Harry Potter Exposition Take 2
Okay readers, so I felt, like many HP fans, that JK's exposition should have been put back in the vault. Here is a fun one that I wrote (and no disrespect to JK. I'm fully aware you kick all kinds of ass) but it tied up an end I wanted to see. Ok, enjoy!
Dudley opened the door to his house on Privet Drive to three unfamiliar faces. On the stoop stood a short and very beautiful redhead wearing a look of contempt as she gazed at the chubby boy standing in the doorway. Beside her, a tall, gangly boy with hair the same fierce shade of red sported a satisfied smirk as he draped his arm casually over the girl on his other side. This girl leaned into his side comfortably and pushed her wild brown curls out of her face as her nose scrunched up at the sight of Dudley as if she smelled something bad.
"Dudley Dursley?" this last girl asked with an authoritative voice.
He nodded.
"May we come in? We have a message for your family that is, unfortunately, quite overdue." She did not wait for a reply, instead shouldering past his wide frame towing the boy behind her with a firm grip on his hand.
Not sure what to do, Dudley closed the door.
"Mummy!" he called in that lovely sour voice of his. "S' people here."
Mrs. Dursley emerged from the kitchen where she had just been serving her husband a sizable slice of cake to help him relax from his day of work. Her thin, angular body leaned against the doorway to the living room where the trio had made themselves comfortable on the sofa. Looking down her sharp nose at them, she wondered at their presence. They didn't look threatening. That is to say, they didn't look weird like any of her sister's boy's people. Still, she motioned for Mr. Dursley to follow her into the living room as she came to perch on the lumpy loveseat and grin sickly at the young man and women in her home.
"Hello," she said in what she thought was a sweet sounding voice. "I am Petunia Dursley. This is my husband Vernon and son Dudley." The amount of oozing pride in her voice when she put her hand lovingly on her son's shoulder was almost enough to choke on.
She turned expectantly to the strangers. They said nothing. In fact, there was a perceptible level of hostility coming from the opposite couch, which caused Petunia to shift uncomfortably.
"Well, come then," Mr. Dursley's voice interrupted the silence. "You can't just come in to our home like this and not state your business. Who are you?"
"Forgive our caution," the brunette began with what sounded like very forced politeness, "but we have heard, you see, that you do not have a soft spot for wizards."
At the word, three things happened almost at once which sent Ron into a burst of laughter, which he tried, rather unsuccessfully, to contain, and which earned him an elbow in the ribs from Hermione.
Firstly, Mr. Dursley's face turned such a disturbing shade of burgundy that the three were certain his head would explode before them this instant.
Secondly, Mrs. Dursley displayed quite an opposite reaction. Her face became instantly devoid of all color, and a panicked sound escaped her lips.
Thirdly, the fat little boy squeaked and grabbed his mother to force in front of him like some sort of shield as if he could possibly hide his massive frame behind her sickly one.
"Now see here!" boomed Vernon in what he surly assumed to be a commanding voice, "You cannot just barge into our home like this. We don't want your kind about!"
"And what could you mean by our kind, Mr. Dursley?" asked Jenny in a barley contained voice.
"You know bloody well what I mean," boomed the mammoth man sending his face into yet another indefinable shade on the color spectrum. His whole body shook with his anger and spit flew from his fat lips. "I mean you- you- you damned bleeding monstrosities of nature! I knew the day we brought that cursed, disgusting whelp into our home that we would regret the-"
Cutting him off, the three stood and drew wands out of their back pockets causing Dudley to break out into pathetic sobs of fear.
Ron waved his wand at the annoying boy. Dudley yelped and dropped to the ground in the fetal position, but Ron caught him and the boy instantly broke out in soars and boils- the kind that would not go away with the aid of a doctor. They sprouted all over his face and down his neck and shoulders giving him a face that not even his mother could love.
"My beautiful boy!" Petunia screeched dropping to her son's side. All Dudley could do was produce a strained whale that scrunched up his fat and now significantly less clear face in a startlingly accurate imitation of an infant Mandrake. Hermione laughed as she raised her wand towards the sniveling woman and delicately flicked her wrist.
Petunia's cries were then replaced with a loud, deep and unmistakable 'Moo.'
Her eyes widened as her hand went to her throat. "What- what did yo- Moo!" Her tears ran fresh as she attempted to contain the periodic mooing beneath her tightly clenched hands. The chorus of sobs from Dudley, moo's from Petunia, and roars of laughter from the more magically inclined were cut through by Mr. Dursley's cry of, "Why you, filthy, unnatural-"
Laughing nearly too hard to see, Ginny raised her wand at last and waved it satisfyingly at the man who had single handedly stolen the childhood of the man she loved. With that, Vernon Dursley began sprouting fungus from the top of his meaty hands all the way up his shoulders. He stood frozen and wide-eyed amongst the laughter, the crying, and the mooing. Raising his right hand to the level of his eyes he smelled the distinctly nasty, damp smell that now emanated from him. He plucked a mushroom off, wincing as he did so, but another grew instantly in its place.
For a moment, Petunia stopped mooing, Dudley stopped wailing, and Vernon looked at them aghast. The three wizards also paused in their laughter to look fiercely into each set of eyes.
"That was for Harry," Ginny said ferociously and turned on her heels. They were out the door before Petunia could get another 'moo' out.
Once they rounded the corner of Privet Drive their laughter broke out anew. Hermione grabbed the back of Ron's neck, pulling him down to kiss him heartily. Like every time, he pulled away with a dopey grin on his face prompting his sister to smack the back of his head, which had them all laughing again.
And so they headed back to the Burrow where their hero waited for them. Harry Potter, the boy who lived, the man who triumphed.
Bah, I know! So corny right? But come one, the dude owns. He deserves some cheesy lines in my opinion. Okay, hope y'all liked it. Please review.