Do you ever wonder just how far a raindrop has to actually travel before hitting its target?
As you open your umbrellas, shielding yourself from all its hard work, its efforts have been ruined, and you, well you don't really care, do you?
You only want to get to your destination dry, without having to endure the God awful rain.
Window wipers roll the droplets off your windscreen, another attempt to avoid the rain, another effort wasted.
But then again, no one really stops to think about the rain unless it's ruining your day or answering your prayers.
I feel like that sometimes. Sometimes, I stay out of everyone's way, hoping that I can just continue on until I don't have to anymore.
Never had I felt as though I could be a walking miracle until I came across the bronze haired boy with the troubled eyes.
He laughed too loud, he spoke too softly and most of all, he was surrounded by too many people.
Hiding behind others so no one would see what was truly going on but only the hard exterior that he had perfected.
Let me tell you what they all saw.
Perfection.
God, he was so beautiful, flawless even. His smooth skin was endearing, making it look incredibly soft. His face was the best combination of mystery and openness you would ever see. Speaking to him, you would believe that he was an open book, yours for the taking.
In his classes, he wasn't amongst the top students, but it was clear that he should be. When we spoke, he was passionate, he knew what he was talking about but he never let his whole opinion shine through in his words.
He was always hiding a part of himself.
Teachers enjoyed having him in their classes and peers enjoyed having him around. He was wonderful to talk to, easy to talk to, they say.
They say he is kind and soft spoken but loud and wild when he wants to be. And perhaps that's why they are drawn to him; he is an enigma.
Everything about it was like this if you looked close enough. He was not easily read, he just made himself look as if he was.
He had crafted his trade to perfection, like everything else surrounding him.
And I believed him. In fact, I didn't even know him.
He was in my biology class, he sat 2 rows a head of me with all the answers to the questions I sat puzzling over. His name was echoed through the classroom, everyone wanted to speak with him.
But not I.
I sat in my back row silently, the quiet girl with her novel. As he entertained them with his facade, I entertained myself with the characters in my books.
It wasn't until he had turned in his seat to speak with someone behind him, that he noticed me.
Looking up from my book at the exact moment his piercing green eyes looked over me.
And then I knew.
He smiled his gorgeous smile, assuming I would buy his cover like the people around me but I didn't. I knew better.
The wonderful, handsome boy that had everything, was faking. I knew because his eyes did not reflect the happiness that he was trying to send my way.
Smiling back at him quickly, I looked down, away from him.
It was like jumping into a pool on cold water; your senses come alive.
And that was the day I starting paying attention to Edward Cullen. Not the kind of attention that makes your head turn when ever his name is called, no. The kind of attention you pay when you know no one is around. He was never alone during school, but moments where his mask slipped were there.
In the cafeteria when he was waiting for his friends to sit with him, his eyes would stop paying attention and his gaze would wonder off. He gave quiet thought to everything but as soon as someone came close to him, the band snapped back into place.
He was a master at this little game he played. His friends were his Kryptonite and yet his source of energy as well.
I stopped reading during my biology classes. The back on his head was firmly etched into my brain and I was dying to see his eyes once more. He never turned though.
Every class he would answer his questions, speak to his friends, laugh out loud but never turn back and smile at me again.
One day, Edward Cullen didn't come to school.
His group of friends carried on like it were normal but they didn't have their center of gravity. They didn't know the order of things and to someone on the outside looking in, it was rather amusing. How had one person created such a system?
When it came to biology that day, we were given an assignment, a partnered assignment. Angela smiled apologetically as she agreed to be Ben's parter and I sat there alone, hoping that I would be able to complete the assignment alone.
Of course, nothing ever worked out in my favor. Everyone had their partners and I was the odd one out.
The teacher went around handing the sheets out and when he came to me, he wrote something on the top.
"You can give that to your partner when he comes back."
That was all he said before he walked away, leaving me with a storm of emotions I couldn't not process.
On the sheet of paper he had handed to me, two words were written in black pen: Edward Cullen.
That day came and went and the next morning appeared before me. Last night had consisted of wondering how on earth I was planning on speaking to him during this task. I couldn't even properly smile at him without wanting to accuse him of hiding something.
Parking my truck was easy enough but as I walked into school, the real challenge walked up to me.
Edward Cullen in all his glory was walking up to me, a smile plastered on his face.
"You're Bella, aren't you? Mike told me that you were my bio parter for the project we were given yesterday." As he spoke, all I could do was watch his eyes.
Once again, his eyes told the truth to the lie that was the character standing in front of me. I found myself nodding and reaching into my bag to give him his sheet.
"That's yours." I managed to stutter out my words.
All he did was smile at me and thanked me with a nod of his head.
"I guess we'll have to sit next to each other in bio today?" he chuckled confidently and ran his hands through his perfect hair.
"It's fine, you don't have to. We can just split the work and hand it in together." I offered.
I was once again floored by his performance. I also didn't want to throw myself at him, I'd rather hang back in the background.
He smirked at me. "No, I want to. I've never worked with you before, I want to see how it goes."
Nodding slowly, I couldn't stop myself from thinking that he wanted to spend time with me.
"Okay." I breathed out.
He waved at me and walked back to his friends. He left me standing there alone but completely thrown.
I wanted to figure him out and even though this would be a great opportunity to do so, I started backing out.
It wasn't my place to know him, or even begin to understand him. He could put up any front that he wanted, perhaps it was never meant to be figured out.
And so, biology classes passed. Edward Cullen sat next to me and we spoke to each other. We worked together and I found that he was enthralling. He was brilliant at science and it shone through as we spoke. As much as I wanted to, I held myself back from trying to crack his code. We laughed together and I found myself enjoying spending time with him. I didn't even realize that he was becoming my friend.
Two weeks of the assignment passed and he invited me to his house to continue on. I happily agreed, not thinking about it for a second too long.
After school that day, I followed him to his house. I was pleasantly surprised with where he lived; a big, white mansion with large glass windows.
He led me inside and I couldn't wonder what secrets lay hidden inside of here.
The dining table that his mother happily allowed us to complete our homework on, was where everything changed.
His family left us alone and we worked on biology in silence. When I thought he wasn't looking, I sneaked small looks at him.
Like I noticed from long ago, he was beautiful. He wrote quickly but neatly. Clearly concentrating on his work, he didn't seem to notice as I studied him. His dark blue sweater made his pale skin look cool to touch and as his bronze hair fell across his eyes, I wondered how annoying that must be.
Having this moment to really look at him, I gave into my inner cravings and looked past his exterior, what was he hiding?
"How are you doing that?" his voice cut through our silence like jagged glass.
I jerked back, frightened slightly by the tone of his voice. "I don't know what you mean."
He pushed aside our homework. "Why are you the only one that can see through me? You look at me differently."
My mouth dropped slightly. He had been hiding something and he had noticed me trying to find out what it was.
"I don't know anything." I managed to get out.
Suddenly, I was nervous; I had gone too far. I knew I should have let it go but I didn't and now I was in too deep.
"You don't know anything?" he said quietly. I nodded quickly, hoping he would see the sincerity in my eyes.
Google says that some raindrops fall over 5 miles before reaching the earth. Can you believe that? 5 miles. And for what? What's the point?
Well, I'll tell you. The point of rain falling and traveling over 5 miles is because somewhere, there's always going to be someone praying for rain. People is drought who are willing to dance for rain, people who pray for rain in times of need, those people who are waiting for a miracle are reasons why.
Miracles are unexpected, they don't follow the normal laws of nature.
Edward Cullen had a secret and I stumbled across it. It's been 5 years since that day when I found out and not a single day after that has passed without me telling him that I love him. And he smiles in return. A genuine, whole hearted smile that makes his eyes shine and that's when I knew I was like the rain.
Edward Cullen had a blade to his wrist when I visited him at the end of our senior year.
After our biology assignment, Edward and I remained friends but we were never as close after that day in his house.
I went to visit him because he hadn't been at school that day. The door to his house wasn't locked so I let myself in. I found him in his bathroom. He was sitting on the floor with a blade to his arm. Deep scars ran up and down his arm at all angles. Years worth of hurt were drawn upon his skin and tears rushed to my eyes.
Edward wasn't moving, the blade still not in his skin.
"Edward?" I whispered softly.
He looked up at me and then I saw the tears. My heart broke for the perfect boy that had been hiding all these years behind this his fake happiness.
I sat on the tiled floor with him and we sat in silence.
He put the blade on the floor next to him. "I can't do it anymore, Bella."
I knew what he was talking about and I nodded. "But this isn't how it should end, Edward. You have so much more to give."
"I've tried stopping, but I can't breathe without doing this." He pulled his sleeve down to cover his arm.
I bit my lip. "Then talk to someone who can help you."
Edward sighed and rested his head back against the wall.
"You knew, didn't you? That I was pretending."
His eyes were shit but I knew he was paying attention to me. "I knew your smiles were fake."
He lifted his head and looked at me. "How?" His voice was rough.
I brushed the hair from his eyes. "Your eyes weren't as happy as you tried to be."
Tears rolled over his cheeks then and he hugged me. It was so unexpected but I hugged him back tightly. In a matter of months, the mystery of Edward Cullen had become more than a puzzle to solve but rather, a boy that I wanted to know.