I look at myself in the mirror, its edges cracked and yellow from age. Tall, awkward and scared. That's what I see in my reflection. I rub my eyes and still see the same thing. You would think that after six years of this, and this year being my last, I wouldn't look like this, but surprises have happened before. Feeling scared was totally appropriate.

My mother knocks on my door and when I turn to look at her, she's smiling. She must be one of the few, if not the only person to be smiling on this day. She comes up to me, smoothing my shirt collar and my hair, after which she says, "There's my handsome boy."

"Mom, I'm eighteen. You don't have to keep doing that."

"I know, but you are my son, and I expect you to look your best." I shouldn't have been surprised. She is a seamstress after all. "Now, let's finish lunch and be on our way. Wouldn't want to be late."

On the kitchen table is bowl of vegetable soup and a freshly toasted loaf of bread from the bakery next door. We actually have a lot of nice food kept away, but she's saving them for dinner, after everything's over. We eat in silence, as we always have for the past six years, mentally preparing ourselves for what was about to happen at 2.

Once lunch's over, as my mom does some last minute adjustments, I glance around the place one more time. It had become a force of habit after I realized that it might be the last time I ever saw it. Mentally, I say goodbye to the place I've lived in forever. I don't have to anymore after today... if I'm lucky.

We head out the door and as if on clockwork, Cole and his little sister Leigh are there at the bottom of the front steps. "You two ready?"

I nod and we walk side by side, my mom and Leigh trailing a little behind us. He has cleaned up a lot too, wearing the new clothes my mother gave to him as a birthday gift a few months back. His black hair's combed back, too neat for him but he still did every year. He hated looking like that, said it made him too "stiff". Guess he'll be glad that it's our last year.

"How many times is your name in today?" He turns to ask.

"Ten. You?"

"Twenty-seven. Guess the odds aren't really in my favour." He sighs. "But I shouldn't complain. There're kids with almost forty names in the bowl. Twenty seven is nothing compared to that."

He's right. People in our district barely have enough food to get by, not to mention those in the Seam. Signing up for tesserae was the only way to save yourself from starvation. I was lucky. I only had to put my name in three extra times when my father died and we had to close the shop for a few months. When Cole's parents died, we tried to help him, but it wasn't enough. Even if he helped out at his aunt's store in the Hob, he still had to sign up for tesserae a few times every year. It also didn't help that he refused for Leigh to have her name in the bowl any more times than necessary, even in the winter, when everything was harsh. He would have been much worse of if my mother didn't insist on helping them.

Before we know it, we are near the square. Almost everyone is already there, taking their places in front of the Justice Building. There's only the sound of feet shuffling and crunching gravel. It isn't really a big question as to why no one's talking.

My mother gives us a gentle smile, placing a warm hand on my shoulder. "Good luck out there you three. I'll see you afterwards. We can celebrate with a good dinner tonight."

I squeeze her hand before Cole and I head to the eighteen year old section. He gives Leigh a quick hug, telling her something about not being scared. She smiles a little before joining the others in the fourteen year old group.

We don't have to wait very long before our district's escort, Ophelia Sterling, struts onto stage with her platinum white curls bouncing off her shoulders. Her sparkly silver dress looks so tight that it looked like she would burst. And her heels that are at least 5 inches... how she can walk in them I will never know.

"Welcome, everyone, to the twentieth Hunger Games," her high-pitched voice, laced with the Capitol accent that nobody could stand, fills the square as she spoke into the microphone, "and may the odds be ever in your favour."

Unlike the career districts, where the crowds cheer and clap, we stay silent, looking almost bored even. It's the same every year, and every year, I watch Ophelia look so awkward and deflated at the lack of response and each time is just as amusing as the last one.

"Well then," she sighs but forces her too black lips into a smile. "Ladies first." She walks to the bowl filled with slips of girls' names. She reaches in, moves her hand about for a few seconds and pulls out one slip.

She unfolds it and reads, "Harper Paige."

I hear Cole release a sigh of relief. I do too. Thank god it's not Leigh. I look over to the movement in the sixteen-year-olds to see a girl a good head shorter than me walk towards the stage. Her ponytail swings behind her as she takes the steps. As she takes her place I can clearly see her expression and it isn't one of fear. In fact, she actually looks pissed off.

"And now, the gentleman." Ophelia reaches into the boys' bowl and pulls out a slip of paper.

This is it. After this, it will be all over. I don't have to deal with this anymore. I don't have to wake up scared any longer.

She unfolds the paper and reads out the name.

"Aiden Decker."

The words bounce around my head but they don't register. It's only when Cole looks at me with shock that I actually realise what happened.

That's my name.

I can't breathe. I can't move. I can't do anything. It has to be wrong. It can't possibly be happening. Not to me. Not now.

I'm shaken out of it when Cole pushes me onto the path that leads to the stage. "Go." He says it sternly, but all I can see in his eyes are pain.

All eyes are on me now. I force myself to walk. My heart is beating so violently that I feel like I'm having a heart attack. I'm on the verge on a panic attack, I can just feel it.

By some miracle, I make it to the stage. I stand next to Ophelia, and as she says, "Let's give a warm round of applause to our tributes!" I see my mother, shaking and close to tears. I have to force myself to not cry. The last thing I need is for people to think of me as weak.

After yet another round of silence, peacekeepers usher us into rooms. I'm shoved into a plush couch and the door slams behind them.

My hands are shaking. I still breathe in short gasps. My heart is racing, trying to break out of my chest. This can't be happening. It can't.

The door creaks open and my mom walks through. She immediately pulls me into a hug. I don't cry, but I allow one sob to escape.

She pats the back of my head. "Oh sweetie..." The pain in her voice is heart-wrenching. She pulls back and looks right into my eyes.

"Aiden, listen to me okay?" I nod and she continues. "Whatever happens, be yourself. Don't change in there. Just be your old usual self, you got it?

"Work with your mentor and escort. Sure you might not like them, but they know better than you. And make some allies, you'll never know when you might need them. I recommend Harper. She's been to the shop a few times. She's seems nice enough.

"And lastly, I know you don't want to kill anybody, but if you're in a situation where someone is a threat to your life, you fight back. Your survival above all else okay? Just don't kill someone because you feel like it. You are not a killer; you are just fighting for your survival."

I nod, but when I look up at her, I can't help but say, "Mom... I scared."

"I know you are honey, and that's okay. It's a natural human response to feel scared. Everybody's scared at one point or another in their lives. But you need to know this," she squeezes my hand tight in hers. "Being scared doesn't get you anywhere. You can't let fear stop you and keep you running away. You just have to learn to turn around, take a deep breath and face whatever's in your way. You can be scared, but you have to brave too."

"Oh I almost forgot." She reaches into her pocket and pulls out a piece of cloth about the length of my forearm. "Here's your token."

Only when she puts it in front of me do I realise what it is. It's from the first piece of fabric my dad ever sold from the shop. He kept it in memory of that, and we keep it in memory of him.

"Mom, I can't take this." I push it back towards her. "It's one of the few things we have left of him."

"I know, but he would want you to have it." She ties it around my wrist, using her slender fingers to tuck the loose ends away. As she does so, I look at her. Her bun coming loose, a hint of grey hair falling behind her ears. The wrinkles on her face, appearing too early for someone her age. Her pale beige dress, the entire thing hand sewn herself. She's been so strong for far too long. Being the only family she has left, I can't lose. Not after all she's done.

She takes my hands in hers again. "Aiden, I want you to know that no matter what happens, I'll be supporting you. Whether you make it to the final three of get killed at the bloodbath, I'm there for you. And don't forget... I love you."

"I love you too." I pull her into another hug. I don't want to let go, but it isn't very long later that a peacekeeper comes in to tell us that time is up.

She doesn't say anything. She just presses a kiss to my forehead and then, she's gone.

Two groups come in after her, the first of who are my friends from school who all give me hugs and small pieces of advice. The second group consists of the shopkeepers who were good friends with my dad. They too give my advice and some things from their stores, a few cookies here and a handful of sweets there.

Cole's the last visit I have, and when he enters, he heads straight towards me and hugs me. I'm a little taken aback, because he has never been the emotional one, but I don't hold that against him and hug him back.

When we move apart, the first thing he says is, "I'm so sorry for pushing you back there. You weren't moving and I had to do something before-"

"I know." If I took too long to go up the stage, the peacekeepers would have dragged me there, which would have been a hell of a lot more embarrassing. "Thanks."

He flashes a faint smile before sighing, running his long fingers through his hair. "I can't believe this. You had ten slips out of the thousands."

"Guess the odds weren't exactly in my favour." I shrug. There have been twelve year olds with their name in once being reaped. The odds have never been in anyone's favour.

"I thought you would be freaking out by now. Leigh's already crying her eyes out because of this."

"Where is she?" I ask, wondering why she didn't join him.

"She's with your mom." He pauses before continuing, "They're really going to miss you."

"I'll miss them too." I turn to him and smile. "I'll miss you too, you know."

"Well, I'm not going to miss you," He smirks. "How can I when you're gonna be on the TV every night?"

There he is. The real Cole. The one who can always crack a joke under any circumstance. He's the bright, funny light in this depressing, godforsaken district. And even though he's a pain in the ass sometimes, he is my best friend and I would really miss him.

"Joking aside..." he shifted in his seat, leaning closer towards me. "When you're in there, trust your instinct. Your intuition is the best I know, so you follow it. I don't care who tells you what, but if you feel that it isn't right, you do not go through with it, you hear me? And please, try to get a good score for training. 12 doesn't need any more failures or bare passes."

I nod. There he goes again, trying to act like my protector. I was weaker and used to get injured a lot when I was younger, and he was always there to help me. Since then, I had become stronger and more careful, and even though I've told him a million times that he didn't need to keep looking out for me, he still did it anyway. He had my back, and I his. It's been that way for eleven years.

After that, we sit in silence. We know that time's running out, but we don't say anything. Just being there with each other was enough.

A long, quiet minute later, he says, "Aiden... can I tell you something?"

"Sure." I'm not sure what else he has to add, but I sit up and listen.

He takes a deep breath before he starts. "I just wanted to say that I... I..." He sighs in frustration, shaking his head. I want to ask, but before I can, he gives an obviously fake smile. "I just want to say... good luck."

He's lying. After years of being friends, I know when he's lying, and this is one of those times. He clearly has something else to say, but he chose not to. I want to know what it is but... he must have a reason, so I decide not to question him. "Thanks." is all I say. "Take care of mom for me."

"After all your family's done for us, how could I not?"

The peacekeeper comes in seconds later to escort him out. Before he leaves, he gives me another hug, tighter and longer this time. "Be careful out there."

"I will," I say as I let go of him. He flashes me one last smile, a real one, and then he exits the room. I barely have enough time to even feel anything before I'm whisked out of the room and into a car.

Paige and I are sitting at the sides, with Ophelia squeezed between us. The entire time, she just keeps talking and talking, I drown it out the best I can. I turn to see how Paige's holding up and like I expected, she's not crying. In fact, she has a look of resolve on her face. For a Seam girl, she's much braver than her past counterparts. She may even be tougher than me.

The minute we reach the train station, we are pulled out of the car and shoved through the crowd. When the three of us are firmly on the train, the doors shut and the train begins picking up speed.

Both Harper and I rush to the windows, watching our district, our home, disappear into the distance.

At that moment, I think: This may be the last time I ever see 12 again. Or my mom. Or Cole. Or anyone else in my life.

And somehow, that's more terrifying than anything else.