The Day the Science Died
AN: Holy crap I wrote something! OK, it's not my long overdue BSG/DA fic, yet, but this helped get my brain going again and I've got the next chapter of Secret on it's way this week. This was just something fun, not entirely original but I liked it. Hope you do too. I do not own Stargate:Atlantis or Harry Potter though I would give just about anything for a Puddlejumper.
"Sheppard- just, just shut up and leave me alone, please!" Rodney bellowed as John began to open his mouth once more. He'd slouched his way into McKay's office ten minutes earlier and immediately started pestering the physicist about making him a rocket powered surf board, something Rodney assured him repeatedly and loudly that he would never, ever do. "You've met your quota of annoying the genius for the day now go away and let me finish these calculations. We're nowhere near finding another ZedPM or figuring out how they work so we need these new naquadah generators to function indefinitely for us."
"But, Rodney, I have something, really, really… really important to tell you." Belatedly Rodney realized that Sheppard's tone of voice was no longer whiny as it had been earlier but deadly serious, so he put his pen down, gagged down the Athosian sewage they used as coffee and looked at his friend.
John Sheppard was not as cool and collected as he usually looked, instead of his normal slouch, which always had Rodney convinced he was on the verge of oozing to the floor from whatever he was sitting on or leaning against, he was standing almost military straight. The sight was entirely foreign on the Lieutenant Colonel and Rodney was starting to wonder if he should be concerned here. He was of course vaguely annoyed at the possible surprise moment of concern he could be feeling here; he'd made it perfectly clear that being a concerned friend took away valuable time from making sure Radek didn't blow up Atlantis so all those who had an issue that was cause for concern were required to schedule the event at least three days in advance. Instead of wasting more of his time on a supremely witty comment, Rodney decided to simply glare at the pilot and wait for him to speak.
Seeing this, John wiped his palms on his black BDU pants, another foreign gesture to Rodney. "Well, you see, buddy, I've kind of been keeping something from you- not you specifically but everybody I guess- for the entire time I've known you and I kind of thought it was past time I told. So, uh, here I am. Telling you."
He wiped his hands again, which only served to further annoy Rodney, who growled- he really did not like secrets- and spat out a sharp "Then tell me already or go away!"
"I'm a wizard."
"Excuse me?" Rodney blinked in astonishment. "You're a… wizard? Sheppard, was telling me that some under working minion of mine managed to smuggle a copy of Dungeons and Dragons into the mainframe really worth this much melodrama?"
"No, Rodney," John began anxiously. "I don't play D&D you know that, I'm strictly a Halo guy, I mean I really am a wizard."
"Yes, and I'm secretly married to Jennifer Lopez."
"You think I'm lying? Then how do you explain this?" He reached into his pocket and pulled out a stick. Aside from being fairly shiny it looked like a normal stick to Rodney; just under a foot long with a grip added at one end.
"You have a wand, too? Really, Sheppard, joke's over," Rodney snapped, and got up, intending to retreat to saner pastures. Out of the corner of his eye he saw Sheppard raise his stick and mutter under his breath preceding a wave of energy washing over McKay.
Rodney immediately looked down at himself and grimaced in horror. His rumpled science blues were gone and had been replaced by a hideous neon pink shirt and bright orange pants enhanced with dancing animals. Dancing whales. Completely forgetting the improbability of what had happened he shot a glare at the pilot. "You bastard!" he screeched. "Whales? You know how I feel about whales!"
With a completely unrepentant grin on his face Sheppard merely spun the stick around in his fingers, waiting for a different response. "This proves nothing; magic is fake and this is either a hallucination or an illusion brought on by some Ancient technology you haven't shown me yet." Rodney declared emphatically.
"OK, then, how about this, Mr. Skeptic. Expecto Patronum," Sheppard intoned pompously and out of his stick burst a silvery cloud that quickly coalesced into what was un-mistakenly a stag. Unable to do anything but gawk at the phenomenon as it pranced merrily around the room Rodney vaguely noticed that when it passed nearby the air got warmed and a feeling of peace and happiness rose up within his chest.
Once the stag faded away he managed to turn his wide eyes back to Sheppard, who was standing there with a smug look on his face. "I don't know- I, I can't believe it- Sheppard, magic cannot exist! We'd be able to detect it by now! It's gotta be weird science; I bet you can only do that because of your super powered d ATA gene! Yes, that's it exactly, we'll study it later but it was definitely not magic." He finished more than a bit desperately.
At the end of his short ramble, John shot a mischievous look at Rodney that made his balls want to retreat inside his body and never ever come out. That look meant Trouble and Rodney knew he was going to hate what Sheppard was about to say.
"How do you know you haven't detected magic already?"
Well, that was certainly not what he'd expected. "You mean we already have?" he spluttered.
John simply walked over to the other table and picked up the empty ZedPM they'd gotten from the Genii ages ago. "You are not suggesting," he began as a cold tendril of dread snaked its way down his spine. "that ZedPM's have something to do with magic?"
"I'm not suggesting, McKay and they don't have 'something' to do with magic, they have everything to do with it. Really now, an artificial region of subspace? Vacuum energy? In one of these?" he snorted, holding up the fragile orange crystal. "Come on buddy. I love technology almost as much as I love magic- almost nothing beats a Blackhawk or seeing the Daedalus in action- but seeing the extent non-magicals can go to explain away the existence of true magic is astounding. A ZPM is truly a great accomplishment, McKay. The Ancients combined magic and technology together to make them and the end result? A magic battery."
Hearing his favorite piece of Ancient science to study was boiled down to little more than hocus pocus made Rodney feel more than a little light headed. He barely acknowledged Sheppard when he put the magic battery back down and said he had one more trick to show. Seeing him shift into a large Rottweiler with a goofy grin on his face, however, proved to be the final straw.
The next thing Rodney knew he was pulling his face off of his desk and looking blearily around, half expecting magic bunnies to be hopping all over the place. Instead, everything was where he kept it and his clothes were the same blue and grey they always were. With a sigh of relief that did not sound anything at all like a sob the weary scientist grabbed the empty ZedPM and clutched it to his chest paternally as he stumbled away to his room to get some sleep, muttering 'just a dream, just a dream' under his breath over and over.
He was so distracted he didn't notice Sheppard hiding in the shadows with a huge grin on his face. The man pulled out his notebook and crossed out 'McKay' on his list. Only Lorne was left. He'd promised Hermione he'd tell his friends about magic… he just never promised he'd do it in a believable way. With a flick of his wrist John Sheppard's wand appeared in hand and he twirled it lazily as he followed McKay to their rooms. With a low chuckle he murmured two words softly to himself: "Mischief Managed".