating and sexual habits of Pokémon. Before you write me off as some perverted freak, you should know that I went to college and this is a valid field of Pokéstudy. You may now find yourself asking, 'What the fuck does this have to do with anything?' Well, if I didn't go to college I wouldn't be able to inform all of you viewers that the last tail segment on a Caterpie is not actually a part of its tail, but is instead its penis. All Caterpie are hermaphrodites and have a dick and a nice little slit on the underside of their bodies. This is the reason that Caterpie is one of my favorite Pokémon. They are just fascinating to study. Now many of you are probably saying something along the lines of, 'What the fuck!? I did not want to know that you perverted assface.' However, as we discussed before, I went to college. Well that is all we have time for today, so this Oak is signing off."
"This is not your radio show, you don't sign off. You even mentioned that it was a television special a few times in your long ass speech." said a voice off camera that must have been one of the producers or the director of the special television feature.
"It doesn't matter anyway. Just shut the hell up!" Oak yelled back.
With this exchange the young boy turned off the television and went to get ready for bed. Tomorrow was going to be the boy's tenth birthday and he didn't want to be tired for the surprise his mother mentioned. Little did he know that this surprise would change his life forevermore. So, our young hero Red lay his head against his pillow and fell asleep.