"Do you want some wine?" Peter threw the invitation casually.
She gave him a genuine smile.
Do you think it was a mistake?
She couldn't get rid of that thought.
No.
"Thanks Peter, but... no, I have... I need to go somewhere." Somewhere.
She felt a mix of excitement and anxiety. She hoped Peter wouldn't notice, the awkward meeting during the afternoon still fresh in her mind. It was an image she was probably never going to forget for the rest of her life. Her separated husband and her ex lover coming out from the elevator together.
"Ok." Peter didn't persist. And Alicia thanked him silently for not mentioning Will. "See you on Monday then?" He asked the confirmation of what had become a habit over the last year.
"See you on Monday," she confirmed.
The door closed behind her, she stood a moment on the porch, peeping inside her old home at the warm and once familiar picture of Peter and their kids preparing the table for dinner. She smiled, considering for a moment to join them. Until her mind went back to the earlier conversation with Will.
Do you think it was a mistake?
She didn't have to search for words or explanations. For once in their relationship, she was being totally honest.
No.
There was a time in which she thought it was a mistake. Back when Grace had disappeared and her whole world came crashing down. Back when she found out about Will's investigation and couldn't help but feel responsible. Back when Wendy Scott-Carr called her at the stand, forcing her to reveal in front of strangers such intimate, private and precious details of her life.
Those were the only moments when she felt it was a mistake. And none of these reasons ever had anything to do with the two of them.
The more life kept on sending them signs that it was a mistake, the more they liked to slap it in the face, make fun of it, dancing around each other, letting it know that all the obstacles of the world couldn't stop or change what they felt for each other.
With this thought in mind, she let out a soft sigh, before starting her car.
She had been standing in front of his door for a good five minutes, unable to find the courage of doing something so simple like ringing at the damn doorbell.
What would she do? What would she say? Was he even alone? What if he was with some woman? It suddenly felt like a bad idea.
Still, she couldn't leave. With all the strength and confidence she could gather, she finally pressed the doorbell.
Nothing. No answers, no sound of approaching steps on the other side of the door.
Was she supposed to give it another try? No. Of all the possible signs, Will not being home was probably the hugest.
She was already turning to leave when she heard steps approaching and the clinging of gears turning inside the lock.
She felt a slight panick as the door opened and the familiar figure appeared in front of her.
Dressed in jeans and a simple blue shirt, Will's face was a mix of confusion and surprise.
"Alicia?" His voice was soft.
"Hey Will…" She looked down, unsure of what exactly she was doing there. "I… I'm sorry, it's late…" she muttered, noticing he seemed sleepy.
Will gave her a reassuring smile. "No, no, it's fine… Dead night. I guess I just fell asleep in front of the TV," he justified, rubbing his eyes. His stepping aside to invite her in gave her the reassurance she needed that she was always welcome. With a soft smile, she walked through his door for the first time in months.
Walking down the foyer, she had a quick flash of her first time there. The urge was such that they barely made it through the door. He just took her there, and she sure didn't mind it.
"Something to drink?" Will offered, gesturing towards the drinks cabinet.
Although very tempted, and probably in need of some alcohol to even start the topic, she kindly declined with a slight shake of her head.
Sitting on his couch, so close to each other, Alicia felt both nervous and excited. She wasn't used to their proximity anymore, it felt so foreign now. A shiver ran down her spine as their legs slightly touched.
"So…" Will's calm voice encouraged her. "To what do I owe this pleasant surprise visit?" He smiled.
She hesitated, not sure how to start. "I… I've been thinking…" She paused, searching somewhere in her mind for the right words. Looking back at Will, she saw a mix of confusion, curiosity and encouragement in his eyes. She saw the same longing look he gave her only few hours ago, as they rode down on the elevator.
Do you think it was a mistake?
"You asked me… if I thought it was a mistake…" Her voice was soft, slightly insecure. "Why, Will? I mean… why now?"
Seeing the hurt in his eyes, she suddenly regretted asking. "You don't have to…" Her sentence was left unfinished. Will gave her a reassuring smile, gesturing that it was ok.
Looking down, his fingers playing nervously, Will let out a sigh.
"I don't like where we're standing…" His eyes were back on her, showing a mix of hurt, love and regret. "One of the few constants in my life has always been our friendship… and sometimes I feel like I lost it together with everything we had."
Hearing his voice so hurt and resigned was painful.
"I didn't want this, Will… I never did," she said looking straight in his eyes, completely honest. "I just… I needed time… for myself, for the kids. I needed to sort out my life… and I couldn't do that with you…"
Will didn't say anything. He just kept staring at her, probably still trying to understand where this conversation was leading.
"I told the truth, Will… this afternoon. It wasn't a mistake…" His eyes fixed on her were so distracting. It was hard enough to have this conversation. His gaze wasn't making things easier.
"Did you manage it?" His voice was demanding something more.
"What?" This time was Alicia to be totally confused. What did he mean?
"Sort out your life… did you? Is that why you are here now?" Will's question was straight and simple.
She didn't say anything, just nodded with a slight smile.
"So…" Will's tone was demanding for more.
"I was at Peter's, with the kids." She unconsciously looked down at the mention of her family. "Things were… relaxed, like they hadn't been in a long time. Peter has accepted the separation, the fact that I moved on. He moved on too. We talk and… there's no anger or resentment anymore." She realized that she was smiling at the thought of how things finally seemed to be going the right way. "It's the same for the kids. Zach has always been more… understanding. But Grace had a hard time handling with the separation. And it's such a relief seeing how she's changed over the last months."
"It sounds good…" Will's smile widened, probably aware of what that meant.
"Yeah, it does…" She grinned, all her fears gone as she saw Will's warm smile. It was all she needed.
"So… what happens now?" His question was legitimate.
"What do you want to happen, Will?" She returned the question, knowing he still had a girlfriend after all. She made her move, she let him know she was ready. She just needed to know he was ready too.
"You know what I want… the same thing I always wanted…" His eyes full of promise spoke louder than any words she needed to hear. With a soft smile on her lips, she leaned forward to place a soft kiss on his lips.
No, it wasn't a mistake. It had never been.