I am Lovino Romano Vargas
I am strong
brave
caring
I am a liar...
a coward...
a lowly worm on the bottem of the food chain...
I smile...
no one sees it...
I cry...
no one cares...
I laugh...
only to hide the embarrsement of being laughed at...
My daily life is normal for an out cast...
but that only makes me feel weaker...
knowing other people are out there with harder lives then me...
and stay strong...
stay brave...
while I can not...
They can hold then heads high with unknown pride and hope...
while I wither in my room, sulking over a one day event...
no one wants to know Lovino Vargas...
he does not fit in...
does not wear the newest thing...
does not sell himself out for false friends...
I act out a lie almost every day...
go to school
smile
laugh...
very rarely are those real...
I have lost my voice...
my voice to speak out against people...
to tell them what I think...
because that just isnt what a good person does...
While I am slowly driving myself insane keeping these things bottled up...
they go and destoy what they call their 'lives' with drugs and sex...
If thats whats cool then I must be the lamest person on this planet...
I keep my thoughts to myself just so they can be happy?
Why should I?
They don't!
They don't give a shit what happens to anyone but themselfs or their so called friends...
...a girl died recently...
nice, sweet girl...
meet her once...
died in a car crash...
When they announced her death, a heavy silence over came the school...
they morned her for nearly a whole month...
they now have a fundraiser for her...
a college sponsership after her...
everything under the sun...
and as sad as her death was...
I couldn't help but think for a moment...
would they morn me for a month?
would they have a fundraiser for me?
or a college sponsership for me?
...no...
they wouldn't...
morned by my few friends an my family, yes...
but not the teachers...
not anyone else would even know my name or care...
I have thought maybe...just maybe...
life would be better without me...
but then I remember
all the people that have helped me through life...
and I can not bare the thought another second...
I love them to much...they are my life...
My boyfriend...Antonio...has helped me the most...
he is not only a lover...but my best friend...
I go to him for everything, knowing that when I run to him...
he will not turn me away...
I am Lovino Romano Vargas...
and I love my fucking life