Title: All Alone
Author: yunshi_himura
Genre: Drama, Angst
Rating: pg-13
Length: OneShot
Disclaimer: Purely Tomo Takabayashi and Temari Matsumoto. Just own the idea and plot.
Summary: Everyone is happy for the marriage. But a young prince has suffured to the brink of death, and no one would care.
All Alone
The sun smiling proudly, shining its ray of happiness to the land below her. The clouds dancing around her, blowing a soft breeze and sweet smell of wind. The leaves and flowers blossom beautifully and lovingly, welcoming the new lady to Shin Makoku.
The town fully packed with people from all around town, the shops and it's people greeting guests with open arms. They bring gifts and ornaments, gold's, jewellery, silks, animals and foods to present to the new couple.
Yes.
Couple.
The king of Shin Makoku will get married today to the lady that stole his heart. The lady is a half mazoku blood, has porcelain skin, brown long hair and blue eyes. The smile, oh what a smile that makes Yuuri fall head over heels for her. He was so dumbstruck when he caught her smile toward him when they were on their mission a month ago. And as whimpy as Yuuri is, he went to her and propose her that instant, in front of everyone, in front of Wolfram.
And the engagement broke without either party need to say anything. The old engagement consider annulled when a new one was build. And Yuuri never once apologize to his former fiancé, never talk to him about it and never mention any word about their one-sided relationship, as if the engagement never happen between them.
As soon as they went back to Shin Makoku, a large and big preparation was make. Flowers, ribbons, drinks, ornaments, gowns and suits, and a long list of things were ordered. Everyone at the castle was busy preparing for the big wedding. Well, their king, the 27th Maoh of Shin Makoku will get married. Not only the people of Shin Makoku, but also the people from other countries are celebrating. They crossed the date by date on the calendar, waiting not patiently for the big day.
Everyone is happy. Everyone is singing. Everyone is dancing. Everyone is laughing.
Everyone.
Except one.
He didn't talk much since they come back from the mission. Not like he lock himself in a comfort of dark room, crying or smashing or cursing every damn day. No. He didn't do that. He does his duty like always, training his soldiers, reading, painting, practising his own sword skill and fire majutsu and even tried to talk to them. But everyone was...ignoring him.
Everyone, including his own family.
The first thing he did when they step foot on Shin Makoku is confront Yuuri about this. He went to Yuuri's office when the latter was busy telling everyone about his wedding dream.
"How could you, Yuuri? How could you propose to her when you already have me?"
"Now, Wolfram. Stop throwing a tantrum," Gunter quickly says.
"I'm not throwing a tantrum!" he glares at the advisor. "I'm just asking this wimp, why he propose to her when he already has me? Me! His fiancé!"
Gwendal rubs his new wrinkle on his forehead, frowning. "You know the rules, Wolfram. Your engagement to Yuuri heika was completely over as soon as one of you proposes to someone else. And since Yuuri heika propose to Lady Beatriz, your engagement is done for automatically."
"And that is why, big brother, I ask Yuuri, why he propose to her when he already has a fiancé?" he says, gritting his teeth, holding his anger.
"Heika had grown into that age, Wolfram. It's time for him to get married and has kids on his own," Conrad says with that smile on his face.
"I didn't ask for your opinion." He glares at his second big brother. "I ask him, why he proposed to her when he already has me? And all of you shut your mouth. I've been asking this question and yet he answers me," he warns the men inside the office before they can open their mouth, again.
Gunter turns to Yuuri with a worried look. Gwendal groan disapprovingly, making a new line of wrinkle on his forehead. Conrad sighs softly and looks at him, clearly disappointed with his brother's childish tantrum.
"Huh? Why you ask, Wolfram?" Yuuri says from his seat, confused. "Because I love her, of course. I want to marry her and live my life forever with the woman I love."
He stood frozen in his spot. Too shock to say a word. It's too easy for Yuuri to declare his love for the now his new fiancé. The fiancé he just met not more than three days ago. The fiancé that he claims is the love of his life.
"Did you...happen to remember that I am...your fiancé before you slap her cheek?"
"Em?" Yuuri tilted his head. "I do remember, Wolfram. But as you know, it was an accident. I don't wish to tie you down forever. You need to marry too, Wolfram. You're older than me. Don't let this thing with me stop you from finding the right girl."
Oh dear, Shinou. How dumb this wimp really is?
His body tremble. His hands shake. His face red in anger. He knows Yuuri never love him. He just looks at him not more than a friend. He knows. But he hopes Yuuri will look at him with the loving smile in his eyes and say he love him too. For the years they spend together, for the years they stay betrothed, for the years he stood beside him, he wish Yuuri will feel something in return.
"For all this time, do you...feel anything for me, Yuuri?" he asks softly, voice trembling in anger or in sadness, no one could tell.
"Em? I do like you, Wolfram. You're the greatest friend I could wish for. I hope we can stay friend. I don't want to lose you, Wolfram,"
"Friend?" He snorts in disgust. "Do you think we can still be friend?"
"Why not? You're a great friend and I don't want to lose you," Yuuri repeated.
"But I love you and I can't live without you, Yuuri."
Yuuri chuckle softly, rubbing his hair. "Oh, stop that Wolfram. This is not a period drama. You couldn't die because of love alone."
And Yuuri's heart squeeze hardly against his chest but he ignored it. It has nothing to do with the smile Wolfram thrown at him. He didn't feel anything when Wolfram smiles the sad painful smile on his lips. He is too happy to notice, too excited to care, and too ignorance to see.
"I told you, Wolfram. Stop being childish. The wedding is coming and stop throwing tantrum," Gwendal warn him when he comes to see his big brother a couple days after the meet at the office.
"I'm not throwing tantrum. I just want to talk to you, big brother," he says, trying to get his attention.
"If you want to talk, talk to Conrad. He might want to listen." Gwendal stop writing, put his pen on its holder and stand up. "But don't bother him so much. We're so busy with the preparation."
The eldest brother leave his office, doing what he suppose to do than wasting his time listening to his little brother's childish love confession. And he just stares after the closed door sadly.
"Not now, Wolfram."
He caught Conrad walking at the corridor, carrying a box of cards invitation to send to their allies. He quickly catches after his second brother, walking beside him.
"But I need to talk to you,"
"I'm busy, Wolfram. There're so much things to do,"
"I won't take long,"
"Now, Wolfram. Everyone is busy and you should stop being a selfish. If you have nothing to do, why not giving some help?"
"I'm not being a selfish. I just want..."
"Ah, Anissina. Great timing," Conrad cut his words and walking faster to catch the red haired woman.
Slowly, his feet stop walking. He just stares longingly after the retreating figure of his second brother.
If everyone ignored you, your mother wouldn't, right? Your mother is the only person who will be beside you always and forever. No matter how busy your mother is, she would definitely spend time for you, anytime you wish for. She will hug you, kiss you, pat you and comfort you when you needed the most. She will be your ear, your mouth, your arms. She will understand you and would never judge you, because she loves you. Right?
Wrong.
She is the same. The same as everyone else.
He didn't want to talk to his mother. Not because he is afraid she will ignore him too just like his brothers. No. It's because he doesn't want to let his mother know how much he suffered from this wedding. He doesn't want his mother worry about him.
But since his brothers refused to talk to him, he had no choice but seek comfort from his mother. After all, his mother loves him the most and won't let him cry in pain.
He went to a room where his mother is, sipping her tea comfortably as if waiting for someone or something.
"Mother, can I talk to you?" he asks.
"Well of course, dear."
He pulls the door close and walk closer to his mother. Lady Celi put down her cup when he sits down beside her on the long sofa.
"What is it, dear?"
"Mother, about the wedding..."
"Well yes, everyone is so busy, right?" Lady Celi cut him off. "This is Yuuri heika's wedding after all. The king will get married, everyone are excited. With this big preparation, I'm sure the wedding would be a blast."
He blinks his eyes slowly. Lady Celi looks so happy as if her own child will get married. Did she forgot, the suppose to be married were once the fiancé of her son?
"Are you happy, mother?"
"Why of course, dear. I'm so happy with this wedding. I love weddings, I love party." She laughs. "You should be happy too, Wolfram. After this, it's your turn to be married, wait no." She put her finger on her lower lips, thinking. "It should be Gwendal and Conrad first but knowing them, I'm sure I won't see my sons get married anytime soon." She turns to look at him. "But my dear Wolfram is different. With your beautiful face like me, I'm sure you will get anyone you want and get married sooner than your big brothers."
Except I don't get the only person I want.
"Huh, what is it, Wolfram?"
The soft knock rattled on the door before its open from the outside without waiting for an invitation.
"Lady Celi, the dresses are here," the maid, Effe says, bowing down.
"Wow, really?" Lady Celi stand up, clasping her hands happily. "Come show me."
Effe invite the tailor and her assistants to the room. Lady Celi quickly runs to them and ogling at the beautiful and frilly dresses happily. Seeing his mother is too busy to listen to him, he move his feet heavily from the room.
He was on his way to his room, the room he occupied since a couple of weeks ago. Since the annulment, he had moves to his old room, letting Yuuri have the bed all for himself, before he welcomes his wife to warm his bed.
The old room, used to be his before Yuuri came to Shin Makoku. He rarely sleeps in there since their so-called engagement, claiming that he should sleep in the same bed and same room as his fiancé.
The room feels so cold the first time he returns. Even with the fire burning in the fireplace, it's not enough to warm his room.
Every night he had to hug himself in layers of thick blankets, lying in front of the fireplace to seek warms in his empty shell. But it's still not enough. He still shaking and trembling, and it's hard for him to fall asleep.
As if it's not enough, the sleep deprived mazoku didn't eat much since then. Sometimes he just eat a spoonful, drink half of his milk, or missing from the dining room. And no one seems to care since no one had asks of him.
And no one seems to see how weak he looks.
The funny thing is, the gossipers in the Blood Pledge Castle had shut themselves from whispering news and gossip about him. The Blood Pledge Castle always full with gossips, where something supposed to be a secret will flew all over the palace in just a few minutes.
Wolfram didn't shut himself in the coldness of his dark room. He does his duty just as always. So he sure anyone can see him. With the wedding coming around, the maids run all around the palace, sometimes bumping into him in the way. His soldiers see him every day, spending one to two hours practising. But none of them see how miserable he looks.
Yeah.
With the wedding of the Maoh coming, no one spend a second to glance at him. No one care what he did or what he says anyway. Even if he fall unconscious or fall hard on his butt, no one will mind.
"Aw, watch where you are going," Greeta pouts, rubbing his head.
"Greeta, are you okay?" he ask from the floor, standing up and brush his butt.
"I'm okay," she says, looking up at him. "I want to go see Lady Celi. They said the benches are here."
The benches. The special custom made benches for the guests had arrived. They said the benches are imported from an ally country, the best in the woodcraft and come in with a not cheap price. For the Maoh, even the wood-carving was done by the infamous craftsman.
Strange. For a person who is not fond of wasting money, Yuuri really did a wonderful list of wedding preparation that needs such amount to burn. True, he didn't listen to anything about Yuuri's wedding dream, but he knows the king just want a simple yet beautiful and memorable wedding.
Well...it was before he met the future wife of course.
But nevertheless, why a simple wedding turn to glamorous, big and a waste wedding?
Wolfram can only think of one thing.
"It's just a bench, Greeta. You can see them when they put them in the hall. No need to run. You're a princess, not nice of a princess to be seen running around."
Yeah. Even though his brothers and mother had turned their back on him, he still has Greeta. Even though she is Yuuri's adopted daughter, she is her daughter too since they're engaged. And he knows, Greeta love him too just like she love her other father no matter what happen to them both.
Or maybe not.
"Oh, okay. I'm sorry. I'll be careful from now on," Greeta says, smiling and moving her feet to continue walking to her direction, gracefully this time. He turns to see her walking away, smiling. Greeta stop and turns around just after two steps. "Oh, Wolfram. You don't need to worry anymore. From now on, my mother will teach me the right way to be a princess."
He froze, his eyes open wide. Too shock to utter a single word. He didn't even realize the princess had walked away, leaving him alone in the hallway.
His body shaking, his hands trembling, his legs soft like a jelly. He didn't has enough time to support himself, and just fall once again on his butt, staring in total disbelieve of what he had heard.
He is not stupid. He knows what Greeta mean. Even though the girl smiling at him, her words literary screams 'Don't bother, I will get a mother, so you're not my father anymore.'
He thought...he thought Greeta, his daughter, is different. He thought Greeta will be by his side, still being his daughter and love him as always. But...
"She is the same..." He cried, silently.
He just stood at the end of the hall, watching the ever so happy 27th Maoh Heika, Yuuri Shibuya and the beautiful Lady Beatriz, stand beside each other, holding hands, reciting their vow to the marriage.
His heart clench tightly in his chest and he found himself hard to breath. He shut his eyes, refused to see the couple shared their first kiss as a husband and wife. In the darkness with his refusal to see, he can hear the guests clap their hands and congratulate the couple.
He didn't know how long his eyes stay closed to the world. He just opens his eyes when he can hear nothing in the hall. Dark. There is no one else in the room, no newly-wed couple, no guests, no Lady Celi, no crying Gunter, no guards, and no light.
He sigh sadly, thinking how long he had been there and no one care to call him. He turns to the window. The moon is full but hiding in a group of clouds. He moves his feet, getting out from the hall. He didn't know where his feet take him, he just moving along the corridor, ignoring guards on duty, who in return ignore him too.
Loud noises caught his ear, and he slowed down on his walk. The party is taking place in the other hall. And Wolfram doesn't wish to show himself to the crowd. His feet feel heavy to move, as if a boulder tied to each of them, making him hard to leave the place faster.
In every step he takes, his heart pound heavily against his chest. It's hurt. It's too hurt for him to bear the pain. If he can't hold the pain, he might fall in front of the open door for everyone to see.
Which is, not bad at all.
May be. Just may be...with him falling at the open door, everyone can see him and everyone can take notice of him.
Wolfram shakes his head, angry tears threatening to fall. No. Even if he takes his last breath, no one seems to care...
He screams.
He screams in pain and sadness.
He cries in coldness and darkness.
He grab a hold of the cloth he wear, around the area of his chest, putting pressure and hoping to calm his beating heart.
It's hurt. It's hurt so much. His heart won't stop drumming as if it wants to jump out of his chest. His tears fall like a river, marking a pool around the blanket he uses to cocoon himself.
He needs someone, anyone, to come in the room, to hug him, comfort him, or call for some help to ease the burning pain. But no one, no one heard his cries, no one wants to heal his pain.
He is all alone.
And he screams in the silence of the night. Crying himself to fall into total darkness, until his eyes choose to open to the world.
"Mommy, can you read me this book?" Greeta ask, holding Anissina's new story book.
"Not now, Greeta. I'm busy," Lady Beatriz replies without looking at the little girl.
Greeta lowered her eyes, staring into her shoes. It's always like this. It had been five months since the wedding, five months since she got a new mother – a female mother she always wanted. But never once, she read her a book. The new lady said she was busy every time she comes to her. And Greeta knows, it was rude of her for asking her mother to spend time with her when she is busy making her hairs and nails, having spas and doing gowns.
It was like...she was busy every time she comes to see her. And the only time she was available to spend time with her is when Yuuri is around. If Yuuri is present, Lady Beatriz will stop whatever thing she was doing and gladly accompanying him, or her. If not, she would always give excuses to reject her.
Greeta is not stupid.
She understands it was her wrong to ask such a thing in a wrong time. The first and the second time is her fault. But if it happens every time she asks for her and she rejects her with the same lame excuses, what would that little girl think of herself?
"I'm sorry, Greeta. May be next time, okay? I promise," Lady Beatriz says softly, still doesn't look at the little girl.
Greeta lift her head, smiling. "Okay!" And then she runs from the room, leaving her mother doing his busy business.
Her steps slowed down as soon as she was far enough from the room. Sanguria followed her pace, and squatted down so she was on the same level as her.
"Hime-sama?"
Greeta hug the thick book close to her chest. "Wolfram...never refuse when I ask him to read me a book,"
"Hime-sama," Sanguria put her hand on her shoulder, comforting her. "Beatriz-sama probably busy. She promise you next time, isn't she?
"Yes..." Greeta replies her flatly, holding herself from shouting that Lady Beatriz only busy dolling herself.
A sound of clacking boots against the floor caught the girls' attention. Both Greeta and Sanguria lift their head to the upcoming soldier making his way at the corridor. Sanguria stand up and bowed to him. Greeta's breath hitch in her throat. She opens her mouth to call after him, but no words coming put. Her body froze when the soldier just walk past them, without stopping or bowing at her, or acknowledge her at all.
"Hurm..." Lady Celi groans softly, her finger on her lower lips.
She is standing at the garden, alone, where Beautiful Wolfram used to blossom as pretty as its name. But the sight around her makes the lady frown into deep confusion. The blue petals of Beautiful Wolfram withered to pale brown, bowing shamefully to the ground, only waiting to die and fall down.
Even with sunshine and water, it's not enough to make it blossom back to how it supposed to be. Lady Celi had the maids throw in some fertilizer, but it didn't help at all. It's fine if it's only just one or two flowers, but all of Beautiful Wolfram had wilted just under her nose. And she had run out of ideas how it happens and how to grow them back.
Lady Celi had a bad feeling about this. Her heart clench in her chest. Seeing the lovely blossom flowers had wilted before her eyes makes her heart hurt. As if...as if the flowers are in pain and waiting it's time to die.
Lady Celi turns around and walks back to the building, thinking of visiting Yuuri heika in his office or talking to Gunter. The king's advisor might know how to deal with the dying flowers.
She is thinking of possibilities to treat the flowers more caringly, or cutting them and plant a new batch, or...
"Wolfram dear," she called after her youngest son when she caught him walking to a corner not far from her.
Wolfram stop, but didn't bother to turn around to greet his mother. Lady Celi runs to him, hugging her from behind.
"My Wolfram. How have you been? I miss you," she says, squealing.
I'm fine, mother.
"Huh?" Lady Celi pulls away and moves to his side, looking into his face. "What's wrong, dear? You seem unwell."
Wolfram lifts his head to face Lady Celi, and the mother gasp in shock. He smile thinly at her, and move his feet to continue walking. Lady Celi stood frozen, unmoving. Her body trembling. Her face pale. Her hands shaking.
The 27th Maoh Heika is sitting in his office, reading documents with the men. Gunter giving some advices, Gwendal just standing close and interrupted once in a while, and Conrad guarding at some corner in the room when the door to the office opened from outside without knocking.
Greeta's head pooping from the crack, "I'm sorry, Yuuri. But are you busy?"
"Greeta. Come on in," Yuuri invite her happily, passing the paper in hand to Gunter.
Greeta step inside, closing the door behind her and runs to Yuuri. Yuuri pulls her up and put her on his lap. The book still closed to her chest.
"What's wrong?" Yuuri ask, puzzled.
"Are you busy?"
"Well...I might be busy but I always have time for you, Greeta."
Unconsciously Greeta's lips form a sad smile. Gunter, Gwendal and Conrad frowning, looking at each other. Even with Greeta's back facing him, even he can't see the smile, he knows something is wrong with his daughter.
"What's wrong, Greeta?"
Yup. Something is definitely wrong with his daughter. The happy and always smiling Greeta, the cute and lovable Greeta, the apple of their eyes, had turn silence and smiling sadly as if she forced to hold her tears from making a scene in front of her father. He won't forgive anyone who dares to steal that smile from his daughter.
"I..." Greeta started. "I ask mommy to read me a book...but...she said she was busy,"
"She might be really busy," Yuuri replies, backing up her wife.
Greeta tilt her head upwards, facing Yuuri. "You're busy too, but you said you can always have time for me."
That did shut Yuuri up. He might be busy, but he sure can spend some of his time for Greeta, wherever and whenever she asks. But Beatriz can't be busier than him. She is just a royal consort. And she doesn't have any pending duty to do.
"She said next time, but every time I came to her, it's always next time. When will it be not next time?"
Greeta's voice brings Yuuri's attention back to the little girl on his lap. Greeta no longer looking at him. Staring at her back pulls a string of sadness to his heart.
"Greeta..."
"Wolfram never did this to me," she whispered, low but still manage to find its way to Yuuri's ears. "Wolfram never did this to me," she repeated, clearer this time. "Wolfram always can read me a book whenever I came to him. Even when he was training his troop, he only asks me to wait just until he finish and clean up. And after that he will take me to the reading room or the garden, wherever I want. And he will let me sit beside him when he read..."
"Greeta!" Yuuri spin Greeta to face him and hug her. He feels her body shaking in his arms and his jacket wet from the tears. "Greeta..."
"I miss Wolfram..."
"Gwendal!"
The door to the room open harshly, surprises the men in the room. Before the man can react, a body thrown at him, grab his jacket and cried in his chest.
"Mother?" Conrad is the first to come back to his sense, seeing his brother circled his arms around the small frame of their mother.
"Lady Celi? Are you okay?" Gunter asks as Gwendal rubs her back.
The sounds of a mother and a little girl crying filled the room. Gunter and Yuuri look at each other. Conrad had run to Gwendal's side, comforting the former Maoh. Yuuri look at Lady Celi, then at the crying Greeta in his arms, then to Lady Celi, and then to Greeta.
He feels his head spinning from the sounds. He is weak to tears, moreover Greeta's tears. Greeta miss Wolfram. Okay. He can do something about it. In fact, it's not that hard to ask Wolfram to read Greeta her book. But how about Lady Celi? He can't just turn around and close his eyes when he knows something is wrong with her. Even though her sons are there for her, as a Maoh, it is his duty to settle everyone's problem.
"Huh?"
Yuuri lift up his head when his ears caught a faint cry of Wolfram's name from the lady. He thought he might heard it wrong, or his ears make a fun of him since Greeta had said his name before, so the name still lingering in his mind. An image of Wolfram von Bielefelt dance before his eyes.
"Please...please look at Wolfram, talk to him." Lady Celi cried.
Gwendal and Conrad look at each other, with their hands still rubs their mother's back and hair.
"Please..." And it never crossed their mind that their mother would beg so pitifully.
Yuuri frown, clearly displease by the sight in front of him. He had already imagined the worst. When a mother cries for her son, it never means good.
"What did you do this time, Wolfram?" He can't help but to wonder aloud.
And it makes the former Maoh cry even louder.
"It's okay, heika. We will take care of this," Conrad says.
"It's okay," Yuuri replies, leading the men on the hallway. "I have to talk to Wolfram too anyway,"
"But..." Conrad tries to argue.
"I know as an outsider, I shouldn't stick my nose in your family problem. But..."
"I'm sorry, heika," Conrad quickly cut him off, bowing down. "I didn't mean..."
Yuuri laugh childishly. "It's okay. Don't stress yourself. I want to talk to Wolfram too about Greeta. I believe it won't take long. How about Lady Celi? Is she okay? What did she said about Wolfram?"
Conrad keeps quiet. Yuuri stops walking, turns around when the guard didn't answer. He frown again, changes his eyes to look at Gwendal at the back. The older man too didn't say anything, keeping his lips close tight and thinking deeply. Yuuri exchange looks with Gunter. And the royal advisor shrugged, clearly at a loss himself.
"I apologize, heika. We didn't know ourselves," Conrad says, bowing down. "Mother didn't say anything aside from telling us to talk to Wolfram,"
"And she can't stop crying. I wonder what happen this time," Gwendal snort.
Yuuri sigh. "Let's just go see Wolfram." He turns around and continues walking, followed by the men. "I wonder what he did to make Lady Celi cry like that,"
"That spoiled brat," Gwendal groans. "Always troubling others."
Gunter fakes a cough. "Indeed. He is the selfish loafer after all. But speaking of Wolfram, it's been long since I saw him."
"Yeah..." Yuuri start to feel uneasy. "I don't remember when the last time I saw him either."
And it's enough to make the men wonder, if Wolfram doing what he did only to get their attention. He was the spoiled prince after all. He can do and will do anything he wants, without care about the others.
They're walking in silence, all deep in their own thoughts, when they saw a silhouette of Wolfram von Bielefelt turn from a corner to the same hallway as them. Startled, Yuuri chase after him, calling his name.
The soldier stops walking when he heard the order from the Maoh, but stay still without turning around. Yuuri got closer and had to spin around Wolfram to stand at his front.
"Wolfram," Yuuri started.
Slowly, the soldier raises his head facing them. Yuuri's eyes widen and he jump slightly. He could hear the gasp from the men behind him.
"Wolf...Wolfram? What happen to you?"
Yuuri touch Wolfram's arm, shaking him. Wolfram stood there, lifeless. His eyes had change to darker green, looking empty, dead and lose its shine, remind them of the time when Wolfram was possessed by Shinou. Even though he stared back at them, it looks like he stares into nothingness, lifeless and dull.
"Wolfram!" Yuuri's hand travel higher to his face, touching his eyes. "Wolfram. What happen? What happen?"
Nothing happens, heika.
The other shivers. This is not Wolfram. This is not the spoiled brat they know. His eyes. The eyes that once Yuuri loves to see, the beautiful green and shining eyes, had change to an empty and dead pair of eyes. The lips that always pink and smiling beautifully, had gone pale and cold. The porcelain skin that always soft and giving warmth, had turn white as dead.
Yuuri's hands fall to his side, shock.
"What happen to you, Wolfram?" Gwendal asks.
"What's wrong, Wolfram? Are you sick?" Conrad ask, concern.
"Do you want me to call Gisela?" Gunter suggested.
Wolfram just...looks pass them, uninterested. Gwendal and Conrad examined Wolfram from head to toe, worried. Gunter had turn to his berserk mode, holding his head and sway left and right while screaming something bad had happen.
"Come, let's go see Gisela," Yuuri says, pulling Wolfram's hand.
But Wolfram stay still, didn't even move from his spot. Yuuri turns around, puzzle.
"Wolfram?"
Silence.
"Hey, Wolfram. What's wrong?" he asks again. "Wolfram, hey, say something."
Wolfram shift his eyes to Yuuri. The Maoh shudders. Staring into Wolfram's eyes feels like staring into an empty hole; dark and lonely.
"Wolfram, hey," Yuuri called, trying to fight his uneasiness. "Is something wrong? You know, you can always talk to me right?"
Heika...
"Wolfram, hey. Say something," Yuuri rubs his hand, pleading the once was his fiancé to talk to him. He tries to ignore the stab in his heart from the silence treatment. Never did wolfram ignore him like this.
Slowly, Wolfram's lips move to form a smile, a pain and sad smile.
Yuuri's hands fall to his side, shock. Gwendal frowning, Conrad shaking, Gunter stops screaming, and Yuuri...Yuuri was frozen dead on his feet.
Wolfram just sits on his bed, his empty eyes stare boringly on his lap. Gisela sit on a chair beside the bed, hand on his, checking. Lady Celi sat on another chair beside her, dabbing her wet cheeks with lace handkerchief. Yuuri stands behind Gisela, with Gunter and Conrad by his sides, and Gwendal behind their mother, hands on her shoulder, calming her down.
Gwendal can't shake the feeling tugging at his heart. Wolfram is inside his room, standing at the window and stare into nothingness at the outside when they went inside. The moment they step in the room, the coldness seeps to their bone. The room was Wolfram's room before he occupied Yuuri's room when they're betrothed. No one had thought that the room is so dark and cold even six months had pass since the annulment. Did Wolfram really live in this freezing and deadly room? They can't tell.
Lady Celi is the first to approach him, talking to him but only to get a cold shoulder from her youngest son. Lady Celi starts crying when Gwendal pulls Wolfram to his bed to start the examination and Conrad had to calm her down. Gwendal gently force Wolfram to sit on his bed when Gisela come in the scene.
Yuuri look at Wolfram sadly. He didn't know how it come like this, how Wolfram change to this, how it happen without him knowing anything. He feels his heart clench at the sight of Wolfram, alive, but looking dead.
Conrad feels his body trembling, his hands shaking. A feeling he never had felt even when war is coming or when Julia had die. A feeling mirrored to that time, the time when Wolfram's heart had stop because of a forbidden box. Or even greater than that.
Wolfram looks like a dying corpse, oblivious to everything around him. His eyes should look at the beautiful but crying mother of his, if not dead and empty. Looking into his eyes, shake Conrad in agony. The eyes look so dead, so lifeless, so soulless.
But no one knows, or hears, that the heart inside the empty Wolfram is screaming.
What are you guys doing here?
The heart inside the empty Wolfram looks at their faces one by one.
Why is everyone here?
The heart inside the empty Wolfram sees his mother crying beside the bed, prying her son would open his eyes and look at her.
Why you cry, mother?
The heart inside the empty Wolfram screams at his mother in disgust.
Stop crying.
The heart inside the empty Wolfram looks behind her, at the taller man standing proudly with worry in his eyes.
Stop pretending to care.
The heart inside the empty Wolfram looks at his second brother.
Stop your insincere act.
The heart inside the empty Wolfram looks at the long-haired advisor.
Why? Why now?
The heart inside the empty Wolfram lowered his gaze to the green-haired woman trying to heal him.
It has been six months.
The heart inside the empty Wolfram lowered his face in sadness.
No one...
No one had care for me for the past months.
I need you. But you never look at me.
I try to talk to you. But you never smile at me.
The heart inside the empty Wolfram lifts his head, to the double black that was the start of his death.
I need you.
I love you.
I told you I can't live without you.
But you laugh at me.
You throw me away.
You killed me with your own hands.
You let me bleed to death.
Gisela stops her treatment. She inhale a breath, trying miserably hiding her shaking hands.
"Gisela. Gisela. What happen? What's wrong with him?" Lady Celi shake Gisela's arm.
Gisela turns her head slowly facing the former Maoh. Lady Celi burst into tears as soon as she saw Gisela's eyes.
"What? What?" Yuuri asks, impatient and nervous.
Gisela stand up and bowed down to Yuuri. "I'm sorry...heika."
Yuuri froze. He feels his heart trembling for the worst.
"I can't say he is fine. His heart is still beating, but it seems like only the inside is alive, but dead at the outside," Gisela says. "He looks like a moving corpse, dying and oblivious to his surrounding, but still breathing and living, only...in someplace we can't see,"
"How? How could this happen? What was the cause of it?" Gunter asks, since he knows no one from the family dare to.
Gisela turns to look at her adoptive father. "It's because of the hurt and pain he feels, that he can't face them anymore, and he choose to shut himself in the comfort of darkness. May be in doing that, Wolfram-kakka believe he won't feel any more pain than he already is. In short..."
Conrad and Gwendal lift their head to look at the healer, waiting nervously for her next words.
"Wolfram-kakka was in the brink of death. If he didn't do that, he would have died long ago."
Yuuri caught the sound of his heart breaking into pieces. He can't understand. He didn't understand a word at all. He refuses to understand what the healer said.
No way.
No freaking way.
How could this happen?
What happen to him without them knowing?
Breathing but dead?
Alive but empty?
In the brink of death?
Lady Celi cries even louder. Conrad stood frozen in his spot. Gwendal's hand fall limp to his side.
"It's because of me. It was because of me," Lady Celi cried. "If only...if only I listen to him. If I talk to him, if I listen to him, if I see him...he won't be like this. If only I spend some time for him...but I push him away. I push him to be like this."
Conrad didn't dare to look at his little brother's face. He was so ashamed of himself. When Wolfram was coming to talk to him, he rejects him in thought of he was throwing tantrums. For Wolfram who never look at him as his brother, to swallowing his pride and finally come to see him, it had to be very important. But yet...as a big brother who swears he love his baby brother, what did he do to make him happy? He only pushes him to his dead bed.
Gwendal is too shock to comfort his mother. He wants to hide himself in a dark hole, to punish himself for not realizing his youngest brother's pain and sadness. The spoiled prince that he thought was only seeking trouble for everyone, was hurting badly. And he failed to notice, failed to protect, failed to save him.
"How long...how long he was like this?" Gunter dares himself to ask again.
Six months.
"I'm not sure, father. But I believe it should be longer than a couple of months,"
"A couple of months?" Gunter half shout. "No way. How did he live like this? How did he survive? How..." Gunter gulps his saliva, afraid to continue his words. "How did no one saw?"
Do you...want an honest answer?
The fragment of lost memory, the time when Wolfram scream and shout about his love and how he can't live without him, played before his eyes. His heart clench painfully. It was because of him. It was because of him?
Trembling in fear, Yuuri slowly move his feet. Gunter and Gisela move aside, giving way to the Maoh. Yuuri walk closer to the bed, staring at the dead-looking Wolfram. Yuuri fall weak at the edge of the bed. He grasps Wolfram's hand. Cold.
"What happen to you, Wolfram?"
It's because of you.
"Why...?"
Because you throw me away.
"Why?"
I love you. I will die without you.
"I'm sorry..."
But you laugh at me.
"I'm sorry..."
You never care.
"I'm sorry..."
No one...really care about me.
"I'm really sorry..."
My fiancé, my brothers, my mother, my family...
"Please..."
You kill me. You stab me to death.
"Please, come back, Wolfram."
I can't.
"Please, come back."
Did you see my heart, heika?
"Please, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Please, forgive me."
It's bleeding and it's painful.
"Please..."
Yuuri pulls Wolframs' hands to his eyes, wetting the cold hands with his warm tears, hoping to send some warmth to the cold and dead body. He didn't stop chanting, didn't stop pleading and praying for Wolfram to look at him, at them. He didn't dare to lift his head. He is afraid to look into Wolfram's empty eyes.
The once shining green eyes. The full pink and soft lips. The warm and caring hands. The delicate body of a soldier. The soul of a fiancé, a dear friend he love so much. The proud prince they failed to protect.
Fall in the hands of his own family and friends.
And the Maoh Yuuri Shibuya, admit painfully that it was him...who killed the Wolfram von Bielefeld.
How is it?
Is it bad?
Please leave some comment.
This is the first YuuRam fic I finish writing. YuuRam had been my first yaoi couple, or you could say...the couple that introduce me to yaoi. So it's not too much to say that I love YuuRam the most.
Anyway, this is the first fic I wrote that is not YunJae. I had read tons of YuuRam fanfics but none had the angsty I look for. I thirst for this kind of KKM fic, where Wolfram was ignored and push to his death, the one make you shed tears and crying to sleep. But since I got none [sorry if there was one], I think I should write one myself.
And I know this is obviously a huge OOC. I'm deeply very sorry for that. This is purely my imagination alone. And I'm sorry if it was not sad enough to make you shed tears.
Glossary
Heika – Your/His Majesty
Hime – Princess
Kakka – Your/His Excellency