Disclaimer: I do not own the copyright for Waking the dead or its characters – all rights belong to the BBC

Content: Heartache, angst,

Rating T – angst to the max & a little language

Hey everyone. Thank you for taking the time to read this. It is set sometime around series 8 but isn't based on any one episode nor contains any spoilers. It is angst to the max, but I hope that you enjoy it. Would love it if you would take a few moments to read this & review. Thank you. xx

The Right Thing

She felt the sting rise in her eyes as she desperately tried to hold back the tears that were beginning to form. I promised myself I wouldn't cry should this happen, should he ever do this. She mentally berated herself. Part of her had been always been expecting it, in fact if she was honest she felt it was inevitable. Why would he ever have been interested in someone like her? She had been attracted to him from their very first meeting, but never for one minute dreamed that he would reciprocate her feelings. For years she suppressed her want and desire. Convinced herself that they were friends, the best of friends, but that it could never be anything more. She had found a way to make it work, to see him practically every day and yet never touch him or hold him close. As time moved on she fully believed the lie she had told herself and was content to live in the sub reality that she had created for herself. When he finally admitted that the depth of his feelings were more than just colleagues or friends she thought it was a dream. At the beginning there wasn't a day that passed when she didn't expect him to tell her it was all a mistake, that he had made a terrible mistake and he could never see her as anything other than a friend, but it had been over seven months. Seven glorious months that they spent working, living and sleeping together. They had worked closely together for over eight years and she thought she knew everything about him, but she had discovered so much more in these last seven months. He had made her feel loved, desired, wanted and for the first time in a long time, attractive. Anyone who knew him would never in a million years equate the word tender to him, but he was to her. He was very tender. His touch gentle and caring, his words encouraging and full of love. He had made her believe him when he said he loved her, more than that, that he was in love with her. How could he awake these feelings within me that I had long ago buried, make me believe him, ask me to trust him and now make such a fool out of me. She swallowed hard.

"Why?" was the only word her throat would allow her to say.

He silently stood staring at her, watching the wave of confusion and emotion sweep over her face. He desperately wanted to reach for her, to pull her close to him, to kiss her and tell her it was going to be okay, to make love to her.

"I'm sorry." His eyes burning into her soul as he spoke. "Please believe me, you've done nothing wrong, I swear it."

"So why does it feel like I have then?" her voice shaking with emotion.

"It's not you, it's …."

"Don't you dare give me it's not you it's me crap, don't you dare." Her tone was raised and abrupt. His eyes dropped towards the floor. She continued to look at him trying to read his body language but he was full of contradiction. The hurt and lost look behind his dark eyes, his broken stance not matching the words that he was speaking. As he returned his gaze towards her, she could clearly see the tears well in his eyes. He reached out and took both her hands in his, the touch of her skin sending shivers coursing through his body. As he looked intently into her eyes, and she felt him bore into her soul

"Grace, please you've got to believe me, I swear, if there was any way this could be different, that I could make this work I would, you know I would don't you? I don't want to hurt you Grace, I'd never ….."

"Well, it's a bit late for that Peter."

"Please don't." He dropped his head again.

"Don't what? Don't tell you that I'm so confused, that I don't know what I've done. That you are tearing me apart. Two days ago, you were with me, in my bed, talking about our future and now you're standing here telling me that we don't have one, and you expect me to believe that you don't want to hurt me. What the hell happened, how could you be so cruel to let me believe you?" As Grace spat the words at him she could feel the tears begin to fall. He reached up a cupped her face with both his hands wiping her tears with his thumb.

"I … I meant everything I ever said to you Grace." He whispered. "Everything … you have no idea how perfect you are, but I just can't do this. You deserve better than this, better than me."

"Isn't that my choice to make?"

"Sometimes the right choice is to walk away, even though staying would be the easiest thing in the world."

"I don't understand Peter, why can't you stay, why is that so wrong?"

"I just can't okay." His tone was sharper than he intended, more out of frustration and hurt than anger.

"No, it's not okay, why can't you be honest and tell me what's going on. I deserve that much don't i?"

Boyd closed his eyes; he didn't know why he couldn't tell Grace the real reason he had to end it. He knew that she was going to find out soon enough, but he couldn't bring himself to tell her, not yet. The feeling of shame flitted over his mind briefly, but that wasn't it, he didn't feel ashamed, just disappointed. Had things of been different he knew he would be the happiest man in the world. He knew ultimately she would understand, she would stand beside him as she always did, support him. He knew that she could easily talk him out of the decision he was now making, she wouldn't even need to try that hard, but he had to do the right thing. That's why he couldn't tell her, he couldn't give her the opportunity to change his mind, even though he wanted nothing more.

Grace broke the silence "If you don't love me anymore just tell me Peter."

He felt a tear escape and fall down his cheek as he sighed "Aww Grace, I do love you, and I honestly believe that I always will. I know you won't believe that, but I do. I just can't do this, can't do us. I wish to God it was different but ….."

"You're a coward Boyd."

The use of his surname pierced through his heart.

He felt his eyes pool again with tears as she continued.

"You'll have my resignation tomorrow morning, first thing. I'm due leave and I will take that in lieu of notice. I'm done Boyd."

"Aww Grace, come on, you don't need to do that. Think about this eh?" his felt the panic rise within him.

"I do need to do it, and I am doing it." She looked at him with a steely stare and he knew that she was serious.

"Please Grace, don't do this, we can work through this. We worked together for years, we made it work then, we can do it again."

"No, no we can't. Things are different now. We can never go back. Both of us knew this would happen when we crossed that line, if we are truly honest we knew that we could never go back to just colleagues, or friends." The hurt was written all over his face, he knew of course that she was right but he had never allowed himself to think of not having Grace in his life.

"Grace … please ….." he took her hand again in his.

"My mind is made up, I can't go back there. I can't work with you every day and never be able to touch you or tell you my inner most thoughts and feelings. Maybe you can forget about the last seven months Boyd, but they meant something to me. It's not so easy to forget."

"Don't you think for one minute Grace think that these last few months meant nothing to me. I have never been so happy, so don't you dare assume that I feel nothing or I could easily forget." Grace caught the glint in his eyes. She saw the anger flare at her suggestion he could forget what they had shared together. It was real raw emotion, but only contributed to the confusion that was reigning inside of her.

He swallowed hard as he continued. "I should be the one to leave, not you." he softly said. "I'll make the arrangements."

"You will not" Grace squeezed his hands "The team need you; you will easily find another profiler."

"No-one could come close to you, I don't want anyone too."

Grace allowed herself to smile at him. "You will find someone to replace me soon enough, but even if you leave I am still resigning. There are too many memories there for me Boyd. Mel, Frankie… us. It has changed for me now. I can't be in that environment anymore, it would hurt too much. There is no point of us both being without a job, so you should stay."

"What will you do?"

"I have a few research projects that I have been asked to be involved in. I initially turned them down because, well work at the CCU wouldn't permit it, but now … well I'll give them a call."

"Grace …" Boyd's voice was hardly audibly. " … I don't want you to do this."

"Please let me go Boyd, don't make this any harder than what it is right now." The tears began flowing freely. Boyd pulled her close and kissed the top of her head, his own tears mingling with hers. He wished he could stay holding her close forever. It was here in her arms that everything in his life made sense.

"Peter?"

His heart melted at the sound of his name against his chest.

"Yea?"

"Promise me, when you are ready to talk about this, ready to let me in, that you will."

He closed his eyes and pulled her tight. "I promise."

Neither of them knew how long they had stood like that, both reluctant to release their grip on one another.

Boyd softly broke the silence. "You know, no matter what happens, that I will always love you Grace, never doubt that for one minute, you know that don't you?"

He felt her nod against his chest and his heart exploded as she did.

"I need to go." He released his grip and began to turn away when she pull him close. Her lips easily found his as she gently covered his mouth with hers. He responded hungrily, returning her kiss passionately as if it was the last kiss he would ever have. He wanted to remember every last second of this, of her. How she felt against him, how she tasted, how she touched him. They both knew this was goodbye as they caressed each other's cheeks, tears mingling so they were unsure whose was whose.

"I love you Grace." Boyd finally spoke as he broke away, knowing if he didn't he would never leave.

"I love you too Peter."

With her words still ringing in his ears Boyd took one last long look at her, and attempted to smile.

"Goodbye Grace." He finally let go of her hand and left.

Grace slid down the wall and crumpled on the floor, her heart breaking as tears streamed her face. She knew that was the last time she would see Peter Boyd.

As the door slammed closed behind him, he heard himself sob, tears blinding him as he continued to his car. He hadn't hurt this way since Luke had died, but it was Grace who helped him through that. Now, he was lost. Knowing that he couldn't go home in the mess he was in he drove to the Thames Esotery, the desire to walk beside the sea overtaking him.

The rain was persistent as he walked along the waters edge but he didn't notice, or didn't care. There was only so wet you could become, after that it doesn't matter and nothing could make him feel any worse than he did. He hated himself for hurting Grace, for not being able to tell her the truth. He knew it was stupid, why couldn't he just be honest?

He stopped and stood looking over the water remembering happier times. They had investigated a case here many years ago and he had spent many days and nights walking this stretch of water with the old team. Mel, Spence, Frankie and Grace. They had drunk in the local pub, and even in the midst of the horrors and stresses of the case they had found time to laugh and support one another. They had been his family. He missed Mel and Frankie desperately and now he had lost Grace too. As he pulled his coat around himself against the wind he wondered how long he could do this for.

The drive back to his home wasn't as long as he hoped. He knew he had to return sometime, but had tried to delay the inevitable as long as possible. Pulling the car into the drive he turned off the ignition, sitting silently in the darkened car for a few moments stealing himself. He still saw the hurt in Grace's eyes. He deeply breathed in as he got out of the car and put his key into the lock of his front door.

"Peter is that you?" the voice called from the living room.

"Yea." He closed his eyes and swallowed hard before walking through.

"You're wet through" The American tone was tinged with concern as she continued. "Did you sort out everything you needed to?"

He tried to smile. "Yes, Yes I did."

"Good, I'm glad." She returned his smile.

"How was your evening?" he enquired.

"Fine, I didn't get up to much. This little one decided to give their momma a hard time tonight; he's been kicking like mad." Sarah placed her hand upon her stomach smiling. "Isn't that right little one, your daddy's home now, if only he could carry you around for a bit and see what it's like eh?" She smiled as Boyd moved closer to her and placed his hand over hers.

Sarah had worried about telling him about the baby. She knew that he had been shocked when she turned up on his doorstep two days ago, but he needed to know and she didn't want to tell him over the telephone. She had seen the anguish linger in his eyes longer than he intended it to, and watched as his mind tried to make sense of what she was telling him. The night they said goodbye in New York, the night they both decided that it wouldn't work, she was there and he was in London. She knew he was only using her for comfort, he didn't feel the same way for her as she did for him but she was happy to be there with him. Neither of them planned for this. When she turned up she never expected anything from him, but knew that she needed to tell him the truth. For his part, even though he was shocked, he promised to look after her and their baby. He would do the right thing and be there whatever the cost. It was more than she could have dreamed. She knew that she loved Peter Boyd and hope that given time, he would love her too.

Boyd pulled Sarah close to him so she couldn't see his eyes betray him. No-one could ever replace Luke, but he knew this was his second chance and he wasn't going to blow it. He knew he had to do the right thing. He was going to be the best dad he could to this little one. He rested his cheek on top of Sarah's head and closed his eyes. This should be one of the happiest moments of his life, and it would have been if the person in his arms had of been Grace.